


You Don't Care About Us

by LockedHerselfOut



Category: Placebo (UK Band)
Genre: Angst, Brian Molko - Freeform, Depression, Drug Use, Drugs, Gang Rape, M/M, Multi, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 125,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22883464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LockedHerselfOut/pseuds/LockedHerselfOut
Summary: A young beautiful misfit named Brian Molko, attending Goldsmith's college with dreams of something much bigger. A path that's not so easy as money is tight, friends and family non existent as he falls into world of drugs, sex, and what seems like an easy way out of his problems- but turns out to be Brian's biggest mistake.
Relationships: Brian Molko/Original Male Character(s), Brian Molko/Stefan Olsdal
Comments: 17
Kudos: 36





	1. Don't You Wish You'd Never Met Her

**Author's Note:**

> This fan fiction that I had originally posted on the Official Placebo Forum that has sadly disappeared along with it's massive fanfic section. I have quite a few chapters, I'm not sure if anyone reads Placebo fanfic too much so I was just going to post the first chapter and if anyone wants the rest, please leave a comment and let me know, otherwise I won't bother because there's a lot lol.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't own Placebo or make money off writing this story.

  
Short black mini skirt, dark blue tank top, and purple shiny lip-gloss plastered on his lips like paint. Dark purple eye shadow to highlight his eyes. Thick mascara to make his eyelashes even darker. A touch of mascara. He looked like a girl- a trampy girl, but a girl none-the-less. This was Brian Molko at the bus stop. Young, naïve, and somewhat hating the close-minded world he had been born into.  
  
Holding his black bag at his side, tapping his foot in his black knee-high boots, he became more impatient at his late bus that was supposed to pick him up 5 minutes ago. It was a warm morning, the muggy air making his almost shoulder-length hair to curl a bit and stick to his face.  
  
A woman stared at him, eyeing him up and down and wondering if he was a boy or girl. She couldn’t tell. Brian smiled, pulling out a cigarette. He lit it up, hanging on to his bag and pulling down his mini skirt a tad; he didn’t want to look like a complete whore after all. The woman had a kid with her.   
  
He was on his way to school. Goldsmith’s College. The school his parents didn’t want him to go to in the first place. They refused to help him pay for school unless it was the school his father wanted him to go to. A business school so he could grow up, wear a suit and be just like one of them. Sitting at a desk in the rat race of live. It was a race for rats to die. Fuck that. Brian had his own ways of getting the money he needed. He didn’t need any of them.   
  
Finally! The bloody bus pulled up to the stop as Brian threw down his cigarette and stomped it out. The woman got off the bench, holding her son’s hand and waited for Brian to go on first, not really wanting to come near him or her as far as the woman knew. The small man entered onto the bus quickly and took a seat near a window, letting whatever was outside block out who was ever on the same mode of transportation as him.   
  
“Filthy slut,” muttered the woman as she passed him to sit at the back, dragging her child close behind her. Brian leered at them. Stupid bitch. They didn’t know him! Probably upset he looks better in his skirt than she would.  
  
The bus ride wasn’t very long, thank god, and Brian made his way off onto the schoolyard as usual. Another day. The year had barely started but he didn’t have what some would constitute as friends. Everybody either thought he was a freak. Maybe he was.   
  
Some people stared as he walked in, others didn’t. He wasn’t the only one that looked like a complete whore or weirdo at the school. It was a school for the ‘arts’ after all. There were plenty of girls with their asses hanging out and edgy drama students who thought they were next movie star. Brian took pride in the fact, sluttish or not, he looked hotter than quite a few of them. And he wasn’t even female.   
  
He hated and loved the college. He loved to act and he was very interested in the arts, of all kinds really. He felt at home here. Isolated, but at home because he could let his artistic juices flow. Acting, music, writing, he could do it all and not be judged for it. Other times, he just felt so out of place that it almost hurt. He went outside and took a drink from the fountain as a blond boy ran into him and slapped his ass. Brian looked up, extremely pissed off at whoever just violated his ‘personal bubble that was Brian Molko’.   
  
It’s Robert. That fucking wanker.. he’s going to get his soon.  
  
“Ohhh sorry, Brian. I didn’t see you there. Sorry.”  
  
“What do you want?” asked Brian, used to being bullied by now. Having to switch schools over such things a few times at this point.   
  
“Oh calm down.. I didn’t see you,” he started, smiling slyly as he looked Brian up and down. Not one to be uncomfortable often… became very uncomfortable as he held his arms around himself. “Aren’t you looking fine today..” His tone and gestures disgusted Brian beyond reason. He didn’t have too many morals now a days, but Robert was one of them. He started to walk away but was pushed against the wall, jumping a bit as he suddenly heard the bell rang.  
  
“I have to get to class.”  
  
“Why don’t you and I-,” Brian didn’t even let him finish before he pushed him off him.  
  
“Get off me!” said the smaller boy in a harsh whisper.   
  
“You know you want it. Everyone knows what you are,” replied Robert, not retreating as he pushed him back against the wall and let his arm travel down Brian’s leg to hook under his mini skirt and start to push it up. Brian was infuriated as he pushed the larger man off him once again.  
  
“Fuck off, Robert!” giving the man a death stare that would send some running as he tightened his hold on his bag and walking away to head inside; Robert watching his ass as he left.   
  
“Please do!” he laughed- Brian giving him the middle finger without even looking back. He just wanted to get to class. He had drama first. His absolute favorite class of them all and he didn’t feel like skipping today. It was a class where he could pretend he was someone completely different. It inspired him in more ways than one. He walked inside quickly, walking past three girls who giggled at him.  
  
“Nice skirt, BRIAN,” laughed the taller one out of the three, the other two chiming in to say how mean she was.   
  
“Ahh, there he is.. or I guess I should say she,” said Michael- one of the more popular students at Goldsmiths and a downright homophobe, not to mention complete asshole. Brian ignored him, kept walking. The hallway suddenly getting deathly silent as he walked by in his black boots, heels clicking. “HEY FREAK!” Brian continued to pay no attention to him. He knew better than to give any type of awareness to people like that. They were nothing but insects in his way. Michael refused to be ignored as he ran to catch up and jump in front of him.  
  
“Heeeeyyy Brriii,” said Michael, a fake smile all over his face.  
  
“It’s Brian.” Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone? Michael eyed him up and down, not being the first one to do so today. “Why don’t you look like the biggest skank Goldsmith’s has seen this year.” His friends laughed hysterically as Brian stared him down. His large green-blue eyes beautifully emphasized by his choice of eye makeup. He said nothing as he walked around the boy, heading towards his drama class.   
  
“Awww come on, Bri-.”  
  
“It’s Brian!”  
  
“Listen, I’m sorry. I was out of line. Why don’t you and I go outside and we’ll talk about it… maybe you’ll suck my dick!” The guys continued to laugh, one throwing his apple at Brian’s arm, causing him to flinch. The group, however, shut right up as they saw the principle approaching, walking down the hall in his black suit.   
  
“Don’t you boys have class?!” The principle’s voice booming. Michael nodded, as did the rest as they dispersed like rats in every direction. “And.. we.. have a dress code, Mr. Molko.” The large man of power looked him up and down with a look of grimace. “We have a policy about showing too much skin.” Brian nodded quickly, scared of the huge man, knowing he had the superiority to kick him out of the school whenever he felt it necessary to do so. The smaller boy quickly rummaged through his bag to find his fuzzy black sweater and threw it over his tank top as swiftly and quickly as possible. “Good, now get to class!”  
  
Brian did just that, trying to run down the hall as quickly as possible. His boots not making the job any easier as he took a few turns till he finally got to the drama room, entering to see the class all sitting in a group. Clearly being the last one to enter, the class turned and giggled- making his presence obvious.  
  
“Brian. You’re late. Nice of you to join us… and nice choice of.. outfit. The class continued to giggle, whispering softly as Brian took his seat.  
  
“Sorry, I was held up-,” Brian started quietly as his professor cut him off.  
  
“We don’t take too kindly to excuses, Mr Molko. If you have a problem showing up to class, you have to correct what is causing the problem.” Brian nodded, knowing he couldn’t win such an argument. He wasn’t even going to try.  
  
“The next project is in partners. Discuss a theme and create a mood piece for it.” Brian sighed. He loved to act, hated working in groups. He sighed heavily as he heard his prof calling names on by one. “Stefan, why don’t you go with Brian.” The smaller man’s eyes widened looking over at the taller boy sitting on the other side of the classroom.  
  
The Swede rolled his eyes, getting up to sit next to Brian. He was so incredibly tall, even to Brian who was in high-heeled boots.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Hi.”   
  
The awkward silence settled in as their prof explained what needed to be done. Brian piped up, knowing they couldn’t go the entire class without saying anything.   
  
“So what kind of theme do you want to do?” Stef shrugged.   
  
“I don’t care.” Brian frowned. This wasn’t going to be easy. He had seen this tall boy walking around the school before. He seemed nice. He never joined in when it came down to making fun of him at least.  
  
“Umm.. something to do with nature?” Stefan shrugged. “Animals?” Shrug. “Environmental issues?!” Shrug.  
  
“Well then YOU come up with something if you want to shrug everything off,” said Brian, becoming very annoying with this boy.   
  
“Sorry, sorry… my dad is making me take this class, I’m not much for drama.” Brian’s eyes widened. He wanted to be here so bad, he was doing whatever he could do to make money to come. And here was this boy who had it handed to him and he didn’t even want it to begin with.  
  
“What?! I love drama!” cried Brian, as Stefan shrugged once again.  
  
“I know, I can tell. Sorry. I don’t mean to be a shitty partner,” he said softly.   
  
“It’s alright. Can you at least help me decide a theme?”   
  
“Well, you can pick. Really anything works for me.”  
  
“Well you should at least have an input,” said Brian gently, smiling. Stefan shrugged once again.  
  
“I really don’t care, I’ll do whatever you want.” Brian sighed heavily. “How about,” piped up the taller boy. “We do it on all the possible ways you could improve your lateness and maybe we’ll get top marks.” Brian giggled, Stefan smiling.  
  
“Haha! I’m not ALWAYS late,” defended the shorter man.  
  
“You are when I’m always here,” retorted Stefan with a cocked eyebrow.  
  
“Well.. then I’m only late when you’re here!” Brian crossed his arms, starting to get a little defensive.  
  
“But I’m always here!” Brian rolled his eyes.  
  
"Let’s just do this project.” Brian wasn’t too fond of his partner, but if he had to work with him he’d try and make the best of it. They brainstormed what would be a great theme, not really coming up with much and what they did- neither agreed was a great idea. They spent the next 40 minutes discussing it until the bell rang. Brian looked up at the clock, knowing he had to be somewhere as he hurried out of class, calling back to the Swede that he would see him tomorrow to discuss it further. Stefan barely saw the little guy leave before he could wave.  
  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He had somewhere to be and he was late. He ran as fast as his booted feet would take him, struggling to keep his skirt down as he took longer strides, running to make it to the parking lot on the other side of the school to meet Jay. He had to meet Jay on time, because he didn’t wait! Thanking his lucky stars, he spotted the man’s car as he ran up to the window of it. The boy had long, dark brown slick-backed hair. Always wore his long jacket even in hot weather like some F.B.I agent.   
  
“About fucking time!” the man cried, looking at him through his sunglasses- Brian panting a little after doing so much running.  
  
“Sorry, I was in class.”  
  
“Whatever.”  
  
“You have it?” The man nodded, pulling out a little bag of coke and giving it to Brian swiftly, not batting an eye. Brian grabbed it, sticking it in his bag. “Thanks.”  
  
“You’re about due to pay up, Bri,” he said flatly, no longer even making eye contact with him.  
  
“I .. I know. But my rent is due and I’m already making payments on this loan for school that’s also due at the end-.”  
  
“I don’t fucking care what your excuses are. You’re fucking due.” Brian rolled his eyes, annoyed he was acting like he was in the bloody fucking mob. The man looked back at him, eyeing him up and down and laughing. “They let you in the school dressed like that? Nice sweater.” Brian rolled his eyes again, sighing heavily as he took it off in the warm air.  
  
“The principle made me put it on.”  
  
“I’m surprised your principle even let you wear any of that,” he laughed as Brian leered, finding no humor in the situation. “Get in the car.” Brian gave him a look.  
  
“I have another class!”  
  
“You owe me, Brian. If you ever want drugs from me again… get in the fucking car.” Brian stared him down for a few more moments, knowing he had already missed quite a bit of school lately… and it wasn’t even too far into the year yet.  
  
“But Jay-,” the man cute Brian off.  
  
“Get in the bloody car!!” Brian looked around the parking lot, opening the door and getting in. He roared out of the lot, stepping on the gas as some girls hanging out near the fence stare. Brian looked down, closing his eyes as he gave a sigh.  
  
“I shouldn’t be missing any more classes. I have to pay to go here you know,” complained Brian angrily, hugging his bag to him.  
  
“Shut the fuck up, like you’re going to get anywhere going there. Fucking drama. What- you gonna be a famous actor, Bri? You think anyone wants your fucking faggot ass on their stage? You and your fucking skirt? You freak,” he laughed, bursting into a fit of giggles at the idea. Brian stared at him angrily.  
  
“Fuck off!” he cried angrily, crossing his arms as he looked out the window. They drove for a while until they got to a cemetery. It was quiet, really quiet as Jay told Brian to get out of the car. “Why are you here!?!” he asked, very confused.  
  
“Because no one else is.”  
  
Brian complied, stepping out as Jay did the same, walking around to grab Brian’s hand, pulling him close and kissing him on the cheek. Pulling over to the front of the car to sit on the hood. Jay moved close, filling in the space between him as he pushed some of the shorter man’s curly black hair behind his ear. “You look sexy today,” he whispered while smiling- letting a hand travel to his inner thigh. Brian really didn’t want to do this right now.  
  
“Can we please not do this.. now, please?” he asked, almost begging him. “Later I ca-,”  
  
“You owe me. Do you want me to take the coke back?” he asked seriously, a little annoyed. Brian looked away. He wanted.. no… needed the drugs and the money he did have had to go to rent for sure. What else was he supposed to do?   
  
His income was limited and he barely ate as it was. All his money was tied up in fucking tuition and he couldn’t stand to ask his parents for money again, not that they would give him any. The rebellious child running off to London to go to an art’s college? No, he didn’t think so. And not many employers were excited about hiring Nancy boy Brian for any position any time soon. No ‘self-respecting’ business was going to hire a boy in make up.  
  
“Fine,” he replied quietly, pulling up his skirt around his waist- revealing his lacy panties. Jay smiled as he pulled them down to his knees. He backed up and turned the short man over the hood of his car, looking roughly to see if anyone was around. Luckily he didn’t see a soul.   
  
He spit on two of his fingers, quickly pushing them inside Brian, causing him to cry out a bit- used to this rough treatment by now. Lubricating his hole with only saliva, Jay unzipped his jeans, pulling them down just enough to reveal his large erection. Before Brian could even really take in the situation, he was entered. Feeling Jay’s hard cock bombard his body with a quick thrust.  
  
Brian was in no way turned on, barely hard as the sun beat down on his body, feeling the hot metal of the hood touch his face as Jay pulled out and thrust back in. The mechanical fucking obvious- the man continued to fuck him hard, picking up the pace. He grunted and moaned, causing Brian to close his eyes and just hope and pray that he was almost done. He never usually lasted long as it was.   
  
He was rather large and not even properly lubricated and the smaller man was feeling it. Brian hissed at the pain as he was stretched repeatedly, feeling as though he may split in half. Jay spread Brian’s legs further apart, as far as they could go with his panties at his knees, and fucked him harder; pushing his small body up the car hood a bit as he rammed in over and over.   
  
A few more quick, ragged thrusts and he cried out, pouring his cum inside him. Brian’s tight, slick walls milking him as stream after stream filled him. The smaller man sighed, relieved to feel the hot liquid. It was always the sign that it was over. Thank fucking god. As Jay pulled out, Brian got off the hood, pulling up his black lace undergarments and shimmying down his skirt, still feeling cum drip out of him.   
  
“Oh god, that was good,” said Jay satisfied, putting his now softening dick back into his pants and zipping up. Pulling Brian to give him a kiss on the lips as the smaller man looked away with a face of repulsion.   
  
“Jason, would you drive me back to school now?” asked Brian, not wanting to make eye contact with the man as he made his way over to the passenger side of the car. He always felt extremely dirty after Jay fucked him, usually because he was drunk out of his mind, needed some money, or was in debt for drugs. Sometimes all three.  
  
Cocaine really wasn’t the best investment when one had to pay for groceries, pay rent, and pay for school. And he had only been at Goldsmith’s for a month and a half. This wasn’t going too well for the beginning of the year. He had been in London on his own for four months and already had a bad reputation- just like at home. Typical, Brian, fucking typical.   
  
“Whatever.” Jay drove him back to the school and dropped him off at the front door. “Have fun acting, you fairy.” With that he drove away, laughing his ass off behind the wheel as Brian gave him the middle finger. Fucking wanker. He looked at his little silver watch on his wrist and sighed. He missed second period and third period was already half over. Wonderful.   
  
This was going to be a long fucking day…  
  
**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Brick Shithouse

Brian made his way back to the bus stop. The day had gone from bad to worse and he had only attended two classes! He stood waiting for the bus to arrive and thinking if he even had anything decent to eat for supper when he got home. His rent was due today and it was either that or get some groceries and one wasn't really an option...  
  
He watched the majority of the students leave- driving away in beautiful new cars that their well-off parents bought for them. Home to their nice flats and houses, most not having to worry about paying their rent. Their tuition. Or anything else for that matter.. Most students who went to Goldsmith's had their parents either pay or help pay for their school. Stuck-up rich kids. It just didn't seem fair sometimes. Their parents didn't care where they chose to go to school, didn't say “no” because it was a school for the arts.   
  
If only Brian Molko had the same luxury as them, if he wasn't the way he was and it had been easy like it was for his brother to just follow in his father's footsteps. Stupid cunts. Probably never had a real job or had to 'work' for a cent in their life. Brian rolled his eyes as he finally saw the bus approach. About bloody time! He got on and look his window seat he always took. Staring out the window till he felt someone sit next to him. It was Robert.  
  
“What the hell do you want?” Brian sneered, arms crossed as he tried to move closer to the window- far away from Robert as he could. “You don't even take this bloody bus!”  
  
“Oh come on.. I didn't mean what I said earlier... I was out of line. I think we should get to know each other a little more.. What do you say?” Brian looked at Robert . Staring and studying him. The ugly, disgusting blond made him want to vomit. Ugh. Without even giving the man next to him a response- Brian grabbed his bag and moved to the back of the bus.  
  
Robert had been cruising him for a little while now. Following, flirting, harassing in a sense even. Brian had complained to the principle but few seemed to care. Blaming his appearance for attracting such.. attention. This only angered Brian more. Why should anyone be allowed to be bothered like that? Especially in an institute that was supposed to support education.  
  
Robert smiled. He liked them feisty. The word around town was that this... Nancy boy.. this Brian Molko seemed like a know it all bitch that thought he was hot shit. But enough persuasion with the right amount of substances or money and he would turn tricks for you, do whatever your heart desired.  
  
He stared at Brian- short skirt, boots, tank top, pretty shiny lips. Shoulder-length black hair and those eyes... my god. He was absolutely gorgeous and he wanted to fuck him.. hard. Even the most homophobic men in the school had a hard time not staring at him. He was so different, so out of the ordinary and exotic. He just wanted to taste him, regardless of the 'amount'. This boy was so innocent-looking, yet so tainted. Robert wasn't giving up just yet as he got up and followed him to the back. The bus was nearly empty with the only other four people minding their own business on the public transportation.  
  
“So.. you wanna be an actor or something? Why is someone like you at college?” Brian looked at him, eyes glaring. That pissed him off. 'Someone like you'. No one knew who he was! No one really knew him! No one even cared to find out either...   
  
“What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?” Brian whispered harshly to not draw attention to them. Robert smiled.  
  
“I didn't mean it like that-.” Thank god Brian's short bus ride was over as they neared his destination. He got up swiftly, grabbing his bag and not letting the blond even finish.  
  
“Just leave me alone,” he said sternly, walking off the bus as it finally came to a halt- Robert following close and getting off with him. “What are you?! A stalker now!?” he cried turning to face the man as the bus pulled away.  
  
Being a smaller, provocatively dressed, pretty young boy, Brian had to try and be aware of his surroundings at all times as best as he could. Especially alone. Always worried he was being followed. London was a dangerous place as it was. He had so many things to worry about living there alone- with wanting to go to school and having a drug addiction to boot. Sometimes he felt no one would even care if he fell off the face of the earth.  
  
By the part of London they were in, Robert could tell Brian wasn't too well off, even if he was going to Goldsmith's. That clearly meant nothing. The boy probably had to do everything he could to pay off his tuition.  
  
“Listen. Why don't you and I ... make a business deal? A win-win situation,” he proposed- the words sounding almost sultry. Brian stopped in his tracks as he turned to look at him in the middle of walking away from him... again.  
  
“What?” he asked curiously- but still trying to sound pissed. Brian had to make sure he sounded in control, even if he felt far from it. “A business deal of what sort?” as the man pulled out five 20-pound bills. Almost drooling at the paper so close to him that he could really, really use.  
  
“What do you think?” asked Robert, cocking an eyebrow and grinning. Brian turned away from the temptation, physically turning his body, as he sneered. No. After what he had pulled just to get some blow from Jay, he felt like the most disgusting piece of trash that was walking on this side of the earth. He couldn't. With a swallow and using every nerve in his body- he gave Robert the finger and walked away from him and the money. Giving a deep sigh as he entered his building.  
  
The blond frowned- wondering how this little piece of ass could turn down a hundred pounds when he could probably... BARELY afford school! This wasn't how this was supposed to go down at all.   
  
The small man took a deep breath as he started to walk up the steps to his flat to see his landlord fiddling with his door- about to unlock it.  
  
“Hey! What are you doing!?” he cried. The large, overweight man frowned, stepping closer to Brian. Having the power to knock him out cold with the swing of his fist if he wanted to. He was old, crusty, mad at the world and had been a landlord for far too long. His wife had left him ages ago and he was still bitter. Brian stared up at him stunned and a little frightened. He wasn't the type to have a heated argument with.  
  
“Your rent is due and you're late with it- again! I was going to throw your shit in the hallway and change the locks-” he started as Brian's eyes went wider.  
  
“Wait!! I have the rent! I do!” The landlord smiled amusedly, crossing his arms as the smaller man- much smaller man- rummaged through his bag and pulled out the crumpled bills to hand to him. Brian looked back up, eyes hopeful as the landlord counted it.  
  
“You're fifty pounds short,” he said flatly, leering. Brian gasped.  
  
“No! It's always-.”  
  
“It went up fifty. I left notes under everyone's door.” Brian's stomach was in his throat as his heart raced at the idea of being kicked out. He had no where to go. What was he supposed to do?! Live in a box while he went to COLLEGE?!   
  
“What?!” Brian sounded like a child that was ready to cry, like someone just smashed his dream right in front of him. “I never got a note! I didn't know! That's not fair!”  
  
“Life isn't fair. Pay up or get out. I don't have time for your personal bullshit.”  
  
“But! I had to pay the amount due on my tuition and I don't ha-”  
  
“We all have our own problems and I have about 60 other rats I have to collect rent from besides your faggot ass!” The words stung, sharp like a knife as Brian winced. His eyes started to well up with tears. He had just made a payment on his tuition- if he hadn't, he wouldn't be allowed to attend anymore classes. Not just that, he had zero cash left, not a penny to his name but his valuables in his flat!  
  
“But! I have no where else to stay! Please!” The landlord shrugged.  
  
“That's not my problem, Brian. Sorry. I really am,” he said flatly. He wasn't sorry. He didn't give a shit! Not one ounce of sympathy in his voice. He closed his eyes tight, breathing deeply and trying to calm himself.   
  
“Give me... an hour and I'll have the money,” he said quietly. The landlord stopped fumbling with his door and looked at the small, girly man. “One hour or I'll be packed up and gone.” The fat man let go of the knob and smiled.  
  
“Well then.. welcome to home, sweet home. You have an hour to get it on my desk.”  
  
Brian wanted to cry but held back his tears as he looked up at the ceiling, almost expecting an angel or some type of higher power to carry him away. He ran down the stairs as quickly as possible in his boots, bolting it outside to see Robert waiting at the bus stop, waiting to take a bus back to the upper side of London after failing with his plan.  
  
Brian said nothing, refusing to make eye contact with the blond as he walked towards him. No smug look on his face. Brian had no right at that moment to feel more superior than anyone- and he didn't. You're so disgusting, Brian. How can I even look at myself in the mirror? You want to go to school, to make something of yourself doing something you want to do, to prove it to your father. These bad choices are all helping towards the larger, better picture that just seems blurry right now. Are they really? - Or are they just masking the fact that all you're good at is being a downright, motherfucking whore. Brian's head was arguing with itself.. The two sides battling it out in his mind and neither helping the situation.  
  
“I changed my mind,” he said softly- no emotion, completely numb to anything. For the next little while, Brian Molko wanted to have an out-of-body experience.. just for a little while. Robert smiled, offering his hand. Saying nothing- Brian took the offered hand and pulled him inside his building. Walking up the stairs and into his flat like he was walking to the gallows to be hanged. No smile. No frown. No scowl. No emotion. Brian was going to numb himself from this, from what he felt like he had to do.   
  
Robert watched him, still grinning, as Brian pulled out his white powder from his bag and walked into the bathroom. Making a line quickly on the side of the dirty, porcelain sink- Brian sniffed it up. Taking a deep breath as the drug stirred in his system, giving him that anesthetized, light feeling. Taking some lip gloss from behind the mirror vanity, this one a darker shade of purple, applied it to his lips swiftly. Wiping the little drop that landed on the corner of the mouth. At least he was still pretty, right?   
  
Robert was absolutely giddy. He had been waiting weeks to do this, but why the sudden change of heart plagued his mind. He just had to know.  
  
“Why did you change your mind?” Robert mused, smiling as the pretty boy left the bathroom. Brian looked down at the floor as he pulled off his boots. His flat was small, run-down looking, but Brian's efforts to try and keep it neat and homey-looking was well noted as Robert let his eyes wander.  
  
“I need more rent money,” he said quietly, stating the truth. Why lie? He was sure Robert didn't give a shit what Brian's reasons were. And the smaller man was right. Robert didn't care less.  
  
“Ahh.. you're what they call a struggling student huh? Well... I always like to help the less fortunate out,” Robert laughed, grinning from ear to fucking ear. Brian leered.  
  
“Are we going to do this or what?” he snapped as the blond continued smiling, stepping closer to him and resting a hand on his ass. He just wanted to wipe that huge smirk off his face so badly that it made his skin crawl. Robert offered his hand and Brian took it, leading him into his tiny 'bedroom'. Just a mattress with dark blue sheets, one blanket, and two pillows on it. The mattress without a box spring or even a frame...  
  
Brian sat on it gently, his short skirt sliding up his thighs. Robert closed the door as he started to unzip his pants. The sound for some reason echoing in the small room- or maybe it was just Brian's mind. He couldn't even look at him as the blond pulled off his shoes, then his jeans. The fucker couldn't even take his shoes off at the front door. He finally pulled down his boxers- kicking them off to reveal his hard, rather large cock as he began to fist it.  
  
Robert continued to grin as he bent down on his knees on the mattress, grabbing Brian's curly black locks and pushing his head down on his aching member. Brian responded as he began to lick at the head, tongue running down the pulsing vein. Precum dripping has he let the head of his cock enter his mouth, swirling his tongue around it quickly while using his right hand to gently massage his balls.  
  
He was rewarded with a loud groan from Robert- gasping at the lovely sensations this little whore was causing him. He had DEFINITELY done this a few times before. Brian continued to suck him, Robert forcing his whole member down the back of his throat. Brian did all he could do to not start to gag. The man pulled out and began to mouth-fuck him, clutching Brian's hair like his life depended on it.  
  
His hands traveled down Brian's body, up and down his girlish figure. Fingers massaging Brian's inner thighs, up his skirt to feel the lace on his panties. Yes. He wanted to so badly make this boy cry. Scream. Make him beg for mercy even.  
  
Feeling his orgasm begin to approach, Robert pulled out of Brian's mouth- moving his body further on the bed and pushing Brian on his back. The smaller man didn't make a move, letting Robert do with him as he wished. The blond still couldn't wipe that fucking grin off his face as he stared down at Brian. That purple lip gloss smeared now, lips wet with his precum... His green-blue orbs staring up at him wide-eyed.  
  
Panting, catching his breath after having Robert's heavy dick shoved down his throat, Brian's breath became ragged. His black mini skirt now gliding even further up his thighs, the man above him unzipping it slowly, tantalizingly slow like he wanted to preserve the moment as long as possible. He eventually pulled it off, throwing it to the opposite end of the room as Brian looked away, looking for something on his wall he could concentrate on. His eyes falling on his David Bowie cut outs he had taped up, one of his idols after all.  
  
Brian really didn't want to have to look at Robert as he fucked him, wishing the blond had chosen to take him from behind. So he wouldn't have to see that stupid, ugly grin! Look what you have reduced yourself to you motherfucking whore. You're so disgusting... you make me sick. Brian closed his eyes, trying to block out the voices in his head. If he could only make a deal with god.. not that he believed in god anymore, he would swap places.. with anyone. At least only till this was over.  
  
He closed his eyes tightly as the blond pulled down his panties, revealing his semi-hard cock. Squealing as Robert grabbed his knees and spread his legs wide open, moving his face closer in between them. Bending his head down and letting his tongue roam over Brian's pulsing opening. Just once.   
  
He shivered, keeping his eyes closed as Robert lifted one of his ankles and put it on his shoulder, spreading Brian's creamy, pale cheeks open. His arousal hard and weeping, he lined it up with Brian's hole and pushed the head in. Watching it spread and stretch around his member. So tight and so hot.  
  
“Yeessss,” hissed Robert. “Yeesss... oh god.” He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation.   
  
Brian cried out as Robert pulled out and began a fast hard pace. Thrust after thrust. Just like Jay, using his body for their pleasure. Their needs, never Brian's needs. But this was a source of payment. Brian wasn't supposed to enjoy it, it made him feel more dirty when he did anyway. Robert continued, pounding him, using his hands to spread Brian's cheeks wider. Faster and faster, lifting the smaller man's other ankle over his shoulder, racing towards oblivion.   
  
“Cry for me... Brian.” Brian panted, sweat dripping down his forehead. Robert noticed that the smaller man was barely hard and he loved that. He liked the idea of using him.. just using him. Not wanting to give this slut any pleasure. Why should he? He was paying for his services. “Cry for me.. NOW!” Robert yelled, slapping Brian across his face. Brian cried out loud, the sharp pain into his cheek that. He hated him so much.  
  
“Fuck you,” whispered Brian, Robert still fucking him, skin slapping skin. He wasn't supposed to hear it, but he did. Robert frowned.  
  
“I am you fucking slut!” he yelled, closing his eyes as waves of pleasure hit him, panting hard as he punched him in the side of the face forcing Brian to scream. His high pitched voice echoing through his entire flat as he felt his cheek swell. Knowing he was going to have a lovely purple and blue patch that will be a bitch to cover up for a while on his face.   
  
  
Tears started to fall down Brian's face as Robert avoided hitting his spot and the painful burning intensified from no lube and lack of preparation. He grabbed onto Robert's forearm, crying out as he began to pound him harder, holding on for dear life as his heavy cock entered him over and over, pushing his body up the bed. He wanted it to stop, for him to finish and cum. Closing his eyes, he waited for Robert to disappear, to just dissolve into thin air. But he didn't. Brian opened his eyes to the same pain and the same man recklessly fucking him.  
  
His eyes wet and teary as the droplets fell down his face at the stinging pain. Crying more at the pain his face and his ass felt instead the situation. He had put himself here. Brian dazed at this point to cry at what was happening. He felt dead or at least wished he was. He stared up at the blond- face contorted with pleasure as he slammed into Brian a few more times and finally came.   
  
“Aaahhh FUCK!” he yelled as the small man felt the hot, warm liquid fill him. Stream after stream as Brian sighed deeply, closing his eyes at the relief that it was finally over. Robert's orgasm being a sign of bliss for Brian because the harsh fucking would end.  
  
The next few minutes consisted of Robert getting dressed and forcing Brian into a French kiss, his tongue pushing into his mouth that made him feel even more putrid than he already did. Robert threw the money at him and waved before he left the flat- grinning slyly. Money well spent in his mind.  
  
Oh well. Least Brian could pay his rent. Sitting up in the bed slowly, sore and cum dripping out of him, he got up. He had to go give some money to his landlord and do his homework. Homework. Stefan and him promised they would write down some theme ideas and share tomorrow.   
  
Walking into the bathroom, he stared at himself in the mirror. The side of his pretty face bruised and stinging as he touched. Wincing as he noticed the cut on his lip. It would take a little more makeup to hide all this at school tomorrow. 

** TO BE CONTINUED... **


	3. As I Let It Slip

Even a long hot shower couldn’t make Brian feel cleaner. Soap running down his slender figure washing away all the dirt, sweat, grime, and smell of sex. But nothing could wash his mind- the images of Robert fucking him raw on his mattress the day before still clear as a sunny day.   
  
A new day, a new start- with a brand new blue-ish purple bruise on his cheek. How fucking fabulous. Turning off the taps and stepping out of the old gray tub, he stared at himself in the mirror. So beautiful and young on the outside, yet so old, beaten and tainted on the inside.    
  
Half an hour later and Brian was dressed- a black and gray checkered skirt, knee-high black socks with his old tennis shoes. Matched with a white dress shirt. He was trying to look like a ‘school girl’, but even as he looked at himself in the mirror, he just looked like a school girl who met her pervert gym teacher behind the school bleachers.    
  
With a heavy sigh, the young boy started to cover up his cuts and bruises. Layer after layer of foundation and lip-gloss applied. Eyeliner. Mascara. More foundation. He continued to try and cover it up as best he could until barely visible.    
  
“There. All better,” he said to himself softly. Staring and studying his handiwork in his reflection. He needed some blow and bad. No. Brian- you can’t get high before school. No. You can’t. You can’t do it. He stared down at the little white bag he left on the sink. So tempting and it was calling to him. You know you want to Brian. You know you want to. “No,” said Brian harshly to… again, no one. Feeling as though if he stated it aloud, he wouldn’t do it. No- not now. Instead, the young boy opened the vanity and took the painkillers from the little bottle he had taken from his mother’s purse a few months back before he moved. “Just to take the edge off,” he whispered- trying to convince himself that his decision was okay…   
  
Throwing his plastic baggie of blow in his bag and taking a deep breath, he head out the door, making his way to the school. Running to the bus stop not far from his building as he saw the bus drive away.    
  
“God damnit! You HAVE to be kidding me! Bloody hell!” exclaimed Brian, sighing deeply as he started to walk towards the school. It wasn’t too far away, but a decent amount of time to piss Brian off and possibly make him late. At least he was wearing slightly more comfortable shoes. The sun began to get higher in the sky, the warm brisk morning air touching his skin, a light breeze blowing through his hair. It was a comforting feeling, one he hadn’t felt in a while.   
  
Looking at his watch, at this rate, he would be late for school for sure.. again! Fuck! He started to run, clutching his bag tightly as he made his way down the sidewalk. Tired, angry, and thoroughly exhausted, Brian finally reached Goldsmith’s as the bell rang.   
  
“FUCK FUCK FUCK!” he cried, running through the hallways.   
  
“LANGUAGE, Mr. Molko and SLOW DOWN!” cried the principle in his monotone, drone-like voice while his arms stayed behind his back- walking slow down the halls. Brian slowed his pace right down until he turned the corner and suddenly sped up again when he was sure the large man couldn’t see him. Pulling down his skirt with one hand as he bolted towards the drama room so it wouldn’t fly up.   
  
Once again, just like yesterday, Brian got to class late. And there was everyone, already getting together with their partners to discuss the project they had the week to work on.   
  
“Mr. Molko, would it kill you to show up on time for class for once in your life? Even a decent actor in the making such as yourself will never improve and excel if you’re never here. Not to mention punctuality is a must-have quality,” said his professor sternly, glaring at the young boy who bowed a small apology.   
  
“Shouldn’t you have curtsied?” giggled one of the girls as Brian walked past.   
  
“Shutup,” mumbled Brian, trying not to make a scene out of ‘nothing’ as he made his way over to the very tall boy sitting at one of the tables in the drama room.   
  
“See? Late again!” Stefan mocked jokingly, pulling out his paper of theme ideas that he had worked on… and listed alphabetically.   
  
“Wow… for someone who couldn’t think of one yesterday!” exclaimed Brian, cocking an eyebrow. Stefan just smiled and laughed softly.   
  
“Well- it’s only fair. It’s my project too.” Brian nodded, looking through his bag and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper with only about six ideas on the lines. “And probably a good thing I did too,” he joked as Brian stared down sadly. His mind had been too scattered after his.. ‘business deal’ to concentrate too much on his homework.   
  
“Sorry. I was.. distracted last night.”   
  
“It happens to the best of us… Hey! What happened to your face!?” exclaimed Stefan.   
  
“That’s mean, Stef! He was born that way!” joked one of the boys on the other side of the room as Brian leered- the taller man rolling his eyes. He stared at the coloured skin that Brian really hadn’t covered up as well as he had thought. The smaller boy coughed, eyes a little wider than before.   
  
“Oh… that. No big deal. I ran into a door,” he laughed. “What a klutz I can be sometimes.” Brian hoped and prayed that he believed it.   
  
“A door?”   
  
“Yeah I ran into my bedroom door when I wasn’t paying attention,” he said softly. No. I fucked a man for money and he hit me. The truth screaming in his head over and over for someone to hear- almost ringing in his ears.   
  
“Wow.. well you should really be more careful, that’s a shiner!”    
  
“Yeah I know.. so what great theme ideas do you have?” teased the nancy boy, making any attempt possible to change subjects. “Oh Mr. Alphabetical order.”   
  
“Hey! I like to be organized,” replied Stefan. This tall boy- as big as he was- was so gracious and endearing. He would have never guessed it. He looked like so many of the other pricks that walked around this university. Although he had never had a conversation with him before, he knew this boy would probably be one of the more-liked pupils.. if you wanted to put a ‘highschool label’ on it- popular. “Maybe if you were as organized, you wouldn’t be as late!”   
  
“Oh hahaha! I missed my bus!” defended Brian, a little peeved.    
  
“Because you were late to the bus stop!” Brian crossed his arms, he knew he was right, but he wasn’t going to admit it any time soon. They spent the rest of the class discussing their project. Deciding on the theme of seasons because they thought their professor would love it. He was always going on how he loved to watch the sky change colour and the colours of the trees as the seasons changed. Things getting greener, pretty colors in fall, loved watching the snow descend. In short, the man had a lot of time on his hands and there was nothing wrong with kissing a professor’s ass now and then, metaphorically speaking of course.    
  
They decided to get together after school tomorrow at Stef’s dorm room to work on it, after much convincing from Brian that he lived with his parents and they didn’t allow friends over. A far-fetched lie, but it had to be done. He didn’t want the tall boy to see the run down flat he called home. And although a tad weary at first- he was quite happy with this boy as his partner. He wasn’t rude, mean or looked at him like he was trash. He was almost even a little upset when the bell rang.   
  
With a quick goodbye- Brian left the drama room and head to his locker, the painkillers finally kicking in and numbing the pain that he felt from his stiff joints and face. Thank god. As usual, people stared, probably jealous. Stupid bloody wankers looking at me like I’m some spectacle. They’re all morons, spoiled little rich kids who know FUCK ALL of the real world.   
  
Turning the code to his lock, he felt someone come up behind him. It was Robert- leaning on the locker beside his.   
  
“Heeeyyy you,” smiled the blond as Brian grimaced, opening his locker to grab one of his textbooks. “Not even a ‘hi’.. after we .. shared something so special..,” laughed Robert. Loving the fact he was rubbing what he had done in his face. It felt great that this small boy couldn’t look down on him when he had fucked him.   
  
“Fuck off, Robert.”   
  
“Fuck off or fuck you?” he grinned evilly- pushing the black-haired boy back on the locker as he tried to walk away, running a hand up his thigh and under his skirt. Brian gasped at the violation.   
  
“Leave me alone!!” he whispered harshly that for some reason, blew a fuse with Robert. The evil grin turning to anger as he clutched Brian’s cock through his lace panties- causing him to give a small gasp and squeal at the same time.   
  
“Listen you fucking SLUT,” he whispered angrily into his ear. Almost looking like he was kissing his cheek, his face only a mere few inches away from Brian’s. “You fucking WHORE.. next time.. you’re in need of a little.. cash…and I know you will… you know where you can find me.” Brian’s eyes were wide with fear- trembling and too frightened to move. “Because I can’t wait to be inside that tight little ass of yours,” he finished, smiling. With a quick squeeze of his cock causing another gasp to escape Brian’s lips, he left and headed off to his next class.   
  
Brian Molko took a deep breath, putting a hand through his hair as he closed his eyes. He was too damn scared to move. He wanted to curl up in a tiny little ball and die. Just die so no one would ever have to see his face again and he could just rot underground. The second warning bell went off… or maybe it was the first. He had lost all track of time for a few moments. He put his textbook back in his locker, suddenly not feeling he could go to his next class right now. Not anymore. Not today. He was just too shaky and trembling. He was scared of Robert in more ways than one, that was for sure.    
  
Look at the situation you put yourself in you fucking whore. You idiot. You dirty piece of trash. You don’t belong at Goldsmith’s- you don’t belong anywhere.. except maybe an alley getting fucked. You motherfucking whore. Everyone can see right through you, everyone sees the cracks in your smile. Brian’s head continued to torment him, screaming at him as a few tears started to run down his face. He couldn’t deal with these thoughts right now. He just couldn’t deal with reality right now.   
  
Locking his locker, he made his way to the bathrooms, always tempted to go into the girls but instead entered the gents. He didn’t need some whiney girl ‘telling on him’- running to the principle that an adult student was using the girl’s restroom when he had a cock between his legs.   
  
He took another deep breath as he entered one of the stalls. Sitting on the toilet while clutching his bag as he began to cry harder. After drama, his day hadn’t gone too bad, he had even started to smile a bit. But Robert had ruined it and there he was sitting on the toilet and weeping, wanting to drift away and disappear.   
  
He fumbled through his bag and pulled out his blow. He didn’t know how to face his own emotions. He had no one there to hug and make him feel better. To hold and kiss him and tell him he didn’t have to be afraid or upset. There was no one, so he turned to the one that was always there for him when he needed it, something that never turned him away. Drugs.    
  
Making two lines on the back of his hand, he sniffed them up, entering the lovely euphoria in his mind. The mean, harsh thoughts dissolving and replacing them with a wonderfully numb and happy feeling. The drug stirred through his system as he leaned back in the stall and let himself float and enjoy the magnificent sensation. Stupid fuckers. The world could go fuck itself. Brian loved being able to feel like he could do anything and when he was high- that’s exactly how he felt.    
  
He leaned back and let himself melt away until he suddenly heard the bell ring for lunch. His eyes popped open. Not having even a small idea what time it was, he looked down at his silver watch, barely able to concentrate on it as he figured out what time of day it was. HE had been sitting there for a little while. But at this point, he really didn’t give a shit either.    
  
Feeling a little sick, he attempted to stand up and succeeded. He still felt pretty high, but that was okay. He knew it would wear off eventually. He looked at the bathroom mirror before leaving, trying to straighten out his hair and makeup as best he could before he left. Applying another thick coat of lip-gloss and foundation He didn’t need anyone of authority to suspect him even though all he wanted to do at that very moment was sleep. Sleep it all off.   
  
He slowly walked to the cafeteria in Goldsmith’s. It was very large with more tables than probably even students. That was good though, Brian never had to put up sitting with all the insects that crawled around the institute. His high slowly wearing off as he continued to walk to the table.   
  
“Hey faggot!” cried Mike from the other side. Fucking adults in a post-secondary establishment acting as if they were… in middle years. “Hey GIRLY BOY! NICE SKIRT!” was yelled across the large room, a few whistles to follow.   
  
“Fucking children,” Brian whispered under his breath as he made his way over to his table he had been sitting at since he started to attend, making sure to give them the middle finger. He needed to sit down and get his head together. His goal for the day was to attend all his classes- and on time. Late to drama and another absent in ‘Etiquette of Acting’- it wasn’t going too well so far. “Get your head in the fucking game,” said Brian softly to himself, putting both of his hands through his hair. He had to keep himself together to get through the rest of the day. He was paying to go here afterall. He wanted to do this, it wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the majority of what he was learning, he was just too damn distracted and stressed with… everything else. It just seemed like it was all too much.   
  
Stefan stood in line at the cafeteria, waiting to pay for his food as he placed an orange juice on his tray. “HEY FAGGOT” suddenly made the taller man jump as he turned around to see a man throwing pieces of bread across the room at a smaller boy sitting on the other end of the dining area. His peers finding it absolutely hilarious. Staring at the boy a little longer, Stefan noticed it was Brian, ignoring the pathetic attempts to get his attention. This wasn’t the first time he had seen him get picked on. He knew Brian was obviously… different. But Brian Molko wasn’t normal and normal wasn’t Brian Molko and he seemed to be quite comfortable with that, so why couldn’t everyone else? Stefan knew exactly what it was like to not be accepted for what you were…   
  
Brian leered at Mike as the pieces hit him, giving them the middle finger and ignoring them the best he could. Why should he even give them the time of fucking day? Fuck them to hell and back. Although, flying breadcrumbs weren’t helping when Brian was trying to find the strength to even stay in school today.   
  
“It’s like going to school with children, huh?” joked Stefan, clutching his tray of food that smelled delicious, especially for cafeteria food. Brian looked up, shocked to see him. No one talked to him in the lunch area unless it was a teacher or the creeps. And not the ‘good kind’ of creeps. He was a little lost for words to see his drama partner there out of anyone. They weren’t in drama… Stefan wasn’t being forced to converse with him, so why was he?   
  
“Mind if I sit down with you for lunch?” Stefan smiled. He found Brian interesting and no one ever sat with him, he thought he would enjoy the company. The smaller boy looked at him awkwardly, waiting to see if there was a punch line to the joke.. or if maybe it was a trick? But nothing. Just the tall boy standing there with a tray of food and waiting for permission to sit with him.   
  
“Uh… sure,” replied Brian frazzled. Stefan, still smiling gently, sat down. Brian couldn’t help but stare at his tray of food. Spaghetti and meatballs with a small Cesar salad and an orange juice. Even a small little brownie for dessert.    
  
“Aren’t you going to eat lunch?” asked Stefan as he took a forkful of salad in his mouth- clearly seeing the girly boy’s mouth water. Brian looked away. He was starving and had forgot to grab something from home and he had no money to buy anything.   
  
“I’m not hungry,” Brian smiled. Even with that quite visible bruise, the taller boy couldn’t help but notice how pretty the shorter one was. Such girlish features that complimented him so well, even in his little schoolgirl outfit.   
  
“Uh huh.. very obvious from the lake of drool that’s formed on the table,” he joked softly as Brian looked back at him.   
  
“I uh.. forgot my money at home, no big deal.” You liar, Brian. So many lies. Forgot your money… you have no money. It’s amazing you’re able to afford school- you know you won’t last much longer. And it was true- he needed to make some fast cash within the next month. His savings account was now empty, which was the result of constant taking without replenishing over the last few months on his own. Stefan’s voice interrupted his thoughts.   
  
“Oh... well, would you like some?” he offered. “It’s a lot of food.” Brian looked at him, looking at the act of kindness and wondering why? Did he have to .. give something in return?   
  
“What do you want?” Stefan stared at the smaller boy with a puzzled looked.   
  
“Want? Nothing.”   
  
“Really?” asked Brian, quite surprised.   
  
“Go right ahead,” he said quickly, getting up to swiftly grab them another plastic fork to share.   
  
“You… sure?” he asked again, wanting to make sure. No one had offered Brian anything… other than drugs out or in school. Least not lately. He never had many friends in high school and he especially didn’t here. He didn’t care though, he wasn’t surprised and he wasn’t spending money to make friends.   
  
“Really, I’m sure!” Stefan smiled. Brian thanked him graciously as he took a forkful of pasta. The food tasted as great as it looked as it filled his tummy, knowing Stefan had no idea how long it had been since he had a decent hot meal.    
  
Mike and his friends at the table stared oddly at the quiet, tall boy who had randomly sat with him. Wondering what the hell was going on. No one talked to Molko. “Christy! Isn’t that the boy you were saying was so ‘cute’ in your drama class? He’s talking to that fag! Go over there and ask him out in front of that loser, it’ll be hilarious!” Christy stared at him.   
  
“They’re partners in my drama class, they are probably just discussing something for the project,” piped up the redhead girl that sat a few seats over.    
  
“Yeah I don’t want to!” Christy whined as Mike pushed her off her chair. She sighed heavily as she felt her nervousness become greater with every step she took up till the point she tapped his shoulder.   
  
“Sorry to interrupt,” she started. “But we have a class together, I was just wondering if you would like to go out for a drink after school. Get to know each other a little?” she offered, twirling a piece of her long, blond hair like a fucking ditz. Brian instantly wanted to smack her across her face and make her eat dirt. He didn’t hide the look on his face either.   
  
“Oh sorry.. I’m uh, involved,” Stefan replied matter-of-factly. The girls’ face turned red as she smiled, nodded and walked back to her table. Brian wanted to burst out laughing at her so badly at the terribly awkward situation she had made for herself, knowing full well Mike probably had sent her over. Trying to ruin a decent conversation just when Brian felt like he was enjoying someone’s company.   
  
“You’re dating someone?” Brian asked curiously, a puzzled face appearing when the taller man shook his head.   
  
“No… I just didn’t want to turn her down.. I know what rejection feels like.” Brian smiled gently, very aware of what rejection felt like… by peers, but rarely ever by horny men who wanted him. Never by them.   
  
“Not your type of girl?” he joked as Stefan shrugged, looking away for a moment.   
  
“I suppose… but all girls aren’t really my type of girl.” Stefan smiled, taking another bite of his pasta as Brian gazed at him, putting together what exactly he had meant by that.   
  
“You’re gay?” asked Brian, taking another forkful of salad. Stefan nodded.   
  
“That doesn’t.. weird you out does it?” he asked, finding it hilarious that he was asking a boy slathered in makeup and dressed in a girl’s school uniform if it bothered him that he was gay...    
  
“Not at all, I’m bisexual.” Stefan’s eyes got a little wider.   
  
“You.. like boys too?” Brian nodded confidently as he smiled. “Something we have in common.” Brian giggled. It was nice to laugh- he found few things in between that was worth smiling at lately. That lovely warm feeling, however, ended as quickly as it started as the lunch bell rang.    
  
“Thanks for sharing your lunch, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Stefan nodded.   
  
“And remember we have to get together tomorrow night to do those backdrops for the project!”   
  
“Right, okay, see you tomorrow.” Brian only wished the rest of the day continued as nicely as lunch had gone. In the back of Brian’s mind, he couldn’t concentrate on his studies without wondering how the hell he was going to pay for his tuition and rent next month. He had no fucking idea!    
  
After school, he walked aimlessly, choosing to not catch the bus. He needed to do some serious thinking and thought the fresh air would help clear his head, deciding to stop at a few stores along the way. Few being an understatement…pretty much every one.   
  
‘Sorry hun, we’re not hiring’…..    
‘You’re not exactly what we’re looking for’…..    
‘You’re a tad too short’….    
‘We don’t hire men who wear… makeup…’ ….    
‘Um,… you don’t fill our requirements’….    
‘You don’t have enough experience’    
‘We need boys who… look like boys’   
‘No’   
  
Every excuse in the fucking book, Brian heard it and was ready to scream and give up. Restaurant, convenience stores, fast food joints, little city shops. No one saw Brian past the confused, girly, strange, ‘tranny’ persona. No one saw Brian Molko for what he could offer. And ready to give up and go home as the sun went down, he started to walk back towards his building.    
  
Once again, you failed Brian. You have a month to come up with a lot of money or you’re so fucked. Brian shook his head, trying to knock out those negative thoughts from his mind. He was so tempted to call his parents and ask to come home, to give up, conform himself to what they wanted and probably be even more miserable than he was now. Was there no place for him? Where was that fence that was greener on the other side and was also obtainable? God, he needed to get high and pretend he wasn’t living.   
  
He continued to walk down the sidewalk, staring at his old runners. Feeling as useless as one person can feel, he heard a car pull up close to him. Fuck his life if it was Robert. Turning his head slowly, he sighed deeply as he realized it was Jay.    
  
“Hey gorgeous, how’re you?” Brian shrugged.   
  
“Been better, that’s for fucking sure.”   
  
“Ain’t that life,” Jay started, pushing up his sunglasses to sit on his head. The man’s dark piercing eyes looking at him through the window. “Need a fix?”   
  
“No money, Jay.”   
  
“Aw c’mon, babe. You don’t need money.” Brian rolled his eyes, he knew what he meant and was not in the mood to fuck to get some more blow... as desperately he wanted to get high. He could only despise his own reflection so much in one day before going crazy.   
  
“Jay… I have to pay my tuition and rent next month again and I barely have any groceries left! Do you know how much that is?! I have zero pounds and NOBODY in fucking London will hire me for anything!”   
  
“You don’t look the way they want.”   
  
“I’d rather DIE than be forced to be something I’m not!” he cried, crossing his arms as he stopped walking- Jay stopping the car at the same time.   
  
“I can give you a job,” he offered. Brian’s eyes widened.    
  
“Really?!”   
  
“Of course, I don’t mind helping out a valued customer. Not like you’re ever going to be an actor.” Brian glared angrily at his last words, giving him the middle finger.   
  
“Fuck you, Jay.”   
  
“Oh come on! You want the job or not? I don’t see many other offers coming your way,” he laughed.   
  
“What kind of job?” huffed Brian, just about tired of people’s bullshit for one day. He just wanted to sleep it off. Sleep made everything go away for a few hours and had just enough blow to have one more fix before nodding off.   
  
“Listen, this job will pay for everything for you.” Brian stopped in his tracks, turning back to walk closer to his drug dealer.   
  
“Really? ... Everything?”   
  
“Everything.”   
  
“What would I have to do?!” asked Brian, a little excited. He could concentrate on school and finally have some more food in the cupboards, not to mention not having to be worried about whether he could keep the roof over his head!   
  
“You work for me, sell to my clients. The money you make from your.. sales.. go to me. In return, I’ll pay for your tuition, rent, groceries, even a little extra for you to keep yourself pretty. Some new clothes even. I make a profit and you’re taken care of. Everyone wins. How does that sound?” Brian smiled, grinning as he listened to the proposition.   
  
“Jay, that sounds amazing! What would I sell to your clients? Blow? Heroin? Ecstasy?” Brian asked. He never thought of himself as a drug dealer, but if he did the shit, might as well sell it, especially if he could have everything paid for in a snap. He couldn’t refuse the offer. It was too fucking good to be true.    
  
But Jay just smiled, giggling as he lit up one of his smokes, offering Brian one. Accepting the cigarette and lighting it up, he stared at the other man with a confused look. Wondering what was so damn funny.   
  
“What??”   
  
“You wouldn’t sell drugs, Brian.”   
  
“Huh? Well what … would-,” Brian asked, utterly confused.   
  
“Your body.” Jay looked away, not really wanting to see Brian’s reaction- he knew how the little guy could get. But if he let him fuck him for drugs… the nancy boy couldn’t have too many morals now could he? He knew plenty of men that would pay top dollar for such an exotic and gorgeous fuck.    
  
“I…”Brian started, stared at Jay and waiting for the man to make eye contact with him again.   
  
“Work for me and you’ll be taken care of .. like a princess, I promise.” Brian bit his bottom lip. It wasn’t like he hadn’t traded sex to get what he wanted before… but now.. now he would be a full blown prostitute. Dignity gone completely out the fucking window; using his body and pretty looks to get him out of this rut of poverty that he was in.    
  
Taking one deep breath, he looked down at the sidewalk, deciding his own fate and knew he only had one choice. He knew what the ‘right’ choice was… but fuck it.   
  
“I’ll do it.”

**TO BE CONTINUED ...**


	4. Swinging From the Tallest Height

It was dark now, the sun had gone down. Brian now working for Jay- gave him a little advance of fifty pounds. He kind of wanted to cry, but what was the point? He had agreed to it. Least he wouldn't have to worry about anything for a little while. It was worth it, wasn't it?    
  
He decided what he needed was a nice hot bath to calm his nerves. Jay told him he was going to go out tomorrow after he was done working on his project with Stefan- his first night on the job and he wasn't looking forward to it. Would it be any different than what he had done with Robert? That was so horrible in itself. God, Brian, you're so fucking disgusting, but it wasn't like he didn't have that reputation anyway. Brian Molko the dirty nancy boy slut. Letting anything with a cock fuck him. At least Stefan didn't seem to think so. Stefan Olsdal. The nice tall boy who showed him a little kindness in that school, walking proof there were still some decent people left walking this earth.   
  
He smiled to himself, soaking in the tub and remembering his nice lunch he had with him today while the hot water consumed him. And this tall boy was rather cute… and gay. Oh well, not like a good guy like him free for the picking would ever be interested in a little thing like him anyway. How could anyone find anything about him attractive? Find him attractive for his soul, for his mind, his personality... and not for his body.    
  
And he only had to sell his body for a little while.. only a little while. Just enough to make his payments. He had no other choice. In his mind it was do or die. He couldn’t crawl back home, he just couldn’t. And there was no guarantee his parents would take him back anyway! It was either this or look for a new box he would have to call his home, not to mention school wouldn’t even be an option. No, he couldn’t let them all win. And when he said ‘them’, he meant the world! He couldn’t! He was going to be a star someday…. Least that was his dream. Be a star for being himself, not locked inside a business suit hiding the person he really was on the inside. No. That wasn't living.   
  
Brian closed his eyes slowly, letting the steam of the water calm him. He wanted so badly for his mind to just go blank and take out all the vivid memories that flashed at him, reminding him what had happened the past few days. Dissolve like bath salts, dissolve so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his mind that insisted playing in front of him like a film. Brian just wanted to turn them off like a televison- which a flick of a button.    
  
Jay had given him a few ecstasy pills for him to try. Hiding them in his bag for when he next needed a fix. It wasn’t like he wasn’t doing anything as heavy already. Brian was more than willing to try anything that made him feel like he was on top of the world even if it was just for a little while. And if he was going to sell his body, he wanted to be as high as thoroughly possible to make it feel like more of a dream. Then he could tell himself that it didn’t really happen. That they weren’t using him, that he wasn’t going to be an ass for half of London’s dirty men to stick their cocks inside, using his tight slick walls to reach their orgasm and then throw him to the curb. Drug induced denial could be such a great thing...   
  
*-*   
  
Another day. Hopefully it would go by fast. His last thought before he stepped into the school. Today he had a pink skirt and a white tank top on, finishing off the 'look' with his black knee-high heeled boots. Behind all the insults, behind all the teasing, he knew the boys- even some girls, thought he looked hot- sexy even. And even though he didn't want to be perceived that way, in a sick twisted way he enjoyed the attention. Not that they would admit it. Not that Brian would admit it. At least he could buy himself a lunch today with the cash his new 'pimp' gave him. He shook his head. Pimp. How fucking low have you sunk, Brian? How low? You're giving up...    
  
“Hey faggot!!!” cried Mike, sitting on one of the school benches with a few friends in the hallway. Smiling at his own insult that caused the young boy to turn and look at him.    
  
“Morning, Mike,” he replied cheerfully- not the reaction his bully really wanted to hear. Yes, it was always more fun to let them know he didn’t give a shit. Bullies wanted a response, which was the point. Continuing to walk past him like he was hot shit. Brian Molko was far better than that and for once he found himself early to drama. Well not early, but right on time. Stepping into the drama room right as the bell rang.   
  
“Wow! On time! You set a record!” joked Stefan, smiling softly while the smaller boy took a seat next to him and stuck out his tongue. Rustling out the creases in his pink skirt like a girl when he was settled in the chair and Stefan couldn’t help but stare.. slightly.   
  
“Oh ha ha, good morning to you too,” Brian smiled.   
  
“I now believe anything is possible, Mr. Molko,” joked their professor flatly- commenting on Brian being on time. What they didn’t know is that Brian had taken those pills and had been high and tripping out the majority of the night and had barely slept. Hence being awake in time to catch the earlier bus to school. But what they didn’t know, definitely wouldn’t hurt then. “However, in the process, you once again forgot the rest of your outfit. Too much skin- sweater, Mr Molko, sweater.”    
  
The young boy rolled his eyes as he pulled out the backup fuzzy blue sweater that was bunched up in his bag. Stupid teachers always telling him what to do. It somewhat clashed with his pink shirt.. then again the bruise on his face that he desperately tried to cover up with makeup clashed with his face too- oh well. He looked over at his drama partner, he was always so well dressed. Clearly a rich boy.   
  
“Well you won’t have to worry about that for long. New uniform policies are being enforced next week and everyone will have to purchase theirs next week..” Great, he’d need more money! Good thing he had a job… The majority of the class sighed annoyingly. “Maybe now you won’t have to worry about your dressing ‘problem’.” Brian leered, knowing better than to talk back to one of his professors. Well the joke was on him, he’d just wear the girl’s uniform and probably look better in it than most girls! The boy’s uniform was probably baggy anyway and wouldn’t fit his petite frame. Stefan sighed as he turned towards his partner.   
  
“So you can come by my dorm room after school?” he asked. “I have plenty of paints for the backdrop and I’ll pick up some large poster board. I think we should paint all four seasons. Although I hope you can draw better than I can.”   
  
“That’s fine,” replied Brian quickly, hoping he didn’t sound too snappy. He was more than happy to work with him, but like always, he just had a lot on his mind at the moment. “I just … uh, have to leave by nine.”    
  
“Or what? You’ll turn into a pumpkin?” asked the taller boy kiddingly, giving him a nice warm grin that only forced one on the smaller boy’s face too.   
  
“No, I have to … go to work.”   
  
“Ohh work.”   
  
“Yeah, not all of us have parents that shell out money like a candy dispenser,” snapped Brian, instantly regretting his bitchy tone. Stefan hadn’t been anything but polite and gracious. The taller boy looked away sadly, he hadn’t mean to upset Brian and he could obviously tell he wasn’t as well off as him but that didn’t matter. He wasn’t as superficial as his parents were. Stefan’s frown immediately made Brian feel guilty. “Listen.. sorry.”   
  
“It’s okay, Brian. I didn’t mean it that way you know, I think it’s great that you have a job. I wish my parents would let me be that independent. My mom still acts like I’m 5. I had to beg and beg to convince her to even let me have my own dorm room. You’re lucky your parents let you do things on your own like that!”   
  
Lucky…. What a fucking joke that was. Stefan really believed he lived a life of some rebellious young adult who had his life together. Independent and free, his mom letting him get a part time job.    
  
“Yeah… I guess.” He didn’t need to know the truth and he was too ashamed to admit it anyway. It worked out well.   
  
“So where do you work?”   
  
“A pet store,” lied Brian, hoping that it sounded believable. Don’t ask which one, don’t ask which one, don’t ask which one.   
  
“Which one?” Goddammit!    
  
“Oh.. just one near my place. A small one, I’m sure you haven’t even heard of it.” Brian could barely look him in the eyes. He had to work on his fibbing skills a little better before Stefan and the rest of the world who thought he was a decent human being saw right through him! Brian continued to stay quiet the rest of the class, keeping conversation at a minimum despite many attempts from his partner- sketching out their backdrop ideas and how they would go about sketching it on a larger scale.   
  
The bell rang. Thank god. He barely… really even knew this boy, but he was so kind to him. He despised the fact he had to lie to him, it bothered him enough to bolt out of the drama class, waving as Stefan told him to meet him in the parking lot after school.   
  
He ran to the boys bathroom where he always liked to hide. He needed to get hide, to have a fix. Pushing the door open, he realized there were two boys already in there taking a piss at the urinals.    
  
“Look at what the trash dragged in,” said one of them whistling, eyeing Brian up and down and watching the smaller boy leer and pull down his skirt further. Ignoring them as he made his way over to the mirrors and taking out his lip gloss- applying it to his chapped lips. Then touching up his eyeliner and mascara. “Hey nancy boy! I’m fucking talking to you,” he cried angrily. He was one of Mike’s drones.    
  
“My name is Brian… B-R-I-A-N,” he spat. “And you’re an adult- don’t you think you have maybe outgrown the name calling just a little?” With that, Brian turned away and continued fixing his makeup in the mirror. He didn’t need to pay insects any more time than necessary. Fucking losers.    
  
This pissed both the boys to no end. They didn’t like to be talked down upon, especially by some fruity faggot in a skirt.   
  
“You fucking little bitch,” said the other boy as he lunged forward, grabbing on the smaller one and forcing him into the bathroom stall. His lip gloss falling from his hand- bag on the counter falling over to dump its contents all over the bathroom floor. The bell rang for class to start, but neither of them left. The one pushing him into the stall telling the other, even stupider one, to keep watch.    
  
Brian struggled, trying to force his body to get up as he was pushed to his knees, the boy half sitting on the toilet. The stall was small, cramped, and kind of smelled like…. well, like a bathroom. Brian was unable to move, the boy having much more weight and brute force on his side.    
  
“Let me go! Let me go you fucking bastard!” he cried furiously, the large boy slapping him on his already bruised side of his face and it stung like a bitch.   
  
“Shut up you fucking whore,” he hissed, lacing his fingers in his black, curly hair. Using the other hand to unbutton his pants just enough to pull out his cock. Brian was so angry and frustrated, he was so tired of men assuming they could have their way with him because he was smaller and looked like a girl. He had rights like any other fucking human being! “Suck it!!!” The hard cock was shoved only inches away from his face as the smaller boy stared at the member that was getting harder every second.    
  
“Fuck you!” he retorted, turning his head away as the rich boy, A+-student that no one would suspect, pulled out a small switchblade. What felt like years, but was only seconds, held the sharp metal to his throat. No one would even believe Brian if he told on him. Wealthy parents and a rich last name to back up his harassing-ass!   
  
“Do what I fucking say or I’ll fucking gut you like a pig you slut,” he whispered, pushing Brian’s head to his crotch. “No one would miss you anyway.. now fucking SUCK IT!” Brian closed his eyes as he felt tears starting to sting and run down his face- opening his mouth and taking the other boy’s hard, weeping erection in. Letting his tongue roam gentle down the vein and back up to swirl around the head. The boy groaned happily, pulling the knife away from his throat. He had heard through the ‘grape vein’ that this Brian Molko could suck a mean cock and boy could he ever!   
  
Scared to death and unable to get up and leave, he continued to suck his dick mechanically. Trying to control his tears so he wouldn’t piss him off and trying to control his gag reflex as best as possible- the boy forcing his cock down the back of this throat. He began to mouth-fuck Brian quickly, pulling at his locks that hurt like a bitch. He continued to thrust into the hot orifice until he came. Threatening Brian to swallow ‘or else’. Brian obeyed, swallowing the bitter cum all the way down his throat.   
  
“That was good, faggot,” he sighed happily, standing up and retreating his now softening penis back into his pants. Brian felt so disgusting on the bathroom floor, absolutely putrid. His friend smiled as he left the stall, both grinning while they walked out. Not even looking back at the poor boy broken on the tiled flooring. Not even bothering to threaten him to not tell a soul, knowing that no one would even believe him. Even Brian wasn’t stupid enough to believe anyone would.    
  
Brian regained his composure as best as possible as he got up, making his way over to the sinks to pick up all his spilled belongings and throw them back into his bag. Luckily they hadn't seen the drugs or his cash. God he hated feeling like a toy- it made him feel so inhuman. Better get used to it I suppose...   
  
He always seemed to not be able to get to his second class, not able to go through one fucking day of school without someone bullying him or calling him names or throwing something at him! He thought this would be a school of adults and it was nothing but fucking children. However, he knew he had to get off the floor, to continue moving on to his next class before he got so far behind that he was doomed to fail.    
  
And of course tears still in his eyes and a little eyeliner running down his face that he didn't wipe was able to cause enough commotion for the class to break into whispers as he walked in late. Pulling his pink skirt down a tad, leaving his blue sweater on so he wouldn't be told again that he was showing far too much skin.   
  
Poor Brian heard every word from 'freak' to 'loser' to 'slut' as he made his way to the back of the classroom. He was paying to learn and to make something of himself, the rest of them who had their tuition paid in full by their parents could at least mind their own and let him do that.    
  
His professor stared at him with a sour look on his face, knowing of course that he had skipped the last few days. Opening his textbook, he tried to concentrate and stay focused as their assignment was given. Suddenly, a blond haired girl turned around that was sitting in front of him and gave him a sweet smile. A fake smile...   
  
“Hey... it's Brian... right?” she knew full well what his name was. The short boy nodded. “I like your skirt. Where'd you get it? Off a hooker's dead body?” She laughed as the entire class broke out into giggles all around him. Brian glared. Why the hell couldn't they just leave him be?!   
  
“Fuck off,” hissed Brian. “Besides, I got it off your mother.” The girl gasped as their professor hushed them all, wanting silence in the room as they worked on their assignment for the rest of the class. The blond girl furrowed her brow, clearly not used to being talked back to. Especially by someone as unpopular and unliked as Brian Molko. Ew.    
  
Brian, however, couldn't help but grin as he looked down and began to read the chapter. Fucking bitch. That would trach her. Suddenly, she turned back around- determined to get the last word in.   
  
“Listen you freak! Even for a drama student- you don't belong here. You're not normal. You look like a fucking girl, you faggot. Why don't you climb back under the rock you came from!?” The whisper was harsh and it rang in his ears as she turned back around to the front of the class. Looking down sadly, he held back his tears. He wasn't going to cry in front of these pricks, there was no way. He was so tired of everyone, literally everyone giving him shit. Was this the price to pay to be different? The price you paid to dress and act how you want to be?   
  
He thought Goldsmith's would have had a few people with an open mind, but instead he found a school that was filled with people like his father and bullies. And he didn't know which was worse. He didn't have to take it! Not from this blond bitch or from anyone else who thought they were better than him. Without another thought, Brian picked up his books and walked out of the classroom angrily. He had his assignment anyway.    
  
Brian walked down the hallway slowly, not knowing where he should go, debating whether or not it was a good time to go and get high like he had planned to earlier, his heeled boots clicking on the tiled floor – starting to slightly annoy him. He felt his stomach rumble and decided it was a better idea to go get a little food in him first. Often when he was hungry, he would do drugs instead and he had lost a substantial amount of weight because and often made him feel weak.   
  
Making his way to the cafeteria, he couldn't help but feel like he wasn't supposed to be there. Even though he was a student, he just didn't belong- didn't fit. Like there was something wrong with him. He was encased in this giant plastic bubble that everyone else could stare into and watch like an animal forced to do tricks in the middle of a ring at a circus. It was a horrible feeling and he couldn't make it go away...   
  
He ordered himself a small bowl of mushroom soup. Yes....a hot bowl of soup was exactly what he needed right now. He sat down at his table in the far corner, even though he wished it had been in the farthest corner of the world. He felt so alone, so by himself. If he fell over dead tomorrow, would anyone give a shit? Would anyone even care? He was just forced to give a boy a blowjob and if he cried to anyone, they would say he was a liar or that asked for it by the way he dressed. It was so fucking unfair.   
  
About to take a spoonful, Robert suddenly sat down in front of him. Smiling sweetly like he was greeting an old lost friend.    
  
“Hey Brian! I've missed you.” Brian's heart began to race. He was really starting to fear this boy. Suddenly starting to wish Stefan was close by, he for some reason felt safer with him near. He wished he was sitting across from him instead of Robert like yesterday.   
  
“Are you stalking me or something?” asked Brian angrily, trying his hardest to not sound like he was completely fucking terrified. When in reality, he was really was. Looking around the dining area, there were a few other people around. Witnesses if he tried anything. Feeling as though if Brian didn't come to him for a 'business deal'... Robert would take what he wanted anyway and rape him. He just wanted to cry- Brian had hoped this was going to be a decent day.   
  
“You're really breaking my heart. I thought we were buddies...”   
  
“I just want to eat my lunch in peace... pleasse... pleassseee leave me alone.” Robert smiled, thinking for a moment before he started to chuckle softly.   
  
“You know Brian... for someone who doesn't seem to like attention, you sure dress like you do.” The blond smirked, rubbing a hand up Brian's leg under the table. Snaking its way under his skirt and brushing his thigh. Brian flinched and closed his legs tight.   
  
“Please leave me alone, please.” Robert continued to rub his hand up and down, grazing his nails on the pretty pale skin. Making the girly boy shiver nervously. Brian's gorgeous, large green-blue eyes shiny and pleading for him to stop.   
  
“What if I don't want to go?” he teased, that giant smirk on his face that Brian hated reappearing on his face like a recurring nightmare.    
  
The lunch bell rang, causing them both to slightly jump in their seats- people already starting to pour in the cafeteria. Thank god....   
  
“This isn't over, bitch,” he hissed angrily, getting up before too many people saw him sitting with this freak. In his litter corner, all on his own like usual, he took some deep breaths to calm down and ate his soup. Trying to savor the creamy hot liquid as it ran down his throat- tasting so good. When he was finished, he grabbed his bag and left. People whispering and gasping as he gave them the finger. Fuck them all.   
  
He wanted to go into the bathroom, but he didn't feel very safe going in there on his own anymore at all. So instead, went outside, enjoying the warm rays that shone on his pale skin. Sitting down by a tree in the shade, he took off his sweater and enjoyed the heat. A beautiful day it was and he wanted to smile at it, enjoy it, listen to birds chirp, but instead his smile faded. Cracked. Broke. Dissolved completely into a frown as tears started to form and fall down his face, and not for the first time that day either, while pulling his legs close to his body in the fetal position. Was this the first day of the rest of his life? Was this how it was going to be for him? Is this what he had been reduced to? Did no one give a damn about how Brian Molko felt?    
  
His mind screamed 'no' while part of himself deep inside that was slowly getting buried everyday screamed a 'yes'. Yes someone out there cared, there had to be.   
  
Brian pulled out his compact. Damn, his eyeliner was running again from his stupid tears. Stupid, pointless tears that wouldn't change a damn fucking thing. He was on his own and he had to deal with it. Crying like a little girl, although he looked like one, wasn't going to change his situation. He ran his finger under his puffy eyes, wiping away the black smudged makeup before reapplying it.    
  
Hearing some boys yell, he looked over to see a bunch of them playing football and on even closer examination- noticed one of them was Stefan. He was tall, lean and could kick a ball like nobodies business. He watched them for a while longer. They were in two completely different worlds and even though the taller boy showed Brian so much kindness- he was sure it was out of pity. It had to be.    
  
Brian didn't even wave, didn't let himself be known by the shady tree. He didn't want his friends to think that Stefan was associated with Brian the freak. They would probably bug him for it. He was surprised he was so popular when he was gay. He knew how judgmental people could be, but then again maybe they didn't know at all.   
  
Do you think Stefan would like someone like you? Are you fucking kidding yourself?   
  
Brian looked down, taking a deep breath as he pulled out his notebook. Lately he had began to write down his thoughts, his attempts at poetry. It kept him sane when he was all alone in his run-down flat. Using his own words to keep him company. It wasn't like he had any friends or relatives that came to visit him.   
  
Clicking his black pen, he let the thoughts flow as he watched his tall drama partner play ball.    
  
'Shine the headlight, straight into my eye-   
Like the roadkill, I'm paralyzed-   
You see from my disguise-   
I ended up decaying-....   
  
No. Brian crossed out the last line.   
  
Since I was born, I started to decay-   
Now nothing ever, ever goes my way-'   
  
He reread his work. Meh. It wasn't too bad for a start.    
  
The bell rang again- indicating it was time to go back inside. Finish off this train wreck he called a day.   
  
And when the end of the day finally came without too many problems and teasing, he let out a heavy sigh- making his way to the parking lot.   
  
What if Stefan doesn't come to meet you? A trick! It's a trick, Brian! To leave you here to walk home and work on the backdrop by himself. No... he doesn't seem like he would do that type of thing.   
  
The short boy argued with himself- hoping that Stefan would pop up to prove his doubting half wrong! And he smiled, letting out another sigh of relief as he spotted the tall boy waving. Running over to him swiftly, which didn't take too long due to the length of his bloody legs!   
  
“Hey sorry to keep you waiting- ready to go?” he smiled. Brian nodding and following him to his brand new dark blue car. Of course. Parents had obviously bought it for him. And the inside was just as nice as the outside. Leather interior and everything. Definitely nicer than the fucking bus! The drive was silent but not too awkward as it didn't take long at all to get to his dorm room that was just on the other side of the large campus. Stefan was nothing but the perfect host either, offering a snack or some juice.   
  
“How about some vodka?” sighed Brian and Stef got out some pretzels. It had been a long day and alcohol was what he needed. But Stefan just laughed at his 'joke' even though the shorter man had been completely serious. Oh well.. apple juice would have to do.   
  
His room from then was turned upside down as cardboard, pipe cleaners, glitter (of course) and paint was sprawled across it. Brian was actually- for the first time that day- enjoying himself. He loved all forms of art and expressing himself and being able to work on that with a boy who didn't pick on him, tease him, or want to hurt him- seemed like a heaven sent. But even that thought alone was a sad one. Why should it have to be that way int he first place?   
  
“So Brian.. I have to ask you- why do you try to look like a girl? Or.. should I say, why do you make yourself look like a girl? A very convincing girl.” Stefan asked curiously, changing their light conversation into something a little more personal. But being as friendly about asking it as possible    
  
See Brian? I told you that he thought you were a freak! Shutup, brain.    
  
Brian shrugged.   
  
“I like to look like a girl.. I don't know why. I feel better about myself. I wear makeup for the same reason girls do. It makes me feel pretty. Why does it bother you?” asked Brian softly, not making eye contact to make the situation more awkward. Instead just coloring in the tree on the 'summer' section of their posterboard.   
  
“No.. not at all, actually, I didn't even know you were a boy for a little while when we first starting going to drama class. I thought you were a cute girl,” giggled Stef shyly as he continued to color on his side of the poster. Brian's heart fluttered a little. Cute... Brian giggled too.   
  
“A cute girl? I thought you didn't like girls!”   
  
“I don't.. but I can still think they are attractive just because I'm not sexually attracted to them,” Stef replied coyly, sticking out his tongue and hoping he sounded mature and refined.   
  
“I know,” laughed Brian, smiling as he looked up, stared at this shy tall boy before meekly going back to drawing some grass and flowers next to the tree. Their backdrop was looking great to do their 'seasons' theme in front of. Rattling off some poems or something, they actually hadn't even decided that part yet. Costumes and visual before the show! “Well... what about now.. now that you know I'm a boy?” he asked gently. Trying to make the question sound as subtle as possible. Stefan didn't answer, just continued to smile softly to himself as he colored.   
  
“You're still cute.” Brian's smile got wider as he started to outline his flower in purple paint. His stomach started to do little backflips, a nervous and wonderful feeling all at once. Stefan thought he was cute...   
  
“This poster is looking good,” Brian commented randomly, trying to steer the conversation back into something lighter so there wouldn't be too much awkward silence.   
  
“Brian... those boys.. everyone who picks on you. I'm not like that. I may be .. from the same place as they come from, but I know what it's like do be picked on. I'd never do that to anyone. Even to a boy who wears skirts and dresses to school.” Brian frowned, looking down and couldn't help but feel a little warm spot in his stomach. Stefan didn't treat him like the others and it felt nice... well nice wasn't the perfect word to describe it. But he liked that feeling.    
  
Brian Molko could always give the finger, sarcastic comments, and act like he was a tough little bitch, but even he wanted to be cared for and hugged. And the fact his drama partner didn't want to make fun of him and seemed to enjoy his company was enough to make all the horrible past days seem like they never happened.   
  
“Do your friends know you're gay?” asked Brian, now making eye contact. His big eyes so soulful and pretty. Stefan swallowed, looking away.   
  
“No. I'm not ashamed, but I know I would be outcasted like yo-” Stefan stopped himself, not meaning to insult the smaller boy. Brian nodded. He wasn't upset, he knew why and even though he could never hide himself that way, he could understand why Stefan did. He was from a different world, a world he could have been part of but had thrown him away when he came out of his shell.    
  
“I understand.” Even though brian wasn't angry at Stefan, the tall boy couldn't help but curse himself. So stupid, Stefan. That was so ... rude! “It's okay, really.” Brian smiled. And Stefan smiled back gently, still feeling guilty.    
  
After that, the evening actually went swimmingly. The poster was getting finished as they joked and laughed, and just enjoying their company. It was nice to have company, Brian didn't ever have any...    
It all went well at least until Brian noticed what time it was. 9:14. FUCK! He was supposed to meet Jay.   
  
“Oh I have to go... to work! I'll see you tomorrow.”   
  
“Want me to drive you?” asked Stefan, getting up as quick as Brian did as the little guy ran to grab his bag and bolt out the door.   
  
“Oh no, no! I have a ride.. uh my mom is coming to pick me up!” Before Stefan could ask him one more question, he was gone. And the tall boy couldn't help but be a little disappointed and noticed his blue sweater he left on the floor. Ha.. like Cinderella.    
  
Brian ran as fast as he could in his boots outside, racing towards the bus stop he said he'd meet Jay at. He was late. Shit. Shit. SHIT! As he approached the spot, Jay was leaned up against his car with his arms crossed.   
  
“Jay! I'm-”   
  
“You can't be late!” he snarled angrily as the short boy winced.   
  
“I'm sorry, I was doing a project and I lost track of time.”   
  
“Learn to keep track of it then! Timing is everything! Any other job would fire your ass! You're lucky I'm so nice..... Is that what you're wearing?” Jay eyed Brian. Short pink skirt... white tank top.. the boots could stay. But the rest made him look a little white piece of trash. Not the exotic beauty he described Brian as.    
  
“What's wrong with it?”    
  
“Well, I got you a present. And thank god I did. You need it.” Brian stared at Jay as the man turned to lean into his rolled down window to pull out a black dress. Black silk, short, with spaghetti straps and a low, loose front.    
  
“For me?” Jay smiled, throwing his sunglasses in his car. Not like he needed him during the night, the man just liked the look.    
  
“Just for you.” Brian smiled a little as he took the dress from him. He hadn't gotten a gift in a long time. “Let's go.” Tapping his hood quickly, he walked around the front of the car and got in, Brian quickly hopping into the front seat next to him. “Get changed,” he said swiftly as he started the vehicle and pulled away.   
  
“Where are we going?” asked Brian meekly.   
  
“Balls and Chains the nightclub. I have a few clients waiting.”   
  
“A few?!” asked Brian, trying to hide his nervousness as his eyes widened.   
  
“You have a busy first night ahead of you.”    


**TO BE CONTINUED ...**


	5. Tick Tock

Time moved rather slowly for Brian. As if he were moving through space – everything turned into slow-motion movements as he changed into that little black dress. The fabric barely passing his mid-thighs. And before he knew it, Jay had parked the car. Getting out to open the door for the young boy like he was an important celebrity. He took a deep breath as he grabbed Jay's hand that was offered out to him. Feeling like he just entered the depths of hell while getting out of the vehicle.    
  
“Aren't you stunning,” said Jay softly, giving him a wink. The boy had fixed his makeup and with that dress- he looked amazing. Perfect, even. The bruises were fading and his face was soft and sultry like that of a girl's. Smiling, well at least Jay, they entered through the door marked 'VIP', the girls working the front not even asking either of them for I.D.   
  
“How did you do that?”    
  
“Connections. Don't worry your pretty little head about it,” replied Jay confidently. The music was booming. Speakers blaring techno-dance music. Men and women on the dance floor that was changing different colors to the beats. The club was rather large with two floors, at least four bars that were lit up with black lights. Lounge areas furnished with leather couches. Girls and boys dressed like skanks, and other men dressed like they were the most important assholes on the planet.    
  
Brian could barely hear himself think as Jay put an arm around his waist and led them over to one of the larger couched areas where about eight people sat around. A man with an expensive suit and a glass full of some type of alcohol he couldn't identify smiled at them. He looked almost like a mobster and was pretty sure his outfit was worth more than his entire small flat. Brian disliked him immediately.   
  
The small boy was trying his hardest to calm down, but he could feel men staring him down from all directions. The club so packed, he wouldn't be able to put a face to half the stares if he tried. Stay calm, Brian. You can get through this. You've been through worse... I think. All he could think about was being back in Stefan's dorm room, talking and making their backdrop for drama together. He felt safe and wanted there. Not the same kind of 'want' all these sick, perverted men were looking at him with. How simple life was just a few hours ago. He wished it could have lasted forever. The men's jabber tore him from this thoughts.   
  
“And who is this lovely young lady?” asked the man smiling- Brian forcing one back as best as he could. Hoping it didn't look as forced as it really was. Jay grinned.   
  
“Marcus... meet my newest 'employee'.... Brian.” The man's eyes widened. The beautiful girl was a beautiful... boy. Milk-white skin, petite frame that was hugged by the short black dress. Kohl-rimmed eyes that were piercing. Long lashes, soft face, pouty lips. He was a site to behold, that was for certain.    
  
“Bri....an,” repeated Marcus. “Where did you... find... such a beautiful... exotic..specimen as this?” Jay was still grinning, proud of his 'catch'. It was starting to piss Brian off a little, not that he could really do anything about it. He was not a 'specimen' for anyone to gawk at, but at that moment and for that evening- he was.   
  
“A former... client.” 'Client'. What Jay meant was that he was a junkie. Still very much was. But drugs just came as a perk with the job now. But what a lovely way of saying it. 'Client'. A way of covering it up. He wasn't a whore, but an 'employee' of Jay's business. Put a fancy title on a whore... didn't make him any less of one. And he knew he was a dirty fucking whore. Or at least... he felt like one. No matter how one wanted to word it. Words didn't change reality.   
  
“Hello, Brian,” smiled Marcus. This man was old enough to be his father, maybe a little older. Dark green eyes and dark brown hair. Good looking and distinguished. Reminded him of James Bond..at least he almost did. But Brian still didn't like him... or trust him.   
  
“Hi.” Simple. He didn't need to say anything else, did he? Jay looked at his watch, they had a business deal after all. With quick goodbyes and exchange of little baggies very subtly that Brian noticed, they left. Jay leading them over to a booth in the corner of the club and sitting down.   
  
“Who was that?” Brian asked softly, not too sure Jay even heard him with the loud music.   
  
“Business partner..”   
  
“What kind of business?”   
  
“Nothing you need to worry about, just stay out of his way.” Brian stayed silent. He didn't want anything to do with that man anyway. Even Jay, now out of his presence, seemed to be rubbed the wrong way by him. Jay is up to something you don't know about. Well it's not important, you have your own shit to worry about. And it was true- that he did. He knew what side of his mind he needed to listen to right now.    
  
A larger man, burly even, approached their table and sat down near the end. Blond hair, blue eyes, clearly worked out. Older, maybe 35 or 40 if Brian had to guess. Wearing jeans and a black button-up shirt. He stared at Brian, smiling. Making the small boy very uncomfortable all of a sudden.   
  
“He's gorgeous,” whispered the man to Jay.   
  
“I told you... as promised.” Jay grinned a sly smile, looking at Brian and motioning for him to go with him. Least he wasn't an ugly dirt bag, or at least looked like one. That had to be a bonus if he had to stay positive, right?   
  
The man offered his hand to Brian who reluctantly took it. Following the larger man upstairs to a back room by themselves. Clearly where girls turned tricks, gave lap dances and god only knew what else in the privacy of the closed off area. God. Pft. There was no fucking god. No righteous higher power would let Brian go this low, would it?   
  
“Jay said you were a pretty boy, but not this pretty.” He smiled at Brian as the younger man willed every muscle in his body to try and return one back. “Undress.” Brian looked down at the floor, already feeling like a fucking cockroach. “And look at me while you do it.”   
  
Brian did as he was told while he stripped. Staring at him while he pulled off his dress. Standing there in his black lace panties and boots, waiting for instructions. The man's hungry eyes gazing at him.   
  
“You know Brian, I have a wife.” Brian said nothing. He didn't know if he was supposed to.“Three great kids too. A good job, a nice house. I have it all. But it's not enough.”   
  
Brian's large green-blue eyes stayed put, still staring at his dark green ones. So he was a family man and 'dirt bag' was definitely not a phrase that should be thrown out too quickly when it came to describing him either.   
  
“I want an adventure. Something taboo.” The man moved closer to Brian, pulling his panties down his legs gently, feeling the soft skin under his fingertips as he did so. Staring at his flaccid member while Brian remained still, not wanting it to seem like he was struggling. He couldn't. At that moment, he was bought and paid for and felt even more powerless and alone than he did the night he was with Robert. It was an awful feeling that made him want to crawl in a tiny hole and wait to die. He continued to pull the panties down gently over his boots to let Brian step out of them. “I know I'm hurting them, but I don't care.”   
  
This man clearly had some 'inner' issues, hidden desires he hadn't shared with the world yet. Brian said nothing to comfort him. Not knowing what words to use or if this man even wanted comfort. Maybe he just wanted to confess and fuck with no sympathy. Do his 'taboo' action and leave. Going back to his family who probably didn't bat an eye or suspect anything. It made him feel sick to his stomach.    
  
He began to undo his pants, pulling them down to his knees along with his boxers- actually shocking the young boy slightly at the sudden action, even though he knew it shouldn't. Without saying one more word, he turned Brian around gently and pushed him on the couch. The leather making him shiver while his legs were spread. Ripping open a condom package, the plastic sounding like it was suddenly amplified, slipped it on his hard erection.    
  
He took his position between his legs, Brian closing his eyes and waiting, and thrust in. Forcing a sharp gasp to escape his lips. He didn't give him long to adjust as he pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in. Starting a rapid pace, clearly wanting to get it over and done with. Like this was something he HAD to do. Maybe the guilt was secretly haunting him. Thrust after hard thrust, pushing Brian's body up the couch, caused some large groans to escape the man's lips right into Brian's ear. His large body pushing him into the furniture harder.    
  
Brian closed his eyes and waited for it to be over. Any time now.... any time. A few tears ran down his face from the burning feeling of being stretched with little preparation. Having to bit down on his bottom lip to stop from screaming. Each thrust getting more painful, but slowly numbing him. The burning jolts becoming less intense until he felt the man shudder and cum, streams of seamen pouring into the condom. He breathed heavily into Brian's ear, coming down from his post-orgasmic bliss.   
  
“I love my wife, you know.” Brian once again said nothing while the man got off him, throwing out the rubber and readjusting his pants. He stood there, as if deciding what to do next. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the naked boy on the bed and pulled him up into a sitting position. He stared at his face, putting his hand through Brian's hair once before leaving. Simple as that. Brian realizing he hadn't even asked the man's name... not that it mattered. He didn't care. It would make no difference.    
  
Fuck. Brian wanted to scream, pulling his skin off him and be reborn. Feel clean and pure. How many sick bastards were on this goddamn planet?   
  
Rather sore, he pulled his panties and dress back on. Covering his now slightly cold naked form. Fixing his hair before he made his way back downstairs to Jay sitting in the far booth.   
  
“So? That was quick,” Jay smiled, Brian unable to really make eye contact. He didn't want to make eye contact with anyone because at that moment, he didn't really feel like one.   
  
“He was married.”   
  
“Yeah, you'll find that a lot,” Jay replied laughing. He saw that it bothered Brian and that made him laugh even more. “Like it matters. Besides, everyone wants something they can't have.” The younger boy suddenly felt sick to his stomach.   
  
“Can I go home now?” He sounded like a child ready to cry, eyes pleading.   
  
“No.” Brian sniffed, wiping away the tears that were starting to form again in his giant eyes that glistened. A few minutes passed by, the booming music now giving him a headache until a large man leisurely made his way over. Balding and middle-aged. Ugly as sin.   
  
Jay cocked his head without a word to follow him. Brian was ready to break down, eyes wide that screamed 'with him?!'. But a paying customer was a paying customer. Brian didn't even know how much Jay was charging them to have their way with him. Had to be a decent amount to be able to pay his bills. But as if reading his mind, reached his arm over and popped a white ecstasy pill in his hand. Without thinking, Brian grabbed it and threw it into his mouth before getting up to follow the disgusting man.   
  
“I don't do this very often,” joked the nameless guy, like he was trying to make conversation- pulling Brian's hand back upstairs to a different couched area with others. Where other whores and strippers were kissing, lap dancing, making out, some even fucking in the corner. It was muggy and smelled like sex, but were once again out of sight to the dancing club. The bald man pulled him over to one of the chairs near a corner and opened his pants. Pulling out his hard dick. Brian could tell the man was nervous. Some fucking 40-year-old loser who probably lived with his mother in the basement.   
  
“I want.. you to .. suck it.” He sounded like he was wondering what he wanted to do. Almost unsure if he was supposed to ask or command a prostitute to do something. Brian complied, hoping maybe that a blowjob was all this man wanted. A quick suck and that would be all. He could only hope.   
  
He took the member into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around the salty head. It tasted putrid, but the man was clearly enjoying it. Tangling his hand in his black locks. His eyes opened and glanced around the room. He felt as if the whole world was judging him and watching, but not a soul in the low-lighted area was paying attention to them. No one cared.   
  
If only his father could see him now. In makeup, a little black dress and sucking a dick for money. Oh what a site he would be. He would call him a sick fuck, a failure, a loser, a slut, a shame to the fucking family name. He just knew it. All at the cost so he could study to be what he wanted to be, to do it on his own, but was it still worth it? He felt himself breaking inside. Piece by piece. What would happen when there was nothing left?   
  
Brian had to hold back all the tears he wanted to shed. He couldn't cry. Not now. When he was alone and completely high on his bed.... yes....but not now. The man pulled out of his mouth, gasping slightly as he pulled his member out of the hot orifice, but he hadn't cum yet.    
  
“Pull down... your panties,” he whispered hoarsely, saying each word slowly like he was unsure he should say them at all. Clearly unexperienced when it came to whores. Brian got off his knees and stood up. Feeling the wonderful euphoria of the drug begin to take over. Finally taking a lovely effect on his system. Thank fucking god. Numb this shit. Numb all of it. I don't want to be here anymore.    
  
Brian pulled his lace panties down, why the bloody hell did he wear any in the first place? What was the fucking point? The bald man pulled his short dress up around his belly button, letting a finger trace around the little circle and staring down at Brian's flaccid member. Brian stepped out of the lace material as the man looked Brian up and down while still sitting on the chair, staring at the young boy's perfection.   
  
“You're so beautiful,” he whispered. Brian said nothing. Somehow compliments from men who paid to fuck him meant absolutely nothing. Like a wrapped gift he could easily throw over a bridge. Nice or not. He used to love hearing when a boy called him pretty or when he was called gorgeous, but now. Now he hated his perfection. His 'beauty' and his size is what made people think they could take advantage of him, make them think they could take what they wanted from him. He was a human. A person. He was beautiful inside or out, whether Brian wanted to admit it to himself or not. He had a gorgeous soul and no one wanted to look any deeper than past his face and body. “My mother would kill me if she knew I fucked a boy. A whore none-the-less.”   
  
This man was pathetic and repulsive in more ways than one. Brian looked down at the dark carpet in the lounge area, turning his head slightly to watch a girl get her brains fucked out by some man on the other side of the room who looked Spanish or Italian. He couldn't quite tell. He sighed softly as the large man pulled out a condom and slipped it on himself, fumbling with the rubber.   
  
Brian felt himself get pulled closer, the large man spreading his fat thighs apart. He turned Brian as the young boy closed his eyes, waiting to be impaled on the cock. At least his back was to him and he wouldn't have to look at the man while he was forced to fuck him. He felt the large grimy hands run over his smooth pale bottom- fingers slipping in between his ass cheeks and spreading them. And without hesitation, the man pushed his hard cock inside- forcing Brian to sit on his lap and take the entire length. The girly boy moaned softly, wanting to get him off quickly. To get it over with.    
  
Brian started to lift his hips, riding the man's cock as his large hands held on to his waist. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine something else. Behind his eyelids he saw himself on a main stage in London, acting. Maybe a musician in front of an adoring crowd. Everyone there cheering him on, his father telling him how proud he was. Anything. Anywhere but where he was. The drug making the wonderful images almost seem real, numbing the burning pain in his ass to nothing as he mindlessly rode the man's filthy dick. Wanting him to cum and finish.    
  
Sweat started to run down his forehead as he rode faster. The man's groans and tightening grip on his sides telling him he was close. A few more thrusts into the smaller boy's ass and he came. Shuddering behind him and pulling out a few minutes later.    
  
Pulling his panties back on, even sorer than before, watched the man put away his softening member. Discarding the condom in a waste basket. Brian pulled his dress back down and left, making his way back downstairs as quick as he possibly could while high as fuck. Back to the booth where Jay was sitting... but Jay wasn't there. Lights, people, and colors swirled around him.    
  
Fuck, Brian. Stay calm. He had to be around here somewhere. He wouldn't just leave you at the club, would he? No way! I'm profit. But when Brian thought about it, as best as he could as the drug dragon coursed through him, he realized he didn't know Jay too well at all. Jay could very well have got up and left me. However, Brian didn't care. He didn't care about anything at that moment but finding a place to pass out.    
  
He could barely think or see straight as he stumbled around the club, trying to keep his balance. A disoriented and high girly boy in a short dress... alone ....was dangerous. But the danger wasn't registering in Brian's brain for even a minute. Everyone's faces blurred together as he tried to concentrate, turning as he felt a hand on his waist. He couldn't recognize the face talking to him, but he knew the voice. At least he thought he did.   
  
“Brian. What are you doing by yourself, gorgeous?” asked Marcus with a drink in hand and smiling. A hand traveling down to the lower part of his back.    
  
“Jay?” he asked softly, feeling as if he was going to suddenly fall over.   
  
“Come on baby... take this, you'll feel better,” said Marcus gently, walking them over to the couch he was sitting at before. Brian looked dizzily at the white object in his hand while stumbling over to the piece of furniture.    
  
“What.. what is it?” Brian started, almost slurring his words. This was some bad 'E' and he just wanted to sleep.   
  
“It'll make you feel better...” Without thinking, the drug still stirring in his system, and liking the sound of 'feel better'- questioned the man no more and took the pill. Marcus smiled. “Good boy.” Brian leaned on his shoulder, holding on to him as Jay ran up to the two of them.   
  
“Hey, what are you doing with him?” asked Jay, taking a sip of his drink and leering.    
  
“What are you charging for such a lovely screw?”   
  
“You're not buying him from me. No fucking way,” replied Jay angrily. His relationship with Marcus went no further than business and he wasn't going to do him any fucking favors. “I'm taking care of him for this. He's at my beck and call, there is no fucking way I'm selling him to you.” Marcus kept his grin on, used to such vulgarity and anger from Jay when he was upset.   
  
“Calm down. I just... want him for the night. I'll double the amount you're charging for him... just for the night, Jay.” Jay's mouth widened. Double   
  
“He's high as fuck and I have another ma- .”   
  
“Triple.”    
  
“But he's completely high and is going to pass-,” Jay started.   
  
“Even better.”    
  
Jay thought for a moment, glancing down at the young boy who was almost asleep on his shoulder. One night wouldn't be bad. And triple...   
  
*~*   
  
The bell rang. Stefan was almost late- trying to pull the large cardboard out of his car without bending it. They did such a great job drawing and coloring it, he couldn't bare to fold it or crease it. But he also couldn't be late! How could he jokingly poke fun at his drama partner's tardiness when he was late himself!? Stefan smiled at the thought of Brian- last night had been a lot of fun. Just hanging out and working on their project. If only the rest of the school could see how cool and sweet of a boy he was.   
  
The last bell rang as the tall boy sprinted through the drama doors. Ah ha! Just in time. These tall legs are good for something! And luckily, Brian isn't here just yet! Yes! Stefan happily spread out their materials on the table. This had been one of the few times he was actually enjoying drama class. They were going to write their script today. He got out his notebook with some ideas he jotted down and Brian's blue fuzzy sweater he had left at his house. He was probably missing it or would need it to cover another tank top- giggling to himself at the thought.    
  
But 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes into class... still no Brian. Was he sick?   
  
“Um professor?” asked the tall boy, putting up his hand to get some attention. “Did Brian call in sick?” His prof shook his head, that same unimpressed look plastered on his face as it was the majority of the time.   
  
“Not that I know of. But this is even later than usual for Mr. Molko.” Stefan frowned, looking at the clock-glancing at it back and forth while jotting some more ideas down to show Brian whenever he decided to show up.    
  
But then the bell rang, the class ending. He couldn't help but be a bit worried. Out of all the classes, Brian loved drama and would probably never skip it. And he knew they had a project to work on. Where was he? Stefan couldn't help but keep the frown on his face as he walked out through the drama doors. Why hadn't he come to class?

** TO BE CONTINUED.... **


	6. I'm Unclean, a Libertine

Brian opened his eyes; falling in and out of consciousness. He felt like he was being beaten all over his body. Blow after blow. When he opened his eyes- men were all around him. He couldn't see straight. His mind still buzzed with 'E' and whatever the hell Marcus had gave him. Although, Brian could barely even remember that. He couldn't remember anything besides stumbling down the stairs to find Jay. Did he find Jay? Where was Jay? Everything was a huge blurry cloud and there was nothing but mens' faces around him, pulling him, scratching him, pushing him on the bed.    
  
'He's waking up' and 'Hey Marc, he's coming back around...' was all he heard before he felt another pill get shoved down his throat. A little water pouring in his mouth to help the pill go down, causing him to cough.   
  
“That should do him in,” rang the voice. So loud. Why was it so loud? Where was he? All his thoughts clashed as he felt a large pain in his lower region. His body flipped on the mattress so he was on his stomach. The pain burned. Someone was inside him and he didn't even know who, but it didn't matter. He felt his body get pushed up the bed, someone touching his flaccid member. Nameless, blurry faces poking and prodding him as he continued to get fucked roughly by a face he didn’t recognize. Then he felt his world go black as he suddenly lost consciousness and passed out again. He would rather not be awake for whatever was going to happen to him anyway.   
  
*-*   
  
School started, the bell ringing for next class. The Swede was worried. Really worried. Where was he all of a sudden? Why hadn’t he come to class? It came to the point he wanted to go and check himself. But... maybe he shouldn't get involved. It was none of his business after all, but he just really wanted to find out where his drama partner had disappeared. That was one class he always saw Brian in. Making a snap decision, Stefan turned around and headed towards the office.   
  
“Hello Mr. Olsdal, how can I help you?” asked the office secretary. The tall boy may be quiet, but he had many awards under his belt as all the 'upper class' students did. Had to maintain that high status for his parents. And the secretary knew him as such a student, too.   
  
“Hello. I was wondering if I could possibly have the address to Brian Molko's place?” asked the tall boy in the most polite manner that he could muster up. She smiled softly.   
  
“Sorry dear, that is private information unless he is here to let you have it-,” she started as Stef sighed. He had to create a little white lie.   
  
“Well you see he is my drama partner and... I have to drop off our .... backdrop is all. He had told me before... but I suddenly forgot. Please? Pretty please?” She smiled again. Stefan was such a lovely, quiet boy. Never caused any trouble. Was never in the office for any misbehaviour. She had no reason not to trust him,...   
  
“Okay dear, I'll break the rules this once for you.” Stefan smiled wide.   
  
“Thankyou Mrs. Jamison.” She rustled through some papers.   
  
“Ah ha, here it is. 726 Sherbrook Street.” The taller boy stared at her for a moment. That was a really.. sketchy area of the city. That couldn't be it. “Are you sure? Brian Molko. Short... quite girly...”   
  
“Yes dear, I'm well aware of who Brian Molko is.. trust me. Hard to miss. I thought you said he gave it to you before but you forgot?” she asked, laughing softly and handing him a sheet of paper with the address.    
  
“That must be right or maybe I wasn't listening correctly. I can be such a sketchpad sometimes,” he replied laughing- taking the piece of paper and walking out of the office. Stefan stared at the numbers. He had assumed he lived on a higher end of London with his parents... was there a part of Sherbrook that wasn't part of the… 'lower' part of the city? Maybe that's why he didn't want him to come over, maybe he was embarrassed?    
  
So many possibilities were running through his mind. He had no idea why he cared so much about what happened to his boy, but he did. And for the first time that year, he left school early and skipped class, getting in his car and taking a deep breath before he started it.    
  
*-*   
  
Brian woke up, dizzy and head spinning. Looking over at the clock near the bed, he saw it was a little after 6 AM. He had to go to school... He had to... He was going to be late. The short boy tried to sit up but cried out in pain. His ass was so sore and vision still blurry. He couldn't remember a thing that happened. He knew.. he knew he went out with Jay last night but everything after that was a blur. He looked down to see some blood on the sheets. Fuck. He was bleeding. Fucking fantastic. He looked around. The room was clean, very clean. Marble floor, white sheets... he had ruined... dark red comforter- sun shining in through the pretty pale curtains.    
  
“Jay?” he called out to the empty room. “Jay?” Where was he? Why was he here and not back in his flat on his much shittier mattress? Jay knew he had college this morning.   
  
“Jay isn't here, gorgeous,” replied Marcus, pouring himself a cup of coffee and walking into the bedroom only a few feet away in his flat.   
  
“... Who....” Brian remembered the man who they had met earlier on in the night. He didn't like him then and he fucking didn't like him now. Why the fuck was he here in this man's flat with him... he didn't... no.. “Why am I here?!” cried Brian, his voice hoarse, and not knowing why. He felt sore everywhere. Marcus smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed and sipping his coffee.   
  
“I bought your services for the evening.” Jay... Jay didn't seem to like Marcus at all, why one earth would he sell him to him?! The man stared at Brian, grinning as the young boy gasped silently, staring down at the blood stained sheets. Trying to figure out what happened to him. It was almost laughable. He barely had a clue.   
  
“But…you?” He shook his head quickly.   
  
“Oh no, gorgeous. I bought you as a nice treat for my employees that sell my drugs. I was kind enough to knock you out during though, wasn’t I? I have a heart, you know. I’m not a monster.” Brian’s large green-blue eyes became the size of dinner plates as he realized what he just said. The reality of the situation slowly processing. He was passed around last night like a fucking joint. Brian suddenly felt sick to his stomach. The idea of who knows how many men fucking him. The image playing in his mind. All those men he thought he had dreamed… were real. The blur of faces weren’t in his imagination. He felt so used, so cheap, so dirty, so disgusting. Put a bullet in his head now.   
  
“Where’s the washroom?” Brian groaned, getting out of bed. Crying out at the jolts of pain that surged from his bottom throughout his body. Practically limping as Marcus pointed to the door only maybe 10 feet away from the bathroom. He ran in as quickly as possible, more like limping, to the bathroom. Emptying the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. It hurt. His stomach was practically bare and dry-heaving was painful. Not only that, but his body was still sore everywhere. Ever joint, every muscle.    
  
Flashbacks of when he regained consciousness last night kept playing as he threw up. Hugging the toilet like it was life itself. Not wanting to let go till he felt he had no strength to do it anymore. Marcus stayed in the kitchen, pouring himself another cup of coffee. This one was clearly new at the game.    
  
Brian leaned back on his knees, feeling like he was finally finished puking, but gasped when he felt something wet on his ankles. Turned his head slowly, he noticed more blood. He was still bleeding. Fuck. He would probably need stitches…. Unless he was just very careful, maybe he would heal himself. He suddenly felt very cold, but looking down., he realized he was still naked. Oh god, and he had school.. His project.. with Stefan. His night was not supposed to go like it did… He was so scared and had no idea where he was. What the fuck had he gotten himself into, he didn’t even want to know. He wanted to disappear.    
  
“You’ll be fine, boy,” smiled Marcus. As if it were all a huge fucking joke.    
  
“I… ,” Brian started, gasping at the pain as he made his way back to the bed to sit down for a few moments. His body sore, bleeding and trying to cover his nakedness at the same time. “Need to go to school.” That was the only thing that ran through his mind, despite his current condition. He wanted … needed to go to school.. He couldn’t be late… again. He had too many lates as it was. School would be something that would get his mind off of everything. He had to keep his mind off of what happened to him or he’d cry. He’d break and he couldn’t break. He just couldn’t. “Where is my bag?”   
  
“I assume Jay has it with him, you didn’t come with a bag,” replied Marcus laughing, still drinking his damn coffee. Putting down his cup, he made his way over to him.    
  
“Can you… ,” started Brian, clenching his teeth at the jolts of pain that still ran through him. “Can you… oh god.” The burning pain was just awful, he felt some tears start to swell.   
  
“You’ll be fine, you did have a ‘rough’ night after all.” Fuck. Jay had his school clothes in that bag and his homework. All he had was his black dress. He needed to go home. But by the looks of his flat and what side of London they were on, he was a fair distance away from his own and he knew he couldn’t walk… and riding a bus seemed like an almost impossible task.    
  
“Can… can you take me home?” Marcus cocked an eyebrow. He had never been asked by a whore for a ride back home. Usually he’d kick them out the morning after he was done with them, forcing them to find their own way back. “Please?” Brian pleaded, literally begging as tears swelled in his giant eyes. From pain, frustration, or fear he couldn’t quite tell. He supposed he could.    
  
“Where do you live, darlin’?” he asked sultry, as if he were trying to woo a date. It only made Brian feel more disgusting, like a fucking insect that crawled.   
  
“726 Sherbrook.”    
  
“I guess I could…. For a price. Not like I didn’t pay a fucking decent amount for you. But you are..,” he started, grazing the back of his hand on Brian’s face that was smudged and stained with makeup and tears. “So beautiful.” Brian’s eyes widened.   
  
“No I-,” Marcus discarded his cup, grabbing Brian by the wrist and pulling him off the bed. “No! Please!” cried Brian, starting to whimper as he was pushed up against the wall of the flat not too far from the bed. The flat was very open, few walls separating the rooms. His head to the side, he could see the nice living room. It was arranged very similar to what his was like when he was a child back home.    
  
Brian felt his head smash against the side of the wall, pulling him from his thoughts as Marcus smiled. He hadn’t even planned on it either. Decided to see if he could resist temptation. But alone, naked, and awake- Marcus had to. There was no way. Besides, it wasn’t rape… he was bought and fucking paid for.   
  
“No!” cried Brian, but Marcus put a large hand around his throat just enough to stop his screaming for a few moments.   
  
“Listen you little slut. You are BOUGHT and PAID for…GOT IT? You’re here because you PUT YOURSELF HERE, GOT IT?” cried Marcus loudly, one to rarely lose his temper. He preferred to stay in control of the situation. Brian closed his eyes and his mouth as he felt Marcus let go of his throat. The man was right. He had put himself there. He fucking chose it, now he had to take it. But after all the men.. he didn’t even know how many, he didn’t think he could take this. He was still in so much pain….    
  
Poor Brian closed his eyes tight, willing himself to relax as best he could while he heard Marcus unzip his pants, pulling out his semi-hard cock that was only getting harder while he stared at the young boy’s sweet, naked ass. He ran his large hands all over him, down his legs, arms, and whispered something inaudible in his ear. He pulled a condom out of his pocket, a man who was always prepared in his ‘business’, and put it on quickly. Only needing one hand to roll the rubber on.   
  
Kissing his cheek lightly, makeup still smudged and getting worse, he thrust in quickly. The burning sensation became worse. Brian screamed. It hurt. A lot. Marcus smiled, not even trying to stop him as the small boy continued to scream. Scraping his hands at the wall as if he were trying to climb it, as if he were trying to get away from him. But he couldn’t. He was doomed. Trapped between the flat’s wall and Marcus’ body that kept pounding into him. The larger man looked down, watching the condom on his large cock slowly become covered in blood. The thrusts clearly opening the wound even more.    
  
Brian panted, closing his eyes as Marcus continued to enter his body, feeling his hands wrap around his front and go lower… in between his thighs and spreading them further apart. Brian was so tight and hot and the fact he was bleeding only turned Marcus on more.   
  
“Yes… yes,” he continued to thrust… almost animalistic. “Scream for me you whore.” He angled into Brian’s prostate, causing a pleasurable moan to escape the shorter boy’s lips. He didn’t enjoy this, but the slight pleasure seemed to mask the pain. However, it didn’t last long before Marcus finally came. Emptying his seed into the condom before pulling out. He threw the blood-drenched rubber in the garbage before throwing Brian back on the bed.    
  
To people who met him- Marcus was a kind, gentle, professional business man. Not one the average person would assume would be running something illegal. But in actual fact, he ran a human trafficking chain. Sold drugs, sold whores. He knew how to handle them and how to treat them at.. certain times. Or so the bastard thought. Brian laid on his back, jolts of pain still traveling through his body as his ass came in contact with the mattress, soft or not. And now he was sure this man was going to kill him.   
  
“Please… please,” cried Brian, face completely wet in tears, pleading for his life with wide eyes. Marcus smacked him across the face as he grabbed his limp cock, causing a mighty squeak to escape Brian’s lips. Fixing his pants in the proper position, Marcus grabbed another one of the pills he had forced down Brian’s throat earlier.    
  
It was known on the street as a ‘roofie’. Date rape drug if you will. Brian shook his head, but that meant nothing as Marcus pried open his mouth and forced him to swallow the pill. Poor Brian coughed and sputtered as he was forced to swallow the drug. He was going to fuck him good before he ended up taking the whore back to his flat and he wanted him quiet for it. Passed out. He was just too beautiful, too perfect to pass up. It was still quite early on in the morning after all…   
  
*-*   
  
Brian felt himself being shook awake. He opened his eyes, seeing feet walk past him as he blinked. That sure wasn’t normal. Where the fuck was he? He slowly, very slowly got up and looked around? Another jolt of pain running through his body. Looking down between his legs, he noticed more wet blood. Oh god, how much blood had he lost? His head hurt, his vision still blurry. He looked down, he was wearing what he wore last night and could barely remember a thing… he was at Marcus’ flat… had he..? Brian looked around. He was literally lying on the sidewalk outside his building. Oh fuck. He was supposed to go to school. Fuck. Looking up, he suddenly saw Jay.   
  
“Hey, I came back to give you your bag and you were sleeping outside your apartment building like some fucking hobo,” said Jay flatly, taking a puff from his cigarette. Slowly, but surely- Brian got up. Trying not to trip on his boots that he had no idea ended up back on his feet.    
  
“You..,” started Brian, feeling the tears start to well up in his eyes again. “You left me with… him.” Jay looked away, actually feeling a tad guilty. He didn’t like feeling emotions; they interfered with his job and what he did.    
  
“Listen, sorry Bri. But you made some good money. He paid-.”   
  
“He passed me around, Jay! I was gang raped! There were so many men and …,” Brian cried, tears falling freely once again. “Then Marcus took me, …I’m.” He couldn’t finish. Brian put a hand to his mouth and cried, cried hard. Falling back down to the ground-to his knees, his dress running up his body. Jay was able to see the blood on his inner thighs, running down his legs and looked away again. Unable to truly stare at the damage he had caused the little guy. He had to disconnect himself from it, in any way possible.   
  
“Listen… it happens. That’s the business. Here’s your bag and here’s 200 pounds. You earned it.” Leaving the money on the bag right beside him, Jay walked back over to his car. “See you later. Get some rest. You look like shit.” Brian was coming unraveled. He had to keep himself together; they couldn’t win. Despite his inner battle, he felt himself slowly dying on the inside as he made his way into the apartment complex, walking up the stairs, step-by-step.    
  
Once inside his flat, he put his bag down and made his way into the bathroom to see the damage. His face was full of makeup, dried blood and wet tears. He looked a mess. He wanted a bath, but he was so tired. So exhausted. Sleep first. Then bath. Pulling off the black dress and boots, throwing both in random directions, he made his way to his mattress. Wiping at the blood on his legs and dabbing at his hole to collect any remaining liquid, eventually grabbed his blanket- wrapping himself up in it. Once in a tiny ‘cocoon’, he began to cry again. No one was there to hold him. No one was there to hug him. No one was there to kiss him. No one was there to tell him it was okay, to make the pain go away. To assure him no matter what he did, he would always be beautiful. No one. He was alone. Pulling himself in the fetal position, he wrapped the blanket around his naked, sore body even tighter and closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep. Let sleep take him away from this, even if it was only for a little while.    
  
*-*   
  
Parking his car on the side of the street, not too familiar with this part of London, Stefan got out slowly. Holding the piece of paper and looking for a building that said “726” on it. There were all really shitty apartment complexes around here. He didn’t have an apartment number to even go to. Part of him wanted to forget about him and go home, but he couldn’t. He just had to make sure Brian was okay first, and then he could go back to school. Something inside of him just told him to make sure Brian was okay. He wouldn’t miss drama for no reason.. there had to be something up. And it wasn’t like Brian had any friends at school he could just ask if he was okay.   
  
Finally, finding 726, he stepped in. Somewhat shocked it wasn’t locked. Usually you had to ring in to get into one of these. The place was really run down. The wall’s a grimy gray as he walked around. There were two floors. Who knew which one Brian was even on!? He heard someone walking on the first floor and made his way over to see a rather large, fat man closing a door behind him.   
  
“Um, excuse me?”   
  
“What do ya want?” he cried annoyed, trying to lodge his key in the lock of another door. Fumbling because the key suddenly didn’t work.    
  
“Do you know... where the Molko’s live?”   
  
“Molko’s?” Stefan sighed with relief.   
  
“I must have the wrong building, sorry.” With that he was about to turn and leave but heard the man yell.   
  
“No, no. You got the right building. But there is no ‘Molko’s’. The kid lives by himself. Short, girly little thing, right? He just started to pay his rent on time in full, little fucker. Bout fucking time. He’s upstairs in room 36.” Stefan cocked an eyebrow.   
  
“By himself?” The greasy man nodded, pushing past the tall boy to hurry down the hall.   
  
“Yeah, now if you don’t mind, I have work to do. Bloody cockroaches don’t pay their rent when it’s due, I have to track ‘em down and they think they are bloody smart changing the locks. I’ll show the bloody buggers.” The fat, dirty man kept bantering to himself as Stefan left. Slowing making his way upstairs to the room.    
  
By himself… Brian said he lived with his parents. His parents don’t let him have friends over… that’s why they didn’t do their project at his place. Why did Brian feel he had to lie? Because he didn’t live in a high-end place? That wasn’t a big deal. Stefan didn’t care… He got to the room. “36”. Then knocked once. No reply. Knocked twice. Come on, Brian. Please be home!   
  
*-*   
  
Brian was awoken suddenly, hearing knocking on his door. Shit… was it Jay? Marcus? He was almost scared to answer it, but they kept knocking. Taking a deep breath, the young boy got off his mattress and threw some pants and a pink shirt on as quick as possible in his condition- limping towards the door. He kept the chain locked and just turned the deadbolt.   
  
“Brian?” Another knock. That sounded like… what the fuck.. Stefan!? Brian quickly threw open the chain and deadbolt, eyes wide as he saw his drama partner. The tall boy smiled in relief to see that he was fine, but gasped when he got a good look at Brian’s face.   
  
“How did you find out I lived here? … Why are you here?!”    
  
“What happened to your face?” Brian’s eyes widened as he put a hand to his cheek. He had fallen asleep without his bath, he must look like shit. “I uh.. I fell into that door again. You know how it is. I’m such a klutz.” Stefan’s eyes narrowed.   
  
“A door, huh? Why did you lie about where you lived?” Stefan stepped inside, Brian moving out of his way. The flat was small, well organized and for the most part, very neat. But it was dumpy and … well, shitty looking. “I didn’t care about where you lived, Brian.” He sighed, looking down at the floor. Did he make Brian feel that inferior that he had to lie about where he came from? He never tried to give off any type of ‘pompous’ impression.   
  
“I just… you … mostly everyone in school lives in some beautiful mansion, I didn’t want you to think I was that… well... not as well off.”   
  
“What happened to your face?” asked Stefan flatly. He was bruised.    
  
“Nothing,” replied Brian…. Replying all too quickly. “Why are you here anyway?” He was getting defensive now. How dare his drama partner.. not even really his friend.. come here and start asking questions and interrogating him like this! But he suddenly felt bad for the snappy remark as he saw the frown on Stefan’s face. Stefan… the boy who actually cared to see if he was all right… he had longed for that for a while. Someone caring…   
  
“Sorry.. I didn’t mean to intrude. I just… wanted to make sure you were okay after you didn’t show up to drama.”   
  
“It’s class time.. you’re going to miss a class,” replied Brian, a little amused at this, trying to put a smile on his dirty, tired looking face. Stefan giggled a little- looking away shyly.   
  
”I know…I.. listen, I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. Especially since you look like you got in a fight.” Stefan looked down at him, almost as if he were trying to peer into his soul. Brian smiled. This boy was so sweet to him when he didn’t have to be. Especially now when he saw where he lived, saw that he didn’t live somewhere like him. Clearly not caring what ‘class’ separated them.    
  
Most people… the majority at that school would probably join together to throw rocks at him if they ever found out he lived in a place like this. Goldsmith’s was filled with rich kids. And as sweet as he thought this boy was, he could never tell him what happened to him. He couldn’t tell anyone. This was his dirty little secret…and not the good kind of dirty little secret either.   
  
“I.. appreciate it. But … I’m fine, really. I just am a klutz.”    
  
“But you look like... you were crying.”   
  
“It really hurt!” Brian smiled at him, pulling the fakest smile in his life, but hopefully seemed somewhat believable to the taller boy. Stefan sighed.    
  
“Well.. okay… are you coming back to class?” Brian shook his head. He couldn’t go to school looking like this- he knew that too. He looked and felt like shit. Not to mention, he could barely walk without somewhat limping. Stefan noticed this too as he moved over to the kitchen area of his flat. Giving him a look as Brian quickly thought up another lie.   
  
“I stumped my toe, my entire foot hurts.”   
  
“Wow, you really are a klutz!” Brian nodded sadly, as if he just realized.    
  
“I’m surprised you’re skipping to check on me! Stefan the perfect student, ruining his perfect attendance.” The Swede blushed; he hated having to seem ‘perfect’. He wouldn’t be such a star pupil if his parents didn’t force him to be. Always bantering him about how they had an image they had to uphold. Brian could tell he was embarrassed as he limped over to the sink, his bottom still so sore, hoping he wouldn’t end up needing stitches being a thought in the back of his mind. “Would you like some water? I’m afraid that’s all I have to offer you…” Stefan nodded, taking a seat at the tiny kitchen table. Removing his shoes like a gentleman, of course, first.    
  
“Me too. I guess I have to be a rebel at some point. Brian Molko. I think you’re turning me into a rebel!” Brian giggled as he brought them water. “You sure your ..toe is okay?” Brian nodded, pulling his shirt down slowly. Not wanting him to see any of the cuts or bruises on his small body.    
  
“I’m fine, really. I’ve never had anyone worry about me so much as you!” Brian defended, taking a sip of his water. Stefan shrugged.   
  
“Where are your parents?”   
  
“I … moved out. You know? To ... be independent.” Lie. Your parents kicked you out, basically forced you out for doing what you wanted you liar! You’re going to get caught.   
  
“Oh,” Stefan nodded, taking a sip of his own water. “Well.. I just want you to know you don’t have to lie to me. I don’t care where you live. I’m not superficial like that.” Stefan smiled a warm smile, the first sincere, loving face Brian had seen… in a long time. They stared at each other, their eyes piercing, once again catching each other in a moment. This was happening more frequently between them.    
  
“Really?” asked Brian, actually.. shocked. Why shouldn’t he care? Why did this tall boy care about him in the first place? They were partners and the minute the project was over.. he didn’t have to say a word more to Brian if he really didn’t want to.. not a word more. Stefan nodded, unable to look away from Brian. His beautiful face was full of ruined makeup and small bruises. But even through all that, he looked gorgeous. The smaller boy couldn’t look away either and he didn’t want to. Stefan showed him so much kindness, kindness he wasn’t used to, he was afraid to let him leave, let that warm soul out of his flat. Brian leaned in slowly, ever so slowly till Stefan felt Brian’s lips hover over his and pulled away quickly before they touched.   
  
“So I better get back to school. This star pupil doesn’t want to miss another class,” joked Stefan nervously,… so nervously that he ran into the other chair at the table. Scrunching his face in slight pain as he went over to grab his shoes. “Uh thanks for the water. You’ll be at school tomorrow, right?” Brian was a little shocked Stefan pulled away… shocked and disappointed as he nodded slowly.   
  
“Yeah.. I will,” replied Brian quickly, catching his breath. Stefan smiled.   
  
“Great, take care of yourself.. and try to be less klutz-y… haha,” joked Stefan… sounding even MORE nervous if that were possible. Sighing at his own horribly lame joke as he left the flat quickly.    
  
The minute the door closed, the shorter boy sighed. Stupid, stupid, stupid! You can always ruin a good thing, Brian! He likes you as a friend… maybe not even a friend! Not like.. THAT! Why did you try and kiss him.. why?! You’re so fucking stupid! He probably just feels sorry for you. The only men who want you is for your body… don’t look to nice boys like Stefan to comfort your whoring ass! His mind yelled at him as he finished his water and made his way into the bathroom.    
  
That bath sounded really good right about now…

** TO BE CONTINUED.... **


	7. Don't Go and Leave Me

The morning didn’t seem all too promising, but the fact it was a Friday would have to help see Brian through it. After Stefan left, a bath and sleeping consumed the rest of his day. His mind and body thoroughly exhausted. He had missed yesterday- he knew he shouldn’t miss another. It wouldn’t be the brightest idea ever. Who knew how far behind he was in some of his classes already. He didn’t like ‘year 1’- they always made you take something you weren’t interested in – in the off chance that you might like it.   
  
Staring into his bathroom mirror, Brian wanted to smash it. Under his bruises, he saw ‘pretty’ that he actually no longer wanted to see. He didn’t want to be desired, ogled- he just wanted to disappear. That way no one would want him. It wouldn’t be so easy to make money this way; it would be a way to force himself to quit. He got dressed slowly, pulling on a pair of tight white jeans and a leopard long-sleeved shirt. Topping it all off with a pair of old combat boots that went as high as his ankle that he had purchased from a pawn shop. It would be his last day of wearing what he wanted until he was forced to get a uniform like everyone would have to on Monday.    
  
His bleeding had finally stopped. He was hoping his body would mend itself so he could avoid having to go to a doctor- even though he knew he should. He had no idea how many men he had had sex with while passed out and if any of them even wore a condom. He could only hope. The smaller boy knew it was in his best interest and benefit to go- but why? So he could judge him too? Brian didn’t think so.    
  
Touching up his makeup and grabbing some of his money he was keeping under his mattress- he left his flat. Making his way to the bus stop. Please let this day go by as quick as possible.. please. It was still a little painful to walk, his step having a slight limp versus the confident ‘fuck you’ stride Brian Molko was known for.   
  
Once at school, Brian felt like the world was staring at him. As if the entire school had been there when Marcus had taken him against the wall and were judging him for it. The images of two days ago playing in his mind over and over like a shitty record on skip. But they hadn’t been there and his tight clothes covered his scars and bruises. His makeup hiding the scratches and colored patches. So why were they looking?   
  
He hurried to his locker, trying to hide his slight limp as best possible. Once he opened the metal door, he felt it get slammed shut. Suddenly frightened as he felt Robert wrap an arm around him.   
  
“Hey baby,” smiled the blond as the smaller man grimaced at just looking at his face. Brian said nothing, instead opened the locker door again to grab his books. “No hello? Bri… baby… you’re breaking my heart.”   
  
“It’s BRIAN,” hissed the nancy boy, feeling like he could burst into tears at any moment- but not wanting to give Robert that satisfaction. No… he couldn’t. He had to act like the confident bitch he knew he was. He just wanted to be left the fuck alone.   
  
“When are you going to get off your high fucking horse? You’re a bloody whore. You let me pay you to fuck your brains out,” spat Robert in a harsh whisper to not draw any attention to them. Pushing the smaller boy up against the locker, but making it look more like he was murmuring something into his ear. “You are no princess...no angel… you’re fucking dirt… pretty dirt, but dirt none-the-less.” Brian leered, not enjoying being reminded he was scum. He felt like it and he didn’t need the verbal assurance. Fuck them all. It’s so easy to pass judgment on me. They… all of them….none of them have any idea what it’s like to walk a day in my shoes.    
  
“Leave me alone,” hissed the smaller boy angrily. He was so sick of constantly being treated like shit because he was different. It wasn’t fucking fair and he was just tired of it. Simple as that.    
  
“Where were you yesterday?” smiled Robert, staring at him. Brian hated that smile so fucking much that it almost physically hurt to look at.   
  
“I… was sick. Not that its any of your business,” lied the smaller boy, crossing his arms- once again trying to put that confident front on when tears were just beneath the surface.   
  
“Oh really?” he asked, actually attempting to sound sympathetic.   
  
“I have to get to cla-,” spat Brian, trying to walk past him, but was pushed back into the locker forcefully, causing him to wince at the pain. His bruises and scars were still rather fresh and it hurt. A lot.   
  
“Not so fast. So… you being sick… hm.. it wouldn’t have anything to do with you being at a nightclub the night before last then?” His smile was evil, almost devilish. Brian’s bright eyes widened. Had Robert been there?! Seen him?! He had been so drugged the majority of the night, he didn’t even remember.   
  
“Wha… what are you talking about?” asked Brian just as the warning bell rang. Attempting to lie his way out of this one like he always did when backed into a corner. Literally and figuratively.    
  
“I saw you Wednesday night. Looking as lush as ever in that tight black dress of yours.” Brian’s eyes widened. Fuck. He HAD seen him. What if he told someone at the school about it? What if it got back to Stefan?! A part of him felt like he shouldn’t care what that taller boy thought.. but he really, really did. He would never talk to him again if he found out. “So.. how many men did you let fuck that perfect tight ass of yours?” he asked slowly, sounding very amused and a little turned on. “I mean.. I thought I was special to help you make a few extra bucks.. but no… you really work the street, don’t you?” Brian turned away quickly, pushing past Robert and bolting down the hall towards the drama room. He couldn’t stand to hear another word of it.   
  
Of course, once in the drama room, Brian saw Stefan sitting and waiting for him. The Swede looking terribly relieved that the short boy had walked through the door. Stefan was attempting to place the 'cool-guy' role, hoping Brian would forget about their little awkward moment in his kitchen. Maybe it was all in his head anyway… Brian didn't seem to be acting any different.   
  
"Good morning," chirped the taller boy, smiling at him in such a way- that despite his recent conversation with a certain blond asshole, he could do nothing but smile back. "Nice jeans."   
  
"Thanks," winked Brian, taking a seat beside him.    
  
“I'm glad to see you came to school. How's your foot?” Brian cocked an eyebrow, confused.   
  
“My foot?”   
  
“Yeah, you said you stubbed your toe yesterday. I can see you're still limping a bit.” The smaller boy's eyes widened- looking away. God dammit, Brian. If you're going to weave a web of lies, at least remember them!!   
  
“Right... yeah. Uh, it's okay.” Putting on a smile he hoped the taller boy wouldn't see right through him. He hated constantly lying, but he didn’t see any other way.    
  
“That's good.” He was still a little worried about him, he couldn't help but be by the way he looked yesterday. He couldn't help but feel he was hiding a little part of the story that didn't include running into a door- but he wouldn't force it out of him if he didn't want to talk about it. “Well, I have some ideas for what we could do that would tie in to our lovely backdrop. Maybe a skit? You have any ideas?” Brian looked down at the floor. Stefan’s idea had seemed a lot better than his. For the first time, he felt his cheeks go red, a little embarrassed. The girly boy never became embarrassed by what any insects at that school had to say, but Stefan wasn't really like the rest of them.   
  
“It's no big deal. I just.. sort of wrote a poem, but those aren't very interesting to perform or present. Don't worry about it.”   
  
“You wrote a poem? That's great! What's it called?” Stefan smiled, encouraging him to continue.   
  
“I don't know yet. I wrote it when I was hi-...uh..,” Brian stumbled on his words. Stefan probably doesn't GET HIGH, you moron. Not everyone is a complete loser like yourself. He frowned at his own thoughts. “I wrote it when I was about to go to bed. Inspiration hits me the most before I go to sleep.” What Brian had meant, inspiration hit him best when he was high as fuck and about to pass out…   
  
“I'd really like to hear it. My mom always discouraged me from writing for some reason. Really pushed me into piano, saying it was a better creative outlet. I liked it though, so I guess I can't complain,” said Stefan softly.   
  
“I play the piano too! And the guitar!” Brian cried a little louder than necessary as some pupils gave him the evil eye, not too pleased at being interrupted.   
  
“Really? That's great, I've always wanted to learn guitar.”   
  
“Self taught! Parents weren't too pleased,” smirked Brian as if he were some huge 'rebel'.    
  
“We should... how do rockstars say...uh.. we should jam together?” Brian burst out laughing at this proper well-dressed, well-brought up boy even uttering the word 'jam'.   
  
“What?!” asked Stefan, looking a little hurt.   
  
“Nothing...,” he snickered. “Just... you..... saying... jam!” Brian burst into laughter again as a few students told him to 'shhhh'. Stefan leered playfully, sticking out his tongue.    
  
“I'm sorry we can't all be as cool as you, Mr. Brian Molko,” defended Stefan in a pompous tone just to make Brian giggle and it worked.   
  
“I suppose I'll just have to accept that,” mused Brian, winking. The taller boy's stomach fluttered a bit at the small boy's grin. And he didn't quite know why. It seemed like they were from two different worlds, opposites in so many ways, yet had so much in common at the same time.   
  
  
“Well, can I hear your poem?” Brian blushed, pulling out the folded piece of paper. “Listen... it's not 'seasons' related... really... we can't change our theme, our backdrop is too great. So don't worry about it.” Stefan frowned.   
  
“Can I still read it? I bet its great.” Brian reluctantly handed him the paper. The taller boy eagerly opening it to see what Brian had come up with that he was so embarrassed to show.   
  
'scuse me, I apologize    
He likes your attitude, he tries it on for size    
He spends the afternoon, between your thighs    
How's that for gratitude, I apologize.    
  
It seemed to last for hours    
It seemed to last for days    
This lady of the flowers    
And her hypnotic gaze.    
  
'scuse me, I apologize    
She's got vacum cleaner eyes    
Suck you in    
She's got magazines, filled with pear pies    
'scuse me, I apologize    
  
Stefan shivered a bit, eyes a little wider. Glancing back and forth at a very red little Brian who was now regretting giving him his paper to read.    
  
“Wow..,” was all the taller boy could muster. “Who's the lady of the flowers?” he asked. Brian once again looked away. The lady of the flowers was... himself. He was the girl, but he could never bring himself to tell the Swede that. Instead, he just decided to add another lie to the web.   
  
“Oh.. I just.. made her up.”   
  
“Oh, well that's pretty deep, Brian. I mean... wow. It's really good and it kind of is seasons related.. it has.... flowers,” Stefan giggled, handing him back the paper. How could someone so beautiful write something so dark and almost.. ugly. Brian chuckled. No one ever really liked his poems before. It was beyond refreshing to hear. “It's beautiful, Brian. Dark, but beautiful.”   
  
“Thanks.”   
  
“Why....,” the taller boy started, the gears running in his head. “Don't we do a skit for your poem? Then we would have something more interesting to perform?” Brian smiled again, flattered that the Swede wanted to work with his written piece so badly. But he had a better idea.   
  
“Well... can you sing?” asked Brian, sounding hopeful. “We can make it a song.”   
  
“Well.. sort of.. I'm really shy singing in front of people by myself. I used to be in a choir, though.” Brian laughed softly. Of course. Proper, young, perfect Stefan sang in a choir. Why was he not surprised? “How about you?” Brian shrugged.   
  
“I really only sing to myself. I don't know if I'm really any that good. No one has ever really heard me.”   
  
“Well here's your cha-.” Stefan was cut off by the bell ringing. Both students shocked they had been chatting and giggling that long for it to already be over. Both equally a little heartbroken as well- but neither admitting it. Brian got up, fixing his tight white jeans and grabbing his bag befor the taller boy piped up.   
  
“Listen... uh.. do you wanna come by my place after school? I mean... we could always work on it... I have an older keyboard. It'll be great for the project... I mean only if you .. uh want to that is..,” stumbled Stefan. Suddenly embarrassed at asking the girly boy to come over. He sounded like a complete loser. Brian couldn't help but chuckle. He was sure Stefan was only asking him to come over to work on the project... but any excuse to spend time with the only person in that whole fucking school that seemed to enjoy his company seemed like a god-sent. A way to forget what happened to him for a little while.   
  
I think I like you, Stefan. A lot. Brian smiled to himself at his own thoughts. Thankful that he nor anyone else could read minds....   
  
“I would love to, it sounds like fun and we’ll get the project done.” The boys headed out of the drama class together- the smaller boy shocked that his partner was walking with him down the hallway where other people could see them. Robert leered, looking up from his book at the two sharing conversation as they left the drama room...    
  
“Meet me in the parking lot again at the end of school and we'll go to my dorm. Then I'll drive you home afterwards. But, I have to get to class! See you later!” With that, Stefan left, running down the hall to make sure he didn't get a late slip. Goody two-shoes. Brian knew he should be technically doing the exact same thing... but his body ached and still hurt. Makeup and clothes could hide evidence of what happened to him, but not the physical and painful aspect of it..   
  
However, he knew one thing that would help. Clutching onto the strap of his bag, he made his way outside the school, behind the building to a bench... a deserted bench. He would get the work he missed later. He would keep up with his studies... he would. That's why he was doing this after all.. to go there and do what he wanted to do. He couldn’t fall behind… he just needed a quick fix.   
  
“This is only temporary, Brian... only temporary,” the smaller boy told himself softly as he sat on the wooden seat and pulled out a small bag of white powder. Courtesy of Jay. He needed to get high.    
  
*-*   
  
Stefan made his way to his second class, unaware of Robert following nonchalantly. Since when was he hanging out with the freak? There was safety in numbers. Having friends built confidence and the more confidence that little nancy bitch had... the less ability he would have of scaring him shitless into doing whatever he wanted him to do.   
  
The tall boy took a seat near the edge, one of the last rows of desks as always. Preferring a nice, quiet seat where he could concentrate and not be bothered by too many people as shy as he was. Opening the binder- he heard a friendly greeting in his direction.    
  
“Hi, I'm Robert.” Stefan looked around him, wondering if the introduction was meant for someone else. He was a quiet student who had friends and was liked by most,- but definitely not an extrovert. And he barely had anything in common with the majority of the people at a school he didn't truly have a passion for as it was. So conversation was a minimal.    
  
“Uh... hi, I'm Stef,” he replied, returning the friendly smile- offering his hand to shake. He had never seen this blond before. Then again- he never really paid much attention.   
  
“Hey, I'm new here,” the blond lied. “So.. uh... what's your favorite class so far?” he inquired. An innocent enough question to 'break the ice'. Stefan smiled back politely.   
  
“Oh, probably ‘drama’,” he replied gently. “It's really interesting, I'm doing a skit... well I think. Maybe a song actually. Yourself?” He was being sincere. As silly as it seemed, hanging out with the 'outcast' in drama was the most fun he had in that school all year so far.   
  
“Oh... I haven't really decided. So.. do you have to do it all by yourself?... I don't take drama till next semester.”   
  
“Oh no. I'm doing it with my partner, Brian Molko. We're using the theme of 'seasons' to impress our kooky professor,” chuckled the taller boy.    
  
“That sounds like fun….,” Robert mused, putting on a fake smile to hide the fact he wanted to role his eyes. That sounded like one of the most retarded ideas he had ever heard. “I’ve heard of that Brian….uh people have been… warning me about him.” Stefan cocked an eyebrow, staring him straight in the eye.    
  
“What!?”   
  
“Yeah… people were saying all sorts of nasty things about him. That he’s nothing but trouble,” replied Robert innocently- his acting classes really paying off.   
  
“Oh… well… that’s just because he dresses differently and wears some makeup. They’re just ignorant. He’s a really nice guy.” Robert had to hold back a snicker. The only ‘nice’ part about Brian was his tight ass once he shoved his cock in it.    
  
“Oh,” replied the blond, once again as innocently as possible. “I heard it was because he was in all sorts of drugs and…prostituted.” Stefan’s eyes widened. No! Never! Brian would never do such a thing! The taller boy just knew Robert had no idea what he was talking about! I mean… yeah, the kid wasn’t well off or anything, but he had a job! He worked at a pet store and made an honest man’s dollar like everyone else!    
  
“What!? No way!! Brian would never do that! You have no idea what you’re talking about. Brian’s isn’t like that,” Stefan defended a little louder than necessary. Robert shrugged apologetically…   
  
“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just telling you what I heard… from a lot of people,” replied the blond trying to sound as sincere and pulling it off quite well. “I heard he was sketchy... skipped classes to meet ‘people’. But I’m sure those are probably just rumors since you know him soo WELL.” Accenting the ‘well’ to catch Stefan’s attention.    
  
“They are!” He defended Brian because deep down he didn’t want to believe any of that. He just knew it wasn’t true. Even though in actual face, he barely knew this other student. But he was so nice. Different, yes. Wore a tad bit of skimpy clothes now and then, yes. But that was part of his style… he was sure he didn’t sell himself. No, that wasn’t Brian at all.    
  
The two boys didn’t talk much the rest of class after their professor started his lecture. And that was fine with the blond. He did what he wanted already and that was planting the ‘seed’ of doubt in the taller boy’s mind. Making the wheels turn in his head that Brian wasn’t who he thought he was. This well brought up; clearly a high-class ‘proper’ student wouldn’t want anything to do with him once he found out.   
  
*-*   
  
Brian’s head leaned back against the bench, letting the drug route its way through his body. He felt invincible. He felt like he could anything and he loved it. He had no idea what time it was, but it didn’t matter. The dragon was coursing through him and that’s all that he cared about. What happened to him and his life in a slump right now wasn’t his concern. He was high and it was a wonderful feeling.    
  
The lunch bell rang, indicating that second class had ended. Had he been sitting on that bench that long? Oh well. Getting up slowly, the effects of the drug still there, rushing through his tiny body, made his way over to the same tree had had took cover under before. He pulled out his notebook, barely able to concentrate on the words he had written. But he tended to think up the most interesting poems while high, so scribbling down anything and everything seemed essential.   
  
Stefan made his way outside- a little disappointed he hadn’t spotted the smaller boy in the lunchroom in his usual corner by himself. However, once him and his friends reached the field they played football on, he noticed Brian writing by himself under the tree. He smirked, but suddenly frowned at the fact that no matter where he saw Brian, he was almost always by himself. In a way, it broke his heart.    
  
“Hey Greg, why don’t we ask Brian to play? We’re down a few players.” The other boy stared at his tall friend with a look of shock- suddenly bursting out laughing.   
  
“Oh, you’re funny, Stef. This is a man’s game- not a fag’s.” Stefan frowned… if they only knew how well this fag could play. A comment like that being one of the many reasons the Swedish boy was afraid to come out of the closet. After playing for a little bit, he became bored- suddenly more interested in what Brian was scribbling in his notebook.   
  
“I’m going to the washroom,” Stefan said randomly. A good enough excuse to get out of the game for a little while.   
  
“Thanks for sharing,” one of his friends joked. The rest far too interested in kicking the shit out of a ball to pay attention to his absence. Rolling his eyes, he walked over to the girly boy under the tree. A tall dark shadow suddenly cast over the smaller boy’s paper and still a little drugged up and having a big enough mouth as it was- he spoke up.   
  
“Do you fucking MIND- Stefan?!” questioned Brian, letting the taller boy’s face register in his head. Why was he talking to him out of class again? Not that he didn’t enjoy the company.   
  
“You can call me Stef, you know,” replied Stefan, smiling.   
  
“What are you doing? Aren’t you playing foo-.”   
  
“It gets boring after a while. I thought I’d say hi is all,” he replied. In actual fact, he wanted to remind himself why Brian wasn’t any of those awful things Robert said he was. He was a great guy and wouldn’t do anything like that. Never. The smaller boy smiled at the gesture. “What are you writing?”   
  
“Nothing special- just some more poems… maybe songs if we can…. How do YOU say…. Jam!” giggled Brian, his still somewhat present high making that ‘joke’ even funnier than it was in drama. Stefan poked out his tongue.   
  
“Oh ha ha ha, you!” giggled Stefan. They sat together under the tree for a few moments- the awkward tension lifting as he tried to start a conversation. “You know… I hear grass stains are hard to get out of white jeans.” Brian looked down, staring at them. A few green streaks staining the once perfectly white fabric.   
  
“God dammit!! Oh well.. it’s called bleach Mr. Mother-does-my-laundry,” joked the smaller boy.   
  
“Hey!” Stefan defended in mock anger, smirking. “She doesn’t do it ALL the time…” They both laughed. “Listen, I better get back to the game. But we’re still on to work on the project tonight, right?” Brian smiled and nodded quickly. In actual fact, going to Stefan’s to work on their homework was the highlight of the smaller boy’s day. He knew it would be fun, just like last time. Grinning, Stefan got up and ran back to his friends, ready to finish the game they started with motivation of a fun evening ahead.    
  
A bright light in Brian’s life at the moment, the boy attended the rest of his classes after lunch was over. It was the weekend coming up after all. He was actually so excited about working on his homework… any smart remark made by any classmate was met with the middle finger and a giant grin on Brian’s face that he couldn’t wipe from his face. He forgot what it was like to spend time and just have fun with a friend … without any strings attached. Or sex. Or drugs. Or anything else in that category involved. Just for fun.   
  
When the last bell rang, Brian ran to his locker to put away his books- even managing to avoid Robert bothering him. He bolted outside to wait for Stefan in the school parking lot, frowning when he saw a familiar car pull up…. Jay’s car.    
  
“Hey. Get in,” he said quickly, shades on and looking straight ahead like he was someone too fucking important to make eye contact with.   
  
“But Jay… I have to work on a proj-.”   
  
“It’s a Friday. Duty calls, princess. Get in.”   
  
“But Jay..,” Brian whined. No, he couldn’t go right now. He was going to meet Stefan.    
  
“Get the fuck in the car, Brian!” Jay was becoming impatient.    
  
“But Jay! I’m meeting-.”   
  
”Unless you want your rent and school ‘funding’ to be cut and a fucking box to be your new home… I’d get in the fucking CAR.” It wasn’t a suggestion.. it was an order. Brian- not knowing what to do… complied. Starting to cry as he sat in the front seat while Jay zoomed out of the lot. Annoyed at the smaller boy’s whimpering, the guilt from Wednesday night hitting him slightly, he told him to shut up. Sometimes the man could have a conscious and he didn’t like it. It interfered with what he did and what needed to be done.   
  
“What the hell is your problem? Why the fuck are you crying!?” Jay yelled, smacking Brian’s arm. His whining sounding like nails on a chalkboard. Brian just clutched his bag and wiped at his tears now falling freely.   
  
“I …,” sniffed Brian, still trying to stop his tears. Very upset that he was letting the taller boy down. “I was supposed to meet Stefan for a project…I promised him.” Jay rolled his eyes.   
  
“Meet him another time. Like school is going to help your ass anyway. You have work to do. And let me guess- you have no other clothes but those, right?! You’re lucking you’re so pretty,” Jay smiled, patting Brian’s cheek as they continued to drive towards downtown London. “You’re almost more trouble than you’re worth.”   
  
Something as simple as finding another outfit wasn’t something Jay would normally get angry with… but he was lashing out at anything and everything. Marcus had his balls in a sling and he didn’t know how he was going to get out of it… Staring at Brian, he frowned a bit, his conscious once again getting the better of him as they continued to drive to their destination.    
  
*-*   
  
Back at Goldsmith’s, Stefan stood in the parking lot... waiting… and waiting. Looking around for Brian to run up to him. His pretty face greeting him. But as the school emptied... cars pulling away… Brian never showed.

  
**  
TO BE CONTINUED……**


	8. Between Your Thighs

Stefan looked around the parking lot one more time. Left. Right. Brian was nowhere to be seen. I hate to say it Stef, but I don’t think Brian is coming. ‘Skipped classes to meet ‘people’. But I’m sure those are probably just rumors since you know him soo WELL’- Robert’s voice rang like a fire bell in his head as he shook it. No, he knew Brian a little better than that. Maybe he just really had to go somewhere. That must be it. Or least he hoped. So much for their ‘jam session’. The tall boy sighed heavily as he made his way to his car. The only car in the parking left now except for a few teachers’ vehicles after waiting far too long.    
  
*-*   
  
“Brian, stop your fucking crying before I give you something to cry about, okay?!” screamed Jay- he was extremely pissed off and losing it. Brian shook a little with fear as he stifled himself- trying to hold back his sobs as best he could.    
  
“Where are we going?” asked Brian- his voice high and squeaky as he rubbed his face. He would have to fix his makeup now for sure as he rummaged through his bag for his compact and his small makeup bag to do just that.    
  
“Doesn’t matter,” mumbled Jay, staring straight ahead as they picked up speed. Brian didn’t like the way he said that. He sounded unsure, insecure- a little shook up even.   
  
“What’s wrong?” asked the smaller boy meekly, barely able to be heard.   
  
“NOTHING! Just fix yourself up, I have a little mini dress you can wear in the back of the car.” The small boy sighed softly, sniffing one more time as he reapplied his eyeliner, wiping at the smeared makeup his tears had ruined. They weren’t in the car ride much longer before they arrived at a very posh apartment or condo building… clearly high end. Brian had slipped into the mini dress in the car while throwing his pants and shirt in the back seat.    
  
“Take off your panties,” said Jay softly, looking out the window of the car as if he were star gazing. Like it was just something you randomly said to someone all the time while pulling his keys out of the ignition. Brian didn’t object, but quietly removed the lace undergarment and threw it in the backseat too- trying to hold back tears at how degraded that suddenly made him feel. The two vacated the car as they made their way up the stairs to the flat. Why did this building look a little too familiar to him?   
  
“Welcome to my humble abode,” welcomed Marcus as he swung open the door to let them in. Brian’s giant orbs widened- scared, shocked, unable to move, as he looked back at Jay. “Ah Brian, what a lovely surprise to see you,” smiled Marcus, walking over to his counter to pour himself another glass of wine. “Can I offer you two some drinks?”   
  
“You,” Brian gasped softly- eyes as wide as dinner plates.   
  
“It’s Marcus, love,” he smiled.    
  
“Jay… please,” started the small boy quietly, it coming out as a whimper as he silently begged Jay with his eyes to leave…to let him get the hell out of there.    
  
“Sorry, Bri… sometimes these things work out this way. I have a debt to pay off and he wanted you. Your services are coming out of my own pocket tonight.”    
  
“What?!” Brian cried that came out as a whisper, unable to will his voice any louder from fear. He didn’t want to be within five fucking feet of this man, not to mention back in his flat with him. Scanning the area, he could see there was definitely a party going on with the majority of the guests being men… repeat that… ALL of the guests were men…. At least 20 men sitting around laughing, drinking, and enjoying each other’s company.   
  
“Brian… I’m so glad you could join us once again, come here pretty,” Marcus grinned, taking a sip of his glass… putting it back on the counter and dragging the nancy boy to the living room. “Gentlemen… our entertainment has arrived!” cried the older man as everyone in the room cheered. Brian started to sweat a bit, taking a deep breath as he glanced back at Jay who mouthed ‘sorry’ and looked away as if the scene in front of him actually bothered him. And it did. Jay was an asshole, but he didn’t want to be there for whatever they had planned for the poor kid.    
  
*-*   
  
Back in his dorm, Stefan laid on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Asking himself so many questions. Robert’s voice still ringing in his head along with Brian’s. It didn’t make sense. Why would Brian just stand him up like that? Did he really not like Stefan at all? Was he just playing nice? It sure didn’t seem like it... he seemed to really enjoy the idea of having a friend.. even if he wasn’t used to it. So why would he just not show up like that?! Why? Maybe what Robert said about Brian being involved with the wrong crowd had something to do with it. He wanted to go down to the smaller boy’s flat to see for himself… but what would that accomplish? Besides being nosy.   
  
Furthermore- why are you butting in on this boy’s life? Maybe it’s because you LIKE HIM, Stefan Olsdal. Admit it. The tall boy sighed to himself… he really did like him. But there was so much about this Brian Molko that he didn’t know… he barely knew him. All they really were … were drama partners. His ‘friends’ didn’t want to hang out with the supposed loser … The loser fag they didn’t understand. When really he was a ‘loser fag’ underneath it all too.    
  
*-*   
  
“He’s cute,” said one of the men.   
  
“So pretty.”   
  
“Cute ass…” Brian shook his head at the comments thrown towards him as some men started to circle him a bit.   
  
“Dance for us, Brian,” said Marcus happily, taking a seat on the couch while the other men followed taking a seat so they were all in view of this beautiful boy. Brian’s little mini dress was a deep red, thin spaghetti straps with fabric that only went down to mid-thigh that showed off of a few of his bruises he had acquired there. His eyes done up in thick black makeup, making the large green-blue orbs sparkle and glisten.    
  
Brian didn’t move, he felt frozen. He wanted to disappear. For someone to come and rescue him like they did in the fairy tales his mom used to read to him when he was a child. A prince on a horse running towards them to save him so they could run away into the sunset. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine… seeing Stefan on the horse. Why Stefan? It didn’t matter why… he was smiling at him as he put his hand in his and pulled him up onto the steed. A beautiful melody playing as the sun went down… the wind blowing through Brian’s hair as he clutched onto the taller boy’s waist as they rode off into the bright light. But he was brought back down to cruel reality as he felt a pillow get tossed at him.    
  
“Dance, you little bitch!” cried one of the larger men angrily as Marcus laughed.   
  
“Now, now. Be nice to our guest. Dancing isn’t part of his job description,” mused Marcus while giggling as he pointed to Jay to grab his cup from the counter. The man rolled his eyes as he did what he was asked- Marcus taking a sip of the red wine. “Jay help yourself to some brandy while Brian entertains us.” The other men chuckled as their hungry eyes devoured his tiny body.   
  
“He’s probably great at spreading his legs,” said one of the other men.   
  
“Hey now... this one is going to school,” laughed Marcus. The whole room burst into laughter as Brian pouted angrily, his brow furrowing. Why was it so funny he was going to school? That’s why he was putting up with this shit.. so he wouldn’t have to sleep in a box.. so he could go to school in the first place. Make something of himself and here all these men sat and laughed at him. Mocked him. Why?! They didn’t know him. Just like the insects at school... these men judged him.   
  
“Stop laughing at me,” piped Brian angrily, his voice shaky with nervousness as the men laughed even harder.   
  
“Dance for us,” said Marcus. Brian stood there until another pillow hit his face.    
  
“He said dance, whore!” yelled one of the other men as Marcus turned up the music. The small boy sighed as he closed his eyes. He was going to slip a way in his head for a bit as he moved his tiny body to the music. Trying to make each movement as sexy and swift as possible. Letting his hips go to the beat, his arms traveling down his legs a bit and back up again, teasing them by pulling up the corner of his dress a tad. He knew what he was supposed to do- he wasn’t stupid. He felt like a cheap stripper-whore. The worst kind of low individual…the lowest of the low if you will.    
  
It took every single fragment in his body to not cry. To bite his lip and degrade himself the way he did. To let himself dance like a complete slut to all the hungry-eyed, ravenous men who watched him. Eyes glued to his tiny body with sick, perverted thoughts laced in their minds of what they would love to do to him.    
  
“You’re so sexy, gorgeous,” said Marcus softly, the only voice in the room heard above the music as Brian kept moving. Keeping his eyes shut tight as he held back those tears until the older man told him to come to him. “Come dear… I want a lap dance.” The other men wooped and hollered as Brian bit his bottom lip and slowly made his way over to the older man with his head down- feeling like too much of a cockroach to even make eye contact with him. Marcus patted his lap as Brian climbed onto it. The lap of a man who had basically ‘raped’ him in a sense- a man who caused him so much pain.   
  
Marcus let his hands run up and down Brian’s sides slowly, reveling at how small and petite he was… like a girl. Like a little girl. Letting them roam as Brian moved his body with the little room he had to work with, grinding his bottom into the man’s lap while facing him, but not making eye contact. After a few minutes that seemed like hours to the smaller boy- Marcus stopped him with his hands firmly on Brian’s hips. Letting his fingers slide under the thin red fabric and pull it up around his stomach. Showing off Brian’s perfect, creamy white rear to the eyes of all the man behind them that were now cheering and laughing.   
  
“What a beautiful ass,” said one of them, grinning as a bunch of them moved closer. Brian’s body froze a bit, as he felt exposed and completely naked though he was still wearing the frock. Marcus smiled as they came close, feeling Brian’s frame go frigid under his grasp. One of the larger men who had first thrown a pillow at him smirked as he let his had run over Brian’s small, perfect butt. Letting a finger run down the crack and prod at his opening- causing Brian to cry out. The men thought it was hilarious as he pushed the finger in deeper. Brian cried out softly again, leaning forward to grasp at Marcus while being violated.    
  
“Stop,” said Marcus, laughing. “That’s no way to treat a guest.”   
  
“I think it’s a perfect way,” replied the man smiling. The older man grinned as he waved his hand a bit for the men to back off- pushing Brian off his lap on to the floor. Brian felt a few hot tears run down his face. Whatever was going to happen to him... this night was not going to end well.    
  
He just wanted to be in Stef’s dorm room, working on his project with his partner. ‘Jammin’, talking, eating chips and just having innocent fun. Instead.. where was he? Whoring himself to a bunch of sick perverts who probably all had partners at home... and just wanted to do some dirty deed to him to get off. He felt so disgusting, like a piece of dirt. It was a horrible feeling that only climbing out of his own skin would be able to fix. Jay had watched up to that point, but decided enough was enough as he walked out of the room. He owed Marcus a lot of drug money… a lot… and if a few nights with Brian would pay it off entirely, then he was killing two birds with one stone. Right? Why was his conscious suddenly getting the better of him- he didn’t fucking like it.   
  
Brian looked around the room at all the men looking at his pretty face as Marcus put his hand on it and made him look at him. Making him open his mouth to shove a small white pill in it.    
  
“Only one?” joked one of the men.   
  
“We can’t have him entirely passing out… he’ll need some coordination.” Brian heard all the men laugh as their faces spun around him. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach as he felt someone pull his boots off and another slowly pull his red dress back up.    
  
“Raise your arms, baby,” whispered Marcus. Brian didn’t entirely know what was going on, but he raised his arms instinctively, letting the fabric be entirely removed from his body. Leaving his white, milky-skinned body entirely exposed to all the gentlemen in the room. Hearing random comments coming all around him.    
  
“Isn’t he a pretty one.”   
  
“I told you,” said Marcus, grinning like he was the fucking Godfather. Poor Brian whimpered as he felt a hand on his flaccid cock, starting to run up and down his member softly a few times before letting go. His body felt on fire as his mind began to spin, like he was in a fish tank and there were a bunch of kids knocking on the glass in all directions- the constant turning in his stomach not wanting to cease.    
  
“What are you… what..?” asked Brian softly, trying to get a good grasp of where he was all of a sudden. It’s time to go into your head, Brian. His conscious almost telling himself to will his mind to go somewhere else, somewhere better while these men did what they pleased with his body.    
  
“Shhh,” hushed Marcus as he slowly undid his pants, the men still cheering as he pulled out his hardened cock. “Put it in your mouth,” he whispered as he got down on his knees in front of Brian, wrapped a hand around the back of Brian’s neck and trying to push his head down. Brian felt so dizzy, a little weak even as he tried to make out what was in front of him- the drug taking affect a little quicker than normal.    
  
“Nnn…no,” sighed Brian, sounding like he was going to pass out. Marcus grinned as he pushed his head down onto his crotch, forcing his cock in the smaller man’s mouth. He tried to pull away, but felt a sharp pain on his neck.   
  
“Do it,” he warned as Brian started to sloppily suck on his dick, tasting the salty precum in his mouth- shivering a little as he felt more hands claw and grab at his body. His head pushed more into Marcus’s lap as he was forced to go on all fours like a dog. Feeling men grab at his legs and ankles and spreading his thin, white legs apart. Though drugged, Brian felt so violated and exposed. So open. He wanted to shrivel up and die at the humiliating position these men were putting him in.    
  
Brian cried out while Marcus’s member was still in his mouth- at the same time feeling two fingers probing him, finger fucking him quickly without using any lube. The larger man of the bunch was waiting for this and couldn’t wait to violate this whore, this nancy boy he was almost angered at himself for being attracted to. He was so beautiful and innocent looking, he just had to mark it. Taint it. Without warning, the man pulled put his cock that had been hard for ages and took position behind the small boy.    
  
“Uhhhhhhhh,” cried Brian, eyes tight as he was entered quickly. Feeling that all too familiar burning pain deep inside him as the man began to thrust violently, jerking his body forward. Forcing Marcus’s cock deeper inside his mouth as the older man started to fuck his orifice.    
  
Being violated from both ends and in quite a bit of pain, tears began to fall down the small boy’s face- truly wishing he was anywhere but there. Jay could hear them from inside the kitchen, knowing exactly what they were doing as he poured himself some of the brandy Marcus had all too kindly offered him. Nothing like alcohol to wash away any guilt. Brian felt Marcus suddenly cum in his mouth, shooting his seed down his throat as he coughed on the salty, white liquid while forcing it down his throat.    
  
“Good boy,” said the older man, pushing a hand through the boy’s black locks. His mascara and eyeliner were running down his cheeks again and try a he might, the tears kept coming. He felt so repulsive; it was hard to imagine he was even in this situation.    
  
“Uhh… uh,.. oh GOD,” cried Brian as the man continued to thrust inside him feverishly while men watched, some of them putting their hands through his hair, others touching him, grazing their nails over him, all making sure to ignore his somewhat flaccid cock. To refrain from giving him any type of pleasure that would mask the horrible pain he was feeling deep inside of him. His wounds were still fresh and he knew he would bleed. But they didn’t care. Blood was seen and was ignored. They didn’t care about the well being of the whore that was hired for their entertainment. Why would they? He felt the man cum inside him, that familiar hot feeling as the liquid coaxed his insides until he had emptied and pulled out.    
  
“No,” moaned Brian softly, eyes shut tight as he felt even dizzier than he had before while another man take his place behind Brian.   
  
“Shhh,” said Marcus as another one sat in front of him and forced his large cock in his mouth. Almost gagging as he felt the head hit the back of his throat and began to cough. The older man ran his hand through the boy’s hair again, loving the soft dark curls run through his fingers. This boy was so pretty, even watching him get fucked and used turned him on so much. To be powerless and weak against them- unable to do anything but what he was forced to do. The small boy cringed as he felt another cock enter him and begin to thrust slow, savoring the hot heat he offered before he started pounding mercilessly into him.   
  
Brian tried his hardest to suck the dick shoved in his mouth as best as he could as he felt his body get ravaged. Unsure of what the punishment would be if he didn’t and not having the capability to get up and run, not like he could anyway. He put himself there and there he would have to stay till it was over. Any understanding of time was gone as he felt the man cum inside him and pull out, just as the whoever’s dick he was forced to suck finally came as well- Brian once again having to swallow down the bitter semen. More tears were falling down his face as he silently cried, wishing he could see the room without it spinning.   
  
“Aww look at him,” said one of the men, forcing Brian to get up and try to stand. With very little balance, he fell back over into a naked heap. The party laughed, some of them splashing their drinks on him as tried to cover his face, the alcohol burning his eyes and making them water. Forcing even more makeup to run down his pretty face that he wished wasn’t so pretty.   
  
“I don’t think the whore likes that,” teased one.   
  
“Who the fuck cares what he wants.”   
  
“Stop, ….please,” cried Brian, coming out as a mumble as he covered his head with his arms as best as he could in his dizzy state. Marcus put up his hand for his guests to stop their fun torture.   
  
“We should treat out guest with a bit more respect than that,” laughed Marcus.   
  
“I’ll show him respect once I shove my cock up his tight ass,” said one of them. They were all nameless, faceless sick perverts and Brian wanted not one of them to come near him. He wanted to get up and leave. Instead he was a crying, naked mess on Marcus’s floor. Vulnerable for them to do anything and everything to him.    
  
“I think he’s still bleeding.”   
  
“So? Who gives a bloody fuck.”   
  
Marcus looked at the red liquid running down between his cheeks as he smiled. He still hadn’t healed after he had ripped open his wounds that were trying to mend. Blood turned the older man on more than anything and mixed in with fucking was just absolutely lush. This whore was serving more purposes than he even knew.    
  
Before he knew what was happening, the small boy felt himself get pushed down on his back and a dishtowel shoved in his mouth. His arms getting bound with duct tape above his head. Were they planning on doing this to whatever whore Jay brought to them? Or was this all a sick game of torture just for Brian. Why? Why was this happening to him? Brian had an idea of what being a working girl.. or guy did, but this was beyond horrible. He closed his eyes tight as he felt his legs get spread open again and another cock shoved deep inside him. The only preparation he had was the other men’s cum dripping out of him, barely enough to provide decent lubrication for the hard fucking he was receiving- feeling his legs get pulled onto the man’s shoulders so he could enter him deeper.    
  
He had no idea how many men were having his way with him, just like a few nights before. Still nameless. Still faceless. Using his body to do with as they wished until the night was over. He thanked his lucky stars are the roofie Marcus gave him finally made him black out. He felt some hot semen land on him, some of the men jerking themselves over his pretty face. The last thing he remembered seeing was the ceiling fan before his world went dark- not like he wanted to be there a second longer anyways.   
  
*-*   
  
Saturday morning, Stefan had woken up with the idea of taking a nice jog. Maybe a walk to the park by himself to clear his head. Yeah that sounds like a great idea, maybe make your way down to some parts of the city you don’t visit often. Okay, in actual fact, the taller boy was just trying to think of an excuse to go down to the shady part of London to see Brian. Visit his flat and maybe find out why the boy hadn’t shown up to their ‘jamming session’.    
  
He was hoping that Brian had a reasonable excuse to blow him off. Stefan wasn’t even really angry or upset with him, he just wanted to make sure Brian was okay. The guy was two years older than him, but he was smaller and lived on his own. Another excuse- admit you like him already. He sighed heavily as once again that realization swarmed in his head. Well maybe it was a family emergency and that’s why he didn’t show? Well you’re not going to get any answers waiting around. Pulling on his jacket and his shows, the taller boy headed out- ready to find out some answers.   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED**


	9. I Want To Feel Your Touch

“Brian… Brian… Bri…HEY!” A loud slap landed on the small of Brian’s back as he lazily opened his eyes and looked around.   
  
“Huh?” whimpered the small boy as he looked up and saw Jay’s face. “What…,” he started- suddenly remembering what happened and immediately becoming awake in total fear. He looked around for Marcus or any of this ‘friends’, but as he swiveled his head from side to side, he realized he was in the back of Jay’s car. “How…”   
  
“I put you back there to sleep…. After.. yeah. I didn’t want you to spend the night there,” started Jay. “It came out of my pocket anyway, why should I give them any extra ‘time’,” he finished sternly but with a hint of fear in his voice. Brian looked out of the window and realized it was morning- the sun shining. It looked beautiful- while he felt like complete shit, every joint stiff.   
  
“Jay,” whimpered Brian, tears falling down his face as he silently cried. Caked makeup smeared, his eyes black like a raccoon’s, lashes tuck together from clumped mascara. But even torn he looked gorgeous. The tears continued to fall- the salty drops of liquid hitting the leather interior as Jay stared at him. “Jay,” he said again- a sob breaking through the word, “Can you please take me home?” The man turned around, starting the car.   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
*-*   
  
Stefan stared down at the sidewalk- watching his foot purposely step on the cracks as he made his way to the ‘lower-end’ of London. He still really couldn’t think of any decent excuse as to why he was going to visit the smaller boy. Only that he was worried and wanted to know why he would blow him off like that. It didn’t add up. Brian had seemed excited about their ‘jam session’ even if he did make fun of the word. Had he just been humoring him? It really didn’t add up and it was his project too.   
  
He could see Brian’s building up the street as he quickened his pace a bit- stopping as he saw a vehicle pull up in front of it- a very nice one too. His eyes widened, as Brian got out of the car in the same clothes he had been at school with, same white jeans he had complimented on. He threw the strap of his bag over his shoulder as the car pulled out as quick as it had pulled in. The taller boy watched Brian search for his keys to get into the complex, softly swearing when he couldn’t find them. Stefan suddenly remembered he had the ability to walk as he sprinted towards him.   
  
“Hey! Brian!” called the Swede- waving. Brian jumped, eyes large and child-like as he saw him approach. Only now face to face with the smaller boy could he see the horrid mess of smeared, day-old makeup on his face. It looked like the kid had been up all night or passed out in an alley or something. Eyes puffy and a bit red like he had been crying.   
  
“Oh..hey, Stef…,” started Brian- for the first time calling him the nickname since the taller boy had requested it.   
  
“Why didn’t you show yesterday?” the Swede asked softly. Brian thought for a moment- trying to think of a lie as quickly as possible. This was getting too difficult to keep up with.    
  
“Oh sorry. I…. Had forgotten. Silly me,” Brian laughed, an extremely fake laugh even Stefan could see right through. He frowned at the smaller boy, wondering if he was truly hiding something.   
  
“Who was that?” asked Stefan casually- trying not to sound too nosy. After all, he wasn’t Brian’s mother and it was none of his business.    
  
“Oh. Uh. My cousin. We hung out last night.” Lie, Brian. You’re a dirty fucking liar, but then again you’re a dirty fucking whore. Brian blinked quickly, trying to ignore the shouting voice in his head.   
  
“Oh.”   
  
In actual fact, the guilt from Brian blowing him off and not even telling him the truth why was killing him. But he didn’t know how to deal with it.   
  
“Well,” started Stefan, shaking off the disappointment in his voice as best he could, smiled. “Do you wanna work on it no-.” The boy was cut short.   
  
“I really can’t now.” What Brian Molko really meant was he really couldn’t as he needed a nice long bath… and to get high. Numb the pain he was feeling everywhere. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. The taller boy frowned again, nodding as obvious rejection set in. “And I really don’t want to work on school on a Saturday,” he snapped unnecessarily. Stefan nodded again- the sad face making Brian suddenly feel guilty.    
  
“I’m sorry,” replied Stefan as Brian stopped fumbling with his keys, letting out a deep sigh.   
  
“Listen. Sorry, Stef. I just have been… dealing with a few family problems right now.” The taller boy nodded- he knew what it was like to have disagreements with his own family- not that he ever won any of them. But staring at the little mess, hair ruffled, makeup imperfect- the boy fascinated him beyond words even then.   
  
“Well… would you maybe like to…. Uh,” Stefan stammered. He had never asked a boy ‘out’ like this before… well not a date. No, this wasn’t a date, Stef. Come on now. You’re just drama partners but maybe he… needs a break. He looks stressed. “Would you like to…uh.” Brian cocked an eyebrow slightly, waiting for him to finish.   
  
“Would I like to…,” Brian giggled softly, so softly Brian was sure he was the only one who had even heard it.   
  
“Maybe.. if you wanted to… you know if you weren’t busy or anything…,” god Stef, spit it out! You sound like a fucking idiot. “See a movie tonight?” Once he finally spewed out the words- he looked away swiftly, face turning red- he just couldn’t help it!   
  
Brian’s green-blue orbs widened. He looked absolutely horrible, had blown him off, treated him like shit on purpose, …and then asked him to go to a movie with him!? What the bloody hell?! This handsome, well-off, could-probably-get-anyone-boy… wanted to spend time with him!? Was this fate’s cruel joke?? Okay, where was the punch line… was he serious? Once Stefan found out who he really was… how very low he had gone- he would never want to spend time with him, much less in school or out. He just knew it… but the taller boy showed him so much kindness even when he was nothing but a complete bitch to him… even now. Why or better yet..how… could he say ‘no’?   
  
“Seriously?” asked Brian, his snappy, jerky attitude disappearing. The bitter feeling he had accumulated from last night fading as he stared at the Swede’s dark eyes and red cheeks.   
  
“Yeah… you know. If you weren’t working at the pet store.”   
  
“Pet store?” Brian questioned. Stef looked at him with the same confused look the smaller boy was giving him.   
  
“Yeah. Your job.” Brian mentally smacked himself upside the head. Goddammit, Brian- try to remember your own fucking lies!!   
  
“Oh, right! Sorry, still a little hungover from last night. But … sure a movie… sounds great.” Stefan’s heart skipped a beat as he let out the breath he had been holding.   
  
“Really?” Stef asked like a child asking his parents if Santa had really come last night- instantly regretting the tone. What are you? ten?! Brian nodded- smiling, trying not to look as excited he felt inside his small frame.    
  
“Sounds like fun,” Brian replied softly. And it really did. Fun. He kind of forgot what fun was even like anymore aside from the time he did homework with Stef in his dorm room and that thought depressed him. He didn’t even care what movie they saw, just the idea of hanging out with Stefan without it having anything to do with school thrilled him. It was like… this tall boy was actually his friend. A person who just wanted to spend time with him- with no strings attached what so ever. It felt so good.   
  
“Great! I’ll pick you up at around 7?” asked Stefan smiling.   
  
“Sounds like a date!-er fun!” Brian corrected himself, blushing a bit. Stefan smiled as he waved and turned to walk back down the way he came- stopping for a moment and turning back.   
  
“You sure you’re okay, Brian?” he asked, a motherly tone in his voice. Brian was two years older than him, but he felt such an urge to protect him. It was so strange. Maybe it was because he was smaller- he didn’t quite know.   
  
“Yeah,” replied Brian, wiping at his face like that was actually going to remove the mess from it. “Just a little hungover… nothing a shower can’t fix.” Stefan smiled as he walked back down the block in the way he came- Brian letting out a sigh of relief.   
  
The nancy boy felt and looked like absolute shit- but couldn’t stop the warm feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach, hurrying up the stairs to his flat as quickly as possible. He was on guard all the time, or at least felt like he had to be. In the bathroom mirror- he still saw that ‘pretty’ that in ways he really didn’t want to see at all. Even a shower couldn’t wash away that dirty feeling. He was becoming marked.    
  
Brian could wash away the dried blood between his thighs, he could wash away the dried seamen, he could wash away the old makeup, but he couldn’t wash away the dirt on the inside. It was like a permanent tattoo, an extra layer that he couldn’t peel that made him feel like one of the cockroaches he went to school with. It was horrible and no amount of soap could rid him of it.    
  
After scrubbing himself as best as possible- Brian got out of the shower, put on some clean clothes and curled up in a blanket while grabbing his homework. He had to catch up on the classes he had skipped- not to mention, actually work on his music project with his Swedish partner. If there was something decent to say about his job, least he had money for the movie and the groceries he had put in his flat.    
  
Putting some soup on the stove, he started his assignments that had piled up. He had to keep his grades up, he just had to. A nice evening with his ‘possible new friend’ being his motivation. He just hoped Jay wouldn’t knock on his door and come calling- having sold his services. In Brian’s mind, it was as bad as a soldier getting called to go to the front line for the call of duty. This was a ‘war’ in a way after all. One between what he knew was right and the feeling that there was no other way out.   
  
The small boy fought with himself that very day- resisting the urge to just get high and make all the pain in his body and last night’s images that kept playing in his mind to… disappear. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the blurred images of the men around him, like a movie on his eyelids that he just couldn’t find the ‘stop’ button to.    
  
And another question plagued the small boy’s mind. Why had he imaged Stefan when he had finally been able to go to his safe place in his head? Why had he seen Stefan? His drama partner… Brian didn’t like people getting too close to him, even when he tried to throw the Swedish boy in the category of all the other students at Goldsmith’s- he just couldn’t. Stefan Olsdal was nothing like them and Brian liked it. And as hard as he tried to deny it- Brian liked him, but knew the Swede was friendly out of kindness and nothing more. Why would he be for any other reason but that?   
  
As hard as he tried to finish his homework- his mind was nothing more than a nuisance. Such a nuisance that he barely heard the knock at his door. Fuck. The small boy instantly felt his stomach turn. Dammit. It was only around 2:00PM- why would Jay come here now? Wait… maybe it was Stefan? He could only hope.   
  
Taking a deep breath- he looked through the peep hole- but couldn’t see anyone. Frustrated, he put a hand through his hair to ‘fix it’ and opened the door. His heart dropped as he saw the Swede… but not the one he was looking for or wanted to see. Robert.   
  
“Hey baby,” he said smiling. Brian’s stomach started to spin at his very words, the urge to vomit approaching like a hurricane.   
  
“What the fuck do you want?!” he snapped- feeling like he should be wearing more clothes than his casual purple ‘stunt girl’ shirt and striped pants he was sporting. The bruises visible, but he was home alone anyway… key word ‘was’- a winter jacket having come in handy right at that moment.   
  
“What do you think I want? I would have called to book an appointment… but the element of surprise is always so much more fun. You take ‘walk-ins’ do you not?” asked the blond smugly, laughing. The smaller boy leered, clenching his teeth.   
  
“Fuck you!” spat Brian angrily- but the harsh words didn’t even faze him a bit as Robert continued to grin, which of course did nothing but infuriate the smaller boy even more.   
  
“That’s what I came here to do,” replied Robert, that stupid grin still on his face as he laughed at his own ‘joke’. “What are you too good for me now, you fucking whore?”   
  
“Jump off a bridge, you bastard!”    
  
“Isn’t my money as good as anyone else’s? Don’t you want to make some extra cash under the table without giving your… pimp a cut?” laughed the blond, still smiling in the doorway as smug as ever.   
  
“No! FUCK OFF!” snapped the small boy one last time as he began to close the door with as much force as possible. He suddenly squealed in shock as he felt Robert push his arm in it’s way to push it back open- clearly stronger than Brian.    
  
“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear and maybe I don’t want to fuck off,” Robert snapped back- becoming impatient. He had thought of nothing but Brian in the past few days, the beautiful small boy in his mind constantly- having to ‘make do’ with the memory of fucking him the one and only time he had.   
  
“Stop it!” Brian cried angrily- half in anger, half in fear. He pushed back on the door trying to close it again- the only leverage and barrier he had between them. The door slammed on Robert’s arm as Brian tried to close it again.   
  
“Ow!! GOD DAMMIT!” cried Robert fuming. “You fucking little cunt!”    
  
“GO AWAY!!!” cried Brian- trying to keep the door closed.    
  
“Hey! Keep it down!!! This isn’t a bloody zoo!” roared the landlord; the fat man walking up the rest of the stairs and getting closer to Brian’s room. Robert stopped pushing on the door, looking as casual as possible- knowing how to look innocent and sweet when he had to be.   
  
“Sorry, he was just leaving,” Brian said quickly- closing the door and locking it once Robert had finally stopped putting pressure it.   
  
“Well keep it down!” he said angrily. Fucking rats making too much noise pissed him off more than anything- truly having done this job far longer that he should have. The large man sneered at Robert one last time before walking off to carry on his business.    
  
Robert glared at Brian’s closed locked door, leaning his face on it- knowing full well the little whore was listening on the other side to make sure he walked off.   
  
“I’ll be back you little bitch! You just fucking wait!” whispered Robert harshly, banging on the door once with his fist before leaving.    
  
The poor boy jumped at the bang, but let out a sigh of relief as he heard footsteps of walking away. Thank god he left. Why couldn’t he just leave him the bloody well alone?!   
  
*-*   
  
Hmm. A sports jacket? Too jockey. A sweater? Uh.. too lame. T-shirt? Too casual. Dress shirt? Too fancy?! God dammit- what the hell was Stef supposed to wear? What was considered too much when it came down to going to a movie with a friend? This wasn’t a date… it was just hanging out! But still… uh! This was harder than it really had to be.    
  
Stefan has spent over an hour getting ready and- nothing! He had no idea! What was too much? What was too little? He may have been a somewhat popular boy in Goldsmith’s... lots of people liked him. But the tall boy was not social enough to know exactly what to wear in social situations. Okay, Stef- this is a movie you’re going to… you’re not having tea with the Queen, you can do this!   
  
“My god!” he cried to himself in his dorm room out of frustration as he stared into his full-length mirror that he had to back up to get his entire body in. He didn’t know why- but he felt the urge to look as nice as possible- but not so done-up as he did when he was at school. “Okay,” he started, still staring into the mirror as if he were talking to his reflection. “The next two articles of clothing I pick… I’m wearing! Case closed!” The Swede closed his eyes and grabbed a pair of dress pants and a dark green sweater from his closet. He opened his eyes and looked at his choice. “Oh God, no!” He threw them on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. So much for that idea…   
  
*-*   
  
On the far … well, shittier side of London- Brian had calmed down after Robert’s appearance, finally finished his assignments and was caught up, and was now getting ready to go out. He was going to use this time to block out last night. He had to- he just had to keep busy. School work, writing, strumming his guitar for the first time in a while, listening to some of his favorite music, anything and everything to keep his mind off it. The mirror and the physical pain he still had was a reminder, so all he had left to fight it with was his mind. If he dwelled on what happened for too long, he would break down and cry. As weak as he knew it sounded, he knew that’s what would happen- he was almost certain of it.   
  
The nancy boy did his makeup as best he could despite being a tad shaky. Nice dark kohl-rimmed eyes, topped off with foundation to make his skin look milky white- blush accentuating his cheeks. In an attempt to hide any bruises, scars, or any other unwanted markings, making sure Stef wouldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Anything that would make the tall boy question him on things he couldn’t answer truthfully.   
  
Brian chose to wear a pair of black jeans and a low cut, long sleeved tight black shirt. Stepping back, he looked in the mirror and was pleased. Sexy but not slutty. Not trashy, not whorish. It was a lie, but a lie he was all more than happy to keep from Stefan.    
  
As he began to lace up his boots, he noticed the little white baggy of cocaine on his nightstand- wanting so badly to do a line or two. But no, he should.. no, he HAD to wait till he got back. He was going to be going out soon- he couldn’t. Just couldn’t. He wasn’t going to sink that low right now, not if Stefan was coming. If the Swede saw him high- there would go the only person who had been nice to him all fucking year… flying out the window like a bird that was just let out of its cage.   
  
*-*   
  
Stefan had decided on some dark blue jeans- one of the few pairs he had since it was so damn hard to find jeans that were long enough for his bloody legs, and a black button up dress shirt. He felt like a complete loser- BUT he looked decent, or at least he hoped he did. Casual, but fancy. Putting on far more hair gel in his blond hair than any person should- he grabbed his jacket and left out the door.   
  
*-*   
  
7:00PM sharp- Brian heard a knock at the door and grinned. The kid was sure punctual- hopefully some of that would eventually rub off on him. Opening the door, the two boys stared at each other and didn’t say a word. Both thinking that each other looked rather handsome slash very beautiful.    
  
“Wow… you in jeans,” giggled Brian. “Didn’t think you owned a pair. Very nice.” Stefan blushed, about to run his hand through his hair out of nervousness but remembered he had put hair gel in.   
  
“You look-,” should he call another boy pretty? Beautiful? That’s exactly how he looked.. but he was a boy and uh… fuck- well say something Ols-dorkus! “You look great!” Brian looked down for a minute, feeling his cheeks light on fire. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had made him feel like this- if ever. Brian was hoping Stefan couldn’t see right through his confident, know-it-all persona… down to the sheer fact he was bloody well nervous!!!   
  
“Thanks,” replied the smaller boy- grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder like a woman would do with her purse. Stefan smiled, moving out of his way to let Brian walk ahead of him like any gentleman would.    
  
Jay had infected his head in such a way that for a few split seconds when he got into the Swede’s car- he thought he was in Jay’s. That he was off to be sold to some sick pervert once again and sell his body to make some money. So he could have a place to eat, sleep, and get an education. God- this wasn’t a ‘job’- it was a disease and it was slowly eating away at him…   
  
“Is the heat okay? You can turn on the radio if you want… or not at all… or I can turn the A/C on if you’re hot… or whatever,” Stefan rambled as he put his seat belt on. What the fuck? Why was he so bloody nervous? He never felt this way at school or when they were in the lunchroom. His stomach was filled to the top with butterflies as the urge to impress or look ‘cool’ in front of Brian began to appear… and it wasn’t even a date!   
  
“I’m fine… very...very uh.. fine,” Brian replied softly, voice a little higher than usual. The small boy blushed and thanked god it was dark in the car. The drive was quiet, both not really knowing what the other had to say or was supposed to say for that manner. They were opposites- both very different. Yet they seemed to share the same problem communicating at the moment.    
  
Brian hadn’t any friends in the longest time to talk and spend time with. And Stefan was shy and humble- hung out with a group of popular boys who didn’t even know he was gay or why he even hung out with them in the first place.    
  
When they arrived at the movie theater- they stared at their choices. Suddenly realizing that neither had even thought about what movie they were going to see.   
  
“Uh.. so what movie interests you the most?” asked Stefan softly- looking over at Brian. The small boy was smiling and the Swede didn’t know why. He would never understand that Brian was just happy to be going to see anything- he hadn’t had a friend in so long! Something as simple as seeing a movie seemed wonderful to him.   
  
“Oh I don’t care!… anything!” Brian replied, smiling.   
  
“Well there’s some romantic comedy called “Soulmates Never Die”, or an action flick “Bulletproof Cupid” or a horror one… “Nightmare on El-.” The Swede was cut short.   
  
“Oooh! Let’s see “Nightmare on Elm Street!!!” the nancy boy loved a good scary movie- while, Stefan hated them! Always had nightmares…But Stefan shrugged it off as they bought their tickets. Brian stared at all the giant movie posters, the graphic and interesting titles and pictures catching his attention like he had never been to a theater before while Stefan bought them popcorn and drinks. The small boy jumped as Stefan came up behind him.   
  
“Oh! Stef!… You didn’t have to do that! I’ll pay you back- I brought money!” stumbled Brian as the Swede handed him the popcorn and drink.   
  
“It’s nothing! Don’t worry about it. Hope Coke is okay, they don’t have Pepsi.” Brian smiled- feeling his cheeks go red again…. Thank god he was wearing blush.   
  
“Yeah that’s great,” replied Brian, grinning. “Thankyou.”   
  
Once settled in the seats of the theater- Brian let out a sigh of relief. Jay couldn’t get him to work tonight, especially since he didn’t know where he was. It was a feeling of absolute relief. The theater slowly filled up, the movie sure to start soon, the boys got comfortable in their seats.   
  
“Hey Stef- thanks for inviting me. I’m sure there’s better things you could be doing with your Saturday nights,” said Brian softly, laughing sadly at his own joke. Stefan stared at him and swallowed.   
  
“Uh… yeah. No problem. I didn’t have much else to do tonight anyway,” he replied meekly, laughing solely out of nervousness.   
  
“I’m sorry for blowing you off yesterday. I won’t let you get a bad grade on our project because of me, I promise,” he said confidently, smiling. Stefan blinked; remembering they did indeed had a project that was nowhere near finished.   
  
“It’s okay. We still have time to work on it. Maybe tomorrow if you’re not busy?” Brian nodded. A whole weekend? The Swede wanted to spend this entire weekend with him? Schoolwork or not… Wow.   
  
“Sounds like a plan. But, we could work on it during the week. I’m sure you’d rather spend the time with your friend than your drama partner,” Brian replied- the confident little bitch attitude having now faded and leaving the smaller boy with all his insecurities that he liked to keep hidden. Stefan blinked- taking a sip from his drink.   
  
“Well … you are my friend,” Stefan said matter-of-factly. Why was Brian acting like his kindness was an act of charity? The lights suddenly went dark- the previews before their movie starting to play. …. Not a drama partner- but a friend. For the first time in a while- Brian had the largest, genuine smile on his face and no one could take it away from him. He was just glad no one was able to see it in the darkness of the theater.    
  
Brian enjoyed the movie immensely, always one to love a good horror film- but couldn’t quite pay as much attention as he would have liked as he kept looking back and forth at Stefan. Giggling to himself as he watched the Swede trying to not make the fact obvious that he was hiding his head behind his jacket during all the ‘scary parts’. It was like a little kid hiding under a blanket and Brian thought it made the taller boy look absolutely adorable. He couldn’t help but smile.    
  
After what seemed like the longest movie on the planet to poor Stefan, the credits rolled up and the two left the theater with the large crowd of people doing the exact same thing.   
  
“That was soo good!” giggled Brian, throwing his cup in the garbage as the two walked outside to the parking lot.   
  
“Uh yeah, so good!” lied the taller boy, coughing into his sleeve and attempting to sound convincing, which of course he didn’t at all.    
  
“Oh did you see any of the movie under your jacket?” joked Brian, smiling as he clutched onto the strap of his bag with both hands, a habit he seemed to have from time to time. The Swede blushed as he unlocked their car doors.   
  
“Okay, so maybe horror films aren’t my favorite,” he started.   
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Brian asked hastily, getting in the front seat.   
  
“You wanted to see it, I don’t care. I made sure to hide during the freaky parts so hopefully no nightmares,” laughed Stefan, well aware he sounded like a little kid. Brian giggled, smiling.   
  
“Thanks again for taking me out to see a movie. It’s been quite a while,” sighed Brian, watching the streetlights pass by as they drove through downtown London. Stefan smiled at him.   
  
“I guess with work and school, not a lot of time for ‘fun’ huh?” Brian shook his head quickly, hoping to god he wasn’t going to questions about working at the pet shop and how fun it was to work with all the puppies and kittens... he only wished. Welcome to reality, Stef- that didn’t pay the bills.    
  
Brian’s eyes widened as he saw a car parked in front of his building, blinking for a few seconds when he realized it was Jay’s. There weren’t a lot of nice looking vehicles as that and he could tell just by the taillights. No. No! If he got dropped off, Jay would expect him to work tonight. He couldn’t tonight. He already felt like absolute shit from last and this evening was going so well.. he was having fun. Why did reality always have to come knocking, to fucking smack him in the bloody face when he was enjoying life…   
  
“Stef… can we…. Go to your place?” he asked meekly, but quickly. Stefan’s eyes widened as he processed the smaller boy’s request. Go to his place? He looked over at the boy next to him. “My cousin is at mine and if he sees me home, he’ll make me go… home… to see my parents for the rest of the weekend. You know parents. I just can’t handle them, this, right now.... with all the stress. Please?” His green-blue orbs were so large and pleading, glistening from the street lights shining into the car as he they continued to drive. “Please?”    
  
“Uh, sure. No problem,” said Stefan nervously- he was unsure why Brian was so eager, his voice tense and nervous, to not go home but didn’t want to say ‘no’. He knew what spending the weekend with parents was like- definitely nothing to look forward to at times.    
  
“Just to hide out till tomorrow morning. Hey- uh..,” Brian started anxiously. “We can work on our project then.” Brian smiled, trying to look as happy and cheery as possible so the taller boy wouldn’t question him. The Swede pulled into a random parking lot and turned around- driving them back towards his own place.    
  
“Are you sure you’re okay? You and your parents have a fight?” asked Stefan worriedly as they both walked into his dorm room- the tall boy grabbing him a pillow and blanket to sleep on the futon sofa he had in there. It was a small room, but had the necessities at least.    
  
“Oh yeah, I just don’t feel like going. I appreciate you letting me stay here for the night,” replied Brian happily. He just couldn’t ‘work’ another night in a row. He just couldn’t, not after tonight and Jay would never know where he was. He had no idea what dorm room or building Stefan was in or the fact he even went out with him for the evening in the first place! It was perfect. He didn’t feel like being a filthy, degrading whore- his soul and body needed a rest from it. “Thanks.”    
  
“No problem, I can get you another blanket if you need one,” started the Swede as Brian smiled and shook his head.   
  
“Nah, I’m sure this will be enough.”    
  
“Well when we wake up tomorrow, we can work on the project at least, get a bit done. But you’re sure you’re okay?” he asked again- wanting to be sure. But the nancy boy rolled his eyes as he pulled off his shirt- kind of … no, not kind of… shocking Stefan as he stared at the beautiful specimen in front of him.    
  
“I’m fine, Stef. Don’t worry about. Do you have anything I can sleep in…..Stefan?” The tall boy was staring at his half naked petite, perfect body as he finally snapped back to reality.    
  
“Huh?”   
  
“Do you have a night shirt I can sleep in?” The taller boy nodded quickly.   
  
“Yes of course. Where did you get all those bruises!?” he asked quickly, trying to change the subject and embarrassed at being so lost in the trance while grabbing him a black t-shirt. It was far too long for the smaller boy, but would work perfect as a nightie. Handing it to him, Brian pulled the fabric over him and pulled off his tight jeans. ‘Oh god’ being the only thought running through the taller boy’s mind as he looked away- giving him his privacy. Stefan did the same, getting undressed on the other side of the room and pulling on pajama pants and a shirt to sleep in. Brian wrapped a blanket around him quickly-realizing he had somewhat exposed his bruised, marked body.   
  
“Oh, I told you I’m clumsy. Really clumsy,” replied the smaller boy. “It’s a curse. So.. did you really mean it when you said you were my friend?” he asked- another attempt to change the subject once again and actually being quite curious if he meant it at the same time.   
  
“Well yeah, Brian. Why not?” The smaller boy shrugged. He didn’t think he would want all his friends at school seeing him with a loser like him, a social outcast that not even the social outcast group wanted in the first place. “Just because people at our school don’t see you as a cool person doesn’t mean that I don’t.”    
  
Brian smiled at the taller boy’s gesture- thinking it was lovely to hear a compliment like that now and then, something referring to his personality, his soul- NOT his body. ‘Hot’ and ‘Gorgeous’ just didn’t mean a thing to him anymore. It was something many men uttered in his ear before they fucked the shit out of him. It was empty. It was meaningless.   
  
“You’re… ,” Brian started, wrapping the blanket around his body tighter as Stefan sat beside him casually, handing him a soda from the fridge. “Thanks.” Brian grabbed the soda, popping open the tab on the can. “You’re a really nice guy, Stefan. It’s weird you have such assholes for friends.” Stefan laughed, wondering to himself if that were a compliment or an insult. He wasn’t quite as nervous as he had been in the beginning when he was getting ready to go out. Brian was rather easy to spend time with and hang out with outside of school, he didn’t feel the need to ‘impress’ him as much as he did before and it was nice.   
  
“Well they aren’t THAT bad, but I don’t know. I’m shy, but I’d get lonely sitting alone all the time,” he replied softly as Brian nodded. Brian Molko himself couldn’t fathom sitting with such assholes as the ones he was friends with… but then again, Stefan wasn’t him and he wasn’t Stefan. People dealt with things and social situations in different ways.    
  
“You’re a great guy, Brian. And I envy you having the ability to be who you are and not care about what anyone thinks about you. It’s a lot harder of a thing to do for some and you do it so easily or make it seem like you do.” Brian smiled and nodded, blushing at the compliment. He was a ‘working boy’ after all… however, he did pride himself in the fact he was able to dress and act like himself and fuck the haters! Stefan obviously seemed to pick up on that and the acknowledgement was nice. This tall Swedish boy seemed to understand where he was coming from, even if it hadn’t looked like he did when they had first met at school.    
  
“Stefan?”   
  
“Yeah?”    
  
“Does anyone know you’re gay besides me?” Stefan took another sip of his can of soda and put it beside him.   
  
“I’m positive my parents do, they are just in some type of… denial phase. But no one at school does, a few of my old friends from high school do. I don’t know. I don’t just tell everyone I guess. I’m too afraid of being shunned,” replied Stefan gently, frowning as if he were disappointed in himself.    
  
Brian knew Stefan didn’t want him romantically, or had a crush on him the same way. Just wanted to make new friends and was sweet enough to put Brian on that list but the small boy couldn’t make the butterflies in his stomach go away. He hadn’t felt this way about a boy for a long time and it almost hurt. He wanted to be held, touched, kissed by someone who seemed to care about him like Stefan did. Someone who actually worried about him and made sure he had an extra fucking blanket to sleep with. He craved it, especially now when he was constantly surrounded by ugly, disgusting men almost every night who could care less if they hurt him or made him cry, as long as they could fuck him.    
  
Without thinking, Brian put down his can, pulled the blanket down a bit, and leaned forward- capturing Stefan’s lips in a kiss. Stefan’s eyes widened as he realized what the small boy was doing, but didn’t stop him- didn’t pull away. Instead, he closed his eyes and took in the sensation of Brian’s moist lips on his own. He let the kiss continue and eventually end naturally. When the smaller boy pulled away, he looked down- as if embarrassed by his own actions, able to clearly see the look of shock on the Swede’s face.   
  
“I’m... I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myse-,” started Brian, but Stefan cut him short- leaning forward and pulling him back in for another hot, passionate lip lock.   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED….**


	10. And You Still Won't Let Me In

Brian was stunned- completely and utterly stunned at the fact that Stefan had just leaned in to kiss him. What the hell?! But all the confusion piled up and was pushed aside because as strange and sudden as the kiss was- Brian was really fucking enjoying it. The taller boy's mouth was hot and salty and tasted like Coca-Cola… and he wanted more.   
  
When Stefan finally ended the liplock, his eyes widened a little, realizing what he had just done. The nancy boy on the other hand hadn't been kissed so tenderly for he didn't know how long and he craved more, diving in for another kiss- but Stef stopped him.   
  
"Wait! Wait!... I shouldn't, no.. I can't do this!" Brian's heart sank at the Swede's words, knowing this had been far too good to be true. Why would he want him? He was stupid to think he would. All of Brian's insecurities rushed back to him like a wave. He would find out what he really was underneath it all and the thought terrified him- his only friend disappearing. The notion was almost too much to bare. But Brian had a taste of sweetness- a soft, caring kiss and it teased him. It just.... it just wasn't fair! Why couldn’t he have tenderness too!? Brian frowned- looking as if he were about to cry, eyes glistening. "I'm sorry, Brian."    
  
"I... shouldn't have kissed you, Stef. But I don't regret it. I'm sorry," sighed Brian, for once in his life actually lost for words. "You're just... so wonderful to me... no one else is. You treat me like a person and you're sweet. I just let my emotions get the better of me," mumbled the smaller boy, looking away embarrassed. "I was stupid to think you liked me like that."    
  
  
Fuck. This was just great. Good fucking job, Brian! Now things between you and Stef will be awkward for life and you'll be completely alone. How do you always... ALWAYS manage to ruin a good thing?! You were meant to be alone, Brian. Who wants a whore as a friend or boyfriend anyway? Not someone as proper and perfect as Stefan Olsdal, that is for fucking sure. He deserves so much better- so much better than you.   
  
"But I do... like you," said Stefan very softly- almost a whisper as his face went bright red. If Brian Molko were a puppy, his ears would have perked right up at the five simple words.   
  
"Really?!" Brian asked, green-blue orbs wide with a little smile appearing on the corners of his mouth. Stefan Olsdal liked him!? Please don't let this be a dream... please, please, please!! Don't let me wake up in my flat or underneath some disgusting 'client'. Stefan nodded - blushing. Brian grinned- leaning in for another kiss but was once again denied.   
  
"Wait- but I can't do this." The smaller boy's heart sank for the second time that night, he so badly longed to be touched with... soft fingertips, gentle kisses, and warm hugs. Because they showed that he cared. That someone actually cared about him in a world that seemed to incredibly large when he felt so incredibly small and insignificant.   
  
“Why not?” asked Brian gently, moving closer to Stef.   
  
“We’re just … in two separate worlds, Brian. I’m sorry. It’s my fault- I guess I was leading you on.” Damn right, you moron! Stefan! You have the biggest crush on this boy and you’re…turning him down because of what people at school may think?! You’re pathetic! Down right fucking pathetic!! “I… guess I thought-,” Brian cut him off desperately, putting a hand through his black locks in desperation as he looked away for a moment to gather this thoughts.   
  
“You said that didn’t matter. You said you weren’t like the others at school,” said Brian sadly- his big eyes suddenly full of tears. He fucking knew it. Stefan didn’t want him- why would anyone? Stefan just proved to be no different than any other fucking cockroach that crawled around at Goldsmith’s. Fuck them all! The smaller boy’s words broke Stef’s heart in half.   
  
“Brian-.”   
  
“Thanks for taking me to the movie- it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I’ll just get out of your way now,” spat the nancy boy, getting up to look for his clothes. He didn’t want to stay there but suddenly paused- remembering Jay could still be waiting for him at his crummy flat.   
  
“Wait! Don’t go!!” cried the taller boy shakily as he stood up. “I really do like you, Brian. You’re different, okay? And I like that! A lot! I just- underneath it all, I’m a coward, but I really do like you. I like you a whole lot!” Stef stumbled, biting his bottom lip while trying to decide how he could word what he really wanted to say. That he had the biggest crush on this little girly boy, a lot bigger ‘crush’ than he knew. They stared at each other, the silence slightly awkward.    
  
“Then… what’s the problem?” Brian asked, sniffing and holding back his tears. He looked like a little child who was denied a cookie from the cookie jar. You’re stronger than this, Bri! Come on!   
  
“I don’t know how… to deal with it, okay? I was brought up to not like… people like you. Hell, I was brought up to not like your gender in the first place! There is just something about you I can’t quite get out of my head, ever since we started working together in school, Brian. Everything about you gives me butterflies,” sighed Stefan. “Oh god! I can’t believe I just told you that!” The Swede put a hand to his forehead in realization of what he just confessed, but Brian couldn’t help but smile and slightly giggle, making them both smile- the awkward situation suddenly not quite as awkward. “Please stay, Brian,” Stefan pleaded, staring into the smaller boy’s green-blue orbs. The nancy boy was confused where they stood, metaphorically speaking, he could see it in his eyes. He swallowed, thinking for a moment before nodding   
  
“But only if-,” started Brian.    
  
“Only if what?” Stefan asked, eyes still wide and pleading. He didn’t want Brian storming out of his dorm angry with him in the middle of the night, a fair distance away from his own place.   
  
“Only if you kiss me.”    
  
If possible at that point, Stefan’s eyes widened even more as he heard the smaller boy’s request, but didn’t have time to second guess it as Brian reached two hands around his neck on his tippy-toes and pulled he boy’s head down into a kiss. The Swede didn’t struggle or pull away- but once again let it continue, enjoying the unique taste that seemed to be as different, exciting, and exotic as Brian was!   
  
Brian smiled into their liplock. Stefan kissed so sweetly as if he were a child leaning into his very first kiss. It was so innocent; he just loved it. And when it finally ended, Brian had a large grin plastered on his face that did nothing but make Stefan giggle.    
  
“I like when we do that,” whispered the smaller boy.    
  
“Me too,” whispered Stef.   
  
“If… we are in such separate worlds… why do I like you so much, Mr. Stefan Olsdal?” The taller boy stared down at Brian, his meek question making his heart actually feel like it was aching. “It’s not fair,” he finished, looking down at the floor sadly.    
  
God dammit, why was this short little girly boy so adorably… adorable!?! Stefan just wanted to cuddle him forever and kiss his soft little cheek. In his entire life, the Swede was told to marry a well-off girl and be normal. Successful, rich, and NORMAL. Brian Molko was like a little drug, a perfect pretty little pill that was placed on the top shelf all his life. Always wanted to taste it, try it- but it had always been out of his reach. However… here he was. He had somehow stumbled upon a stepladder and was able to grab it… and boy did he ever! He wanted Brian. Stef took a deep breath, leaning down to give him a soft kiss on his pale cheek.    
  
“Stefan?” squeaked Brian in his sweet, high-pitched, somewhat nasally voice that Stefan was starting to adore a little more all the time.   
  
“I want you too,” Stefan whispered- unable to will his voice to go any louder, like the walls had ears and he didn’t want anyone to hear them. Brian smiled.   
  
“Then why can’t we…,” Brian started- once again yearning to be touched, kissed lovingly, and to be held gently. The need to kiss him again tingled through his body as he did just that- leaning up to put his cherry-flavoured, lip-glossed lips to his. Stefan let him, feeling the soft yet stick sensation on his skin for a few moments before tenderly putting a hand around his wrist and pulling him back to end it. Frustrated and annoyed, Brian opened his mouth, rarely ever thinking before he talked. “Ugh! What, are you a virgin or something?!” Stefan’s eyes widened a little, staring at him sadly- suddenly a little annoyed himself.   
  
“No I’m not! But maybe that’s exactly the reason why I don’t want to jump into something! I’ve done the ‘no-thinking, acting on impulse-thing’ and it didn’t work out for me! I just… listen!” Stefan was getting more incredibly frustrated as the seconds passed and it was all because of a stupid kiss he had let happen and then continued!! His words hit Brian like a ton of bricks. Wow, Brian. Not only are you a whore, you’re a jerk too and quite an insensitive at that!   
  
“I’m sorry! Are you, scared!? I am too… but you’re so lovely towards me. You’re sweet, gentle, nice, even if,” Brian started a little louder than necessary out of desperation. He just wanted to break down and cry. He just wanted someone to tell him he was beautiful and that they liked him for HIM... not for his body! To make him feel important, to make him feel special. He just wanted what everyone else wanted! His eyes wandering to the floor- looking at his chipped nail polish on his toes. “Even if you don’t want me… I still want to be your friend.” Brian slowly backed away and turned to go back to the couch in complete embarrassment and defeat, but Stefan grabbed his hand, shocking the smaller boy.    
  
“I don’t know what we are right now. But I am your friend.” Brian smiled meekly, looking away and feeling like dirt. Trying to push Stefan into making him feel better about himself didn’t help… at all. What did he think he was going to do? Make love to him and make all of Brian’s disgusting thoughts in his head from the previous nights disappear? Talk about a far-off fantasy. You’re an idiot, Brian. A downright, stupid, pathetic, lowlife- Stef’s gentle voice broke the booming, harsh voice in his head.   
  
“And friends don’t let friends sleep on futon couches,” finished Stef softly. Brian’s eyes lit up.   
  
“Really?”    
  
Stef nodded as Brian smiled back at him- crawling into the large bed. The taller boy felt a little awkward… and excited while having Brian in bed next to him. Not only that, but he had a giant urge to kiss him and surprise, surprise- the nancy boy felt the exact same urge.   
  
“Thanks, Stefan…. ,” said Brian, suddenly realizing what to say to make the situation less tense. “And I promise to protect you against Freddy Kruger.”    
  
“Oh god! Don’t bring him up!” cried Stefan, throwing the blanket over his head. Brian burst into laughter, the taller boy forced to join him as he realized how much of a kid he really could be. And instead of sharing the kiss they both wanted, they resisted temptation and instead shared sweet ‘goodnight’s before drifting off to sleep.   
  
*-*   
  
  
Jay sat in the booth- waiting, watching the clock. Knowing that nothing was more pathetic than sitting in a pub on a Sunday morning. They weren't even open this early on a Sunday... but Marcus was always able to pull strings, always had an 'in' for everything. He was a snake in the grass and Jay knew it.    
  
“Jay- I didn't see your little minx last night at the club,” purred Marcus, smiling as he sat down in the booth in front of him. Jay was a prick, an asshole, Jay was a lot of things and nowhere near a 'good book', but even Marcus made him uncomfortable.    
  
“He didn't end up going home to his flat last night apparently. But what do you want? Why did you invite me here? I paid my debt Friday night and I don't feel we have any remaining business that would call for me to come see you on a Sunday morning of all times.”   
  
“Didn't come to work? On a Saturday night? Can't you control your employees, Jay?” he giggled, taking a sip from his brandy in the morning.   
  
“What did you call me here for?” Jay asked, getting a little more annoyed as the clock ticked.   
  
“I want to make you an offer,” snapped the older man. Jay bit his lip, only able to imagine what kind of offer. He was having more contact with this man than he truly liked.   
  
“What kind-” Jay was cut short.   
  
“Brian.” Mono-tone, simple, and to the point. His name was uttered like it was a pet goldfish, something so valuable to him yet so insignificant at the same time. Jay sighed, he knew that was coming; he had waited for it.   
  
“Marcus... no.” He also knew he wanted him for his little underground trafficking deal he had going on. Human trafficking; something far more illegal and tasteless than sheer prostitution. Marcus would own him, not pay him a dime. He didn't want to pimp him, he wanted to sell him and keep the earnings. Jay didn't have a problem selling the nancy boy because it had been the boy’s choice and he was at least paid for it... Still a decent living was it not?    
  
“I'll offer you plenty if you sell him to me. Blowing off his job... what kind of whore is that? You said he had no friends here, no family... no one will know if he suddenly disappears. Come on Jay, I'm offering you a great deal. I’ll pay you far more than he’s worth.” Marcus smiled, taking another sip of his brandy as he sat up in a more 'business-like' manner.   
  
“Listen, Marcus. The kid is trying to make some money for school...and if you take him-” the older man cut him off, bursting out laughing while shifting in his seat and crossing his legs like he owned the place.   
  
“So!? Jay... don't tell me you care about this brat. You're becoming soft! He's nothing but a whore, a small one too. Who the fuck cares what that little bitch wants? If you want to give your whores an actual cut, run a somewhat decent business... that's your business.. I prefer to keep my profits and keep my 'kids'... I don't tell you how to run your business, don't tell me how to run mine.” Marcus's tone was becoming sterner as he took another sip of his drink- Jay taking in a breath at the same time.   
  
Yes, Brian Molko was a small, annoying- yet beautiful drug addict who he whored for money and occasionally fucked... Technically, he should care less about him. He had plenty of working girls and boys- but he had grown a little fond of the brat. At least enough not to willingly give him up to a traffic ring.   
  
“I'm sorry, Marcus. I have to say 'no',” replied Jay flatly. “I make a lot of money from him.” Marcus smiled, and continued to smile, not a slight frown appearing anywhere on his face. He didn't seem upset at all.   
  
“I respect your choice,” he replied grinning. Jay was slightly bothered by this- just a little. He had assumed he would be pissed, upset, angry, and anything but... happy. “I understand completely, Jay. Just a shame. Paying for school,” Marcus laughed. “School for sluts.” Jay laughed half-heartedly, a slight giggle to lighten up the awkward tension that had arisen suddenly- at least on his end.   
  
“Nah, Goldsmith's,” he shrugged. Marcus nodded.   
  
“Interesting. Well I have other business to attend to, Jay. No rest for the wicked.”   
  
“That's it?” Jay questioned, a little unconvinced. He trusted the man as far as he could throw him... which wasn't fucking far at all! Marcus just nodded, grinning.    
  
“Absolutely. He's your boy, do with him as you wish,” replied the older man- winking. And without another word, the older man put on his jacket and left. Leaving a very flustered Jay sitting at the pub on his own- had he missed something?    
  
*-*   
  
Brian woke up staring at the ceiling... realizing he didn't truly recognize it. Panicking- he sat up quickly, investigating his surroundings. A deep breath of relief was the only thing to be heard in the dorm room as he realized he was at Stefan's, suddenly remembering last night.    
  
“Morning,” yawned Stef meekly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he felt the rustling about beside him. “Bad nightmare or something?” he asked, looking at the wide-eyed small boy beside him.   
  
“Uh yeah... I guess.”   
  
“And you said I would have nightmares,” joked the Swede, throwing back the covers and getting out of bed.    
  
“Oh haha,” giggled Brian- trying to concentrate on the fact he was indeed safe at the taller boy's place.... his FRIEND'S house. “No Freddy Kruger coming to get you?” asked the smaller boy slyly- sticking out his tongue.    
  
“Haha... I wasn't really scared last night... I was just teasing you,” blushed Stefan. It was a downright lie, but he didn't want Brian to think he was a complete and utter coward.    
  
“Rirriiiiiight,” giggled Brian. They both blushed a bit, a little embarrassed and feeling childish all at the same time. Stefan sat down on the bed again- both of them sitting in silence for a few moments, moments that felt like hours to the Swede until he got up quickly, trying to break the ice.   
  
“So we should work on that project,” started Stefan, smiling while grabbing a pair of jeans. But Brian wasn't going to be persuaded so easy, you couldn't change the topic that fast on the smaller boy.   
  
“Stefan?” The taller boy stopped rustling with the pants to look at the small boy he had let sleep in his bed last night- his new little friend.   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“What are we?” he asked... almost whisper- eyes glistening as they looked up and met Stef's. The Swede bit his lip. Fuck. He knew Brian was going to ask that at one point, didn't think it would be so soon after he woke up. He didn't even know what he wanted himself.   
  
“Well... Brian. We’re… friends?” The second those words left his lips- he knew they just didn't sound quite right. He had friends. Some close, some just acquaintances and all of them didn't make him feel the same way Brian did and he instantly regretted it.    
  
Friend. Brian made a friend. It felt wonderful and depressing all at once. Why? He wanted more, so much more. He had told himself he wasn’t going to get involved with anyone, to just push away anyone and everyone who wanted to get close to him, he was sure no one would want to get close to him in the first place. But somehow, in very little time, that all had changed. He wanted the Swede, he was falling for him hard- plunging head first and he couldn’t even help it.   
  
But nobody wants a whore for a boyfriend, idiot.   
  
Brian frowned at that loud booming voice in his head that always seemed to echo in his brain at the wrong times. This wasn’t fair… why couldn’t he ever have what he wanted? Why was everything so fucking hard? Did he kill someone in a past life to deserve this endless whirlpool of shit that kept happening to him? If he was meant to die alone… why must such a wonderful person come into his life? To tease him!? Fuck that! Fuck it all. Without any more words spoken at all, Brian got off the bed and moved towards Stefan.   
  
“What about this then…,” started the smaller boy, but stopped and let his actions speak louder than any words could as he leaned forward and pulled Stefan’s head close to his- placing his lips on the much taller boy’s. Stefan was stunned, but answered the kiss- opening his mouth slightly and relishing the feeling. It felt amazing, hot and oh-so soft- yet in a part of his mind, he wanted to end it. He wanted to end it because it would be so much easier to deny his feelings for Brian that way- but at the same time he didn’t want to pull away at all. And when it finally ended naturally, they both gasped for air quietly, panting as they stared at each other. “What about… that?”    
  
Stefan couldn’t even reply- too lost for words, too out of breath and completely drowning in his bright, greenish-blue eyes.    
  
“I think,” started the taller boy. Think. Think. Think, Stef, Think! His brain had somewhat shut down when Brian leaned forward and gave him another quick peck on his lips, using his tongue to lick at his bottom one. It was so intimate and passionate, yet… innocent. In many ways, they barely knew each other at all- meeting by chance as drama partners; they were both such a mystery to each other. Especially Brian.    
  
“What,” asked Brian still panting, “do you think?” Stefan had no idea what this nancy boy was doing to him, but he fucking liked it!   
  
“I think… we need to take this one step at a time.” Brian grinned the second the words left the Swede’s mouth- their heads only inches apart as he nodded softly. One step at a time… that was a start, right?   
  
“Deal,” whispered Brian, leaning in to give him one more kiss. His heart fluttered, stomach turned, and in the back of his mind he asked how their tiny little crush on each other could ever become anything real when he was hiding such a large, dark secret. But at that moment, it didn’t matter.    
  
They both stood there in silence as they slowly pulled away from each other, still catching their breaths. Both of them wondering what to say next. God they were like awkward school children and it secretly drove them both insane!    
  
“So… should we… jam?” asked Stefan quietly. And like a firecracker, that word set Brian off into another series of giggles- pulling the perfect icebreaker that he didn’t even know was funny. “What?!” Brian continued to giggle until he caught his breath again.   
  
“Nothing, let’s jam!”    
  
They boys spent the day messing around with the keyboard and Brian showing him a few more of his poems. They barely got anything accomplished, but it didn’t really matter either. Their relationship, whether just friends or more… was blooming and for once, Brian was happy. Genuinely enjoying himself and Stefan’s company and surprisingly enough they had more in common than they thought they would too.   
  
“Okay, well if we do a production… a play of some sort… we need costumes and makeup!” Stefan rolled his eyes, giggling and almost knocking over his coke.   
  
“Makeup!? I don’t think I would look very good in makeup,” frowned the Swede, blushing- but Brian rolled his eyes. The smaller boy was coming out his shell towards Stefan and he was doing the same to Brian and both had no issues against it.    
  
“How do you know until you try?” squeaked Brian.   
  
“What if the boys at school see me in mak-.” Brian cut him off.    
  
“Oh… them. I understand. Well… just say you HAVE TO for drama. Besides the only people who would see are the people in our drama class,” exclaimed Brian giggling and going through his poems.    
  
“But people talk-,” started Stef, but Brian huffed- nodding. It was annoying that he cared so much about what other people thought about him but knew at the same time not everyone was as comfortable in their own skin as Brian was- or at least showed to be. “I’m sorry, Brian.”   
  
“It’s okay, we’ll figure out something so you can… Although, hiding my sexuality from someone would kill me, I don’t know how you do it!” Stefan shrugged softly, embarrassed.   
  
“I know… I guess I’m used to it and I’m scared all at the same time.” Brian was still rather frustrated at the thought, but he couldn’t be upset with him because it just wouldn’t be fair. He was so innocent in his own way and frightened of what the world would think of him all because he was gay. Had so many friends but wondered who would be around if he told. It made Brian upset, but in a way he understood all at once.   
  
“I understand. Don’t worry, one day you won’t be,” Brian reassured softly, smiling while grabbing the taller boy’s hand. Stef looked up quickly, as if stunned by his touch. It was so sweet and for once, he actually felt like someone understood him. The Swede had so many friends who said they liked him, but then again no one really knew him. That thought alone depressed him more than anything, but Brian did understand and he knew who he was and he wasn’t running away.    
  
*-*   
  
Monday morning came, the boys waking up a little later than normal after both falling asleep going through poems and music sheets- trying to find something that would go with their amazing backdrop of course.   
  
All the students had to report to the gymnasium to get their new uniforms and both boys were reminded the minute they walked through the school doors. And Brian Molko couldn’t have been more pissed off. Their whole damn school must have been there, three different lines to get the new uniforms- the crowd making him uncomfortable a bit, staring at Brian as they made their way to the line on the far left side of the gym. They stood in line together; a little upset they had to miss part of their drama class for what seemed to be complete bullocks. Uniforms. Why?! The smaller boy enjoyed his style- wearing tight white jeans and a tight low-cut pink shirt with his favourite boots. He would have worn a skirt, but he had far too many cuts and bruises on his thighs that did nothing but rose questions. Either way, he enjoyed how he dressed- he didn’t NEED a fucking uniform.    
  
“This is stupid,” exclaimed Brian angrily as he stomped his foot in line.   
  
“Don’t worry, it will be just fine. At least we won’t have to think about what to wear in the morning,” said Stef, attempting to offer him some positive reasoning behind the new rule at Goldsmith’s.    
  
“Hey LOSER!” yelled Mike, throwing a rolled up piece of paper at the smaller boy’s head that hit him on the side. “The uniforms don’t come in kid sizes, dwarf!” His group of friends burst into laughter, as did the majority of the students in line. Brian’s brow furrowed in anger as he turned to look at the bully.   
  
“Well they probably won’t fit over your giant ego, jerk!” exclaimed Brian right back- glaring. Mike didn’t like when the victims of his bullying fought back- it pissed him off. He knew Brian had an impulsive, fiery attitude, but still!   
  
“Fuck you, you little twerp!” he snapped, moving closer to them in line. “Stef- what are you doing standing with this tranny!?” Stefan glared.   
  
“Mike- leave him alone.” The other boy stared at his friend, cocking an eyebrow.    
  
“You’re defending him?!” he cried angrily, his other friends not saying a word behind him… unsure of where the situation was going and as followers- they needed a direction.   
  
“I just think you’re a fucking adult- so why don’t you act like one? This is college- not high school. I’m above that, I would hope you were too.” Stefan couldn’t really believe he had just snapped at his friend… but in all honesty, it felt fucking good. Mike treated Brian and others that he didn’t feel were ‘popular’….like shit! Just like a high school bully who never fucking grew up. Mike did nothing but leer a bit and walk away, having no rebuttal. The group did the same, not another word spoken as they made their way to the back of the line on the other side of the gym. Brian grinned and looked up at him.   
  
“I know he’s your friend…,” Brian started.   
  
“And so are you.” As silly as it sounded, the warmth in Brian’s heart grew warmer at knowing his new friend had just defended him. Someone had stood up for him! Maybe he wasn’t so alone after all anymore. Maybe he could hang out with him after school too! As much of a loser he knew he must have sounded like, he couldn’t wait to spend time with a friend like everyone else did. Make plans, chat, have fun. Fun, simple things that nobody ever seemed to want to do with him.   
  
“Well this uniform thing is bullocks! Fuck them all, I’m getting the girl’s!” Stef’s eyes widened.   
  
“Brian! You can’t do that!”   
  
“Why the bloody hell not!? I have every right!” cried Brian, sticking out his tongue playfully. Stef sighed as he patted his back.   
  
“Calm down, will you? Please?” Brian rolled his eyes as he started rummaging through his bag where he kept anything and everything that held any true value to him- looking for his fags.    
  
“We have a bit of a wait in the line, I need to go out and have a quick fag,” sighed the nancy boy quickly as he pulled out his compact first and ran his fingers under his eyes- fixing his concealer. Stef’s eyes widened a little more.   
  
“You smoke?”   
  
“Bad habit. Helps with the stress” admitted Brian innocently. He didn’t even realize Stef didn’t know he smoked. Bloody hell... if smoking caught him off guard... he KNEW he couldn’t tell him anything else he was into... or he would be gone for good. They hadn’t known each other for long, but the idea of Stef already ditching him when their friendship was just blooming not only broke his heart… but destroyed any plans for them to ever become anything more in the future. And in his head, that’s exactly what he wanted.    
  
The Swede nodded softly, a little disappointed that he had such a bad habit, but then again- he had no idea what kind of ‘stress’ Brian went through. Who was he to judge? Even the majority of the basketball team smoked, he had never tried it personally. Something else his mother always scolded him for even thinking about.   
  
“Okay, I’ll save our spot,” replied the taller boy meekly, giving him a small smile.   
  
“Thanks,” he smiled back. “I’ll be back soon”    
  
With that, the nancy boy hurried out of the gym to the parking lot. God he needed cigarette being all he could think about as he made his way to the far edge of the lot near the giant dumpster that was known as the ‘designated smoking area’. So many thoughts ran through his little head at once that it almost hurt as he took a drag near his foot and kicked a rock. Stef was his friend now; he even defended him in front of Mike! … But what if he found out who he really was? What if he found out the REAL Brian Molko? Not a sweet, lovely kid that Stef thought he was…but a filthy fucking whore that the world seemed to turn their back on- a world that threw him away. What if he figured him out?! What if he-    
  
Brian Molko’s thoughts came to an abrupt halt as he felt a hand wrap around his head and cover his small mouth, silencing any squeaks or screams he was ready to unleash. The small boy didn’t have time to think or react as he felt someone much stronger than him pick him up and throw him into the back of some kind of vehicle he couldn’t really make out. His world went completely dark as someone blindfolded him quickly, holding his hands behind his back as the vehicle drove off. He kicked and screamed, palms sweating and heart in his chest as he tried to call for help- but no one heard him. Completely terrified, he felt tears begin to well up- a painful sting in the side of his neck being the last thing he felt before he finally passed out.   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	11. You Crying, Tragic Waste of Skin

Stefan stood and waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. He didn’t know how the hell it happened, but he had managed to wait in line forty minutes with only five students ahead of him now… and Brian still wasn’t back. Now the Swede didn’t smoke, but he was almost positive it didn’t take that fucking long to smoke a fag! Where was Brian? He was sure taking his sweet time. Oh god! Mike? No… he could see those losers he called friends across the gym waiting in the other line still. Well where the hell was he?    
  
The taller boy was worried, he didn’t want to be…but he was. And at the last minute… all that time standing in line going down the drain, he left the gym- leaving his spot. So they would be the last to get their uniforms.. so what? He just hoped whatever was keeping Brian for that long was either important or god damn E.T had abducted him!   
  
He went out in the parking lot and peered over to where students most often ended up smoking. It was the designated area from the staff to do such ‘behavior’. But all he saw were two girls, clearly not giving a shit about the new uniform policy in ripped jeans and baggy sweaters. He made his way over to them, hoping and praying that they must have seen him.   
  
“Hey, have you seen a short guy, black hair, kind of girly hanging around here? Smoking?” The two girls stared at him and laughed.   
  
“That drama faggot? Nah, sorry.” Stef furrowed his brow. Why were people so god damn rude and… mean?! What did they get out of it? A ‘no’ would have sufficed plenty. Rolling his eyes, the tall boy turned around and went back inside. Where the hell had he gone? Did he ditch him? Stef suddenly felt a prick of rejection. In the back of his mind he hoped… really hoped he hadn’t just been ditched. Was this a way for Brian to tell him to ‘get lost’?   
  
*-*   
  
Brian opened his eyes- a gray, cement wall being the only view he had. His head hurt so badly, his body ached and he tasted blood. So far… none of these were good signs. He sat up slowly- head pounding as he looked around. A bunch of random small beds, ones that looked like they were made for children and random cots were everywhere in the decently sized cement basement. The walls were bare, no paint, no color, not even a picture. The only window was high up in a corner, bars covering the glass. Where was he? The poor boy had no fucking idea and he was scared shitless. Where had that van taken him? Was he anywhere near school? Near his home? Near… Stef?    
  
There was no one in the large room but him. He looked down at the small bed he had been put in; that had only a dark green blanket covering him- the clothes he had worn to school still on him. His wrists were no longer bound, but the marks were still there. Red gashes on both tiny wrists. He had to get out of here and fast.   
  
What the fuck have you gotten yourself into, Brian? You have to find a door and run like you are on fire. Listening to the loud booming voice in his head that usually put him down, the nancy boy hoped off the small bed and looked around for the door on the far end, bolting to it as quietly as possible. But the little glimmer of hope he felt when he thought he had found a way out smashed to pieces as he realized the only door- was locked. Trying the knob a few more times, he gave up- the nancy boy that seemed so tough almost reduced to tears as the realization that he was locked in sank in. He was a prisoner!   
  
His heart jumped into his chest as he saw the knob turn, Marcus smiling as he opened the door and shutting it right behind him.   
  
“You!!!” Brian cried. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Let me out of here!” Marcus giggled, pushed the small boy back as he approached him   
  
“Welcome to your new humble abode, gorgeous,” said Marcus happily; turning the knob one last time to make sure the door was locked behind him. Brian leered.    
  
“What are you talking about?! What is this place?!” Brian was so furious, he could barely see straight. The rage coursing through his little body evident as he glared at the man. Who the fuck did this man think he was? He couldn’t do this! This was illegal- to hold him against his free will. “Let me go, you bastard! What do you want from me!?”   
  
“What do you think I want?” grinned Marcus as the nancy boy stared back at him- a look of absolute grimace and disgust plastered on his pretty face. This man was far sicker and devious than Jay had warned him he was.   
  
“Someone is going to –.” The older man smiled, cutting him off.   
  
“Look for you? Notice you’re gone? Even if that were true, Brian… darling. No one gives a fuck about you. Haven’t you realized that yet? Do you think anyone really cares what happens to a girly little faggot? As pretty as you are…no one loves you. No one cares about you. You’re alone and I guarantee if anyone notices you’re missing... the search will soon end because at the end of the day… no on cares.”    
  
The words hit poor little Brian in bricks. One after another, tearing down the self confidence Stefan had helped him build up. His thoughts that he always thought were true somehow had been set in stone with every word that left Marcus’s mouth. No one cared about him. He felt more tears starting to well up as he blinked, shaking his head in denial.   
  
“No! You’re fucking lying! Of course they care! Someone will notice I’m gone- someone will try-.” Marcus cut him off once again.   
  
“Don’t worry, darling. There is someone who cares about you. I do. You can stay with me… work for me. Wouldn’t you like that?” he offered, laughing slightly as his offer. Brian leered, seething and shaking from being so upset and so angry at the same time.. he could barely think- much less react.   
  
”No!!!!” he screamed. “Never!” Marcus rolled his eyes as he reached out a hand to stroke Brian’s pale cheek, but the small boy hit his arm away- not wanting the man to even look at him, not to mention touch him! This pissed off the older man more than Brian had intended. Marcus had a short fuse for some things and misbehaving brats were one of them. He couldn’t care less what the little faggot wanted- his priorities were no longer important and he was going to make sure he realized it.    
  
“Well I don’t fucking care,” screamed Marcus, taking the back of his left hand and making contact with Brian’s pretty face, hitting him so hard he fell to the floor. The pain was sharp and it stung like a bee as Brian toppled to the ground, the coppery taste of blood reappearing in his mouth and starting to drip down his nose. The small boy looked up at him in anger mixed in with fear. He didn’t want to seem like he was afraid … but he really was. He really fucking was. The older man had more power, strength, weight, and height against him- what was he to do?    
  
“Please! Let me-.”   
  
“I don’t care what YOU want, Brian,” spat Marcus angrily as he bent down and grabbed Brian’s forearm- pulling him back to his feet. “You’re mine now and you’ll do exactly what I tell you to do… just like your new brothers and sisters do.” Brothers and sisters? Brian looked around the room at the fifteen, maybe twenty beds all around the basement. How many people did he have captive here?!    
  
“You’re sick!! Let me go!!” screamed Brian. The poor boy looked pathetic, tears streaming down his face like a child. He was so scared. What was going to happen to him? What was this man going to do to him!? The older man smiled, laughing. He loved a good struggle now and then. Without another word, the man took off his large leather jacket he had been wearing- one that suited his handsome face, well kept hair and suit he had been sporting all too well.    
  
“Calm down, darling. I haven’t even given you a welcome home present,” sighed the man, laughing as he dragged the poor boy back over to the small bed near the wall. Somehow Brian knew exactly what was coming- he wasn’t an idiot! In a last resort out of fear, anger, and sheer determination in his little body, Brian kicked the back of the older man’s leg- forcing him to cry out in pain and let go of his arm. Once free, Brian bolted towards the door, turning the knob and screaming in frustration at the tight, locked knob- feeling as though he could break the brass object right off the door.   
  
“No!!” he screamed at the knob, crying as he continued to turn it. Marcus got back up quickly, grinning and bearing his teeth out of anger as he made his way back over to the small boy who desperately was trying to somehow magically unlock the door. “No!”   
  
“You fucking little bitch!” cried the man as the back of his hand met with the back of Brian’s head, forcing the boy to topple to the ground again. “I’ll teach you to defy me you little monster. You will do as you’re fucking told or so help me god. I’m going to get so many pretty pennies for something as perfect as you.” Brian screamed out as Marcus leaned down and buried his hand into the nancy boy’s black locks. Literally dragging the boy across the room back over to the small bed by his hair. Brian cried out in pain and frustration as he attempted to claw at the man’s hand- but his grip was tight.    
  
Pulling Brian to his feet, the man pushing the boy on the small bed. The boy’s face was red, wet, and smeared with blood from his nose- as well as the marking from his hand already beginning to show. But he still looked gorgeous- his dark eye makeup running and smeared, he still looked absolutely breath taking. He didn’t know exactly why this Brian Molko fascinated him so damn much, but he wasn’t planning on letting him go any time soon.    
  
Brian laid there, more tears falling down his face as he felt the larger man start to undo his pants – shaking his head in denial that this wasn’t happening to him. You’re going to get out of this, Brian. Stefan is going to notice you’re gone. He will. He just has to. He is going to find me, rescue me and we’re going to go see another movie together and work on our project and fall asleep next to each other again… I will. I’ll drink soda; maybe make some popcorn and just talk. It will all go away. It just has to. Brian closed his eyes shut, trying to convince himself this was all magically going to go away- the whole situation, including the sick bastard on top of him… that all of it would all suddenly vanish.    
  
The cold air hit his thighs as the fabric was removed from his legs, his shirt pulled from his body as well- underwear disposed of. He was being undressed like a Barbie doll. Quick and simple, removing any barriers he had between him and this monster above him. Is this all anyone wanted him for? A quick, meaningless fuck? Was he just a hole for people to shove their dick in until they reached orgasm? It wasn’t fair. He should have never agreed to sell himself, to degrade himself in such a way. Look where he was now?! Was he not better than this? As hard as he wanted to deny all the harsh, hurtful words Marcus said to him- it was slowly becoming easier and easier to believe that no one gave a fuck about him. Someone could fuck him, slit his throat and leave him in an alley for dead… and would anyone care?    
  
Marcus looked down at the small, naked boy- literally licking his lips. He was so small, so fragile, and so beautiful. He just wanted to consume him in every way possible. The older man didn’t undress and wasn’t planning on to either. He undid the button from his dress pants, reaching inside them to pull out his hardening cock. He pumped the large member in his hand a few times; licking his lips again as he stared down at the small boy, cock still flaccid. Obviously very upset and very far from turned on in any possible way. Good. Why should he get any pleasure out of it? This was for him, not for Brian. Just to prove it… he wasn’t even going to use lube. He pulled out a condom from his pocket, once again being a man that always came prepared. He knew better than to chance anything with his ‘kids’. Who knows what they had been ‘exposed’ to.    
  
Marcus spread Brian’s legs wide open, bending them at the knee as Brian squealed in surprise, eyes still full of tears, as he shook his head ‘no’. But of course, he didn’t listen. Why would he? Brian’s feelings were the farthest from the older man’s mind. The nancy boy felt the blunt head of his cock at his entrance and closed his eyes tight.    
  
“You should be used to this, Brian,” whispered the older man, winking as he pushed all the way in with one mighty thrust- forcing the boy up the small bed- almost smacking his head against the cement wall. “If not... I would start.” With that, Marcus pulled all the way out and thrust back in viciously that made Brian cry out with a painful yelp. He was completely naked and being violated once again by this man and this time... he was captured. No Jay, no Stef, no anybody to bail him out. In that moment of reality, he wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and die… take an overdose of cocaine and end his life. This wasn’t fair!   
  
The thrusts burn. Every single one- the only lubrication being what was on the condom and it felt like he was being split in half. A feeling he had felt too many times before. He couldn’t remember the last time he made love to anyone. It was always pointless, jaded, empty, painful sex. That was it. The larger man groaned as he picked up his pace, his thrusts getting faster and less precise- Brian kept his eyes shut as the tears continued to fall. He hoped it would end soon- any time now.    
  
“Please,” cried Brian- panting and weeping at the same time. Almost losing his breath between sobs. “Please, stop.” The pleas only made Marcus go even faster, an animalistic pace that erupted in loud sounds of skin slapping skin. His large member entering him to the hilt rapidly- one hard thrust after another hard thrust until he finally came inside him.    
  
Brian groaned as Marcus cried out feverishly, enjoying his orgasm as it hit him full force. One of the very few times you would ever see the man lose control. Once it faded, he pulled out of Brian- slipping off the condom and readjusting his pants. Looking down at the poor boy, he couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t even been remotely hard throughout the whole thing- felt little to no pleasure. Good. He had wanted this time to be that way- teach him a lesson about who was in charge.    
  
“Listen you little slut,” he whispered harshly, grabbing the nancy boy by his hair once again and pulling him up into a sitting positing. Brian cried out in pain as he was forced to stare at the angry man above him. “You’re going to listen to what I tell you and if you don’t- you’ll be sorry. Got it? No one cares you’re gone. No one. And you will work when I tell you to and fuck whom I tell you to fuck. Least you’re good for something.” With that, he threw Brian down to the floor by his locks, a soft ‘thud’ able to be heard as his small, bruised body hit the roughly carpeted floor. It was cold and felt a little damp. Marcus didn’t feel he needed to say anything else as he threw out the condom in the wastebasket and left the basement as abruptly as he came in. Slamming the door behind him and locking it.    
  
Brian closed his eyes as he heard the click sounds of the lock being turned, sealing his fate as he was imprisoned in the large room. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. All Brian Molko could do was wait. Wait to die, wait to live. Wait for something to happen and he didn’t even know what that was.   
  
Stefan. His friend. His friend was still waiting at school for him. He would look for him, wouldn’t he? He would care that he was gone, wouldn’t he? How would he know where to look? How would anybody?! Brian didn’t even know where he was… how was someone else going to figure it out?!   
  
Naked, tired, upset, scared, and most of all… alone- Brian put his knees to his chest and cried. His sobs echoing in the empty basement as the feeling of absolute hopelessness washed over him.    
  
**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	12. He Tries It On For Size

Stefan drove back to his dorm room with so many questions in his head. Brian never did come back to school… or at least he wasn’t able to find him anywhere. Everything had been going so good despite his stupid friends making fun of him. But even after that...it was good, it was fine. Did the nancy boy just suddenly decide to ditch him? Was going out to smoke a fag just a lie so he could get away? He really didn’t hope so… that made no sense at all. Not to mention the thought really hurt Stef’s feelings so he tried not to think about it. He really cared about the smaller boy but something about him at times … it was like Brian was hiding something from him, kept something hidden away. If only he could figure out what it was, then maybe everything would make sense.   
  
*-*   
  
Brian woke up. His back was sore and his head was pounding. But this was nothing new to him, he had woken up like this and hungover so many times before he couldn’t even keep count. He had hoped everything had been some gigantic dream… no… some gigantic nightmare! But the soreness in his behind and on his face told him the painful reality. Not to mention the brick wall he saw when his eyes flicked open that made his heart drop and made it drop low. He sat up in the small bed, looking around the room. It was dark outside; he could see some streetlights shining in through his basement window. The sky black and the room just as dark- despite 2 light bulbs that were on the in the middle of the room. He looked up at them, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light. They didn’t light up the large basement room fully, but enough to see around the room.    
  
He looked over at the beds; most of them were still empty except for two who now had people sleeping in them. One of them, only a few beds over from his, was a girl. She looked dirty blond, maybe brunette? Brian couldn’t tell, but she looked young. Maybe 16?! The other, closer to the other side of the room, was a boy. But the blanket was pulled up so far over his body, he couldn’t see much else despite his dark brown hair. What were they doing here? Were they prisoners too?    
  
The nancy boy looked over at the closed door on the other side of the room. The door to freedom. Unable to resist the temptation, Brian slowly crawled out of his small bed- tip toeing over to it as quietly as possible. Trying so hard to not make a noise, not even one tiny little sound. To the point he tried to barely even breathe. He was so scared of Marcus and the last thing he wanted was to make some noise, a reason for him to come down here. It seemed like an eternity, but when Brian finally reached the door- he turned the knob slowly. But of course, it was locked.    
  
Just as he had feared. In his mind he had hoped, somehow, for some reason Marcus had left it unlocked. Like in the movies when the good guy was able to find some means of an escape because the bad guy was stupid and had ‘forgotten’. Brian was the good guy, wasn’t he? He was going to get out of this just like in the movies… right? The small boy felt tears start to surface as he turned the knob a few more times- pulling on it until he gave up.    
  
“You can’t get out that way,” said a voice from behind him. Brian jumped and gasped as he turned around to where the noise had come from. It had been the boy sleeping. He was now sitting up and rubbing some sleep out of his eyes; squinting in the dim light of the cold basement. He had dark brown hair, blue eyes and looked skinny- even thinner than Brian. Like someone wasn’t feeding the poor kid. But he was cute but looked frail and he was maybe 18? He stared at Brian, letting his eyes adjust to the light himself. “You’re new, right? You can’t get out that way.” Brian blinked.   
  
“I want out,” whispered Brian. “How do you get out? I have to get out of here!” He tried to keep his voice low, sobs breaking his words a bit as he tried to keep himself together the best he could. “Please! I want to get out!” His voice was harsh, more of his leftover black makeup running down his pale cheeks as the other boy stared at him.   
  
“There is no way out. Now from this room anyway. Some have tried to run when they are at a client’s house. But god help you if you’re caught,” he replied gently. Like this was a normal conversation one was to have. Like this was an every day reality and it had become so normal that one could say it as one would say their grocery list. Brian blinked again as he walked a little closer to the boy’s bed, shaking his head in denial.   
  
“I can’t… I want out,” Brian cried softly, standing in front of the boy’s bed- waiting for this kid to tell him that this was all a joke. April fools… the exit is just behind this door… go on ahead! But that was just a fantasy in the smaller boy’s head. There was no way out, no secret door to the outside! God he was so fucking stupid! He should have never gone outside by himself at the school. He should have just sucked up his bad habit and waited in line for his uniform with Stefan. If he had he wouldn’t even be in this mess! But then again, he never saw this happening in a million years. He had never thought this man was this twisted. The boy said nothing as he looked down sadly. He had a huge bruise on the side of his face. The dim light softly outlined the purple skin that reminded him of his own bruising.    
  
“You can’t,” he whispered again. “I’m sorry.” The frail boy said it so quietly, so sadly, it sounded like he was actually apologizing to Brian for it, like it was somehow his fault. Brian frowned.   
  
“What is this place?” he asked.    
  
“Hell,” the boy replied, having to giggle just a little before his face turned back into a frown. Brian sat on the very end of the boy’s bed. “What’s your name?” he asked gently. Brian’s eyes that were wandering the cold-carpeted floor looked up at him.   
  
“Brian,” he whispered softly.    
  
“I’m Tyler, nice to meet you. I apologize for the horrible circumstances,” he said kindly, smiling just a little as he offered his hand. Brian looked at the boy’s hand for a moment, noticing the chipped blue nail polish on his fingernails before offered his hand in return to shake it. Few people ever offered to shake his hand and it was even more rare when they were as young as him.    
  
“How long have you been here?” Tyler shrugged his arms for a moment, looking away as if he was thinking.   
  
“I’ve lost count, I apologize. I suspect 4 or 5 months.” Brian frowned again. This place for that long? Brian had only been here for a few hours and felt like he could crawl into a hole and die at any moment and it would be a better place to end up than here.    
  
“Who’s she?” whispered Brian, his curiosity once again getting the best of him.    
  
“Sarah. There are more girls here than boys, so we don’t get as much….’down time’ as them I suppose.” Fucking fantastic Brian thought as he took a deep breath, trying to calm his tears that wanted to surface again.   
  
“What does he… what is he going to do with us?” Brian had so many questions, questions he somewhat felt he knew the answers too but didn’t really want to admit it. He was afraid of what Marcus was really capable of and even more afraid at the idea of no one even trying to find him.   
  
“He sells you for evenings or parties, to entertain the guests. It’s a human trafficking chain.”   
  
“Where is everyone else?!” Brian cried, truly fighting with himself to keep his voice down despite his outrage and anger that he slowly felt building up inside his tiny body. This man was such a bastard, a horrid sick person.   
  
“Working.” Working… it wasn’t the same when Brian worked. Brian did it because he chose to do it. A sick choice as some may see it, but he did it because he chose to. He had the option to walk away. These people didn’t. He didn’t anymore, either. There was no choice.   
  
“What?! That’s illegal! He can’t do that! Haven’t the cops figured it out?!”   
  
“Prostitution is far off authorities lists for investigation. He’s smart and stays one step ahead of them,” replied Tyler sadly. “Trust me. I’ve tried to leave a few times and I ended up with this.” He pointed to the side of his head, moving his hair out of the way behind his ear to see the large bruise. Brian grimaced as he saw the entirety of it. Looking at it even felt painful, he could only imagine how bad it was for him.   
  
“We-.” Brian’s words were cut off as the doorknob began to move and shift- someone from the outside clearly unlocking it.    
  
“Go,” whispered Tyler, pointing for Brian to go back to his bed. The nancy boy did just that as he jumped off and bolted over to his own tiny excuse for a bed in the far corner. Marcus walked in, closing and locking the door behind me. Brian’s door to freedom…    
  
“Hello boys,” he said smoothly, grinning as he walked into the basement and looking at Tyler and Brian since they were the only two awake gents in the room. He stared at Tyler a little longer. “How’s your face, sweetheart? Learn your lesson?” The boy looked down at the ground, saying nothing but nodding slowly. He walked over to him leisurely; hand in his pocket as he used his free one to ruffle the boy’s hair. Like a father would maybe do to his son after a peewee football game. “Good lad.” It was truly a sick sight to see.    
  
The large man walked over to Brian who had now pulled up his knees to his chest and was staring up at him with large green-blue eyes that glistened in the dim light. He summoned every nerve in his body to make him keep his tears down. He didn’t need anything else to make him look any more vulnerable and pathetic than he already looked and felt.    
  
“How are you feeling, Brian?” he asked in a fatherly tone. The sweet, caring, polite tone he had heard when he had first met him at the nightclub. The tone the man could use as a cover-up. The tone the man could use to never be suspected of doing anything like this, anything this cruel. The tone was his mask. This ‘imagine’. This well-kept together image was his cover! And when he had first met this man… even now that seemed like it had happened years ago. Time had gone so fast, it seemed like a blur in his head. His world had stopped and not for the better. Brian swallowed slowly, gathering the courage to speak.   
  
“Please… let me go. I promise not to tell anybody. I promise,” offered Brian but it came out sounding like pleadings of a child begging his parents to stay up a few hours longer. His voice high and nasally, he sounded no older than a ten-year-old and probably looked no older either. Marcus laughed whole-heartedly at the offer as he ruffled Brian’s hair.   
  
“Oh aren’t you just darling,” sighed the man, still smiling. “Lovely offer, but I don’t think so.” Brian’s heart dropped once again, his last minute attempt to get out having failed.    
  
“Please? I’ll do anything. I swear I won’t tell anyone! Not a soul!” He was truly begging, eyes wide and puppy-like. Marcus continued to giggle.   
  
“I much rather enjoy this scared, vulnerable-Brian over bitchy little mean-Brian. It makes you all that much more delectable. As long as you know your place,” he finished, letting his hand run down Brian’s swollen cheek and rubbing the soft skin with his thumb. The nancy boy winced at the contact, afraid he was going to be struck again but was also too afraid to move. Marcus continued to stroke the boy’s face gently over the bruise. “I’m sorry I had to do that but it’s so you understand where you stand. You’re mine now and once you realize that, the sooner you’ll accept where you are and maybe you won’t hate it so much.” Brian leered a bit, but bit his tongue from snapping back. He wanted to claw the man’s eyes out, not to mention bitch him out.   
  
“Can… can I at least have my bag?” His backpack carried everything that could possibly keep him sane until he somehow figured a way out of here. He had to get out. The feeling of absolute hoplessness was so close and he felt it… but he didn’t want to give up just yet. He couldn’t. His notebook was in his bag as well as his sweater. He just wanted anything that felt normal to him.   
  
“I have it. Maybe you can have it back after you have proved to be a good boy. You have to earn it.” Earn HIS fucking bag… who the fuck did this man think he was? The bag BELONGED to him in the first place! Brian tried hard to bite his tongue again as Tyler shook his head- a warning from behind Marcus.   
  
“But its mine!” snapped the nancy boy as he realized he clearly hadn’t bit his tongue hard enough. Marcus grinned again, but this time more out of amusement.    
  
“We’ll see. You’ll have to earn it. And guess what? Your night is tonight.” Brian’s eyes widened, as Marcus somehow seemed to snap from ‘good guy’ to villain almost within moments as he grabbed the boy’s arm and pulled him off the bed. The sheer power and force this man had in one grip was absolutely astonishing and the nancy boy couldn’t help but feel even weaker and more pathetic than before.   
  
Brian began to twist his body, trying to make the man let him go out of reflex as he was dragged over to the other side of the room but stopped struggling when he realized Marcus was unlocking the door. That door to freedom was finally being opened, but he had no idea where he was being led.   
  
“What are you going to do to me!?” Marcus grinned as his grip got tighter that would surely leave a bruise on Brian’s arm- leading the poor boy up the stairs behind him.   
  
“You’ll see.”   
  
*-*   
  
Tuesday morning and Stefan walked into school hoping Brian would have a good explanation as to why he had just abandoned him like that yesterday. He made his way into the drama room, looking clean and put together in his new uniform that the entire school was forced to parade around in. Even though he had been against it, he would have given anything to hear Brian’s voice call his name and have the little guy run up to him smiling even in the girl’s uniform. As different as he was and as much as he wanted to deny feeling that way, he knew Brian would have pulled off the skirt just perfectly. He thought the boy was far more gorgeous than he thought even Brian knew he was.   
  
Slowly and surely the Swede made his way to his seat right as the bell rang. He had so many ideas for their performance and didn’t have a huge amount of time to work on it and master it. But with all those ideas for that running through his head, he just wanted to make sure Brian was okay. He seemed put together most times, but at others it seemed more like he was in a completely different world so he was never too sure what was going on. Not entirely anyway.    
  
He had no idea how long he had been thinking or how many thoughts were truly running in his brain but half an hour into the class… there was still no Brian. So now the nancy boy wasn’t showing up to school?! What was going on? Stefan wanted to tell himself that he knew Brian better than that, but as he had come to the conclusion before, he didn’t know him nearly as well as he really convinced himself he did.    
  
The bell rang and Stefan was still deep in thought, his books nor binders having been opened even once the entire class. The class emptied as the professor noticed him still sitting in his seat instead of hurrying out for break. It was a shock to see students staying in class after the bell rang unless they had a question but the Swede looked like he was staring off into space.   
  
“Mr Olsdal?” said the professor sternly. The Swede looked at his teacher as he was brought back to reality, glancing at the clock to notice it was time for break.   
  
“Uh sorry, sorry,” he said quickly as he grabbed his bag and books and bolted out of class before one more word could be said. He felt like he had almost been asleep the entire time. He went to his locker and slowly began to turn his lock to switch books for next class but suddenly stopped. Getting a rapid change of heart, he instead turned the other way towards the office. He walked in, putting on the biggest, sweetest, not to mention fakest, smile he could muster as he strode into the room.    
  
“Good morning, Mr. Olsdal,” smiled the woman. The same secretary who had ‘broken the rules’ for Stef once before. There were perks from being the perfect role model student after all.    
  
“Hello, Mrs. Jamison. You wouldn’t happen to know if Brian Molko called in sick today, would you? I have homework for him from drama… and I wanted to know if I should be a good friend and collect it for him for the rest of his classes,” he said gently, smiling. The woman continued to smile back.   
  
“Oh, Stefan. You’re such a nice friend! Always thinking of everyone but yourself. But, I’m afraid we didn’t received a phone call from him today.” Stefan sighed as his smile vanished and his worried expression once again took over.   
  
“Nothing at all?”   
  
“Sorry, dear.” Stefan wanted to yell ‘FUCK’ in the middle of the office out of frustration and worry but knew when to hold his tongue in the presence of an elder, not to mention a lady!   
  
“Thankyou,” he said quickly and turned to leave the office. It took all he had not to be nosy and check up on the boy last night after he disappeared… but gone again this morning? Something must be bothering him and the Swede couldn’t help himself. He had to find out what was wrong. He didn’t even truly know why he cared so much despite trying to deny his strong feelings, but the WANT to know had just turned into a NEED. Deciding to be a ‘rebel’, Stefan Olsdal’s perfect attendance was once again ruined as the bell rang. While everyone else went to class… the boy went out to the parking lot to make a trip downtown to see what the hell was going on.   
  
*-*   
  
Brian was dragged up the stairs to another room, through more hallways and up another flight of stairs. He tried to stay together as the man’s gripped tightened on him, but he had no idea where he was or where he was headed. He just knew that the basement was clearly hidden and kept away from anyone who was nosy to try and find it.    
  
“Where are you taking me?!” cried Brian as Marcus put a hand over his mouth once they entered a large bedroom. A rather nice large bedroom.    
  
“I like to play a part. Though I know your performance is quite good.” Brian grimaced as he realized what he meant. Before he could think of a thing, he felt himself being pushed on the bed while Marcus left him and walked towards the closet- opening a section he kept locked. One side were his expensive brand name suits, shirts, matching ties and shoes… the other side opened to a whole new section of its own. Inside was lingerie, dresses, heals, boots, fishnets, whips. Anything and everything everyone would expect a man like him NOT to have in his closet that was for sure. After glancing at it, Brian sat up and bolted towards the half-open bedroom door. HA. Just like in the movies! A way out! The boy ran as fast as his little legs could carry him, Marcus’s eyes widened as he saw the beauty go through the door.   
  
“HEY!” he screamed. Brian didn’t look back, but continued running down the hallway till he felt a pair of hands grab him, picking up his little body. Brian couldn’t see who it was but began to kick and shout like a child in a furry. Looking almost as if were a child having a temper at a store for not getting his favorite candy. He just continued to kick and shriek, his voice high pitch and screaming as he was carried back into the bedroom and thrown on the bed.    
  
“LET ME GO!!” screamed Brian, sitting back up. His black locks in a complete poof on his head from the struggles as he looked at the large man who had dragged him back.   
  
“Thankyou, Bruce,” said Marcus as the look of panic on the older man’s face vanished. The thought of losing his new pet had made him lose his cool for a moment but luckily his hired help kicked in when necessary. This Bruce looked like a butler or security guard or… something. Dumb and stupid, kept for sheer strength and force. How could someone work for such a man like this!?! Brian didn’t get it. After the man who had brought him back left, Marcus locked the door, turning the knob to show Brian it was a hopeless escape.   
  
“Are we not past sad attempts to get out, Brian?” The smaller boy said nothing, just continued to leer. “If you try that again, I’ll have no problem breaking your pretty little legs and dragging you to ‘work’ in a wheelchair. Casts are good leverage to keep your legs nice and spread,” he giggled as Brian looked at him with a look that could only be described as complete horror and grimace. He truly was a sick bastard… Brian hadn’t even realized. The man grabbed the smaller boy’s forearm and led him to the middle of the large bedroom. “Strip.”   
  
“What?!” squeaked Brian, looking as if he were going to cry.   
  
“Do it,” said Marcus sternly, making his way over to the closet and turning back to stare at Brian.    
  
“But-,” Brian had no idea what to say. He already felt pathetic and defenseless under the man’s deathly stare; he didn’t want to reveal his body… again.   
  
“Do it or I’ll do it for you.” Brian bit his lip as he began to pull at the fabrics on his body. Slowly but surely stripped off his shirt and his tight jeans as he pulled them down his legs. He had to hold his tears. He was so angry, so upset, so lost, he was unsure if there were such emotions in the dictionary that could put everything he was feeling into one word. He stood there in just his floral ripped panties in the middle of the room, his arms wrapped around his chest as if he were trying to shield as much of his body from Marcus’s stare.    
  
The older man grinned. Brian looked like a little girl, so cute, so pretty, and so damn vulnerable. This green-blue eyes large and wide, the dark eye makeup smudged and running. How could someone still look so desirable when they looked like such a mess at the same time? It was fascinating… “And the panties.” The three words hit Brian in bricks, one by one thrown at his head. More tears fell down his face as his chipped painted-nails slowly ran down his thighs, finally reaching the fabric and slipping underneath the sides on the undergarment. They stayed there for a moment; as if Brian needed a moment to gather himself before he pulled them down to reveal the most intimate parts of him.    
  
Brian’s arms that were once wrapped around his chest slowly moved further down his body to try and cover up his genitals, but Marcus walked closer to him till he was only maybe a foot away. The nancy boy didn’t look up at him, didn’t even want to attempt to. He felt disgusting and small. And Marcus didn’t help as he grabbed a small wrist in each hand and spread Brian’s arms apart and looked down. Taking in Brian’s entire naked being, not like he hadn’t seen it before.    
  
The smooth, perfect pale skin that covered him… that screamed to be touched. His eyes traveled Brian’s pretty face that was still lightly shedding tears, down his neck, smooth hairless chest, past his nipples, his tiny cute tummy, his limp member, his thighs, right down to his feet. Taking Brian’s entire form in.    
  
“You’re very gorgeous, darling.” The boy said nothing; the compliment meant nothing coming from someone as revolting as him. “Pick one.” Brian looked up at him as the man pointed at the closet with all the beautiful outfits. “All my kids must look amazing before a client. Pick one.” Brian turned away.    
  
Pick a dress. Why? So some sick perverts could rip it off him and fuck his brains out while he kicked and screamed? No thanks. The smaller boy said nothing as he looked away. He wasn’t very responsive and it was starting to piss Marcus off. “Fine,” he said sternly as he threw Brian’s arms down to his sides and walked to the closet to pick the shortest, sluttiest little black dress he could find. He pulled it off the hook and walked towards Brian once again slowly, taking in the boy’s perfect naked form. If he wasn’t going to pick a dress, he’d pick one that would reveal the most.   
  
“Arms up.” Brian did as he was told as the dress was brought over his head and fitted accordingly. This one had no straps, was a lovely halter dress and it tied up snugly around his form, hugging his feminine curves and came only a little lower than his hip bones, barely covered his genitals. “Perfect fit.” He pulled Brian over to the body length mirror so he could see himself. He didn’t look long. He didn’t want to look at himself like this. He looked like a complete tramp and normally… that never bothered him. He liked to flaunt his sexuality and his body… but now, now it made him feel more like dirt than it had ever done so before.    
  
“You should be honored. I rarely pay one as much attention as I do you before … before work,” he said smiling, winking at Brian before he walked into the bathroom and returning with a pink makeup bag.   
  
“Lucky me,” said Brian flatly in a bitchy, mono-tone voice that somehow flicked Marcus’s temper on again in just a swift moment as he grabbed Brian’s neck, causing the smaller boy to squeak.    
  
“Listen you little whore. I would start to change your attitude if you knew what was good for you,” he whispered harshly, squeezing a little tighter as Brian’s eyes became as wide as dinner plates and in an instant- he was thrown to the floor.    
  
“Fuck you,” snapped the boy angrily. He was not to be told what to do. He already felt as weak and as exposed as he possibly could be, he couldn’t hold in his furry anymore. “FUCK YOU!” he screamed as he gave him the middle finger. Why should he doll himself up? Why should he make himself look desirable? For who? More sick men who wanted to use his body? Fuck him. Fuck all of them. Marcus bared his teeth angrily as he moved closer to Brian, throwing the makeup bag on the bed and grabbing him by his forearm, pulling him to his feet.   
  
“You fucking little bitch. You’re a hard one to crack, but I’ve always enjoyed a challenge and how I do enjoy ‘breaking’ you.” Brian cried out angrily and tried to claw at the older man, but it barely fazed him as he was dragged into the dazzling white bathroom that was attached to Marcus’s bedroom. All completely white. White toilet, white shower, white door, white sink- it all looked like it had been scrubbed for hours. Marcus pushed Brian up into the counter with the sink, looking at his caked on makeup in the mirror as Marcus push his body up behind him- pinning him into the counter.   
  
“NO!” cried the smaller boy that came out as a squeak at best as he felt his large hands grab the bottom of the black dress and pull it up above his hips, making his perfect bottom visible to the man behind him. He felt the cold air hit his skin and tried to push back, but was nowhere near strong enough to push against the brute force that kept him pinned there.   
  
“This is your fault, Brian,” whispered the man behind him in his ear. “You need to learn your place. Not that I mind showing it to you,” he continued, laughing softly as he began to undo his pants and pull them down slightly to let out his hard cock that was only beginning to get harder as he gently fisted himself. Brian began to sob as he stared at himself in the long bathroom mirror that reached all the way down to the counter in front of the sparkling white sink.   
  
The small boy cried out as Marcus’s fingers slipped in between his cheeks and already began to probe at his tight opening. The older man turned on the tap in front of them- wetting his fingers before placing them back at his entrance- beginning to push in. The water was ice cold and Brian yelped at the intrusion. He scissored them inside only twice before pulling the digits out and replacing them with the blunt head of his cock. Brian hated how he always seemed to get down to business, never ever truly preparing him. He knew it made it hurt worse for Brian when he did that and he was sure that was the reason why he did it in the first place   
  
Marcus was a man who was always prepared, always on top of things. He was too turned on, too set on showing the boy a lesson to remember to even put on a condom- a rule that was a must when he fucked his workforce… but for Brian… he made an exception.   
  
He gave Brian no time to adjust as he pushed all the way inside to the hilt and stayed still- bathing in the wonderful tight, hot feeling of Brian’s behind. The nancy boy bit his lip harder, ripping the skin n his lip with his teeth at the ‘full’ feeling. He looked up in the mirror and saw that Marcus’s eyes were closed, groaning loudly in his hear behind him until he let his eyes fall to look at himself in the reflection. His mouth was wide open as the man behind him began to pull out slowly and push back in at the same pace. He was hoping he would be fast and quick. Yes it would be far more painful, but he would cum and it would be over with.   
  
But instead, Marcus began to thrust painfully slow. His breathing was heavy in Brian’s ear as he pulled out ever so slowly and thrust back in just as slow. The nancy boy was so tight, so hot, and he wanted this ‘punishment’ to last. Get him good and ready for what waited for him. Brian looked down at the taps, the sterling silver shining in the bright lights of the bathroom, he could see his reflection in them. Fuck, he didn’t want to see himself anymore- he wanted to shrivel up in die. And as if reading Brian’s mind, Marcus grabbed him by his shoulder-length black locks and pulled his head up to look in the mirror, to stare at his own reflection which only caused Brian to wince in pain.    
  
“Look at yourself,” he whispered softly as he pulled out slowly. “Watch me fuck you.” With that he thrust back in roughly, pushing Brian’s body harder into the counter, his hips grinding into the marble edges that would most likely leave even more bruises on his small body. Nothing could be heard but Marcus’s grunts and groans, Brian’s whimpers and gasps, and skin slapping skin when the he pushed all the way inside of the smaller boy- his balls touching Brian’s soft bottom. With one hand still holding Brian by his black locks, his other hand ran down Brian’s shoulder all the way down to his hips where he pulled the black dress up even higher around his belly button.    
  
“Please,” whimpered the smaller boy, biting his lip even harder, “Please.” He tried to tell the man to stop. He knew it was useless, but wanted to try… though he couldn’t bring himself to even say the next word as silent tears fell down his pale cheeks. He watched in the mirror as the liquid droplets ran down his face as Marcus continued to enter him, his pace now starting to pick up.   
  
Please let it be over soon. Please let him cum, let him finish. Please make him leave me be. Please.    
  
Marcus’s thrusts picked up speed as he began to slam into Brian over and over. Brian stared at himself with absolute fury in his eyes. He wanted to disappear and float away from his body again- to just dissolve like sand blowing in the wind. The other man let go of Brian’s hair, now running both of his large hands down Brian’s frail body in between his legs, spreading them further apart as the animalistic force started. Thrust after thrust, like he was an object, his prostate being avoided at all costs. Brian didn’t deserve any pleasure. Marcus’s intention was to get off and teach him a lesson all at once until he finally ‘got’ it. Until it sank into that pretty little head of his. And he was going to finish him off.    
  
Marcus pulled out his large member quickly, grabbing onto Brian’s hips and pulling him further back so Brian was bent over porn star style over the bathroom counter- like he was ready to get a spanking. An even more humiliating position that the one before it as the man wasted no time sheathing himself in the nancy boy’s tight heat once again. Brian looked up at himself in the mirror one more time before shutting his eyes and pretending he was somewhere else for the remaining of this degrading experience. Marcus continued to pound him- the sound of skin slapping skin now echoing in the large bathroom. It was like music to his hears as he ran his large hands down the boy’s thighs and back up as he continued to thrust in until he felt that familiar feeling of his approaching orgasm.    
  
A few more ragged thrusts and he came hard, groaning loud as he filled Brian with his hot, white seed. Brian panted heavily as he finally felt the man cum. Marcus stayed inside him for a minute or so until he was sure all his seed made its away inside the young boy. Brian groaned slightly as he pulled his large member out of his sore hole. He felt the creamy liquid drip out of him down his thighs and run in between his legs. Marcus sighed, fixing and readjusting his pants. He stepped back and admired his work and the mess he had made with pride. Brian was still bent over the counter, his tight little hole still nicely exposed. How beautiful and sexy he looked.   
  
“God you’re a good fuck,” he giggled, moving close to give Brian a kiss on the top of his head. “I’m going to enjoy having you around.” Brian closed his eyes tight, trying to hold in all the hate and resentment he felt for that man and himself, trying to avoid doing or saying anything that somehow would make this situation get any worse even though at that moment that almost seemed impossible. Marcus walked out of the bathroom for a moment and grabbed the makeup bag he had thrown on the bed and set it on the counter. “You have fifteen minutes to pretty yourself up.”    
  
Not another word was said as the man walked out of the bathroom and closed the door. More seamen ran down his legs as he collapsed to the clean floor and broke down in a quiet sob. He began to shake as he tried to remain quiet. The tiled floor was cold on his bare bottom and his tears were black from the still caked on mascara as they hit it- dirtying the perfectly clean room. He never used to believe in heaven or hell, but he sure did now.    
  
Please Stefan… find me.    
  
**TO BE CONTINUED….**


	13. So Bored Of Being You

Maybe he went to visit family? Got sick and had to go home? Been too tired to go to school because of work? Lame excuse after lame excuse didn’t help the Swede feel better. He knew they were just sad possibilities that he only hoped were true. In the back of his mind… he had the fear that he had just simply been rejected. This little girly boy that he thought was his friend was ‘dumping’ him already and they weren‘t even officially going out- thought he hadn‘t said it out loud yet, he really wanted to. He just hadn’t mustered up the strength to say it to Brian yet. In some ways, he had wished he had let Brian let them go ’further’ when they were in his dorm room. To live in the moment for once.   
  
The guy had no friends at school as it was and he was avoiding the only one who was. It just all wasn’t adding up. But did he really blame him? No… Did standing up to the crowd he hung around not show Brian that he at least cared about him a little? Either way, he wanted a god damn explanation!   
  
Stefan always hated going to downtown London, to the shady area where Brian lived. He knew it was cheap and somewhat affordable compared to plenty of other areas, but he was a sheltered boy and wasn’t used to it and he didn’t feel that entirely safe. God he could be such a wuss when he wanted to be. Grow a pair, Stefan. Jeez!   
  
The tall boy pulled over on the side of the street, parked, and started walking up the sidewalk towards Brian’s building. His steps got a little slower as he thought about what he would say if the nancy boy was home.   
  
If he’s upset to see my nosy self, my excuse could be… homework? Yeah, I’m just a nice guy that wanted to let you know about your homework so you don’t get behind. Because that’s the kind of guy I am… Wow, the more I say that in my head, the more likely Brian will slam the door in my face! Well he was the one who left me in line! He was the one who never came back… maybe I should be the one a little pissed off. Not to mention we have a project to work on and he didn’t even show up for school today!   
  
Thought after thought ran through his head until he realized he was right in front of the smaller boy’s building. Fantastic… He stared at the structure, gathering his courage little by little right as the fat landlord walked out, stopping when he saw him. He grunted a bit, eyeing the taller, well-dressed boy up and down. Probably thought he was some snobbish, rich kid. He was even more dressed up than when he last saw this man and he hadn’t seem too fond of him at that time either.   
  
“Haven’t I seen you around before?” he snapped, sounding annoying. Stefan stared at him, blinking for a moment as he summoned his vocal cords to start working at any time.   
  
“Uh, yeah. I’m Brian’s friend…,” he said softly. The fat man scoffed.   
  
“A gentleman such as yourself involved with that little rat? Do pigs fly too?” he asked, chuckling even louder at his own joke. Stefan smiled a little, scratching the back of his neck in nervousness.   
  
“Is he home?” he asked politely, looking up to the top of the building. The man shrugged, moving aside to let the taller boy walk in.   
  
“How the hell am I supposed to know? As long as you pay rent, you’re off my radar and the rat has been paying up so I don’t give a shit what he does or where he is,” he snapped again. The man was just… an angry person and Stefan almost felt sorry for him. He nodded, quickly, thanking him and hurrying past him into the old building- making his way upstairs. He remembered exactly where Brian’s flat was.    
  
The hallways, doors, stairs, everything about the building looked like it was falling apart and the nancy boy’s door had some dints and scratches on it. The place almost reminded him of a crack house and despite wanting to know if his little friend was okay, he wanted to be in and out of there as soon as possible. The place gave him the bloody shivers. When the Swede reached the top of the stairs, his head turned quickly towards Brian’s door to which he saw a man banging on it- twisting the doorknob annoyingly as his head leaned against it.   
  
“Brii! Brian! Come on! Open the door! You can’t avoid me forever!”    
  
Avoid? The first thought that popped into the taller boy’s mind was his family. He was trying to avoid his family…. This must be his cousin! Maybe he had left to avoid his family and… wasn’t ditching him at all! As sad and pathetic Stefan was sure it sounded if one said it aloud… he actually felt his heart jump in his chest at the possibility! At the possibility Brian hadn’t been avoiding him at all. God he was such a loser sometimes… But as much as he didn’t want to admit, the idea of this girly boy blowing him off forever upset him, it upset him a lot.   
  
“Are…you Brian’s cousin?” Stefan couldn’t believe he could hear his shy, conservative self just ask that aloud. It’s none of your business, hush up!!! Jay looked over at the tall boy quickly and cocked his eyebrow.    
  
“Huh?” Jay continued to stare at the man oddly- wondering what the fuck he was talking about. What was going on? Cousin? What the fuck!?    
  
“You were the one here the other night weren’t you? Waiting for Brian? Brian said you were going to take him to see his family… and he was avoiding you because of it,” Stef blurted out, but suddenly covered his mouth gently, second guessing all he had said. Fuck, Stef! Shutup!! Jay blinked, thinking for a moment.   
  
“Uh.. Yes, I’m his cousin. Have you seen Brian lately?” Jay lied, eyeing him up and down before putting on a much calmer demeanour than the one that had been banging on the flat’s door. Maybe he could get some information out of this kid. Stefan shook his head quickly. “Are you his classmate?”   
  
“Friend,” Stef corrected. He didn’t quite know why he felt like he had to correct the man…but he did. “And classmate. Uh he hasn’t shown up for school, I was making sure he was okay.” Jay scratched his head.   
  
“Listen… if you see him… tell him his… cousin… is looking for him and he should find me if he knows what’s good for him,” he snapped. Jay didn’t mean to be THAT rude, but he was losing business and in the back of his mind, he felt like Brian wasn’t just avoiding him. What if its worse, he would have to rummage in some proverbial shit.   
  
Stef stood there in the hall in silence after the man left, leaving an odd feeling behind. So the nancy boy wasn’t at his flat either?! Where was he? At work maybe? He didn’t even know entirely what pet shop he even worked at! Just knew it was downtown. God, this was turning into a hunt. Not to mention the Swede was worried what the shorter boy would do if he found out his new friend was practically stalking him to make sure he was okay. He was being such a mother!   
  
*-*   
  
Brian stared at himself in the mirror, looking at the mess he made on his face. Well, really, it wasn’t a mess at all. His eyeliner was thick and black around his eyes. His eyeshadow dark and smokey, only making his green-blue orbs look even larger than they already did. His eyelashes were long and thick, concealer covering up the bruises and cuts on his face- though it couldn’t mask the tired look he had.   
  
However, as much as he hated it, he looked beautiful. He truly did. His face was so soft, so porcelain, so perfect. He fixed his hair as best as possible, his black curls falling around his face, almost touching his shoulders. With that dress, he could pass for a female one hundred percent. The tight fabric hugged his feminine curves. He was ready but didn’t utter a word, wanting to put off the inevitable as long as possible. He felt so dirty, so low to the point that he wanted rip his skin right off.   
  
The nancy boy looked around the white bathroom again, once more reminding himself there were no windows which equalled no opportunity to escape. A few more tears fell down his face. He was stronger, tougher than this, but he couldn’t stop the salty droplets. He wiped away at one before he pushed some of his black curls behind his ear.   
  
The second the door handle turned, Brian jumped and turned to face Marcus- his hands on the sink behind him as he held his breath. The man’s temper could be flicked as quickly as his own attitude could and the small boy was beginning to fear it. His temper could mean another rape and if he could avoid that in any way possible, he would.   
  
The older man grinned as he stepped into the bathroom. He couldn’t help but smile at how beautiful the boy looked. He truly was a sight to see. The dress barely covering his soft thighs, hugging him perfectly- leaving not a whole lot to the imagination. He looked so slutty, yet so innocent at the same time. He could make men fall to their knees and its exactly how he wanted Brian to look. Perfect. Pure. So pure that a man would pay Marcus any price just to get at him. To fuck him. To shove their dick inside him and taint his perfection.    
  
“You look… gorgeous, darling,” said the man softly, almost uttering it just to himself. Brian heard him loud and clear as he looked down at the floor, at his feet that were getting a little chilly on the cool tiled floor. More curls fell from behind his ears to in front of his face as he tried to hide some more tears he couldn’t help but shed. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He felt himself slowly breaking inside and wondered how many more pieces were left to crack and break off of him till there was nothing left of himself to salvage.   
  
“Let’s go,” he said sternly. Brian was a little too shook up to move and the slow movement was not fast enough for the boss, the head of the house. He clenched his teeth, taking the smaller boy’s slow movements as a sense of rebellion and lunged forward, grabbed him by his black locks. Brian hissed in pain, trying to claw at the man’s wrist until he gave up. “Shutup! You’ll do as you’re fucking TOLD!” he roared, throwing the boy on the carpeted bedroom floor where he had already ended up once today. “GOT IT? You will do as you’re fucking told. You will do something when I tell you to do it!”    
  
Brian was not one to be yelled at- to be told what to do, but he was too scared to yell back. He couldn’t find his voice. He couldn’t bring forward the attitude he could usually summon when he wanted to. Bitchy Brian was becoming too insecure, too frightened. For once in his life he was actually terrified of what would happen if he opened his big mouth. So instead, Brian just leered, his only weapon to let him know he wasn’t a scared little child when in fact that was exactly what he felt like.    
  
“Get up,” said the man firmly, grabbing a pair of heels out of the closet and grabbing the nancy boy by his wrist again- forcing him to get up. Brian bit his lip, trying to calm his breath as he was dragged down the hallway and down the same staircase he had been forced to go up earlier that seemed forever ago. Days were running together and Marcus seemed to have a schedule all on his own. There were no day and nights anymore, there were just club times, bar times, parties, times when he could sell and make money and that was all he cared about.   
  
Brian wanted to try and memorize the way in case he ever found the chance to escape again, he needed to do it to keep that little glimmer of hope in his head, the little chance that maybe… just maybe he could get out of this all on his own. His faith in Stef, his friend he had only known for a short time, was diminishing by the hour. Why would this boy go search for him like his lost puppy? He didn’t have to, nor would he even know where to look.   
  
Before Brian could even realize he was back outside, breathing in fresh air, he was thrown into the back of a van. A dark van that had no windows- talk about not conspicuous. He let out a small grunt as Marcus climbed into the front with another man who’s face he couldn’t see. The only light in the van was coming through the windshield and it didn’t last long. Was it night already? Or was it midday? Brian didn’t know and it was playing with his head. It was messing with his head so much he could feel himself break down, unable to control what even came out of his mouth.   
  
“Where are you taking me?” he whined, panting as he put a hand through his black locks.   
  
“Shutup,” said Marcus nonchalantly, in the same way one would say ‘hello’. The nancy boy looked around the dark van as best he could, making out anything, trying to find a door handle. He would jump out of a moving van in a mini dress if it meant he could be free from here. He would break all his limbs for the chance to be free of this psychopath. He continued to search quietly until he noticed another girl in the back with him. She looked no older than 14 and Brian froze when he saw her stare at him and look away. He couldn’t make out much of her face or even her hair color, just her piercing sad eyes that seemed to shine in the light that was coming through the front windshield. Daylight? Or Street lamps? He didn‘t know. He wanted to say something to her, but with the two men only a few feet in front of them, in ear-shot- it wouldn’t have been a bright idea.    
  
Besides, a more piercing matter on his mind was the fact he was craving, feeling his body yearn to get high. It had been a few days and he needed the dragon. In any way he could get it- he was going to start breaking out into a sweat soon, shiver, shake. He had tried to kick his drug habit once before and lets just say it didn’t go all too well. It wasn’t a pleasant thing to go through and in his mind, he felt the habit was better than going through withdrawal symptoms, they were trippier than the fucking drug themselves.    
  
He put his head in hands, trying to calm himself in any way possible. He couldn’t go through withdrawal symptoms now, he just couldn’t. They would do nothing but piss Marcus off and he couldn’t handle another beating or rape from that man,…not right now. Control yourself, Bri. Just breathe, breathe. He wanted to curl up in a ball and cry for so many reasons but now was not the time.   
  
The girly boy was brought out of deep thought as he felt the van come to a halt. Fuck. Where in the bloody hell were they anyway?! He heard a door open and slam shut, walking and then the back door of the van getting thrown open. A voice he didn’t recognize yelled to the girl in the back and told her to come. Brian looked over at her and watched her get up and crawl out. The man slammed the door as quickly as he had swung it open, calling something out to Marcus he couldn’t quite understand. And before he knew it, the van began to move once again. He had no fucking idea what just happened, things were happening even quicker than normal. Was it because they really were or was it just his disoriented state?   
  
Brian bit his lip again as he tried to get a hold of himself. The small boy felt like a complete ass at the fact the only thing he could think about was getting high, even if it was just a little bit instead of wondering whether that girl would be okay. He needed to get high. Anything. Heroin, coke, vicadin. Anything!! Just give him a buzz.    
  
“Marcus,” squeaked Brian, his voice breaking as a sob cut through it. He sounded like such a desperate, pathetic little child. He hated it. He hated himself for depending on drugs, but he just couldn’t help it. He was too far gone now. That was partly the reason he got caught up in this mess in the first place. He needed to support his drug habit, did he not? “Marcus?” he squeaked again softly, sounding so innocent. Marcus looked back at him in the rear view mirror.   
  
“What is it, pet?” he said softly, no anger nor malice in his voice which surprised him a little.   
  
“I need…,” he started, panting softly as he bit his lip hard, almost drawing blood. The taste of copper and lip gloss mixing… “I need to get high, please,” begged Brian. Marcus continued to stare at him through the rear view mirror as he drove- not saying a thing. “Please.” Marcus laughed, smiling. Brian didn’t know what was funny or what was so damn ‘smile-worthy’ about this, but kept quiet… only hoping he would give him something. Anything.    
  
Marcus on the other hand was smiling because it was a good thing. The boy was hooked, a drug addict. It was one thing to have a whore, but to have a whore with a drug problem meant he had even more control than before. He needed to get high, to support his habit and since the boy was given no money, since he was controlled… he also controlled what substance he would get. It was perfect. It was something Brian depended on him for.   
  
“Of course, darling,” said the man happily, moving his hand from the steering wheel to slide it under his jacket. Brian waited, thankful, so fucking thankful the man was going to give him something. He didn’t trust him. Fuck, he trusted the man as far as he could throw him… but he was so desperate. Marcus pulled out a small bag of white powder and threw it behind him in the back. Brian’s eyes lit up like it was Christmas as he grabbed it, opening the little ziplock bag with shaky hands. Marcus continued to glance in the mirror again, watching the poor hopeless whore pour some of the powder on the back of his hand in two uneven lines and snort it up. The older man smiled to himself as he did another and another, till the little baggy was gone. It was perfect.   
  
  
Once it was done, Brian sighed, closing his eyes and letting his high come. Letting the rush wash over him. If anything, he could forget he was here for a little while. He didn’t know why Marcus was so happy and willing to get him high… then again, completely disoriented, he would be easier to force himself on him. In retrospective, he knew getting high was a bad idea but right now, right at this moment, he leaned up against the side of the van, tilting his head back and didn’t give a fuck all. No one cared what was happened to him, what would happen to him, so why should he care about himself.    
  
*-*   
  
Stefan stood in the phone booth a little longer. His initial idea was to actually drive to all the pet shops in the downtown area, but why not just call and ask? Genius! The Swede thought he was a bloody genius! Not only would he save gas, but he would save time.    
  
“Hello. ‘Pet Shop Boyz.’ How can we help you?” said an overly chirpy young girl.   
  
“Hi.. Uh. Um. Does a Brian Molko work there?” he asked, softly. The girl was silent for a moment.   
  
“Um, not I don’t believe I’ve ever heard of that name.” Stefan sighed. Wrong one. Fuck.    
  
“Alright, thank you.” He hung up the phone as he dug through his pocket for another coin for the phone booth. He went down the list to the second one around that area. Why the hell did the shady part of London need more than one pet store?!   
  
“’Fur and Feathers Pet Shop,’ how can I help you?” said another overly cheerful girl. The quiet Swede summoned his voice as he took a quick breath.   
  
“Hi! Do you have an employee by the name of Brian Molko?” he asked, wishing he had asked a little louder. He didn’t want to sound like he was ten!   
  
“Um… I just started. Let me just ask my manager,” said the girl quickly, sounding a little bit like a ditz. Stefan sighed, nodding until he realized the girl couldn’t see him through the phone.   
  
“Alright. Thankyou.” She was maybe a minute, but to the Swede it felt like hours- perking up when he heard her pick up the phone.   
  
“Nope, sorry. No one by the name of Brian works here.” Stef’s heart sank as the words hit him one by one. Well that’s two down. He thanked her and hung up. Looking down at the phone book, he realized there was only one more pet shop in the downtown area that he could be working in. The last one must be it! He dialled the last number slowly, something in his stomach telling him this wasn’t going to end well.. But Brian said he worked in a pet shop downtown, so he must work in a pet shop. He wouldn’t lie. He took another deep breath as the phone rang and yet again… another chirpy girl picked it up.   
  
“‘West’s Best Pet Shop,’ Tara speaking.” Stef was so anxious, he practically cut her off from finishing.   
  
“Hi, do you have an employee named Brian Molko?”    
  
“Brian Molko? No, sorry. Only four other girls and I work here.” Stef’s heart once again sank in his stomach.   
  
“Short? Petite? Black hair? Wears mini skirts….,” Stef sputtered anxiously. This was the last shop! He had to be there. The girl just giggled.   
  
“Nope, I’m afraid not. No one by that description works here.”    
  
“Thanks anyway,” he said quickly before hanging up. His gut instinct had been right. So he didn’t even work at a pet shop? Why did he lie to me? Did he do it on purpose so I wouldn’t bug him? Did he ever want to be my friend in the first place?! … Maybe he didn’t lie and he quit?!    
  
There were two sides arguing with the poor kid and he didn’t know which one he was supposed to listen to or which one was right. Brian had just vanished into thin air and his work was the only lead he had to where he could possibly be… and now he found out he didn’t work in a pet shop at all. He had lied to him. He just didn’t understand why he would do that! Who knows what else he had lied about?!    
  
Stefan Olsdal didn’t want to admit it, but standing in that phone booth all alone, he hadn’t felt this horrible in a long time. He was so shy, so quiet, he rarely let someone get close to him, but Brian had been different. They had even kissed. He had felt himself slowly letting Brian get close to him and he was liking it a lot. And now… now it seemed Brian never wanted anything to do with him in the first place. What was the point in looking for someone that didn’t want to be found?   
  
*-*   
  
Brian had no idea how long he had been in that van for, how long they had traveled, where they had come from, where they were going. He had no fucking clue. And now high and disoriented, he couldn’t quite make out what was real and what wasn’t. When they finally pulled up to a large house, the man took no time to grab the nancy boy and pull him out of the vehicle, forcing the poor boy to try and walk in heels. His ‘kids’ had to look the best, the most desirable. Brian fumbled and almost tripped until Marcus wrapped an arm around him. Oh well... this little slut would be on his back the majority of the time anyway. He giggled at the thought.   
  
When they walked in, Brian could smell what was possibly nachos? Cheese? He didn’t really know, but it smelled good. There was cheering, yelling, laughing, music, and various other noises that seemed to coincide with a party. A party with a bunch of men… of course. Brian closed his bright green-blue eyes that were outlined so delicately with eyeliner. Letting himself enjoy the cloud-like euphoria that the drug was having on him. The attention of the party, of the many men all looked at Marcus as he greeted them.   
  
“Hello, gents,” he said happily, smiling. “I brought your entertainment.” The men continued to stare him up and down. One of the larger, chubbier men looked side to side, walking closer to Marcus so he was in whisper distance. Clearly not wanting to vocalize what he was going to say louder than what the two of them could hear.   
  
“Marcus, I wanted,” he whispered, looking behind him at the rest of the party guests quickly before back at the man. “I wanted… we wanted a… you know… a little twink, a pretty boy. She’s gorgeous, but-” Marcus laughed, cutting him off- grinning wickedly.   
  
“Mate, you think I would screw you over like that? Meet… Brian.” The chubby man’s beady little eyes widened as he eyed the nancy boy up and down. He was gorgeous.. Breath taking and he was a… boy?!?”   
  
“What?!” he hissed. “He.. can’t be.. he’s beautiful.. he.. c’mon,” the man started, but the grin on Marcus’ face wouldn’t seize. Instead, he grabbed the man’s wrist and put his hand to Brian’s crotch swiftly as to not make a scene of it, to prove the point of.. certain genitalia. Brian groaned softly, eyes still shut tight as he felt the hand graze his flaccid member through the dress. The man gulped and stared back at the man who brought this beauty into the house. “He’s perfect…”    
  
“I thought he would be,” Marcus grinned. “But be careful. This one is my special little baby. My sweet little prince. Be …. Nice to him.” The man nodded, smiling. Brian opened his eyes slowly, looking around the room again. He felt drunk, tired even. Getting high really hadn’t been the smartest idea he had ever had.    
  
“Men…meet Brian! Courteous of Marcus. A lad who always comes through for us,” said the short chubby man cheering. The rest of the men lifted their drinks in agreement.    
  
“Where would you like him?” asked Marcus slyly, winking. One of the men pointed to a double mattress on the other side of the giant mess of what was possibly once a living room before the party had started. Brian felt himself being dragged by his wrist to the mattress and thrown down. He had an idea of why he was there, but the mattress was decently soft and his head was now pounding… he wanted to sleep. Brian closed his eyes as he laid down. “Forgive me, he’s high,” he laughed. “He’ll just be easier for you to have some fun with. This one is a beauty, but he has a big mouth on him.” A few of the men grinned and winked at each other as they walked closer to the mattress and to the now almost passed out Brian.    
  
“He is a pretty little thing,” said a black man coming up behind his friends, leaning over and stroking Brian’s cheek. The small boy didn’t move, too high, too tired, he just wanted to sleep.   
  
“Get up, Brian. You have work to do,” said Marcus sternly, spanking him hard on his ass. Brian’s eyes flickered open and looked up to see more unrecognizable faces around him. Oh no.. he had nightmares of strangers’ faces, he remembered what happened last time. His high was somewhat wearing off as he tried to focus his attention, he was still so tired, it was hard. The chubby man, clearly eager, moved forward and pulled off the boy’s heels that had already made Brian’s feet somewhat blister from the little time he was forced to stumble in them.    
  
“Well, I’ll be back in a bit. Take care of my little prince for me and enjoy yourselves gents. Enjoy your bachelor party,” said Marcus winking, fixing his suit as he made his way closer to the door to leave. Bachelor party?! Did he hear that right?! One of these sick fucks were going to get married!? … Probably to some unsuspecting girl next door who had no idea of their fiancés’ sick jollies… how wonderful.   
  
As soon as Marcus left he felt some hands start to stroke his soft skin, a hand pulling at the hem of his dress and drawing the already very short frock up towards his crotch where he was wearing no undergarments. Shaking his head, he tried to gain some composure back and pull it down.   
  
“Please, don’t,” whined Brian, his voice so high and nasally, he was sure he sounded like a scared little girl. The men laughed, enjoying it.   
  
“Come on, now. We’re all going to have some fun,” started one of them- petting at his black locks that were in a bit of a mess. The nancy boy shook his head quickly, trying to move further away. He hadn’t had a problem doing this for men when he worked for Jay… but now, he was having less and less control of the situation. Right now... he had none. These men were going to do to him what they wanted to do to him and he had absolutely no say, no choice in the matter.    
  
Another man, very muscular, a real beach boy ladies man type of guy took a swig of his beer. He seemed pretty wasted and he looked at Brian with such disgust it almost physically hurt him. Brian blinked, his green-blue orbs starting to water at the tense situation. The man rubbed at his crotch in the way a man with no self decency and no class would as he threw his bottle to the floor.    
  
“Alright boys… lets get this party started. Who wants to tag team this little faggot with me?” he laughed, already starting to undo his fly. The zipper of his dark jeans echoed like Marcus’ pants did in the bathroom. Brian started to shake, his eyes getting a little wider. Fuck. Now was the time he wished his high would come back, he wanted to be passed out for this. To go in that little place in his head while these men used him.    
  
The men just cheered, hanging onto the muscular man’s words like they were gold as he pulled out his large member in the living room like they were all in the shower. Right.. And he was the faggot? The only man that had seemed disturbed by this was the chubbier man. He seemed to want to go first, maybe it was his party? Brian doubted it. But of course, he would listen to the larger man, the better looking man, the ‘ladies man’. He would get first say as the chubby man retreated.   
  
He looked at Brian with his beady little eyes, filled with lust and backed away a bit. The nancy boy started to breathe heavy and back up a bit on the mattress as the muscular man got on his knees on the mattress, all the men cheering him on like they were going in a wrestling or a boxing match. Brian tried to back up a little more slowly, but the man laughed, grabbing Brian’s ankle and pulling him back down the mattress, pulling his short dress high above his tummy in one swipe like he had done this hundreds of times before. The nancy boy squeaked and whined, closing his eyes as he realized he had just been exposed, all the men now looking at his most intimate parts.    
  
“C’mere you lil bitch,” he laughed mockingly, spreading Brian’s legs in one go. He was so strong, his arms were so big, Brian couldn’t move his legs, not even a little. They were pinned spread eagle- feeling like they had been clasped by metal.   
  
“No, please,” whimpered Brian, but one of the men put their hand over his mouth as the other moved closer in between his legs- using one finger to push inside him roughly. It burned and stung with no preparation and the small boy almost bit down on the man’s hand that were covering his lips. However, the finger in comparison was absolute bliss and Brian would have made less of a stink about it if he knew the torture that was about to come.    
  
Within seconds, that finger was replaced by the man’s large cock now pushing in between his cheeks, engulfing itself fully within his hot, tight walls. Brian let out a giant scream that did nothing but make all the men cheer once again. They were all getting off on forcing him, making him scream, making him cry. They were getting off on it! They were all sick bastards and Brian made sure to wish a slow and painful death on every one.    
  
The death threats in the nancy boy’s head didn’t last long though as the ability to concentrate on anything but the horrid, painful thrusts were getting more and more difficult as the man continued. He felt like a rag doll and he couldn’t remember the last time sex had been this painful. Marcus was bad, but this man’s cock was even larger so the pain was intensified tenfold. Two men Brian couldn’t see grabbed the bunched up black fabric from around his waist and pulled the dress right off him in one quick movement- leaving him completely naked on the mattress. Brian didn’t want to see all the eyes stare at him, all the eyes fucking him with their sick thoughts, their fantasies- he could only imagine. He shut them tight, hoping this would all end soon.    
  
“Let’s get him hard,” said one, the voice cutting through all the other cheering and hollering. There were at least 15 men now around this mattress in the corner, watching this man fuck the shit out of him. It was just a game. He was just a game, a thrill, an amusement for them all. To these men, Brian was no longer a human being. He didn’t exist. He didn’t have dreams, goals, problems, talent, needs, wants. To them, he had absolutely nothing! He was nothing. He wasn’t alive. But to be honest, Brian didn’t feel alive, even with the horrible, terrible pain he was enduring.    
  
A hand wrapped around his flaccid member and began to fist him. Why did they want to get him hard? He wasn’t turned on. He wasn’t even close to fucking turned on! He wanted to roll up in a ball and die, much less ever have sex again. The man’s thrusts became even more ragged before he finally came, spilling his disgusting, tainted seed inside him until he finally pulled out.    
  
“I bet you liked that, didn’t you? You little faggot. Yeah you love cock in that tight little ass of yours,” he sneered, laughing as he let go of one of Brian’s ankles and slapping his ass hard. The hand let go of his flaccid member as the same muscular man who had fucked, kicked him hard in the ribs.   
  
He cried out in pain as a pair of hands grabbed him, pulling him off the mattress for a moment to his feet. He shook his head, trying to see through vision that was still a bit blurred. He hurt badly. His back ached, his legs ached, and his ass hurt the most. He panted, trying to catch the breath from the wind that had gotten knocked out of him when he had been kicked as seaman dripped down his smooth thighs.   
  
A man pulled his pants off, discarding them quickly- laying down on the mattress. The men pushed the poor boy back down on the mattress so that he was on top of him. Brian stared down at this man. He looked like he was in his fourties, had a moustache from the 70’s and looked… like a fucking pervert. His black locks fell around his face as this man smiled at him, grinning while he spread the boy’s legs- using his hands to force the boy to bend his knees a bit so he could thrust inside him.    
  
Brian grunted, trying to move off of him, but the men behind him kept him still as he felt another cock enter his body quickly and begin to thrust, not even letting him adjust. The man moaned happily at the sensation, picking up his pace rather quickly. Brian just stayed on his knees in the slightly crouched position over this man as he fucked him, deciding if he didn’t struggle, didn’t cause a fuss… then it would end sooner. In the back of his mind, he felt if he didn’t try to fight… then he would be giving in, giving up and as much as he didn’t want to do that, he was beginning to feel weaker.    
  
The poor nancy boy tried to close his mind from at all the horrid comments that were filling the air as the men continued to hollar and whoop. Even more of the ‘guests’ at this bachelor party surrounded the mattress in happiness and cheers like they were watching a bloody football game. Fucking him and embarrassing him seemed to be the main entertainment and it made him want to cry. ‘I bet he can suck a mean dick’, ‘fuck him good, give it to him’, ‘what a little faggot’ were only some of the many comments that continued to dirty the air, that wrapped inside his little head. He didn’t want to hear them, but their voices, their blank faces filled his mind, playing over and over like a broken record.    
  
“I bet this bitch can take two cocks at once,” said one of the men, quickly unzipping his fly as they actually began to cheer even louder, raising their cups and beers in amusement. Brian’s eyes widened at even the idea and began to try and move, to try and get off the man that was still fucking him ruthlessly.    
  
“No, No… No NO!” screamed Brian, trying to twist and turn to get off, but the men held him in the same position over top of the one man as he felt another take positon behind him. No.. it would tear him, he would bleed. The pain. Fuck. No! They can’t do this! They can’t! I’m a fucking human being, not a bloody blow up doll! No! NO!! They won’t do this to me, they can’t, they can’t, they can’t, they can’t.   
  
But despite the pleas in his mind, the begging he did aloud, it didn’t help. Brian screamed as loud as he could possibly muster as he felt another cock start to push its way inside with one already in. He literally felt like he was splitting in half, the pain ripping through him like a knife. He could feel the hot liquid start to run, so sure that it was blood. They were going to kill him.    
The worst kind of punishment, the worst kind of humiliation, the worst kind, not to mention most painful kind of fucking imaginable. Two men buried inside of him at the same time, laughing, enjoying it as Brian literally screamed and passed out from the pain. They didn’t care. No one cared.   


** TO BE CONTINUED... **


	14. Smell Of Crotch and Sheets Not Clean

Brian woke up to the same dreary, gray cement wall he had woken up to once before. He was back in the basement of wherever the fuck Marcus was keeping him and just looking at that one wall made him want to cut his wrists and die right there on that shitty mattress, bleeding and alone. He had almost hoped those men had killed him. He hurt everywhere and every time he tried to move, he had a searing pain in his ass that up his spine. After all that torment, after all those rapes at that party… he was still right back where he fucking started from.   
  
“Brian?” His name was said with such softness and sincerity. Concern, even. It couldn’t be Marcus. The nancy boy turned his head slowly to see Tyler, looking at him worried. “Brian, I brought you some water and some crackers. You’ve lost a lot of blood, you should eat something.” Words of kindness wasn’t something the short boy had been used too, besides Stefan of course, and he didn’t really know how to respond at that moment.  
  
“I’m bleeding?” whispered Brian hoarsely. It was a stupid question. But at that instant, he was still trying to piece together everything that had happened. Tyler nodded gently, sitting down beside him on the edge of the mattress. Brian was only wearing a loose t-shirt. He had no idea whose it was and where his real clothes had gone. Someone must have changed him before putting him in the bed. It was all a blur- he couldn’t remember a thing after he had passed out.   
  
“It’s stopped recently. You were torn, Marcus had them give you stitches. You’ll be okay,” he said, smiling as if there was anything to smile about in that whole fucking sentence, but the boy was just trying to make him feel better. The fact he could somehow put a smile on at all in this god awful place was amazing to begin with.   
  
“I went.. to the hospital?” Brian asked confused, trying to sit up a little despite the pain, but Tyler shook his head, almost wanting to laugh.  
  
“God no, Bruce did it. He is a retired doctor. He’d never bring us to the hospital, too conspicuous. Bruce has given me stitches before too, a few times. You’ll be just fine, I promise,” said Tyler, offering some of the plain crackers he had in his hand. A few times… Brian shook his head, wanting to weep. How many times had this boy been through what he had just endured? He couldn’t stand the thought of staying here another week, not to mention a few months. Kill him now. “Please eat something, Brian. You need food.”   
  
“Why do you care?” the shorter boy snapped. Brian didn’t mean to be such an asshole, this was the only person to show him kindness since he had gotten there. None of the other ‘prisoners’ had said a word to him. Tyler didn’t know him, didn’t have to say a word to him either, but he did. And what did he do in return? Snap at him. He felt like such an asshole. Tyler stared at him and frowned - the guilt the girly boy had been feeling doubling. “Listen, I’m sorry.. I’m just…,” Brian bit his lip, trying to hold back his tears. His voice was getting higher, more nasally as it did sometimes, especially when he was close to crying. “I just want to go home.”   
  
At the word ‘home’, Brian finally broke down, letting all the emotions he had been feeling all out into one giant sob. His large green-blue eyes glistened in the dim light of the dingy basement. Tyler looked at the floor for a moment before leaning in and offering the poor nancy boy a hug that he desperately needed. Brian took it without pausing and clinged to the boy who was being so sweet to him.   
  
Looking around the basement again, not many of the beds had people in them. No one seemed to really talk much to each other, converse really. A little conversation here and there, but for the most part… everyone look terrified, tired, or just ready to die. Tired of it all. The small boy could only guess how long some of the kids had been here. Some were his age, some as young as 14, 15,. It was disturbing on so many levels, Brian had to blink a few times to realize he actually was where he was.   
  
“You’re going to be okay. Here, eat,” said Tyler, letting go of him at a few moments and putting the crackers in his hand. “They don’t give us a lot of food, so eat when you can. You weren’t awake when he passed out some food so I saved you some of mine. I have some water too. You need to stay strong, especially after all the blood you lost. Some of the weaker ones, sickly, they go and they don’t come back. And I don’t think he drops them off at the hospital,” Tyler finished the last part slowly, Brian putting a cracker in his mouth at the same time very slowly, letting the information sink in. As if he suddenly felt like he said too much, Tyler left some more crackers by his mattress and went back to his own bed without another peep.   
  
  
*-*  
  
When Stefan had stepped into drama, he told himself that Brian would show up. He was going to come walking through those doors late, the professor would scold him, make a comment about his short skirt, everyone would giggle or say something mean and he would sit down right next to him. Then they would work on their project together, talk, laugh, do what they seemed to do so well together though they were so opposite. He would show up... eventually!  
  
The Swede stared up at the clock, watching the hands tick slowly, slower than normal. They were like a trance, keeping his brown eyes glued to them like a magnet. Because every minute that passed, it was one more minute that Brian wasn’t in class.   
  
“Mr. Olsdal. Do you know the whereabouts of your partner?” The tall boy was snapped out of his gaze on the clock as he turned and stared at their teacher.   
  
“Uh, no, I’m sorry. I haven’t heard from him.”  
  
“He’s going to get a giant ‘0’ in this class and I expect more from one of the better pupils, though not punctual in this class. Please give him that message, you two seem to be chums.” He stared at the professor for a few more seconds before remembering he needed to give some sort of respond as he always did.  
  
“I will,” he said softly, almost a whisper. Where had Brian disappeared off to? In ways, he didn’t even care if the boy wanted nothing to do with him or his friendship, but he was worried about him. He was a smaller guy and he just disappeared off the face of the planet? Why?! It made no sense. None at all.   
  
After asking to be excused from class, the Swede went to the washroom, splashing some water on his face and thinking that was somehow going to make him feel better and bring him back down to earth. It was hard to shake Brian from his mind as much as he just wanted to kind of … forget about him. But, the fact remained that you just don’t forget about someone like Brian Molko. He wasn’t an easily forgettable person, he just wasn’t!   
  
Looking in the mirror and centering his tie like the good school boy deep down inside him wanted to do, the bathroom door opened but Stef didn‘t even hear it. He was still so lost in his own little world, thinking about whether or not he should try figure out where this kid disappeared off to or just accept he wants nothing to do with him. Had he come on too strong? Had he been angry at him for not sleeping with him that time in his dorm? Were they just too different? Ugh, in his entire academic career, he had never been this stressed out!  
  
“Stefan, right?” said the boy beside him. The Swede was once again brought back down to earth by a voice as he turned to see where it was coming from. He blinked, realizing who it was. That boy in his class… “It’s Robert,” he said gently, as if the Stef was actually trying to remember his name .   
  
“Uh, hi,” Stef said awkwardly, looking back in the mirror for a moment to finish fixing his tie, getting ready to leave. He had a lot of thinking to do.   
  
“Are you alright?” Robert asked gently, turning on the sincerity as best as he could. Enough that the Swede bought it- looking at the other blond slowly.  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“You sure?” he asked again, moving a little closer and smiling. Stef wasn’t really a fan of this boy, there was just something about him that rubbed him the wrong way. He seemed sweet, sincere, kind, besides what he had said about Brian that really anyone could have said to him… not like anyone else was a huge fan of the nancy boy… he just didn’t get the greatest vibes from this guy.   
  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”   
  
“Listen,” started Robert softly, looking around the bathroom- a decoy to look anywhere but at Stefan right in the eyes. “What I had said about your friend… Brian, right? I had no right. I apologize.” Stef stared at him a little longer, not saying anything, not really knowing what to say. It was creepy because it was like this boy had read his mind or something or maybe he could just sense that he wasn’t very pleased with him- like he was giving off vibes he didn’t even know about. “I haven’t seen him around lately.. I was just hoping not to have continued a rumor in any way that made him... disappear. You know how tough school can be,”   
  
Robert smiled gently. He could care less if the school ganged up and threw a pile of apple cores at the little slut, he just wanted to know where the fuck he had disappeared off to. He yearned to be inside that little ass of his and he hadn’t seen him at school and had even been around his flat… but nothing. He was sure he could pry some information out of this tall goody two-shoes. He had seem them talk and spend time together numerous times lately, he must have some information.   
  
“Uh… no. He hasn’t been to school lately,” replied Stef quietly. “He’s never been one to seem to care about what others say about him so I doubt it-.” Robert cut him off quickly, which took the taller boy back a bit, shocking him a bit.  
  
“You don’t know where he is at all?” Robert was becoming impatient, sure that this Stefan wasn’t telling him something. He had to play it cool but he could feel his blood pressure raising.  
  
“Uh no.. he never told me. He kind of.. disappeared a few days ago without a word. Why? Are you looking for him?” the taller boy asked suspiciously in a low voice. Robert shrugged quickly, realizing by the other boy’s tone that his cool was wearing off and he had to fix that immediately.   
  
“I thought you knew him well,” replied Robert quickly, looking away.  
  
“We’re friends.. good friends,” lied Stef. ‘Good’ was a little far… but fuck, this guy was making him angry.  
  
“I was just concerned… Nothing worse than a nasty rumor, you know? I got to get to class. See ya.” With that, Robert turned around as quickly as possible and left the bathroom as abruptly as he did when he came in- without another word.  
  
*-*  
  
Brian’s still hurt everywhere and kept drifting in and out of sleep, never feeling fully awake or energized- not to mention it was hard to find a position to sleep in when everything hurt like a bitch! In and out of consciousness he went until he jumped, feeling as though someone was leaning over him. The same kind of feeling you get when someone is staring at you or following you. He gasped softly as he realized Marcus was leaned over his bed, smiling while looking down on him.   
  
“Hi princess,” he whispered, as if he cared about waking any of the others that were down there. Brian let out a loud gasp as Marcus slapped him across the face and pulled the blanket off him- tossing it on the ground. The t-shirt was pulled up around his tummy in an instant like it did it all by itself as Marcus literally flipped his small, frail body with one arm, pushing his face into the pillow. Brian bit his lip hard, feeling the familiar copper taste of blood drip into his mouth as he tried to prepare himself to be penetrated.   
But instead all he felt was discomfort as Marcus used his index finger to slowly push inside his sore hole, prodding around at the stitches gently. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as his cock would have.   
  
“You’re not bleeding still, that’s good. I can’t have my new star unable to work.” His voice sounded like a father praising his child for doing well on a spelling test and it made a shiver run down his spine. He was a sick bastard and he fucking knew it. The nancy boy waited a few moments before lifting his head off of the pillow, sitting up to grab the blanket- being naked in a damp basement would give anyone the chills.   
  
“Oh, no, you little slut,” he said quickly, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him to his feet. The minute he was standing he felt like he was going to pass out and the fact Marcus could switch moods so quickly made Brian want to stand on his toes. He would call him princess one minute and a slut the next, he never knew when he would snap. Brian swallowed quickly as Marcus grabbed his soft face in his other hand, forcing them to see eye-to-eye. His green-blue orbs sparkled sadly as he was made to look at him.   
  
“Please don’t make…. I can’t,” Brian whimpered. The words were barely coherent, much less audible as he began to shake a bit.  
  
“Oh honey, you have a pretty little mouth that can do something besides back-talk,” he said grinning while spanking him on his bare ass that almost made him fall over. Marcus pulled out a simple black dress he had in a plastic grocery bag he had brought with him. “Put this on.” He said it so nonchalantly, like one asked this of another human being everyday. Like it was normal to belittle someone like this. Tyler stood there sadly, staring at poor naked Brian who was trembling as he tried to pull the dress over himself.   
  
“You!” Tyler looked as Marcus pointed at him. “Get dressed. You’re coming too. Brian isn’t … fully capable tonight,” he said smiling as he patting Brian’s cheek that was now bright red from where he had slapped him. “You too,” he said to a brunette girl who looked maybe 17 on the other side of the room. Her head was down and she shook when Marcus moved, spoke, anything. Bruises and cuts were on her face and down her arms, one of her eyes were darker than the other where she had clearly been punched. The poor girl who didn’t even look of age looked like she had been beaten silly numerous times and it was almost painful to stare at her for a long period of time. He saw his destiny in that girl if he stayed here much longer. “Ten minutes.” Marcus looked at his watch as he left the basement, slamming the door behind him.   
  
Brian shook a little more as he heard the big bang, trying to compose himself. The poor girly boy could barely pull the dress over his head he was shaking so badly. All his emotions and fears were getting the better of him and he felt like he could just fall to his knees and break down. How much longer could this man demand this of him? How much fucking longer?! Tyler stayed sitting on his bed a little more, watching the small naked boy fumble until he got up and ran to him, pulling the dress over his head- fixing it so it looked nice on him.   
  
Brian was breathing heavy, almost looking like he was having an anxiety attack. He was barely able to thank him for helping him. Tyler took Brian’s hand and sat him over on his bed, telling him to calm down as best he could. “You’re going to be okay,” the other boy whispered as he pulled out some makeup in one of the cupboards- just a few items.   
  
He put the lipstick on the Brian’s pouty lips, wiping away at the blood that was still dripping down from when he had bit it. The powder over his red cheeks, eyeshadow to accentuate his eyes that were sparkling from tears that Brian tried to remain hidden- but Tyler knew. Of course he did. How could he not? He was feeling the same fear, the same desperate emotions; it was just more hidden after all this time.   
  
The boy added Mascara to make Brian’s lashes a little longer and eyeliner to give his gorgeous eyes a smokey, mysterious look. After that was all done, Tyler put his hand through Brian’s messy, curly black locks and tried to fix them. He wanted to help the poor boy in any way he could because if he didn’t look beautiful… Marcus would use his fist or even his cock to teach him a lesson to obey and that was the last thing the nancy boy needed.   
  
Once he was done helping Brian, the small boy didn’t say a word, just breathed softly, trying to calm down as he watched try to get ready as quickly as possible- pulling on a black pair of tight jeans and a black top. It would have maybe looked like a cute outfit if the poor boy wasn’t so frail and skinny. Marcus starved them- he was sure of it. Tyler used his precious time to help out Brian, help him dress and save him some crackers- though he hadn’t vocalized it, he couldn’t haven been more grateful.   
  
*-*  
  
Robert walked back to his locker pissed off- kicking at the metal object as he tried to think of where the little runt had ran off to. Where would he go? School meant a lot to the little slut- he knew that! So why would he skip all these days? Just not show up? Not even tell his new little friend where he had gone? A lot of shit didn’t add up.  
  
Well there was nothing like going to club to get drunk and banging a random hooker that he could maybe find that looked like Brian until he found the real thing. He didn’t know why he was so obsessed with the girly boy, but he would give any amount of money right at that moment just to have ten minutes to pound his ass against a wall- the images of when he had fucked him on that shitty mattress playing over and over in his mind like a beautiful dream. He remembered the smell of the sex between them, Brian’s attempts to hold his whimpers back of pleasure or pain… he didn’t know, didn’t care. When he was buried inside of him, it felt perfect. Not only the way he felt inside of Brian, but the power that came with fucking him- he felt so dirty, so absolutely crazy. No girl, hooker, or even other boy could provide that amount of satisfaction for any amount of money that Brian could. But what was a rich boy who seemed to have an unlimited bank account to do?  
  
*-*  
  
The minute Brian walked into the fucking club, his head started to pound twice as hard- the throbbing pains on his temples coming back in giant waves. It was just like the club Jay had brought him to but larger, more pools, more than one dance floor and a large V.I.P lounge. It was a nightclub for the trendy and ones who had more than a few bucks in their pocket. So many dim corners, dim doorways, Brian felt lost even though Marcus had a tight grip on his wrist. None of them had said a word in the ride in the van, but what was to really say in the first place? He was almost just relived this wasn’t another bachelor party to some sick group of guys!   
  
Marcus made them all sit on a small loveseat in the corner though the minute Brian sat down slowly, he did nothing but want to pass out and fall asleep for an eternity. It was soft black velvet and he still felt so exhausted. The small boy was about to lean over but Tyler hit his elbow.  
  
“Don’t, Brian… Marcus will make you pay for that later. You have to sit and look pretty,” he whispered. Marcus was right beside them on the other couch only maybe three feet away, smiling, looking like the rich, charming gentleman that he was. Brian leered at him in disgust as he looked beside him at Tyler and the other girl whose name he learned was Emily. Emily who still looked as scared and beaten as she did in the basement… just now her face was painted up nicely like his, hair brushed and in a black cocktail dress Marcus had put her in. Everyone only saw that, but Brian saw past that, he saw past it all to the terrified little girl that was so obvious in her eyes.   
  
The nancy boy watched Marcus converse, talking with other men, talking with other women, telling jokes, laughing, charming his way in the crowed. His head still hurt, his body still ached and he kept his fingers crossed that no one would approach Marcus with interest in him, he prayed. He didn’t think he could handle it and hold back his tears. He wanted to scream bloody murder…someone, anyone. Does anyone see me?! Anybody?! Brian was screaming inside his head, watching everyone dance, drink, have fun. He used to love going to clubs, showing off his body… now he wanted to roll up in a large fleece blanket and die.  
  
Many men approached Marcus, many for drugs that he could exchange without a blink of an eye from anyone else. So swift his hand movements, so sincere and friendly his hand shakes and smiles were- he was a pro... and he knew it. He was a fucking pro.   
  
An older man, older than his father, with gray hair and a business suit approached Marcus leisurely. The music was too loud and booming, too many faceless people walked past him smelling of gin and roses, too much going on that caught his attention for him to realize what was said but his heart sunk as his face looked towards them quietly sitting on the loveseat. Brian’s heart sunk beyond low, but eyes widened as Marcus pointed to Emily to come. The old man smiled at her and she returned it, just like she was ‘trained’ to do if she didn’t want a fucking beating. Within what seemed like seconds, she disappeared behind one of the curtain with the old man just like that… leaving Tyler and Brian there.  
  
“Don’t worry…he really likes you, he won’t let anyone… you know until you’re healed…,” whispered Tyler, trying to be some comfort to him but Brian wasn’t comforted at what was going to happen to Emily.. to know what was going on without even trying to help her, without trying to say anything… but what was he supposed to do?! What could he do? He was absolutely powerless.   
  
The nancy boy almost had to hold his breath to try and stay calm. The loud booming music somehow got louder and the large gigantic room seemed to be suddenly getting smaller around him, inch by inch closing in- like it wanted to suffocate and suck him in. Brian licked his lips, taking in another breath as Marcus eyed him down like he was suspicious. He didn’t know why, but Marcus leered at him for a moment before looking back at the guests he was shaking hands with. Brian wondered if anyone knew they were literally shaking hands with the devil himself because he sure hadn’t when he first met himwith Jay… never would have guessed. But then again the devil always did have good disguises.  
  
*-*  
  
Robert sat around the lit up bar, blue glow-lights wrapped around it like Christmas tree lights as he sipped his fourth drink of whiskey. He was pissed off at Brian and realized Stefan somehow pissed him off to. ‘We’re friends’, ‘good friends’-like they were star-crossed lovers or something. That little faggot doesn’t love anyone but himself. It flat out pissed Robert off that they seemed to really like each other. Whether that was a feeling of jealousy or the fact he just felt really alone himself and misery enjoyed company... he didn’t even know, but he hated the feeling and there wasn’t enough alcohol to drown it out. He had no idea where the little nancy boy ran off to and that pissed him off the most. The very most!  
  
Now he would have to find a replacement. He hadn’t been laid since Brian and he needed a substitute, nothing would be as good as that boy’s ass… obviously, but at this nightclub with all these people, surely there would be someone worthy he could pay to shag. He scanned the bar, moving towards the dance floor. He didn’t really feel like fucking a girl, but since this wasn’t a gay bar of any such, he may just have to deal with it. A girl would look more like Brian than a boy anyway. A cute little, somewhat flat-chested girl would be perfect.   
  
However, much to his disappointment, there were plenty of tall, big breasted women who very much… did not look like women. Hot, sexy, gorgeous, yes, but none that reminded him of that sweet girly faggot he so wanted at the moment. He walked along the dance floor, staring at some women until they bored him. Though a few drinks in, he was still rather sober, he was just getting pissed off. Stupid clubs and their watered down fucking liquor!  
  
He continued to scan the bar slowly, looking around more pissed off at everything than actually per say looking at all. That is until his eyes landed on Brian’s replica… someone who looked identical to the nancy boy.. it was almost amazing. However, as he moved closer… he realized it wasn’t a fucking replica at all…it WAS Brian. Brian fucking Molko dolled up, looking as hot as ever sitting in the V.I.P. Fucking figures.  
  
Finishing off his drink in a giant gulp, Robert threw the class on a table where a bunch of girls were sitting as they scoffed at him in annoyance. He didn’t hear them though, they didn’t fucking matter. All he saw was Brian, his eyes dead set centered on the boy holding his pretty head up in his arm as he walked on over there.  
  
“Brian?!” The nancy boy’s head whipped up, looking at Robert square in the face in shock as Marcus stood up quickly and smiled at him, putting a hand on his shoulder.   
  
“Can I help you?” he said softly in the man’s ear. Robert looked at him oddly.   
  
“I know him-.”  
  
“HE works for ME,” said Marcus sternly, but still able to do it with a smile on his face. Robert leered at Brian… the little faggot really was a whore, even had a fucking pimp daddy. The blond boy laughed, enjoying the situation for what it was. And Brian made it seem like he was better than all that… yeah fucking right. Marcus didn’t like Robert sniffing around… Jay had told him this kid had no friends, no one who cared. This boy clearly knew him on a name basis and that wasn’t good. “Listen… what would it take for you… to keep his whereabouts in my…business… hush hush?” he whispered softly. Robert looked at him, staring for a few moments.   
  
“I’ve been looking for him so he can do what he does best,” said Robert softly, smiling. “How about a free go.”  
  
“He’s …. Had a lot of fun lately. I can’t have my prized…pet… not recover fully…before he enters back into the ‘races’,” purred the older man, choosing his words perfectly and carefully. “But I’ll give him to you for a tiny bit of fun,” continued Marcus, looking around the club at all the guests dancing and drinking like they had not a care in the fucking world. “And you come back… and I’ll let you have your go at him, free of charge as …. Long as you keep his whereabouts between you and me. Fair? We move around from place to place.. but if you ask around.. you’ll find me. The name’s Marcus.” Robert stared at this man, looking back at Brian who looked at him with giant eyes, a hopeful glint in them as Marcus waved him over.   
  
“Robert.”  
  
“Well Robert,” started the older man, smiling that evil grin. “We have a deal?”  
  
“Deal,” said Robert softly, offered his hand. They shook as Marcus winked and put an arm around Brian who hurried up to them only a few feet away. Robert had no intention of making this a one-time only arrangement but that was something to discuss at a later date.   
  
“You’re going to go with Robert for a little while, okay darling?” his hand moved up and tightened on the back of Brian’s neck to show some type of authority as the boy nodded slowly. Brian’s hopeful small grin couldn’t be contained. The blond came and got him, came and rescued him. After all the horrible things this boy did to him, he was still helping him! He was free. Robert led him to the back room behind the curtain where he had fucked a few hookers before, knowing the ins and outs of this club quite well. He looked around the giant room one more time before closing the curtain behind him  
  
“Oh my god, Robert. Thank you!” Brian sighed, squealing. “This man! He wouldn’t let me leave, but you got me, we can sneak out of here and I can go to the cops and help my friend and the others. Oh god, Robert. He was fucking sick. You… I can’t believe you rescued me. I know you’re going to make me…owe you later.. but,” he continued, so happy he was out of that crazy man’s grip. “I don’t even care. We can get out of here, we can-,” Brian stopped talking, face went whiter than it already was as he watched the boy lower his fly.   
  
“I can’t pay you back now!” whispered Brian harshly.  
  
“You’re not going anywhere,” said the other man slowly, smiling. “Get on your fucking knees.” Brian stared at him in complete and utter shock.   
  
“What!? Robert!! You asshole!! This man is a monster!! Please, I’ll let you do whatever you want with me once we get out of here, you don’t even have to pay me this time… but please.. this man he… Robert! You can’t leave me with him!! He’s a monster, he hits me, he makes me-,” Brian’s voice was so high-pitched and shaky, it didn’t even sound like him. He couldn’t believe this! Why did he think Robert was actually going to rescue him!? Actually get him out?! “Robert!! Please!” The tears finally surfaced as his heart dropped, realizing his means of escape wasn’t an escape at all!   
  
“Get on your fucking knees,” growled Robert, smiling. He was feeling even more power than before and it felt fucking beautiful. Grabbing Brian by his hair he pushed him to the floor.   
  
“Robert, please!!” cried Brian, the salty droplets running down his face in streams as he pulled out his hardening cock and pushing it into the nancy boy’s mouth. The hot mouth felt fucking amazing on his cock and he groaned. The sheer dominance mixed with Brian’s lips around his member was almost too much to take in- it was incredible. Brian was crying so hard, he wasn’t doing the best job he could and the other boy slapped him across the top of the head, pulling at his hair.   
  
“Do it!” Brian gave in just so he would stop making it feel like he was going to rip the locks right off his head. The nancy boy tried to swallow his tears as he wrapped his tongue around the end of Robert’s cock- swirling it. All he could think about was how he wasn’t going to get out, Robert wasn’t going to help him. He was even a larger prick than he thought he was in the beginning! Brian froze as the boy started to fuck his mouth quickly so he wouldn’t choke. It didn’t take to many thrusts before he was spilling his seed in a few streams soon, forcing the small boy to swallow which wasn’t all to easy to do while crying. He coughed, wiping at the cum on his lips as Robert readjusted his pants.  
  
“You know, Bri… Stef is pretty worried about you,” he said softly. The small boy looked up at him, green-blue orbs wide as he heard his friend’s name. “It doesn’t really matter though,” he hissed, giggling. “Once I take him out… clubbing to take his mind off things… and let him see you in … action…. I doubt he’ll ever want anything to do with you again,” he finished, laughing. The sight of Stef’s face as he made him walk in the right moment as Brian was being gang banged would be epic. The look of disgust that little goody two-shoes would give Brian would be the last. No more friends for the little faggot.   
  
“What?!? No!! You wouldn’t!” yelled Brian angrily, his heart in his throat at the mere thought. Stefan would never talk to him again, never understand. Fuck! “No! Please!”   
  
“See you soon, princess.” Robert left behind the black curtain, leaving him in the dimly lit room off to the side of bar. Brian felt like putting himself out of misery right then and there… Robert couldn’t do that to him. He had thoughts of the Swede coming to his rescue, but finding him captured, imprisoned was one thing… not like.. that.   
  
Still with his pounding headache, Brian got up, almost unable to walk in the heels that weren’t nearly as high as the other pair-thank god. Grabbing the straps, he pulled off his feet rapidly- throwing them to the side of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere. But realizing the only exit was behind the black curtain, he held his breath and pulled it open right in time to see Marcus’ face.   
  
“Hi sweetheart… going somewhere?”   


** TO BE CONTINUED... **


	15. I Know You're Broken

The minute Brian saw Marcus’ face his world seemed to blur around him. He wanted to run but knew there was nowhere to go, not to mention his body felt like it had completely froze. His hopes had risen so high when he thought Robert would save him and plummeted when he ended up right back where he had started.   
  
“Well, sweetheart? Where was my princess going to go?” The older man’s handsome, distinguished face smiled softly- the same fake smile he gave to everyone else that didn’t know who he truly was. Brian found the strength to step back a hit, terrified he was going to get hit. Another purple bruise to add to the collection that was slowly building on his tiny body.    
  
“Nowhere,” whispered the nancy boy quietly unable to will his voice to go any higher- he was to scared to talk much louder.   
  
“Speak up,” spat Marcus sternly, his sweet, tender mood suddenly switching like a light switch… just like it always seemed to do. “Speak up, bitch.” The older man’s eyes pierced Brian’s as he stared right back- having no idea what else to do.    
  
“Nowhere,” piped Brian quickly, backing up a little more behind him. “Nowhere.” His voice was shaking the same way his body was. It was trembling and felt like it was on fire. He wanted to turn and run and keep running, but behind him was nothing but a wall. A brick wall that seemed to seal his fate like a barred cell door did to a prisoner. Marcus wasn’t stupid- far fucking from it and he knew Brian was trying to sneak his way out. The little bitch thought he wouldn’t notice him amongst the lights, loud music, and people. Thought he could get away.    
  
“Nowhere is fucking right, you little slut,” spat Marcus as his backhand collided with Brian’s soft, pale cheek. The smaller boy fell back, grabbing the velvet draped curtain hanging behind him on the wall as to not topple to the floor- knowing he would have for sure if he had been wearing his heels.    
  
“Please,” squeaked Brian just as Marcus grabbed his wrist and threw him against the wall. Brian Molko was not the type to give in, to back down and take shit from anyone. He was a small, but strong individual who could give the middle finger and a ‘fuck you’ to anyone who didn’t show him respect- one to be able to keep a stiff upper lip. However, Marcus was one man who could make him tremble though he tried so hard to not back down, to show he was stronger than that. Marcus was a man who could make Brian curl up in a ball and cry- he felt at this point he would give his own left leg to get away from him.   
  
“Please,” squeaked Marcus, his rage still evident, but laughing and sarcastically mocking Brian’s pleads- trying to mimic the smaller man’s voice. “You pathetic little waste of space,” he whispered right into Brian’s ear as he pushed the boy hard against the wall, using his large body to cover the nancy boy’s. “You are good for one and one thing only you little ingrate. I want to make you squirm, make you scream.” The little whispers were like screeching in Brian’s ear, each one making him wince at what Marcus had the power… always had the power to do and he prayed to the god he didn’t believe in that he wasn’t going to do it.    
  
The older man’s larger hands grazed Brian’s hips, feeling the hot skin underneath the cool, satin dress. He let them linger as the smaller boy’s breath became heavy, so afraid at the thought of knowing what Marcus wanted. If he did, he would bleed, he would be split open. What if the man let him hemorrhage to death? Let him stay there, bleeding with a dress bunched up around his waist? Left half naked, bruised, beaten, raped and dead for the club owner to find. Every possible scenario played out in his head till Brian found the energy to let out a loud whimper.   
  
“Please don’t do this,” he cried, full on tears falling down his face that carried some of his black eyeliner with- smudging his makeup, though it didn’t make him look any less gorgeous. The wet, smeared black contrasting so beautifully with the pale skin. Even crying he looked so stunning, like a broken little angel and Marcus decided it was one of his new favorite ways to see the young boy. Broken and pleading.   
  
“Do you wanna get high, baby boy?” Marcus whispered as Brian’s ears perked up like a puppy’s at the word ‘high’. The nancy boy loved getting high and just the word itself made his body yearn for anything that would make him fly as high as a fucking kite. Though pinned and under Marcus’ control, he nodded slowly. The older man smiled as he moved his right hand to dig in his blazer pocket to pull out a white little pill. It was ecstasy and though he knew it was stupid, pathetic, and down right sad… Brian opened his mouth to let the man put the drug on his tongue which he swallowed down quickly. It wouldn’t take long for the drug to take effect and the small boy hoped it would be sooner than later.    
  
Marcus laughed at Brian’s little whimper as the nancy boy leaned his head back on the wall. The older man smiled at him as he pulled up the dress up to around his bellybutton, exposing his flaccid cock between them. Brian blinked in embarrassment, closing his eyes tight as more tears escaped from them. The older man wasted no time in running his rough hands along the small boy’s bottom, massaging and feeling the soft cheeks in his palms. They were so soft and smooth- just like a baby. Brian was such a gorgeous boy in every way and the man felt like he just couldn’t get enough of him even if he wanted to. He could fuck him into oblivion everyday and never get bored.   
  
“Fuck. You’re beautiful,” whispered Marcus, closing his own eyes and letting the lust take over as he pushed one finger into Brian’s tight, dry hole. The nancy boy squeaked at the intrusion, suddenly feeling dizzy as he felt the dragon course through his veins at the same time being violated. Marcus didn’t push in another digit in fear of making the boy bleed and though he loved it… he didn’t want to hurt his favorite new toy. Instead, he continued to finger fuck him with one finger as deep as he could go to rub his special little spot.    
  
Brian bit his bottom lip hard as some whimpers escaped his lips, feeling his body react to the violating digit and actually pushing back to meet it as he rubbed his prostate. The simple movement made it seem like he wanted it… like he enjoyed it and deep down it made the poor nancy boy sick to his stomach, but he couldn’t stop. He hurt everywhere and while the drug started to work its magic, the stimulation of his prostate was simply bliss… bliss he hadn’t had in a while, but bliss he didn’t want either.   
  
You’re fucking pathetic, Brian Molko. Look at you. Doing drugs while pinned under a monster. Letting your kidnapper finger fuck you… and you, enjoying it! You deserve to be here. There’s no better place for you. You’re scum. And what better place for scum to stay than with fellow scum? You’re a fucking loser, Brian Molko and that’s all you’ll ever be.    
  
More tears fell down Brian’s pale cheeks as his conscious yelled and screamed at him, his own voice ringing in his ears. Telling him words he knew were true but he didn’t want to hear. No. No, he was better than this. Wasn’t he? He deserved better than THIS… didn’t he? Brian opened his eyes as he felt a light shine on them as a waitress pulled back the curtain    
  
“Sorry to interrupt you sir, but there is a man out here wanting to talk to you,” she said happily, holding onto her tray that had a few drinks- a few drinks that Brian would have been more than happy to take. All she could see was Marcus on top of another person, assuming he was kissing someone like everyone else was doing in the darker corners of the club. “Should I tell him you’ll be a few minutes?”    
  
  
Marcus gritted his teeth to Brian as he realized he had more business deals to make out there- there was no time to fuck around with his pet right now, though he wanted to so badly. The older man took a deep breath, staring down at the broken beauty he had pinned against the wall before he turned around and gave a sweet, charming smile to the waitress- able to change his face so quickly when he needed to.   
  
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said softly to the girl. “Tell him I’ll be out in just a minute.” She nodded, smiling and turned around to leave as Marcus turned back at Brian.   
  
“Well, darling,” he whispered. “I suppose you and I will have to finish this later, won’t we?” Marcus knew he couldn’t make Brian bleed worse- he couldn’t bring him to a hospital. Too many forms, too many questions, too many lies to string together and he couldn’t have anything happen to his new star. Marcus rarely lost control or temper in stressful situations, but this young boy drove him crazy- made him want to crawl up inside him. Fuck him, suck him, and use him in every way possible.   
  
He dragged Brian out by his wrist, keeping the boy close to him as they made there way back out to the couches where they had been earlier. Emily still hadn’t returned but Tyler was sitting there quietly, looking tired and lost- either clearly too afraid to try and run or having not will nor fight to after this long. Either way, Brian knew he couldn’t try and run without him again, he couldn’t leave the poor boy here after he tried to help him out.   
  
The rest of the night for the nancy boy had been strange. He was waiting for Marcus to make some deal, to have some man drag him behind the curtain once again and fuck his brains out, make him bleed, make him cry out into a gag so no one in the club would hear him- not that they would anyway. The pounding music in the building was slowly starting to cause Brian to have a headache. The ecstasy was already making him feel disorientated and light-headed, and the knot in his stomach from hunger and nervousness was driving him crazy. He never knew what to expect and when and it was starting to drive him mad.    
  
That poor girl they had came with, Emily, was still behind the curtain, forced to do god-knows-what with the man she had taken with her. Tyler and him continued to sit on the loveseat, waiting for Marcus to direct them to do something. But as the night veered on, Marcus sold a lot of drugs to everyone from the junkies who could afford it to the elite who hid them in their fur coats. It was ridiculous and as the small boy would have loved to call them losers in his mind, he had absolute no right to since he was still coming down from his own high. He knew what it was like to be so dependant, so hooked, so addicted to a substance that it would make you do almost anything to get it.    
  
Brian sat there waiting, not saying a word to anyone and trying to come down from the drug without feeling like he got dragged behind a car and when he finally heard his name, the club had started to close and everyone started to leave. Emily had finally come back, Tyler had serviced three men and Brian hadn’t left his seat- not once. And only when he lifted his head at his name being called did he even realize it. Not once. Not even to suck off some old businessman in the back and he had no idea why. Did Marcus not want to share him tonight? It didn’t quite make sense.   
  
As they left the club in the back entrance with the rest of the VIP guests, Bruce pulled up with the van. Marcus was in a somewhat bad mood and it became more evident when the three of them crawled into the van and Emily wasn’t fast enough. The sick bastard banged her head against the side of the vehicle and pushed her in quick before slamming the van door behind her. It was pitch black in the vehicle so early in the morning with the only possible light being the streetlights or the full moon shining through the windshield once again.   
  
The rest of the way back, the older man bitched and complained to Bruce about how some people owed him money and weren’t paying up. Brian couldn’t help but laugh dryly at the thought. When you deal with drug addicts, what do you think is going to happen? How many junkies can you really trust? The nancy boy so badly wanted to talk to the two others in the back with him, to make sure Emily and Tyler were okay but knew he couldn’t so close to ear-shot from the two men in the front. But it didn’t matter anyway as the ride didn’t last too long and when they crawled out of the back of the van one by one, Bruce keeping a close eye to make sure no one tried to run, Marcus grabbed the back of Brian’s neck.   
  
“Sweetheart. We have some unfinished business to do,” he said quickly, grinning as he pushed him through the door. The small boy tried to get the man to loosen up the grip on his wrist as he was dragged up the stairs and down the hallway to the bedroom he had already sadly been to once before. Fuck.    
  
He can’t do anything to you, Brian. He knows if he does he could really hurt you. And he likes you too much, desires you too damn much to do anything like that. He won’t. Brian tried to calm himself down over and over, repeating those words over and over in his head that it would be okay- that Marcus wouldn’t degrade him in his bed and dirty his white sheets with his blood.    
  
The minute they stepped into that bedroom, the older man laughed as he pushed Brian to the floor, forcing the boy to trip over the high-heeled shoes he was required to eventually put back on. He couldn’t have his whores go barefoot, now could he? And the very moment the small boy’s face hit the carpet, he pleaded like a little child.   
  
“Please, don’t. Marcus. Please? I’ll bleed.” His voice was high and nasally as his little body started to shake in the satin fabric. The man just smiled at him as Bruce came in with Tyler who was as stiff as a board and silent as death itself as he was pushed into the room quickly.    
  
“Thankyou, Bruce. That’ll be all. The man nodded and gave a sick little grin before closing the bedroom door behind him. Brian stared up at Tyler with a worried look on his face. He just knew it. He fucking knew there was a reason Marcus hadn’t made him work much at the club. He knew it was too damn good to be true.   
  
“Strip. Both of you,” he said flatly as he walked over to the dresser to take off his watch as he was started to unbutton the strap. The same pretty, shiny gold one he always seemed to like to wear and was probably worth more than a payment of his tuition. Tyler didn’t bat an eyelash as he began to take off his clothes- so used to not disobeying a word the older man said. One too many beatings had made him that way- had made him reliant. The poor boy had been broken like a doll that was thrown against the wall one too many times.   
  
“Why?” squeaked Brian worriedly as Tyler’s eyes widened, shaking his head softly to not object or utter a word- but it was too late. The nancy boy had already asked. Marcus turned to him, sneering as he walked over to Brian and grabbed him by his black locks. The small boy cried out as Marcus leaned down close to his face to answer.   
  
“DO IT!” he yelled into his ear, smacking Brian across the face before walking back over to the dress to discard his watch and throw his sharp black blazer onto the bed. Brian continued to shake as he tried to pull off the straps off his dress, now avoiding eye contact with the other boy only a few feet away from him- trying to cover his naked body as he the frock was discarded to the floor. Both of them tried to cover their genitals softly as to not make it too obvious to Marcus who now came over to them to inspect his two naked little ‘employees’- grinning.    
  
“You,” he said sternly while looking at Tyler. “Sit.” He pointed to the spot next to Brian on the floor as the boy listened and hurried over to sit next to a trembling Brian who’s green-blue orbs sparkled and watered- looking as if he were ready to burst into tears in a matter of moments. Brian pulled his knees to his chest to hide his body as he began to shake. The older man could do nothing but laugh at the pretty boy curled up in the fetal position as he rubbed his thumb on the poor boy’s pale cheek once before walking around them in a circle- like a lion circling it’s pray.    
  
Marcus stretched for a second before turning to sit on the bed, crossing his legs to get a good view of two vulnerable naked boys on the carpet who looked up at him with large, pleading eyes. Brian was so utterly confused as to what he was supposed to do or say. Why did he want Tyler naked too? It made no sense. But it soon became clear as Marcus’ sick smile got a little wider.    
  
“Touch each other,” he said softly, his voice full of lust as if the idea was already starting to turn him on. The girly boy’s eyes widened at what he was just asked to do to poor nude Tyler beside him. Tyler’s eyes pleaded with Brian’s to just suck it up and do it so they wouldn’t both be beaten. He didn’t need another giant bruise anywhere else on his body and Brian bit his lip hard as his more tears threatened to escape. How many more times could he be humiliated like this? Was it not enough that he sold the boy to the sickest of men? To be gang-raped at some party like a cheap party favor for entertainment? To use his body to the fullest? To be raped over and over and over to unconsciousness? Was that not fucking enough for him!?   
  
“Do it,” said Marcus sternly without raising his voice. Tyler’s eyes continued to plead with him till Brian realized he had no other choice but to obey as he mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ and moved his small hand to the Tyler’s flaccid member. The boy did the same to Brian’s- slowly starting to move it up and down his cock that resulted in the poor nancy boy having to gasp and the tingling sensations. The boys’ hands started to work faster toward each others cocks as their bodies moved closer to each other so they were facing each other like they were two kids ready to having a staring contest.   
  
It felt good, Brian had to admit. It was embarrassing to be forced to do this, especially under Marcus’ eyes but they simply had no choice and he didn’t know about Tyler, but as he stared into his eyes, Brian tried to forget Marcus was even in the room so it could go by quicker, so they could get it over with. He wanted to pretend what they were doing to each other was an intimate act to cause each other pleasure… not to fulfill Marcus’ sick fantasies! Their hips slowly started to move towards each others hands as they both quickened the pace, now enjoying each other’s movements.    
  
Marcus grinned even wider as he saw the two boy’s cocks begin to get hard rock hard under each other’s touches- enjoying watching the intimate moment that was no doubt embarrassing both of them. Tyler and Brian’s cheeks were both flushed with a deep red as they tried to contain their pants- both somewhat trying to enjoy the sick act that this monster had made them endure. They continued for minutes until Marcus’ booming voice echoed in the room.    
  
“Stop,” he said sternly that made them both jump. They both let go of each other’s cocks that were now fully hard and erect from all the attention they had been getting. “Fuck him, Brian.” The nancy boy’s eyes widened as Tyler looked at the floor sadly, trying to pretend he didn’t just hear what he did. Tyler didn’t utter a word. Once again too scared to refuse, to say ‘no’- never wanting to object anything out of fear. Brian looked at the poor boy that looked as equally sad and pathetic as him… a boy that looked just like him but had already been used and abused a few times tonight already... Tyler had showed him so much kindness towards him when he thought he was completely alone, just like Stefan did at school. He couldn’t…   
  
“I can’t,” cried Brian sadly, biting his bottom lip as he saw the anger in Marcus’ eyes flare for disobeying him- for even uttering one word of protest towards him. The older man was tired of hearing this little whore say any of it! “I’m sorry. I just can’t-.”   
  
“You still haven’t quite learned your place yet, have you?” roared the man angrily, lunging off the bed towards Brian who suddenly began to physically shake with fear as he was dragged to his feet by his black locks while still naked…- only to be pushed back to the ground, hard. Brian cried, letting the tears and whimpers free as the man continued to hit him. One slap, one punch, one kick after another as the salty droplets continued to plummet.    
  
“PLEASE!” cried Brian, wrapped his arms around him and pulling his legs into the fetal position to try and ease the pounding that was wracking his body. With every hard smack to Brian’s poor small frame, Marcus hoped that maybe, just fucking maybe this would put a little sense into the little slut’s head. That he was owned. That every right he had outside these walls had vanished and objections to his orders would not be tolerated.    
  
Tyler put his hands to his ears as Brian started to scream from every hard punch Marcus threw to his frail little body, unable to do anything but try and block it out until he became tired. The nancy boy once again had to rely on enough pain to eventually just knock him out from the world of suffering that just seemed to never want to end. He would take a lifetime of having bread crusts thrown at him in the lunch room at school over another night of this any day.   
  
*-*   
  
Robert came to school with one of the biggest fucking grins on his face- one that he wouldn’t be able to wipe off even if someone had smacked him. He felt powerful, regardless of the fact he had little actual power over the man he had met last night… or should he say… Brian’s pimp. He could get all the free goes he wanted at the little slut and the nancy boy could do nothing but beg him not to. It was simply beautiful. It was the power he wanted. He was so tiny, so helpless, so trapped. The guy had Brian turning tricks left right and center for him and making a full profit off of him as well- fuck, this man was his hero! It was fantastic how dependant Brian was to him, not to mention the little guy had a drug habit to boot!    
  
Now was the time to take away the last little glimmer of hope that Brian thought he still had. His only friend in the whole damn school. The pathetic Swede that was stupid enough to like him in the first damn place. Stefan Olsdal. Once that loser found out what Brian truly was underneath it all, he would have nothing to do with him. The boy was clearly proper and wealthy, he would never want to associate with a low little cock-sucking whore. There was no way in hell! Once Stef saw Brian on his knees getting fucked with another cock in his mouth, he would run for the door and never turn back. Then the poor little faggot would have no more friends, no one left to even remember he was still alive- just like it was supposed to be.   
  
No more cruising the bus trying to hit on him, no more tracking him down in school. No more threatening him by the lockers, no more trying to persuade him to let him pay for his services. Soon Robert would be able to go to Marcus when he wanted and fuck the shit out of him just so he would keep his mouth shut. He may even have to quit the chess club so he would have more time for his soon-to-be new hobby.   
  
Lunch the next day; Stef had a lot on his mind. He didn’t know what to think or do, really. Everything had been confusing him. Brian still hadn’t shown up for drama and no one seemed to care but him. The professor would tell Stef to let him know Brian was loosing marks on attendance, but no one else seemed to care or bother. Mike and his buddies noticed there was one less fag to throw food at and that was pretty much it. He found himself becoming more and more distant with the boys he used to hang out with for the way they treated Brian. He wasn’t too sure why, but it bothered him a lot. When they called the little nancy boy names, he felt them call him names too and it hurt a lot. More often than not, Stef would sit with them at the lunch table, but as of the past few days worrying about Brian, he either sat outside alone on the grass or at a table on his own where Brian used to sit- wondering what truly caused the little guy to just disappear.   
  
“Buddy, Stef,” piped Mike as he sat down beside the tall boy at the table. Stef looked up from his sandwich at his old friend as the guy patted his back. “What’s going on with you? You’re quieter than usual.” Stef shrugged softly as he bit into his ham sandwich gently.   
  
“Nothing. I’m fine,” spat Stef softly, never one to really raise his voice or be confrontational. He guess it just wasn’t in his Scandinavian nature to do so.   
  
“What’s your problem? Are you upset because that little faggot doesn’t come to school anymore? He probably dropped out.” stated Mike flatly, rolling his eyes at the thought. Sure, he thought the guy was fun to bug, fun to make fun of, fun to bother, but nothing worth getting worked up over.    
  
“Don’t call him names!” growled the tall boy, his brow furrowing as he stared at Mike as if the boy had called him the faggot. “Don’t talk about him like that.”   
  
“Are you serious? Are you and that little loser actually friends? You’re defending him for good now? Are you nuts?! That weirdo!?” squeaked Mike in non-belief as his eyes widened at just the thought of it. Stefan Olsdal had friends, was great at basketball, girls liked him. Tall, good-looking, smart, came from a wealthy family. He had a lot going for him and why he would even consider being friends with a little girly freak like Brian Molko made Mike scratch his head… it just didn’t make sense to him at all!    
  
“Yes, I’m serious! He’s my friend. So stop talking about him like that to me! If he left for any reason it was because you and the rest of the guys couldn’t leave him the hell alone. He never did anything to you and you treated him like he wasn’t even a person,” spat the Swede. Mike looked at him and laughed for moment, but Stef frowned back to show he meant it- it wasn’t a joke! He meant every single damn word.    
  
“Oh come on, that guy is a fucking frea-.” Stef didn’t even like Mike finish his sentence.   
  
“No. He isn’t a freak. He’s different. And he’s smart and he’s sweet, and he’s … unique and amazing,” Stef’s voice was now a whisper- like he was talking to himself- listing all the reasons why he was so attracted to Brian.   
  
“What?” Mike asked, cocking an eyebrow at what the hell he was talking about. ‘Amazing’? How the hell was that loser amazing?” The tall boy was brought back down to reality by Mike’s voice as he realized what he had said aloud.   
  
“Listen. Just leave me be, okay?” stated Stef, not waiting for a response from his so-called friend as he put his sandwich back in his bag, got up from the table where he had once shared his lunch with Brian and made his way outside to sit under a tree. The very same tree that Brian had been sitting under when he had watched him play basketball that one sunny day. The nancy boy had been scribbling away at a song. He wished he could have re-played that day in real life as easily as he could re-play it in his head… he wouldn’t have gone back to playing basketball with the boys he called his friends, but stayed and chatted a while with the one boy who fascinated him the most.    
  
Stefan didn’t want to really admit it to himself, but he felt the guy really didn’t want anything to do with him. Why else would he suddenly get up and disappear? It wasn’t fair. If he had the chance again… he would have made way more of an effort to try and talk to him, to connect with him. Instead of truly caring what the rest of the school thought of him. Fuck the rest of the school. If only he could relive a few moments with Brian, maybe it would have been different. Maybe if he had acted like more of a friend, he wouldn’t have just ‘jumped ships’ and disappeared like he did. Stef felt so responsible and it upset him a lot.   
  
“Hey, Stefan!” The Swede looked up and turned his head to where the voice was coming from and cocked an eyebrow when he saw it was coming from the same boy that he had seen not too long ago in the bathroom.    
  
“Robert?”    
  
“Yeah. Hey. How are you?” asked the boy happily, making his way over to the tall boy and plunking himself down next to him by the tree. “You don’t mind if I sit with you, do you?” Stef stared at him for a moment, about to protest since he seemed to have already sat down but didn’t want to seem rude. It just wasn’t in Stefan’s nature to cause a fuss or start a fight.   
  
“I… guess,” he whispered softly, looking down at the bagged lunch he had packed himself that was nowhere near as good as the one’s his mum packed him, but not wanting to admit that either. He was the one who insisted on moving into a dorm room, away from his mummy and daddy watching him over his shoulder like a baby. It was suffocating!   
  
“Great, thanks. Listen I want to apologize again for what happened between Brian and you. I just feel really awful about it and -.” Stef stopped him before he could continue.   
  
“It’s fine, really,” the taller boy sighed as he pulled his sandwich out of his bag again. Robert rolled his eyes quickly so Stef couldn’t see…starting to get annoyed at this pathetic downer. He just needed to make him come to the club that Brian was going to be... present at this Friday night- wanting more than ever for him to see Brian being the lowest of the low. True scum of the earth.   
  
“No, really. I want to make it up to you,” said the other boy sweetly, smiling. “You busy this weekend? Wanna hit up a club?” Stef cocked an eyebrow as he looked at Robert, wondering why the hell he was just invited out to a club. Spend an evening with a guy who deep down truly annoyed him while Brian was still missing? Not to mention it would more than likely be a straight club… to get hit on by girls he didn’t want to dance with… or grind with… or make-out with. Was this guy kidding? No thanks.   
  
“Uh, no it’s okay. Thanks anyway,” said Stef quickly, giving a small smile before turned back to take another bite of his sandwich. Robert sighed to himself quietly as he put a hand through his hair. This was going to be a challenge.   
  
“You seem really bummed. I want to take you out, cheer you up?”   
  
“We barely know each other,” stated Stefan, not wanting it to come out rude, but knew it may have. Robert smiled for a minute, holding his anger underneath.   
  
“I know. But maybe this would be a good opportunity to do just that. Please? Let me make it up to you. For repeating the awful things I heard about Brian… your friend. And for just being a piss poor bloke to you in general. I had no right,” stated Robert, looking as sincere and sweet as he could possibly muster all in that one moment.    
  
“I’m really not the club type,” replied Stef softly, watching the boys play basketball without him. Robert looked over at them as well as they threw the ball around, unable to tell if not being included or the fact Brian still hadn’t showed up was bothering him the most.    
  
“Oh come on. What if sometime during the night we asked around if anyone has seen Brian?” Robert offered. A silly, lame offer, but an offer none-the-less that the Swede might just respond too. Stef looked up at him. “Just a few hours.”   
  
Why is this guy so damn persistent on dragging me to a club? He must be just dying to make some friends… that or he is actually really sorry for what he’s done. That’s always possible I suppose, is it not? Least he’d have a little time to see if anyone had seen his friend, maybe bring his school picture he could get a copy of from the office… Least then going would be worth while, would it not?    
  
“C’mon. Please? You look like you need a little night out.” Stef sighed deeply as he took another bite of his sandwich, chewing it slowly while thinking that this was probably a really stupid idea, but it couldn’t hurt. Brian was the only thing on his mind since he went missing. Maybe a bit of music and night life would take his mind off the girly boy for just an hour and then see if anyone had seen him.   
  
“Alright,” sighed Stef, nodding gently when he finally swallowed down the bite he took. It was hard for Robert to sustain his excitement, but he stayed calm as he smiled.   
  
“Great. This Friday night?” It was only a few days away and at least Stefan would have time to find something decent in his closet to wear that he was sure wouldn’t even be club-appropriate in the first place. Just like when he couldn’t find time to pick an outfit just to see a movie with Brian. The thought brought a tiny smile to Stef’s lips that soon turned to a frown at the thought of never having the chance to do that again.   
  
“Okay,” replied the Swede softly, nodding, still not too sure this was the greatest idea.    
  
“Great! I’ll see you later.” Robert patted Stef on the shoulder before waving and walking off back into the school with once again one of the biggest fucking grins on his face. It was going to work! He planned to find out from Marcus exactly what club they would be at this Friday and would be sure to drag Stefan along just coincidentally to see the little slut on his knees in action. Oh god it would be beautiful. He couldn’t fucking wait. After Stef saw that, he would never, ever talk to or talk about that little fag again. It was perfect.   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED….**


	16. A Loser, A Sinner

“Stefan! That sounds amazing,” squealed the nancy boy in surprise as the Swedish boy’s fingers hit the piano keys so beautifully- his movements looking so natural like he had been playing for years. The tune sounded flawless, Stef making sure not to miss one note- though Brian had not a clue what it was and wouldn’t have noticed if he had in the first place. But it didn’t matter… it was coming from him and it sounded spectacular. Stef smiled up at the smaller boy’s large grin across his face, looking quite pleased that he seemed to enjoy his little creation that he had been doubting.   
  
“I just kind of … made it up,” replied the Swede quietly, pulling his hands away from the piano like it was on fire. “Maybe you can write something for it?” The Swede’s eyes were large and hopeful.   
  
“It’ll be perfect for the show, once I write some lame lyrics about leaves or snow falling, haha! We’ll get a top mark for sure!” laughed Brian, giving the taller boy a quick wink before sitting beside him on the piano bench. The Swede could feel his cheeks burning and turning red as the butterflies in his stomach started to flutter once again- it seemed to happen an awful lot when Brian was around him and he couldn’t help it. It drove him crazy but at the same time he liked it.   
  
“It’s just a basic tune… really, nothing special,” laughed Stefan. “We can change it if you wan-.” Stef was cut off before he finished as Brian’s eyes widened.  
  
“Change it? It sounds great! Really, it does! It’s perfect. You’re a lot more talented than you think you are,” said the smaller boy, lowering his voice a little and starting to feel his own cheeks turn red. To be brutally honest, the tune Stef played was rather plain, nothing special. It had a nice melody, very basic, something you would maybe hear in a random church choir that Brian’s mother used to drag him off to far too many times on a Sunday when he was young… But it was good and Stef could play. It was a stepping stone to something great and he really wanted Stefan to feel like he was good too because he clearly was not very used to getting a lot of praise- his parentes probably pushed him to be ‘perfect’ a lot and he could only relate.  
  
“Thanks,” said Stef quickly, looking down at the keys, hitting one softly with his finger as an excuse to not look back up at the smaller boy next to him. God he felt like a school kid and he couldn’t even help it. Brian looked over at him and saw him playing with the keys out of nervousness and started to feel nervous himself at the fact the Swede seemed so nervous! God this was a never-ending circle….  
  
Brian smiled softly to himself before putting his own finger, complete with chipped black nail polish, on one of the keys on his side of the piano. Biting his lip, Brian slowly kept pressing them, the tune changing with every different key he pushed until he got to the one the Swede was on and put his index finger over-top of Stef’s.  
  
The taller boy’s eyes widened a little bit as he looked over at Brian beside him- starting to get lost in those two big green-blue orbs that were now looking right back at him. Brian gave this mischevious little grin, one Stefan absolutely loved before he felt their faces get close… the Swede now leaning down just a bit to press his lips to Brian’s.   
  
*-*  
  
Brian Molko woke to loud police sirens wailing in the street as his eyes flicked open… his heart dropping as he realized his beautiful lip-lock with Stefan was nothing but a fucking dream as he stared at a sleeping Marcus beside him. The man was snoring and on his back, the one of the few times Brian saw him when he didn’t have his hair brushed or looked ‘together’. Why was he still here? Couldn’t he just live in his dream world until he got out of here? Was that somehow not possible? No… no it wasn’t. Reality seemed to have a tight hold of him and it sucked.   
  
He sat up in the large bed; not remembering what happened after the older man practically beat him into a coma. Looking around the dark room, he didn’t notice Tyler at all, hoping he was back downstairs with the others and that something awful hadn’t befallen him. He was the one who had refused to rape Tyler… not the boy. He didn’t care if he got beaten, but that poor boy didn’t need another bruise. Marcus could rape and torture him all he fucking wanted, but he’d die before he’d ever let the man make him violate someone else in the same way. There was no fucking way in hell he was going to sink to the level he was on.   
  
Brian got up slowly, quietly tip-toeing across the room to make his way over to the bathroom- his bladder giving him the telltale sign that it needed to be emptied. As he walked into the even darker room, no moonlight able to shin in, he closed the door behind him before flicking on the bright light. It was almost blinding, but he was tired of the dark. The girly boy made his way over to the perfectly clean and abnormally white porcelain bowl before relieving himself.   
  
He was still entirely naked and the bathroom was rather cold, causing his tiny body to shiver. He had no idea where his dress had gone and didn’t see the point of searching for any clothes at this point…. Marcus would tear them off him anyway and in the dark, he would only bump into something and wake him up. Why not let the bastard sleep and shorten the suffering?   
  
When he was done, he walked over and was finally able to stop squinting at the light long enough to get a decent look at himself in the mirror, though after he saw himself he wished he hadn’t looked at all. How could Marcus or any man find him still beautiful? His pretty porcelain face was blue and purple, bruises all over his cheeks and one even on his forehead. His lip had dried blood on it from a large cut that he didn’t remember getting. Maybe he bit it? Right… He looked like a mess that a lot more makeup would be needed to fix.   
  
Letting his eyes wander even further down the mirror, Brian looked at his pale body that was now covered his bruises as well, nail scrapes, dried blood, and even some dried cum. Fuck… he looked like a cheap, pathetic hooker. Brian Molko never in his entire life ever wanted to crawl out of his own fucking skin more now than ever before. No one would ever want him after this. He was a tainted little slut that no decent man, no gorgeous Swedish man would ever want to touch, much less go to another movie with.   
  
And as if his eyes couldn’t take staring at himself any longer, Brian closed them tight and leaned on the sink, putting one hand on each side of it before letting the tears that had been building up fall once again. Brian always looked at himself as a tough little bitch that no one could break, a real bad ass. But deep down… Brian was nothing but a scared little boy in a dress looking up at the world for someone to love and accept him for who he was. To love him for what he was on the inside and out and not ask him to change. But what did that get him? Hooking on the fucking street and now here! Yeah…he made it alright.  
  
Brian didn’t know how long he poured his eyes out silently over the white sink before wiping at the smeared eyeliner that still seemed to outline them. He splashed some water on his face and took one last sad look in the mirror before turning out the light and leaving the bathroom. The moonlight faintly shone through the window, a brick wall from some other building too close to the one he was in to get a good light coming through, but it was enough to be able to make his way back over to the bed without falling flat on his face.   
  
He slowly felt his will to fight was dying inside and wanted to try and do anything to keep it burning bright. He wanted to try and open the window or try and open the door even though he knew they were both locked. Marcus was a man who left no loose ends and those would be loose ends. But just to be sure, to let his mind know he still had some will deep down to fight, he tip-toed to the window and tried to open it, not shocked it was locked tight as he suspected. But he had to try anyway, just for him, otherwise he might be able to convince himself he was dead now. Existing, yes, but not living.   
  
“Princess,” yawned Marcus, grinning like a madman like he always did. Well.. did he always grin like that? Or was that just the way Brian saw him. “Blast and I was so looking forward to fucking you awake,” he finished, laughing at his own sick joke.  
  
*-*  
  
School seemed to somehow go by slower than it used to. His drama teacher had even asked if he wanted to pick another pair to go with so he wouldn’t end up doing the project by himself, but he refused. He wanted to do it, even though he had not a clue how… especially by himself. He just hoped Brian was going to come back to school. That he wasn’t going to just disappear forever.   
  
Everyday, more people pissed him off like they did to Brian. All the people whispering and gossiping about what happened to the little girly fag and why he had disappeared. All stupid rumors that made the usually quiet, conservative Swede want to punch each and every one of them out. How dare they say anything about Brian? The majority of them didn’t say one fucking word to him, not one. What right did they have to talk about him in such a way? It made Stefan’s blood boil to the point that every break and lunch he had, he went out to sit by the same tree Brian had been under that one sunny day just so he wouldn’t hear them anymore.  
  
The week was passing so slowly and the end of it he dreaded even more. A club with Robert? What the fuck was he thinking? Maybe he would get lucky and catch the flu or something, give him an excuse to not go. He once again pulled out another sandwich from his brownbag, suddenly wishing he had decided to buy lunch today instead just as a few of his friends approached him with a basketball.  
  
“Hey, want to throw around the ball with us?” asked one of them casually. Stef hadn’t felt like doing much lately, still feeling so guilty for Brian’s disappearance. It made him not rally want to sleep, eat, or do much of anything. “Ah come on, cheer up. You love playing basketball.” If truth be known, the Swede wasn’t really a fan of basketball at all, he just happened to be good at it because he was so damn tall. But did his so-called friends know that? No.  
  
“No thanks, guys,” decided the taller boy meekly as he took another bite from his lunch. The boys all looked at each other and sighed, wishing their friend wasn’t such a god damn downer lately- it was getting on their nerves, not to mention their little team needed another good player.  
  
“Oh come ON! You haven’t played with us for days and days! You’re not STILL fucking upset over that little fag, are you? So what if he left? Big deal, your drama teacher will figure out your project Mr. A+,” said one of them, laughing- assuming it was his grade and project that he was worried about rather his partner.   
  
“He probably got aids and died,” joked another, all of them bursting out laughing as Stefan snapped at the horrible, poorest taste for a joke he had heard anyone make yet.  
  
“Shutup!” he snapped, suddenly standing up and towering over them like he did pretty much everyone else who went to that school. “How dare you say that about him!? An AIDS joke!? Really? You’re all really mature fucking blokes! You don’t know him, none of you did! No one did! None of you even fucking tried!” yelled Stefan, all the stress and anger that had been building up all week suddenly exploding. “And you know what else? I fucking HATE basketball! None of you even know ME!” He screamed before smacking the bright orange ball out of the other boy’s hands and storming off. The other’s eyes were wide as they all looked at each other. Stefan Olsdal never yelled or snapped at anyone. Hell, the guy wouldn’t yell ‘FIRE!’ if he saw it.   
  
The Swede couldn’t help but smile slightly as he made his way back inside to get his books for next class. By this rate, he was going to be like Brian and completely friendless… but he didn’t even care. Brian had been right. What was the point of being friends with those losers? Friends who didn’t even really know him when it came right down to it.   
  
How this small little girly boy could turn his world upside down in so many ways, Stef didn’t know but he did know he wasn’t sorry about it. Not one little bit. He just wished Brian would come back, especially if he had been the reason the little guy had ran away. He wished he could have relived that entire day over when he had disappeared. The things he would have said, the plans he would have made with him. Another movie? Maybe in his dorm room? Cuddling on his bed? Okay, maybe he was pushing it a little… but the boy made him feel special- made him feel important and he just wished… wished he would come back to he could make Brian feel the exact same way.  
  
*-*  
  
Brian stared up at the ceiling, watching it crack open and break- letting the beautiful sun shine down on him. The rays of light hitting his face instead of Marcus’ fists… right. What a load of shit. The nancy boy blinked as he looked up into the older man’s face as he fucked him, holding Brian’s thighs open as his hard cock entered his small, frail body, clearly feeling he gave Brian a few days to heal and that was more than enough. The man had been kind of enough tonight to use lube, but the pain still burned deep inside of him.   
  
He stayed on his back, lying there naked in the middle of the large bed, making sure to stay still and hoping it would end soon. All he could do was stare up at the ceiling past the monster on top of him and wish that his salvation would come. Whether that salvation was his new friend riding on a white horse or death… he just wanted it all to come to an end.   
  
“Mmmmm. You’re nice and oh-so fucking tight after the few nights you ‘had off’,” purred the older man in Brian’s ear as he continued to pump into him. The girly boy grimaced at every word that left his mouth as he turned his head to the side so he wouldn’t have to look up at him. As good-looking and distinguished as the man was, he was disgusting in every other way possible and Brian only looked at him if he truly had to. The thrusts were hard and forceful, Marcus using his entire body weight to slam his cock deep inside the poor boy who tried to keep as quiet as possible. The bed moved into the wall with every forceful move- poor Brian pushed up the bed with every thrust.   
  
“Uuughh,” moaned the boy softly, biting his lip hard at the burning ache that grew deeper inside of him. He may have been healed a little bit, but he was sure he was sure Marcus was opening some kind of wound inside of him judging by the stinging pain.   
  
Brian’s body had begun to get a little thinner at the lack of food he was being given, the pale skin marked with track marks of needles, bruises, scars, cuts. He looked like a fucking mess and knew it. His locks looked like an untidy black halo gathered around his head on the pillow as Marcus continued to fuck him, his body so frail and small, it almost reminded Marcus of a child prostitute which of course only managed to turn on the sick bastard even more.   
  
“Fuck,…yes,” whispered the older man, his eyes shut as he quickened his pace- feeling the need to empty himself, wearing a condom this time. After all the passing around he did of his little princess, he thought it was only good to be safe rather than sorry. Brian closed his eyes too, taking the ragged thrusts and shuddering as a good sign. He was going to cum soon and it would be over.   
  
In the midst of his approaching orgasm, Marcus grabbed Brian’s wrists and held them high over his head as he gave him three more hard plunges inside his tight walls that welcomed his cock with a mesmerizing heat as he emptied his seed into the condom. Brian squeaked as the man stilled his movements and stayed inside of him, letting the small boy’s slick walls milk him.   
  
After his orgasm subsided and he was satisfied, Marcus pulled out his softening penis and got off the bed to get dressed- pulling off the condom and leaving Brian as a naked, empty mess on the mattress. Brian’s ass ached as he sat up a bit, looking down at the little drops of blood that rolled down his legs onto the sheets in a small pool. Great.   
  
Marcus paid no attention to it, the amount of blood clearly not being enough to alarm him. It was great to know he cared. Brian felt his breathing become a bit heavier, hoping the bleeding wouldn’t get worse. The older man smiled in the mirror on his dresser as he changed his shirt, buttoning it up while examining his hair.  
  
“Why don’t you go pick something pretty to wear,” mused Marcus, smiling at the nancy boy behind him on the bed in the reflection of the mirror. Brian gave him a sneer and looked away. What the fuck did it matter what he wore? Who cared? Men would ogle him, touch him, and pull up whatever fabric he was wearing to fuck him. In the end, it didn’t matter. He could wear a dress made of silk or a dress made of garbage bags, it made no bloody difference. And here Marcus asked him to pick out an outfit like a parent asking their child to pick out an outfit for school- well fuck him.  
  
“I don’t care what I wear,” whispered Brian, but loud enough for him to hear. He didn’t really care what the man put him in, he truly didn’t. Marcus sighed, getting annoyed at the boy’s attitude. He liked them weak, he liked them dependant, but he did not approve of them with attitude. The only attitude he wanted around him was his own.  
  
“Listen, sweetheart. You’ll be much happier once you realize your place is here with me. You weren’t really happy with Jay,” sighed Marcus, stilling grinning at Brian through the mirror as he grabbed a tie and wrapped it around his neck and tied it without even looking at it. “I take care of you. You were barely surviving out there in the world. You work for me and I take care of you,” finished the man happily, now pulling a comb through his messy locks  
  
“You barely feed me,” whined Brian sadly, unable to keep his mouth shut at all the dribble that was coming out of the older man’s mouth. What was he going to do if he talked back? Beat him? He did it already. And unconsciousness was a lot better than being awake in this hell hole.   
  
“I feed you enough. Fat is unattractive and we have to keep you beautiful,” replied Marcus, Brian’s snitty remark for some reason barely phasing him this time- which was odd. The man could switch moods in an instant and Brian had no warning of when it was coming. “You’re beautiful and we must keep you that way. No man wants unattractive.”  
  
“I’m ugly,” snapped Brian quietly, looking away from the man and pulling his knees up to his chest on the bed, suddenly feeling the need to cover up his naked body from the sick pervert. “I’m bruised-.”  
  
“Nothing a little makeup can’t cover up,” grinned Marcus as he put some hair gel through his hair and turning around to look at his sweet little prince once again. “You’re beautiful, darling. Absolutely stunning and it’s what I love about you. You are pure perfection, even bleeding, bruised, and broken… you’re gorgeous,” whispered the man before leaning down, grabbing the back of Brian’s head and pushing it forward to collide it with his- smashing their lips together in a lip lock. Brian kept still, not wanting to anger the man as Marcus pushed his tongue through Brian’s cut and swollen lips and played with the boy’s tongue before letting him go. “You’re perfect, sweetheart,” said Marcus happily, giving Brian one more kiss on the cheek before walking towards his bedroom door to leave. “Make yourself pretty,” he said flatly, turning the knob. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”   
  
“But,” Brian squeaked in objection, moving his legs down a bit, almost wanting to leap off the bed after him for some kind of explanation, to beg him for some food, to beg him something that had nothing to do with sex.  
  
“Oh … and this is for being such a delicious fuck as always, princess,” smiled the older man, pulling out a small bag of white powder and leaving it on his dresser. Giving the nancy boy drugs was nothing but a good idea. The more he did, the more addicted to it he would be, and the more dependent he would be on him for them.   
  
Brian’s body shook as the door slammed shut, hearing Marcus lock it from the outside. Bloody wonderful. He licked his lips as he saw the delicious substance on the furniture only a little ways away from the bed, but knew he should deny himself. But it only lasted a minute as the hunger pains started to jab at his stomach and he knew of only one thing in the room that would make it and everything else disappear.  
  
*-*  
  
Marcus was always ‘safe’ when he heard someone knock on his door. He rarely sold his kids at the door like that; it was too obvious and more often than not liked to do his business transactions in clubs or parties behind closed doors. So when he answered the door… he had to be careful it wasn’t a cop. He took better care of himself and his so-called business than that.   
  
The second the older man heard a knock at his door, he went over to the small window and peeked through the curtain, relieved and smiling when he saw it was only Jay. Moving closer to the door, he turned the knob nonchalantly to not make it seem like he knew it was going to be him when he swung it open- putting on a fake, large grin at the very pissed off looking pimp.  
  
“Jay! What do I owe the pleasure?” asked the man happily, still grinning as he leaned against the door frame and crossing his arms gently.   
  
“I know you have, Brian!” spat the other man angrily, crossing his own arms and giving the man a death stare. “He’s mine! He works for ME! He’s not part of your little busi-.”  
  
“Jay, Jay,” chuckled Marcus, still smiling as he cut him off.  
  
“I know you fucking have hi-.”  
  
“Jay! Come on! He’s just a whore… we can work something out, can’t we? An agreement? You told me yourself he had nobody. No one is going to care if he disappears off the face of the planet. Now come on, we’re friends,” said Marcus gently, putting an arm on Jay’s shoulder.  
  
“We’re not friends. He doesn’t belong here!” growled Jay, he was starting to get more pissed off. This man acted like he was better than him. He had a lot more money, yes, but better? As a human being? Not in a lifetime. Marcus was an arrogant prick, an asshole. He wished he had never lent Brian to the pig as a debt. He should have just used one of the other girls he was pimping, not someone as fragile and beautiful as Brian. He wouldn’t go as far as saying he truly cared about Brian… he couldn’t let himself get soft like that… it didn’t work in this business. But he did know he didn’t want Brian to get trafficked like some animal. Most people stuck in it were dead after five years- either murdered or from catching some STD. At least if he pimped Brian, he could watch out for him. “I want him back!”  
  
“Jay. I don’t think that’s going to be a possibility. I’m too attached, but I’m sure we can work something out, no?” offered Marcus, his patience starting to wear thin at the persistent pimp. “He’s just a whore. You have plenty of whores. Come on, now.”  
  
“Give him back or I go to the cops,” spat Jay angrily. Marcus snapped, his sweet charming mood switching off to the complete opposite as the older man pushed Jay back a little bit against the brick wall in the alley his ‘front door’ led to.   
  
“You’ll what? Tell them your WHORE that you’ve been PIMPING is being trafficked? If you bring me down… I’ll bring you right down with me, you got that? He’s a fucking faggot slut and he is now mine,” snarled the man angrily into Jay’s ear as he tightened the hold he had around his neck. His movements being as swift as they always were, Marcus pulled out not a dime short of 500 pounds from inside his blazer jacket rolled up in a bunch and putting it in Jay’s pocket of his long jacket.   
  
“That’s MORE than fair, but still worth every penny. He is now officially bought and paid for,” he continued crossly. “Consider the deal done and I don’t want to see you around here again,” he finished, pulling him from the wall and pushing him back hard against the brick once more, the older man’s strength surprising Jay. “Now get the fuck out of here.” The pimp didn’t get to say another word as he fell to the ground- Marcus disappearing behind the door and slamming it behind him.  
  
He didn’t need Jay sniffed around him for something that was no longer his and if he came back, he’d deal with him differently… He didn’t have time for this shit. He had ‘kids’ to prepare for a lovely bachelor party and he was going to stick around this time to enjoy this one.  
  
*-*  
  
Trying to ignore the drugs that were so close…Brian made his way over to the closet on the other side of the room, the only excuse actually being that Marcus refused to return his backpack, his belongings and his real clothes he had worn on the same day he was taken. The same day he had stood in line with Stefan and the Swede had defended him in front of all his friends. The little memory alone put a smile on Brian’s lips and actually made him feel warm inside when he felt so empty both figuratively and literally.   
  
Shaking his head at what now seemed like a distant memory, realizing he needed to find something to wear- even if it was some skanky little dress…. It almost seemed funny to him now that he would have been more than happy to wear any of them only a little while ago before he had ever entered into this hellhole. When he used to try to hard to dress so proactively.   
  
Who are you kidding, Brian? Stefan isn’t looking for you anymore. You don’t know if ever was in the first place, but you can be sure he stopped now. Give your head a shake. He was nice to you because he was brought up to be a nice boy… he never really liked you- especially not enough to go out on a whim and look for your broke, sorry, pathetic, whorish ass. Stop daydreaming, Molko.   
  
Sorting through the hangers, Brian had not an idea of what to pick. All of them were short, slutty and didn’t cover much of his bruised, scarred body. Fuck… he was going to have to apply so much damn makeup. Wonderful.   
  
Deciding on the longest black one near the end, Brian pulled it off the hanger. It only came down to above his knee, but it was the longest there was. This one actually had straps, though was low-cut. It was soft to the touch, some kind of silk he was guessing. It slipped overtop of his small, thin frame so easily. He evaluated himself in the mirror and grimaced at how much of a girl he looked like even though he used to love that. The small frock hugging his curves in a somewhat hour-glass shape just like it would on a woman. His curly locks still flowing around his face so beautifully- Brian used to love that too, loved how softy and pretty it used to make his face. But now… now he wanted to take scissors and cut all of it off!   
  
Brian decided that he would rather apply a full face of makeup than actually get beaten into oblivion again- it actually being a tough decision to make. Because at the end of the day, with a beating or not, Marcus would make sure he looked pretty and Marcus would make sure he dragged hiss ass out for a good fucking on the street. So there was the nancy boy once again applying eyeliner, mascara, concealer, foundation, and lots of blush- to try and make himself look as pretty as he could. It took a lot more effort this time to cover up all the bruises and all the marks.   
  
He stared at himself, hating himself, hating how he looked even though he knew he looked beautiful because that’s exactly what he hated. He was pretty whether he was smiling or crying and he bloody hated it. His green-blue orbs were large and wide as he sat in front of the dresser, makeup laid all out in front of him as he leaned forward and took good hard look... A good hard look at all the different shades of purple and blues on his face as he slowly plastered peach-ish colored liquid all over them, more and more until they were all covered and made the bruises no longer visible- oh the magic makeup could do.   
  
A little longer and his face was painted up like a doll’s, the only thing left were the cuts on his lip that a little dark lip-gloss could fix. He stared at himself in his eyes a minute more and noticed that they were no longer as shiny as they used to be. He looked dead and felt even deader on the inside. The strawberry lip-gloss covered his lips so effortlessly, the sweet smell filling the air around him as he covered up the marks that completed his look.  
  
Staring at the ‘picture’ he painted of himself, the picture he made with makeup… it made him want to vomit. He truly was… looked and felt like trash. He was trash. The reflection only proved what he felt to be true, so why not go a little further? Brian looked down at his hands, the black nail polish almost completely chipped off and gone as he scraped two fingers together before looking up nervously at the little bag of cocaine Marcus had left him.  
  
Any little tiny voice in Brian’s head that told him not to do it… the girly boy ignored it. Blocking it out as he poured the white contents into two lines on the dresser and staring at it. He knew he shouldn’t do it, he knew getting high wouldn’t help anything but take the pain away for a little while, but if he could forget where he was for only a tiny bit- it was worth it. Pushing some of his black curls behind his ear, he leaned down and sniffed it up in one quick motion before doing the same to the second line.   
  
Once he was done, Brian slowly got up, putting both hands on the dresser to steady his balance before turning to walk over to the bed and laying down on it. It would only be a little bit before the dragon coursed through his veins and begin to take him far away from this place, even if it was only in his head. If that’s all he could get, he would take it….  
  
“Just a little longer,” whispered the nancy boy to himself as he closed his eyes and let the drug take effect.   
  
*-*  
  
Stefan didn’t know why he was doing this; he didn’t feel up to it. Well truth be told, he didn’t feel up to much at all... but at least maybe he could ask around. Taking one last look at himself in his mirror as he fixed the collar on his black dress shirt, he bent down and folded the picture of Brian he had asked the lovely secretary in the office for to put it in his wallet. If anything… he could ask if anyone had seen his friend around or knew him. The guy had to have at least a few friends and though he didn’t want to ‘judge’, Brian seemed like the kind of boy who had to have least been to a few clubs, right? He could only hope.   
  
“I hope you told someone where you went, Brian,” said Stef to himself as he sat down on the edge of his bed to pull on his shoes as his phone rang and reluctantly rolled his eyes when he realized it was Robert. Great… Why did he even give him his dorm-room number? Now the guy could harass him even out of college. You idiot, Stef….  
  
“Stefan? It’s Robert. Plans have changed… we’re uh… we’re going to my buddy’s bachelor party.”  
  
 **TO BE CONTINUED…..**  



	17. There's Nothing Left

“Are you ready to go, darling?” Brian cringed, rolling away from him on the bed the second he heard his voice. He would never be ready to go, not mentally. He was tired of this. He wanted to be put out of his fucking misery if this was how the rest of his life was going to go. Next time he bled, he didn’t want stitches; he wanted to be left alone so he could bleed to death. It was far less painful and at least it would bring an end to this shit. The small boy’s dignity had been striped in more ways and he it was tearing him apart. He was just fucking tired of it all, he never deserved this.   
  
The nancy boy said nothing, not seeing the point of replying to Marcus. Instead he just closed his eyes and pulled his knees up to this chest to hug them, so ready to cry and pour his eyes out along with his soul- wishing he had saved the drugs for when he would be ‘put to work’. It was so much easier to be used when you had no idea what you were doing. Brian would rather be completely out of it than be conscious and forced to endure what he was going to put him through for money. Money he would never see anyway.  
  
“Hmmm? Princess?” asked Marcus, smiling as he made his way closer to the bed. His tone sounded like that of a loving father’s and it sickened the small boy to his very core. It was so fake, so cold. Why call him pet names when he thought so little of him? He had no respect for Brian or his body, so why try to be kind? It was fucking pointless.  
  
“I’m not your fucking princess,” whispered Brian harshly, a sob breaking through the words. He wiped at his eyes, trying to console himself as he laid in the fetal position on the large bed. The short dress ran high up his thighs as he continued to hug himself, ready to be smacked for talking back. And as always, Marcus switched like a light and became angry at the boy’s rebuttal- slapping him on the back of his head. Brian whimpered like a puppy as he was struck, crying out when he felt his hair being pulled.   
  
“Stop it, PLEASE!” cried Brian, tears falling down his face that was all dolled up and pretty as he could make it- makeup covering all the imperfections Marcus had caused. The girly boy was so close to his breaking point, everything hurt and the light was fading fast inside him.   
  
“I’m tired of your little mouth!” cried the larger man, throwing Brian’s small, perfect body against the wall. “You’re going to do what you’re fucking told… or you WILL be sorry, PRINCESS,” hissed the man into Brian’s ear before smacking him across the back of the head again, tangling his black curls. Marcus banged his fist hard against the wall only a few inches away from the small boy’s head to scare him- make him jump. Brian’s eyes widened, the loud noise having worked. Marcus was getting sick and tired of Brian’s bullshit and was ready to teach him in a lesson he wouldn’t soon forget if he kept disobeying.   
  
Without saying another thing, Marcus backed off of Brian, leaving him to turn and go use the bathroom before leaving. Letting more tears fall down his face, Brian began to sob heavily, so ready to crawl in a hole and die as he slid down the wall. He would give anything to even be at home with his parents, he was so tired of this. He slid down the wall till he got to the floor. Leaning up against it, he continued to cry, hoping it didn’t fuck up his makeup. Otherwise it would just be something else Marcus could kick the shit out of him for. But then again, maybe that was a good thing. There would never be enough drugs and therapy to make him forget all of this and even if he did make it out, who would want him?   
  
*-*  
  
Stef wearily made his way outside of the dorm rooms, making his way over to the dark car Robert was waiting for him in. He knew this night was going to be pointless and would more than likely fail at making him feel better. Why this guy was making such an effort to try and be his friend, he had no idea why. The only thing that even made him want to go with him was the opportunities to see if anyone had seen his friend.  
  
“Hey,” said Robert the minute the taller boy got in and closed the car door.   
  
“Hi. Um,” started Stef, about to ask him why plans had changed from the club. The other Swede must have been a mind-reader as he quickly butt in without letting him finish.  
  
“My friend is having a bachelor party; there will be lots of friends of friends and random people. It will be a good time to socialize and you can still ask about Brian,” he said flatly, smiling the moment he said ‘Brian’. His plan was working out so perfectly, he was giddy with excitement and later tonight was when he was going to get his ‘treat’. He had been unable to think about anything but the girly faggot for weeks now and it was driving him insane. He knew he might be obsessed, but he didn’t care.   
  
The Swede bit his lip, not sure what to say to Robert. He wasn’t much of a party person; he was always so quiet and awkward. But here he was in the passenger seat and they were already on their way there. It wasn’t in his nature to cause a fuss. Yeah he had done it, but he didn’t like doing it. It just wasn’t in his nature to be like that. Making a fuss is what Brian Molko would probably do. Stef couldn’t help but smile and frown at just thinking about his new friend. Smiling at the memory- frowning at the fact he was still gone.   
  
“Don’t worry, it’ll be a good time,” said Robert reassuringly, putting on a smile even though Stef could barely see his face in the dark car. The taller boy really doubted he was going to have fun at all, but just nodded, seeing no point in arguing.   
  
*-*  
  
Brian remained quiet in the back of the van as he felt the vehicle pull out of it’s parking spot- holding his knees up to him as he leaned against the metal side. He had kind of hoped someone else was going to go with them to where ever the hell they were going so he’d at least have some quiet company, but knew he was glad there wasn’t anybody at the same time. Why go to hell with him?   
  
The only time he was ever made to go and work was at night, he couldn’t really remember when he had last seen the sun outside and it upset him. He used to love the night life, loved to club… and after his world had done a complete 180 in what seemed like only a day, his perception on everything had changed. Not too long ago, his biggest problem was finding decently priced weed and looked what that had turned into? Heavier use until he got into heavier drugs. Then his problem turned into money which ultimately led him here. All his stupid fucking choices had led him to this van and he just wanted to find the rewind button. Did life have a rewind button? No, it bloody didn’t. Here he sat with the repercussions from his mistakes and how did he want to deal with it? He wanted to get fucking high. It was a horrible domino effect and he had no idea how to get out of it.   
  
“Marcus,” Brian heard a voice squeak, shocked once he realized the word had left his own lips. It was like an outer body experience, he was unsure if he had truly said the man’s name or if he was just imagining that he was.   
  
“What?” asked the older man coldly, still pissed off from the nancy boy’s little outburst back in the bedroom.   
  
“Are you,” Brian started, having to take a breath. If he didn’t, he felt like he was going to break out into a long sob if he didn’t. It was hard to control his feelings. When one feels so hopeless, the only thing you can do is cry. He was waiting for that numb feeling where all his emotions would mix into one and he would stop caring. Kind of like when he was made to take anti-depressants. Everything would be dull, colorless and bare like his life suddenly seemed to be. There would be a blank, dry look in his eyes as he was forced to endure what men put him through, his facial expression never changing- as if he were slowly being turned into a doll.   
  
“Am I what?” snapped Marcus, looking back in the rearview mirror to look at Brian who was still wiping at his green-blue orbs. “And don’t fuck up your makeup.” The girly boy closed his eyes, trying to get himself together. He knew the answer to the question he was going to ask, but had the urge to ask anyway. He needed to remind himself he was still alive.   
  
“Marcus…are you… ever going to let me go?” he asked, making eye contact with Marcus in the rearview mirror. He knew what the man was going to say, but it didn’t matter. He needed to ask, to have a glimmer of hope for mere seconds if that was all he was allowed.  
  
However, Marcus didn’t reply at all… he just laughed- letting a few chuckles escape his lips as he smiled at his new toy in the back. Brian didn’t press it, not needing another bruise to add to his collection. Instead he rested his forehead on his knees while he hugged his legs to his chest.   
  
He tried to sleep a little, hoping the ride was going to be long enough to get a little shut-eye. Unfortunately, to Brian’s disappointment, it didn’t last much longer at all. He sighed to himself, pushing his black locks behind his ear as he felt the van pull into where ever the hell they had ended up. The van door opened quickly, slamming to the side. He saw light, whether that of a porch light or the moon shining on him- he didn’t know, but he didn’t look up.   
  
“Let’s go!” said Marcus sternly as the nancy boy slowly lifted his head and body, crawling on his knees to get out of the van. His shoes were hard to walk in as it was and the older man felt it was fucking necessary to make him walk as fast as he could. He dragged the poor boy up the steps, knocking on the door while grinning at Brian wickedly. He was going to stick around for this party, always being one to enjoy celebrating a newly engaged man. Well the party he could give a shit about- he just wanted to see Brian take it in the ass till he screamed. The nancy boy looked away the minute he saw a smile on Marcus’ lips- knowing no good was going to come of that. The door swung open, a younger man smiling in the doorway as he looked at Marcus.  
  
“I’m here with your entertainment,” said Marcus, still grinning. The majority of the clients for ‘house visits’ had used Marcus’ service at a club. It almost made Brian want to throw up, knowing that most of these women had no idea what their fiancés were doing while they were out. It was revolting. The guy was younger, late 20’s, early 30’s maybe. He had blonde hair and a cute face, a nice smile too by the smirk he gave when he eyed Brian up and down.   
  
“Isn’t he pretty,” said the man, moving out of the way to let them in. There was music, alcohol, and lots of yelling and laughing- typical man party thought Brian. He wanted to turn and run but Marcus’ hand was tight around his wrist. Even if he did run, in these heels, he would get about three feet before landing flat on his face on the cement walk. Walking into these houses, knowing what was waiting for him, it was kind of like walking death row to the electric chair. You knew what your fate was, but you were still forced to walk it.  
  
“Boys! Party has arrived,” laughed the man while yelling to his guests. He heard the door close behind him as Marcus smiled at all the younger men, putting their cups together to cheer and celebrate. Brian didn’t look up at them- he didn’t want to see any of them. Their faces would surely mesh and blur together soon enough anyway.  
  
“Wow, does he ever look like a bloody chick,” said one, grinning from ear to ear. The nancy boy still kept his head down, no longer having the will to yell back some smart ass comeback- his black locks falling in front of his face. He was so ready to burst into tears again, even though he thought he’d be all dried out of tears by now. Marcus grinned at them, winking.  
  
“He’s one of my best, I can assure you,” purred the older man, wrapping an arm around Brian and giving him a bit of a hug- though Brian still didn’t move from his spot not too far from the door that had been locked behind him.  
  
“You always come through for me,” said one of the men, walking over wearing a crown- most likely the host of the party- truly feeling sorry for the bitch he was going to marry. “He’s fucking cute. Hi, I’m Tommy.” Brian was surprise the man was actually directing conversation at him, but didn’t reply, didn’t move his field of view which was currently his feet, his shoes and the carpet. He didn’t need to know the man’s name- what the hell did it matter? With that, Brian felt Marcus grab his chin, forced to look up at him and the rest of the men that were eyeing up every part of his body under the appealing frock.   
  
“He’s pretty too,” he chimed, grinning like a madman. He took a sip of his beer bottle while shaking the older man’s hand. Brian felt sick to his stomach, it was like he was a rental car this man was paying for, to use and ‘drive’ for a few hours and the deal was made like he was no longer human, just a handshake and bills exchanged. “He is a little pricey, but I think we can all agree he’ll be worth the money- right men?” cheered the bachelor as they all put up their bottles and cups and cheered in agreement.   
  
“I promise you, he’s worth every fucking pence,” said Marcus assuringly, truly a business man by heart. The man grabbed Brian by his left arm, pulling him into the living room where the largest part of the party seemed to be going on- almost tripping in his shoes. There were so many men, Brian could barely guess a number, but all were most likely drunk. Stupid, drunk fucking men.  
  
“Hey hey hey!” said one of them laughing as he took a gulp from his beer bottle and looked around at all the others staring at him. “Tommy gets first dibs, then we can all have fun!” More cheering and laughing could be heard as Brian looked slowly around the room at all of them. So many of them and he knew he would more than likely have to service them all. His stomach was in his throat and he felt like running to the toilet to throw up.  
  
“Fuck this! I’m horny as fuck! Make him take his pretty little dress off,” called one, bringing in some more beers to place on the coffee table that were soon grabbed up by the thirsty boys- like they really needed more alcohol. He had no idea what time it was and his large eyes searched for a wall to give him some idea, but cursed in his head when he couldn’t find one bloody clock.   
  
“Take it off, darling,” purred Marcus, taking a seat on the piano bench that was pulled out from under the grand instrument in the corner of the room. The cover was pulled over the keys, the owner probably only having it at all to look ritzy, probably not a pianist at all. The piano reminded him of Stefan who he knew he could play. He stared back at it, his neck craning to look at it to try and hold onto a small memory before he was pushed forward a little more.   
  
“Take off your shoes and stand on the coffee table,” said Tommy, taking another chug of his beer- smiling as he took off his crown and put it on Brian’s head, pushing his curls down around his face.  
  
“It should be a tiara with the way he’s dressed,” called another, another faceless man as they all chimed in and laughed at him. He was the joke, a big fucking joke. More men from the kitchen walked into the large living room, all giving off drunk grins as they took a seat or remained standing as some heavy rock tune played in the background. He bit his bottom lip, trying to stifle the tears that he wanted to shed so badly as the poor nancy boy leaned over and undid his heels, stepping out of them. A dark-haired man pulled the magazines, TV guide, and remote off the coffee table and threw them to the side beside the couch to clear it off for him.   
  
“Pull the table in the middle of the room,” said the bachelor, sounding too giddy and happy for Brian’s liking. A few of the guests did what they were told and put the coffee table right in the center of the room. Brian was pushed forward as he slowly, but surely stepped onto the table- unsure and frightened as to what exactly these men expected him to do. He hated feeling so exposed and out in the open even though his body was covered- even if it was by a very little dress. All the men stared up at him, Marcus looking rather smug and happy as he sat back in the corner on the piano bench- like a coach does in a boxing match. Who did this on their bachelor party? Who would be this sick to do this to someone who didn’t want it? Bastards.   
  
“Take off the dress, cutie,” said one as the rest laughed. The voices of these guys seemed to come at him from all directions, never able to pinpoint it to a face. All their eyes burned holes in his body. He was embarrassed; all his dignity was being swept away like a sandcastle on the beach. Could no one see the sheer terror and pain in his eyes as he went to pull at the dress? Did no one see that he didn’t want to do it? Or did they just not care? Apparently not and he clearly didn’t do it fast enough either as the bachelor made his way over to him and hopped up on the table beside him. Brian’s body stiffened at the man so close to him. Any hands that touched him that weren’t his own scared the living daylights out of him, though he didn’t want to admit he had become that weak and frightened; like a little child.   
  
The men hollered and cheered once again as the man stuck his hand under Brian’s short dress and pulled it up and over his head- throwing the frock to the carpet in a matter of what only seemed like seconds. In only a blink of an eye, he was standing completely naked in front of all of them that only put an even wider smile on the older man’s lips. He loved to see his princess completely vulnerable; it turned him on like no one would believe. Dozens of pairs of eyes stared at his thin frail body covered with bruises and cuts, almost licking their lips as they looked at his small, perfect ass, his hairless legs, and his bare chest- everything. They took him all in. Brian could almost feel himself being mentally devoured and it made a shiver run down his spine.  
  
Brian started to breathe heavily, still wanting to cry as he crossed his arms and hugged himself, as if it was a last attempt to cover himself up. Give himself a little dignity maybe. He stood there completely nude on top of the coffee table wearing nothing but the stupid plastic crown and wishing death on all of them. He just wanted to jump through the ceiling and fly away and never fucking look back. His right hand wiped at the few tears that fell down his cheek. Not that anyone noticed, no one cared if he cried- they would probably only enjoy it if he did.   
  
Most of the men suddenly went quiet, smiling and waiting for Brian to say or do something. The music continued to play in the background as the light-haired bachelor, the man some poor girl was soon going to be married to, ran his hand down Brian’s hip- relishing at how smooth and soft his skin was. He grinned at Brian, pushing some of his black hair behind his ear and adjusting the crown on the poor nancy boy’s head. His hand went in between Brian’s legs, lightly tugging at his flaccid member that made Brian gasped softly in surprise at the sudden feeling. Tommy’s hand continued to move slowly, letting his nails scrape along Brian’s skin until he eventually maneuvered it to his lovely bottom. He squeezed one cheek tenderly before quickly pulling his hand back and smacking it hard. A high pitched squeak escaped the small boy’s lips which he soon regretted as all the men laughed at him, literally pointing and laughing.   
  
“What a cute little cock sucker,” said one as they all giggled, all agreeing with the new ‘title’. He had been called every name in the fucking book, but lately each one hit him like a knife, leaving a little gash mentally to remind him that he was in fact low of the low.   
  
Tommy pulled his crown off of Brian’s head before putting it back on his own- taking the rightful place of being the king at his own bachelor party. The bastard. Jumping off the coffee table, he grabbed Brian’s forearm. He pulled him swiftly from the table, making the poor boy almost trip over himself, but not saying a word. He hadn’t said a fucking word since he got there. No one wanted to hear a whore talk anyway. Any cries or pleads would only be met with a laugh and a smack.   
  
Tommy pushed Brian’s frail body to the floor on his knees. The men began to cheer louder as he ordered Brian to lean over the coffee table on his stomach with his arms above his head. Brian breathed in deeply and put his head down, ready to pour his eyes out- knowing what was about to come. The man giggled as he got on his own knees behind Brian, beginning to undo his belt. This would probably be quick with the amount of alcohol in his system, but it was going to be good. The men laughed and shouted their approval, a bunch of them moving closer around the table to watch.   
  
“Spread your legs for me, whore!” said Tommy while chuckling, pulling his jeans down just enough to free his hard cock. Brian looked over, briefly seeing Marcus cross his legs on the piano and grin at him before more men closed in around him, blocking the bastard from his field of vision. He felt like prey ready to be mauled by a giant circle of lions who all wanted a taste of him. The man behind him was tossed a condom that he slipped over his dick as quickly as he could in his state of drunkenness, not bothering with lube. Few men did... what did they care if they caused Brian pain? Most seemed to like to hear the poor boy whimper and moan in pain, it just added to the wonderful experience they were paying for. Brian felt his cheeks being spread and his hole fingered roughly, biting his lip hard to try and not make any noises. He would try his hardest not to give them that particular satisfaction.   
  
“How tight is the slut?” asked one of them near him on the other side of the table, taking a sip out of his cup. They sounded and acted like college students, some older, some maybe only a few years older than him and that fact alone sickened him even more. Another man grabbed his wrists and held them in place above his head as the one behind him spread his thighs open wider, exposing his hole to all viewing eyes as he continued to thrust his digits inside. “You like that?” whispered Tommy softly as he began to ram his fingers in and out even quicker, the men laughing at him as he felt more hands roam along his body, doing what they pleased. If he could, he would have told them all to ‘fuck off’ and ran for it- naked or not. But Marcus was only a few feet away and with everyone here… it was hopeless. However, he was pleased that he was still thinking about means of escape when lately he had been feeling his own light inside of him die. He was a fighter and he had to remind himself of that.   
  
But right at this moment, Brian Molko wanted nothing more than drugs and lots of them, anything to sedate him from all this shit. He was tired and exhausted of this. These men took a little piece of him every time he was used and forced to do what they wanted him to do. Why could no one seem him as a human anymore? It was like going to a giant costume party and you were the only one wearing a god damn costume.   
  
Brian, you are scum. They only treat you like this because it’s clearly what you deserve- haven’t you realized that yet? You’re a pathetic loser and that is all you’ll ever be. Don’t you know that? Don’t you get it? You’re here because you put yourself here. No one wants you and no one cares about you. You’re a big fucking whore, so be happy you’re actually in a place where you belong in the world. You found a place you fit- under some man getting used for the only thing you’re good at.   
  
The nancy boy let out a whimper as he heard the voice in his head yell at him, telling him all the things he didn’t want to hear. It fucking hurt more than the fingers that were forcing their way inside him. Why did he have to get tortured like this? No one was going to come for him and Stefan stopped caring long ago, he was sure. So why not put himself out of this misery? A good overdose on something would take care of that forever.  
  
The lovely thought of being dead and away from all of this was even ripped out from under his feet as he felt a cock force its way inside his ring of muscle, pushing inside without any lube. Brian’s face scrunched up while biting his bottom lip again, closing his eyes at the intense pain. It hurt so fucking much, but he would try his hardest not to cry out. Everyone continued to cheer and holler, yelling some of the sickest things imaginable- encouraging the man to fuck him as hard as he could, to make him bleed, to make him scream- all of it cruel.   
  
Tommy’s cock continued to enter him quickly, causing a sharp burning pain to run through his body that made the girly boy want to scream. He kept his eyes shut tight, letting his black locks fall in front of his face to hide any tears that may fall since his hands were secured above him. He almost wished one of them would just knock him out and use his body while unconscious, so then he wouldn’t have to once again be awake for this shit.  
  
*-*  
  
Robert parked along the street, quite proud of himself as he stared at his friend’s house. Well ‘friend’ was a rather loose term, he only knew the guy because he had met him at the bar and had hung out with him a few times. However, he knew he was a sick enough bastard to get a kick out of Brian and he was lucky enough to find out he was newly engaged to some rich snobby bitch. It was only right to throw him a bachelor’s party, was it not?   
  
“Here?” asked Stef nervously, his voice soft as it always was as he analyzed the house. It was nice and in a nice neighborhood too. A large two-storey brick house with a paved front drive. Not to put down Brian, because he would never do that to a friend, but he doubted by where Brian’s flat was... that the same people would occupy both areas, in a manner of speaking.  
  
“Yeah, lots of these guys go clubbing and are from lots of different places. It’ll be fun and you can ask around,” said Robert quickly, starting to get a little annoyed at the taller boy for being so difficult- questioning every damn thing! “Come on!” he said, keeping his grin on as Stef got out of the car, nervously scratching the back of his neck as he closed the car door behind him. As soon as he began to walk up the drive to the house past all the other cars and van that filled it, he felt it was a bad idea but kept quiet as he usually did.   
  
Robert knocked on the door, once again smiling at the tall Swede as he waited for someone to open the door. They were more than likely the last ones there as it was somewhat later. The door opened quickly by a very drunk man wearing a gold plastic crown on his head, smiling as he waved a beer around.   
  
“Heeeeeeeyyy! Rob!” slurred the man drunkenly. “This is the best fucking bachelor party ever!”  
  
“I think it’s your only bachelor party, Tommy,” laughed Robert, winking.  
  
“Your idea was amazing; you should see the little number we got!” Robert grinned, knowing exactly what he was talking about and knowing exactly what ‘number’ they got. He laughed before turning to look at the guest he brought.  
  
“This is Stefan. He needs a good time out, so I brought him around. Hope you don’t mind!” said Robert, still smiling while giving another wink that indicated a far different meaning of ‘good time’ than what Stefan was thinking. The drunken man smiled, understanding while moving out of the way to let them in.   
  
“Oh there’s plenty of good time to be had,” chimed the man, cheering and waving his beer. “I’m getting married! Let’s fucking party!” he yelled as the guests joined in and cheered- majority equally as drunk. The Swede could smell the alcohol and weed everywhere, looking around at his surroundings and taking his shoes off. Robert watched Stef, smiling and rolling his eyes at how much of a loser he was- taking his shoes off to not dirty the carpet. Like anyone here would notice or care. Stef felt that there were so many people around, he could get lost and lose the guy he came with. And he felt it was in his best interest to not to lose the person who drove him here.  
  
The Swede looked over at Robert who had grabbed them two beers in the kitchen and had stopped to talk to a much older man, someone who could almost be his father’s age- if not older. Well dressed and pristine. Maybe the father of the bachelor? He was rather good-looking and distinguished, sporting a crisp suit and well managed hair- like he was about to go to a business meeting. Their chat didn’t last long as they shook hands before Robert made his way back over to Stef- handing him the bottle of alcohol.   
  
“I don’t really drink a lot,” said Stef meekly, causing Robert to once again roll his eyes at his lameness.   
  
“Loosen up, it’s a party. One won’t hurt. It will make you feel better,” he said, scoffing as he opened his own beer. Stef reluctantly opened the bottle, putting the bottle cap in his pocket to not ‘litter’ the already messy house.   
  
“Who were you talking to?” asked the taller boy curiously, looking back over at the older man who grinned at them before walking away into the kitchen. Robert smirked as he looked back at the other Swede- taking a swig of his beer.   
  
“Just a friend,” said Robert, not wanting to spill the details to Stefan just yet. Timing was everything and he had to time it well. It was going to be sweet even if it killed him. What the naïve boy didn’t know was Robert was just working out when he could receive his payment later with his little friend, a payment he looked forward to more than anything. Stef nodded softly before taking a small sip of his own beer, scrunching his face as the somewhat nasty bitter flavor.  
  
The soon to be married man yelled as he raised his drink, hollering some obscenity Stef didn’t quite catch before almost falling over on his own face in his drunkenness. Stef found it rather pathetic to be fair. It was a party, but the Swede felt he could have just as much fun celebrating with some wine and a nice chat with friends. He didn’t quite understand the need to be an idiot and pass out in your own filth to party- especially celebrating something as sacred as a soon-to-be wedding. Tommy cheered again, letting everyone get back to their conversation and business before waddling past Robert who grabbed his arm.  
  
“Tommy, hey, uh, where’s the… party favor?” laughed Robert softly as the man grinned back at him, making him move closer so Stef wouldn’t hear. Luckily the taller boy was too preoccupied at watching the idiots beer bong in the corner to listen to their quiet conversation. The man giggled and gave a wink before pointing to where a bunch of men were huddled around the floor on the far side of the couch before making his way over to the beer bong. Robert grabbed Stef’s arm, motioning him to follow him over to where plenty of the guests had gathered in a circle, rooting at ‘whatever’ was going on.  
  
“Come on, Stef. Let’s see what the commotion is…”   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED…**  



	18. My Sweet Prince

Brian had wished someone had drugged him, shoved something down his throat that would have made all this shit more bearable. At this point he didn’t even know what number of man was making his way behind him this time, fucking him like an animal, like he had no feeling at all. It was starting to hurt less, starting to numb- but that didn’t mean the poor nancy boy wanted it to continue, he just wish they’d stop. He cried out a few times, or at least he thought he did… he cried for them to stop, but no one cared. They had dragged his body off the coffee table and had made him get on his knees on the carpet- men piling around him to watch as they all started to take a turn on him.  
  
Tears were falling down his face freely now, his black locks drenched with sweat and beer that some of the guests poured on him. His makeup was runny and he was sure he wasn’t such an attractive site to look at anymore- but that didn’t slow them down at all. Not even a little. Stupid fuckers. Opening his eyes, Bring blinked to see feet, socks, shoes, and lots of them. He whimpered as a man pushed his head down to the floor so his ass was high in the air for all to gawk at. He was afraid of everyone; he just wanted to be left alone.   
  
“Spread yourself, you whore!” yelled the man behind him; he didn’t even know what he looked like. He was as faceless and as much of a blur as everyone else was and it didn’t matter. Knowing what he looked like or even his name would just be another one to add to his list of nightmares. He hated this, he hated every little bit of it. He hated all of them. Brian’s dignity had pretty much already been striped as far as one could take it, but the drunken men had actually thought of something worse- something more humiliating and gut-wrenching for Brian to do. They wanted him to spread his cheeks open so the man could fuck him deeper, harder, hurt him some more. “Come on, you little slut. Do it!” the man cried, laughing as he took another gulp from his beer bottle. The men all laughed, finding the situation absolutely hilarious. Not even one seemed to think it was sick and demeaning… or if they did, they sure didn’t give a shit if it was happening to the poor nancy boy.   
  
Brian shook his head quickly, letting more tears fall down his face, sobbing at even the idea of doing it. It was so shameful, so disgraceful- he felt like absolutely nothing. If he could have done anything at that moment, it would have either been to die or just disappear. They couldn’t expect him to do something so appalling, to make him look like he wanted this. He looked up, for maybe Marcus to say something- to tell them they couldn’t do that… but he was only fucking kidding himself. Marcus said not a word; the older man would probably get off the idea, himself.  
  
“Unless you want me to fuck you with my bloody fist, I suggest you do it!” he yelled, laughing some more as the music continued to blare in the background, a song he didn’t recognize as they all cheered around him in a giant circle. Brian put his head down as low as it could go to the floor, letting his black curls cover his face as much as possible as he hesitantly did what he was told to do to avoid more pain. He hoped no man would attempt to fist fuck him, but after having two cocks shoved inside of him at once, anything was possible when a man was horny and drunk enough.   
  
The poor nancy boy, bit his lip, giving up the last of his dignity as he put his hands behind him on his smooth pale bottom and spread his own cheeks with his hands- the black nail polish almost entirely scraped off by now. The man grinned as a bunch of them huddles to look at the small pucker that stretched to accommodate the head of his cock so beautifully- the ring of muscle magically sucking it inside of the boy’s tight ass.   
  
“You keep yourself spread for me,” he groaned while throwing his head back a bit- starting a quick pace. The men cheered some more as Brian heard obscenities get thrown into the air, the majority insulting him. Here he was naked and crying on the floor- on his knees and forced to spread himself for more men to fuck him mercilessly. And not one of them could have cared left if they made him bleed to death. Brian tried to control his pants, tried to stifle his breathing pattern amongst the sobs he let out. His body was aching and it hurt, shivering as faceless men’s hands ran along his old bruises and scars that he had acquired since having met Marcus. How beautiful it would have been for someone he loved, someone he cared about to kiss all his bruises and scars away. Oh well, this was no time for fantasies, Brian. No one loves you for who you are.   
  
*-*  
  
Stefan, though truly feeling that the majority of these men were idiots, was overly curious at what on earth they were cheering at. They reminded him of his basketball team at school, whooping and hollering over a victory after a hard game. But this was no sports game and they were in no field. Robert smiled to himself deliciously, stopping and staying back a little bit as the Swede made his way closer to the circle, trying to push his way through the crowd of intoxicated loud men to see what the life of the party was.   
  
Stef’s eyes widened as he finally made his way close to the front. He saw a naked, slim, small body pushed to the ground by two feet- waving their beer bottles. It looked like a teenage girl with shoulder-length black hair that was now wet- probably from all the alcohol. A man was fucking her and she didn’t look like she wanted it. Stef was sure she was crying, whimpers and little “stops” that were high-pitched escaped her lips at such a high squeak, that he was sure she was sobbing.   
  
Men slapped the poor, scarred body that had more bruises and scratches on it than he could count. He felt stiff, his blood almost going cold at what he was witnessing before him. This was sick. The men around him were cheering like this was a stripper, like it was all okay but the poor individual in the center looked more like she was getting raped than enjoying it. It made the tall boy feel absolutely sick to his stomach- the urge to vomit approaching as he watched the man rape her from behind like some dog. This wasn’t right, he knew this wasn’t right. The Swede felt a lump in the back of his throat as he kept staring down at the tiny individual; she kept her head down, hidden away from them all like she was too ashamed to look any of the bastards in the eye.   
  
Robert could see the shocked look on his face and his body language and knew this was his moment to exit- knowing he would get his award later on at Marcus’ place. That was the deal the older man had made with him and it worked out well. He didn’t need him knowing that he dragged along somebody that knew Brian just so he could humiliate him. No, that wouldn’t work at all. Instead, he turned on his heals and left the house- the music and yelling masking the door opening and shutting behind him perfectly. The Swede could find his own way home, maybe walk. He’d need the time to do a lot of serious thinking about how much of a slut his little innocent friend was. Ha.   
  
“What are you doing!?” said Stef, finally speaking up. His tone sound disgusted as he very much was, but barely anyone heard a word he said, nor cared. They were having fun yelling, drinking, throwing stuff, and using this poor girl to give a shit what Stefan Olsdal had to say about the situation. A few of the guys took a good look at the Swede and laughed at him, pushing him out of the circle like he was crazy. Like HE was the crazy one. How could these men treat someone like that? Who the fuck did they think they were?!! “Rape is illegal, ... you know!” The Swede’s words came out more as a stutter than anything- Stef trying to find the balls to say anything at all, trying to find his voice. What are you doing, Stefan? His conscious yelled at him. You’re the quiet one at the back of the class… you are no hero. The men around him who heard him burst into fits of giggles.  
  
“The little bitch loves it, so fuck off! It’s my fucking party!” yelled Tommy drunkenly, barely able to stand at this point, but getting a kick out of watching one of his buddies fuck the shit out of the poor body below him, taking a chug of his beer at the same time. The Swede looked around the room. There were so many other guys around, all having fun all over the house. And not one… not one fucking soul looked at the little ‘rape circle’ as anything abnormal. No one cared?! What was wrong with these guys? He looked behind him for Robert, for some type of back-up to help him out... but he was gone. Looking left and right, he couldn’t find him. He couldn’t even see the older man he had talked to earlier. Fuck… he was one boy against a house of about 30, much larger, much stronger intoxicated ones. He stepped backing, feeling a thick sweat start to form on his brow… this wasn’t right. Knowing what was going on almost gave him goosebumps.  
  
Some man wearing face paint and a jersey came running in from the kitchen, almost tripping over a chair that was in the living room as he tried to get around it while holding up the phone in his right hand while he had a half empty beer in his left.  
  
“Dude! Dude! Fuck- your girl is coming by in a few minutes!” A lot of the guests made a large ‘ooooooo’-type sound, bursting into laughter as Tommy’s drunk fact contorted to one of sheer panic.  
  
“What? Fuuuck! Guys! Bring the bitch upstairs in the guest bedroom and close the door till I get her to leave! What the fuuuccccckkk,” he slurred. “This is my fucking bachelor party, what the fuck she coming by for!” Whether he was angry that his fiancée was visiting his bachelor party or the fact he had to hide his little rape-fest from her… Stef didn’t know, but he did know he couldn’t just fucking leave with that poor girl in this house. He had to do something or at least call the police… but he didn’t have a phone and the only one he saw was now with the group of guys. Use a pay phone? He didn’t even know where the hell Robert had gone to drive him to one!  
  
A bunch of the drunken idiots attempted to pick up the poor individual to carry her upstairs as Stef bit his lip- pissed off that someone would be so malicious. The person looked like she was going to pass out, black hair falling in front of her face as she was thrown over the shoulder of one of the larger guys to hurry up the stairs. He hadn’t seen her face, he hoped she was still conscious.   
  
The Swede rushed into the kitchen, his head whipping around every which way to try and find Robert. He was fairly good at remembering a face or at least engraving it into his memory a little bit, but they all seemed to blur around him as he tried to locate the one person he needed to find. He could tell him what those men were doing, get him to drive him to a pay phone and send some police to help that poor girl. The only other phone he saw in the house was in the kitchen and it had been pulled off the wall. This is why he hated drinking and why he hated partying with intoxicated idiots.  
  
Looking for Robert, he hurried to the basement… that he wasn’t surprised was just filled with more idiots who were singing along to some other music they had going on down there, no idea what it was, but it was far more annoying than the loud rock they had going upstairs… but still…there was no Robert. He hastily went back upstairs, adrenalin rushing though his veins as he hurried through the patio doors near the kitchen to look outside- but still no Robert. Where the fuck had his ride gone? He was the one who had fucking dragged Stef to this so called bachelor party in the first place and now he was just gone. Fuck. Stefan angrily threw the beer he had been carrying on the grass, letting out a loud groan of frustration while putting a hand through his light hair before turning to go back inside.   
  
“Robert?!” he called, but felt as thought he might as well have whispered it amongst all the talking and music inside, the house felt like it had somehow become more packed, either that or the house suddenly got smaller. Stef felt so out of place, some of the men staring at him randomly and laughing at him like he was the only sober person there, the only loser present- suddenly feeling what it was like to be Brian, to be out of your element, to be where you clearly didn’t fit in and people made it obvious. He went back to the living room where the man who had been raping the poor girl was trying to get his pants done back up.  
  
“Excellent fuck, dude,” laughed the guy as he was passed another beer, literally almost getting his cock stuck in his zipper as he fumbled with it. Stef grimaced while looking at him, the man making him, once again, feel sick to his stomach. What a piece of work he was… to be able to do that to someone… drunk or not. Stefan could never live with himself if he found out he had striped someone’s dignity away like that. Even if this girl had been hired, she looked like she needed medical help.   
  
Searching the large room, he blinked as he heard someone chuck a beer bottle at the grand piano in the corner, laughing hysterically. This social gathering was a bit too much for the quiet Swede and he wanted to just walk out the front door and hail a cab home- maybe just take a huge fucking walk to get out of there. Anywhere seemed like a better place to be than there- that was one thing he knew for sure. But… something in his gut told him he just couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t- he didn’t feel right. His conscious wouldn’t let him do it.   
  
“Dude, get down here- she’s here!” called one drunkenly, laughing as he looked around at the extremely messy house that pretty much seemed to be trashed. It sounded like an earth quake hit as the group of guys who had ran up there made their way down like they were on fire. However, aside from a few of the men… most of the guests seemed to care less that Tommy’s fiancée was coming. The Swede hoped he got in shit, he hoped she dumped his ass right then and there and sure hoped this mess of a house wasn’t hers.   
  
The minute the majority of them all went rushing to the living room, attempting to look partially sober for the wife-to-be that wanted to ‘check up’ on his get together- probably making sure he didn’t hire 5 strippers. The Swede backed up quietly since quiet is what the tall guy could do best and turned to go up the stairs as swiftly as possible before anyone noticed him. Luckily being ‘invisible’ was something his Scandinavian nature could pull off- even being as damn tall as he was.  
  
Rushing up the stairs, he looked down the hallway. No one else seemed to be up there, which was good. Everyone was drunk off their face downstairs. The room at the end of the hall was the only room with the door closed which he assumed is where they dumped her. Jackpot. He had to help that poor girl, at least see if she was alright. He couldn’t leave without at least checking, it just wasn’t in his nature to do that and tomorrow he would be thinking about it.   
  
Opening the door slowly, Stef saw the poor frail person rolled up… naked with her legs pulled tight to the chest like she was freezing. His heart dropped as he heard whimpering, cries into the pillow like she was waiting for the next person to come and rape her- just accepting it and letting it come. His heart was tight in his chest… how could someone be so cruel to treat another human being like this? Who could be so cold? So god damn fucking brutal? My god. Her body was so thin and delicate that she barely had any curves at all- almost looked like a little boy. When she last had a proper meal, he was sure she probably wouldn’t be able to remember.   
  
“Miss?” said Stef softly, stepping into the room and closing the door ever so softly behind him to make as little noise as possible. His breath was heavy, but it was mostly from nervousness, he didn’t want to frighten her.  
  
Brian’s eyes widened the minute he heard the gentle word. That voice. He knew that voice. Wiping the tears that continued to fall from his eyes, he sniffed- lifting his head up from the drenched pillow to turn back to see where it was coming from. And the minute Brian’s eyes made contact with Stefan… the Swede felt his world stop turning for a brief moment, his heart feeling like it had stopped beating, his stomach tightening. He leaned against the back of the door, eyes as wide as dinner plates, the words barely escaping his lips as he stared down at the naked mess on the bed.   
  
“Brian,” he breathed, but barely sounded like a word at all.  
  
The nancy boy’s body was malnourished, bruised, scarred, scratched, and bleeding. His face was covered in running makeup and his black locks were a tad longer than when he had last seen him.., under all that were those beautiful green-blue eyes that Stef felt like he could stare into forever. Although they weren’t as bright, as sparkly, or as full of light as they used to be. They were dull; he looked so dead on the inside. So fucking dead that it was almost physically painful to stare at him at all. The girl that had been raped and beaten in the living room had been Brian. The person he had been looking for was Brian and he had found him. But finding him like this, so broken… he had to catch his breath. It was like someone pulled the mat underneath the Swede’s feet.  
  
“Brian?” he said a little louder, though Stef’s voice was barely a whisper and the moment it left his lips, Brian broke down into another sob, pulling his legs even tighter to his chest- if that was even possible.   
  
The smaller boy always told himself if he saw Stef or found him, he would get him to help him out of here. Stefan, in his dreams, had been his prince, the only one who cared about him in the end… the one that would somehow rescue him. His saviour, his hero. But now that he was standing before him with the look of absolute horror on his face… he could see Stefan would want nothing to do with him. Robert was right.   
  
You pathetic piece of trash, you know Stefan will never want you now, ever. Why would he want to be friends with someone like you? Someone as pathetic and sad as you? Look at his face. He’s disgusted by you. And so he should be. Just take a look in the fucking mirror. That voice, the same harsh voice was back and screaming at him even louder than ever before and he was slowly starting to believe it. Brian’s dignity and self-respect for himself had been washed away by all those men- they took it all from him. They had fucked it out of him.  
  
“Stef,” whispered Brian softly, still holding the one pillow on the bed close to him. “I’m sorry.” His words were so soft, so subtle and they tore at Stef like a sharp knife. Sorry? What was he sorry for? The Swede willed his body to walk forward, hurrying over to the smaller boy. He didn’t know why he did or even ask if he could… but he pulled him into a hug- holding his fragile body so close to his own in a tight embrace. The nancy boy stiffened, not used to any warm, physical comfort… but tightened his little fists on Stef’s back while holding him close- even though he felt so weak.   
  
“Brian! I was so worried about you,” whispered the Swede, feeling as he could burst into tears at any moment himself. “I saw what those men did to you. Why? How did you-.” He couldn’t even finish asking the millions of questions he had running through his head. Instead he just held Brian tight to him, not wanting to let the poor guy go. The cruelty he had witnessed was so much worse when he knew it had happened to his friend. Why did Brian deserve this? HE sure as fuck didn’t look like he wanted to be here.  
  
“He won’t let me go,” whispered Brian sadly, tears still falling down his face. “You have to get out of here.” Stef pulled away from the hug, eyes still wide as he stared at the nancy boy. As much of a mess as he looked, Stef realized he was still as beautiful as he always was. His eyes lowered to his chest that was bruised and cut, wandering even lower till he realized there was blood between his legs. Brian looked down with him to the same spot to see what had caught his attention and blushed while trying to hide his most intimate areas from him – so used to being naked.   
  
When they finally looked up at each other again, neither had to say anything… Stef knew why he was bleeding and Brian felt too ashamed to say a word. The tears falling down his soft cheeks told a story all on their own. Brian used to be so full of piss and vinegar, he was a mini middle finger to the world and now he looked worn out. His spirit had been broken and it was so hard to look at.   
  
“Brian,” said Stef softly, putting his hand up to his face and placing a few slender fingers on his cheek delicately but Brian winced at the bruise that he touched from getting slapped far too many times- a bruise he had carefully covered up with blush and foundation that Stef couldn’t even see. The Swede pulled his hand back, instantly regretting causing him any more pain and discomfort than he was already in. “Who won’t let you go?”   
  
“Princess, we’re leaving early sinc-,” spat Marcus angrily, opening the door quickly, but stopping mid-sentence once his eyes set on Stef sitting on the side of the bed, looking so tender with the little whore. A tension in the air that would never be present from a buying client. It was too… kind. “What the hell is this?” he asked irritably. Well asked was an understatement, it was more of a roar. Stef instantly recognized him and the minute he walked in- Brian winced. He was now more worried for Stef’s safety than his own.  
  
“I’m taking him out of here,” said Stef sternly, standing up- making it sound as more of a fact than a request. He knew he didn’t like the look of him downstairs, he knew he didn’t fit when he had first seen him and he knew why.  
  
“Oh you ARE, are you?” asked Marcus nicely, smirking.   
  
“Yes, I am! He’s my FRIEND!” spat Stef furiously. “I need to take him to the hospital! You can’t keep him here!” Stef’s blood boiled, feeling so much anger, so much fury while looking at the man that more than likely caused so much harm to Brian.  
  
“I’m afraid you’re mistaken. HE’S not going anywhere.” Marcus didn’t raise his voice, but closed the door behind him quietly, the latch sounding like a death sentence to the nancy boy. Brian was shivering now, eyes wide as saucers as he continued to stare at Stef and Marcus that were only a few feet away from each other. He felt like a little child, watching his parents fight in front of him- with not a clue of what to do!  
  
“You can’t keep him! He’s not a toy! He’s a human being! I’ll call the police!” yelled Stef, the word ‘police’ making Marcus snap like the smaller boy knew he could do all too well. The older man lunged forward, grabbing Stef by his shirt and pinning him to the wall by the throat. He grabbed Stef’s arm with his free hand, forcing the taller boy to groan in pain as he twisted it a bit. At that moment, Brian leapt off the bed, still naked but with his claws out as he pulled at the older man’s blazer jacket to make him let go.  
  
“LET GO OF HIM!” cried Brian angrily, barely phasing Marcus as he smirked and let go of Stef’s arm to grab Brian’s black locks and push him down to the floor- doing it as quickly and easily as if the poor boy were a little doll. Just like the broken one he was.   
  
“I promise you,” whispered Marcus, voice sounding more evil than angry. “You call the police… I PROMISE I will put a bullet in his pretty little head before ever being led to the back of a cop car. Got it?” he asked harshly. “So you’re going to forget about your little friend… or I suppose I could always keep something as cute as you too. I always like having variety among my kids.” Brian’s eyes widened, trying to get up as quickly as possible.   
  
“NO! Marcus, please! Let him go! Please!” cried Brian, tears streaming down his face again as heavily as they were downstairs. “He has family! Lots of family! He’s rich! His parents will put it on the news if he goes missing! You can’t!” Brian was making this shit up as he went, but anything to detour Marcus from wanting to keep Stef in this hell with him. He wouldn’t wish what he went through on his own enemy. He was scum now, he was trash, total and complete trash... but Stefan Olsdal was pure, sweet, kind, he didn’t deserve this shit. He never asked for this. All Stef did… was be his friend and the nancy boy couldn’t stand for a moment if he were punished for that. He’d rather be beaten and raped a hundred more times than for Stef to have to be put through what he had been put through.   
  
Marcus just grinned, chuckling to himself before punching Stef hard in the face- making the taller boy fall to the floor. The Swede’s vision blurred, his head feeling like a brick had just smacked it before his world went black.  
  
 **TO BE CONTINUED…**  



	19. I Refuse To Let You Die

Brian lately had been used to pretty much hiding his emotions, keeping them all locked away inside of him. But after Marcus dragged him out of Tommy’s house with practically nothing but a thin jacket wrapped around him- he had to cry. He weeped the entire way in the van on the way back, yelling every obscenity at the cruel man he could think of. If had come to a point where he just didn’t fucking care anymore. It was one thing to hurt him, to rape him, to belittle HIM… but not Stefan. He hurt his only friend and he had no way of finding out if he was okay or not and that’s what killed him inside the most. Stef was passed out cold on the floor. The worst yet was that not only had he thought his Swedish friend hadn’t even been looking for him, but after he saw him- he didn’t even run.  
  
Now back and locked in Marcus’ bedroom, he would surely be required to back into his routine- most likely forced to pleasure him before he went to sleep. This nightmare that had become reality was taking its toll on poor Brian. He cried, letting stream after stream of tears fall down his face with no sign of stopping. He didn’t care how loud he was, how pathetic he looked, or how weak he felt- he just didn’t fucking care. And not caring is what made him feel even worse because he was breaking down.  
  
Everything had been such a large blur since Marcus had grabbed him and brought him back, it all seemed like a movie stuck in slow-motion… and he so badly wanted to turn it off. Fuck Marcus. Fuck him and fuck all the men that made him feel so small. That made him feel so insignificant and so needy.   
  
The party had been rather successful in squashing his dignity right in front of him. And the only friend who cared enough to still touch him, to still bare to hug him would be left with a giant bump on his head and no knowledge whatsoever of where the nancy boy even was.   
  
Poor Brian sat on the edge of the bed; his legs pulled up to his chest like a child and wept in nothing but one of Marcus’ dirty dress shirts that he found hung up behind the door. It was coming to a point where the man was not only barely feeding him… but was barely dressing him either. He cried so damn much on the edge of that bed that he was sure he would run out of tears.   
  
You see, crying was not something the short boy ever liked to do. Not because he believed that men shouldn’t cry. No, that wasn’t it. It was merely because he was all alone here. He hadn’t even seen his two friends in what seemed like forever. He didn’t even know if they were okay. He was isolated from the world except for the men that fucked him, used him, and discarded him. It was all he saw now. He was all alone and knew had to be strong, had to maintain his pride like he still even had any. Even if that so-called pride was pretend, he had to do it for himself. But now he felt like he was so close to giving up. He was a candle that was almost out of wick to burn.   
  
“Well what an… eventful evening that was,” laughed Marcus as he walked into the bedroom. His tone was of a friend, like he was someone who got away with something ‘bad’ with a mate and was sharing. It made Brian sick to his stomach. How this man could treat him the way he did and have no regard, have no conscious, not even feel remotely bad amazed him. He was either mad enough to not know he was a monster or was a monster that was all too comfortable with what he had become.   
  
The nancy boy said nothing, didn’t even turn around on the bed to look at Marcus- because he simply had nothing to say. He was surprised he hadn’t been beaten to a pulp for all the nasty words he had yelled at the man while crying back in the van… but he didn’t press the matter. Brian just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.   
  
“Don’t you think, hun?” Marcus asked, his voice was low and soothing- maybe even sexy if he wasn’t the complete fucking devil in disguise.   
  
“Go away,” whispered Brian softly, his voice equally low not because he wanted it to be... but because he couldn’t will it any higher. Another sob was hiding under the surface, waiting to break through in a moment of complete hopelessness. The moonlight shone through the locked window, leaving a gorgeous shadow on his bruised, makeup-smudged face as more silent tears fell down his cheek. He felt so vulnerable at this point, like such a burden to the world that if he had a gun with only one bullet… he would use it on himself instead of Marcus.   
  
“What did you say to me?” the older man snapped back after a moment of silence- his mood changing suddenly like it was so easily able to do.   
  
“Are you deaf or just fucking stupid?” snapped Brian quietly, his voice calm but arrogant. It was a fake arrogance; he didn’t feel like the high mighty little bitch he used to always feel he was. He didn’t feel like he was better than anyone at this point, but Marcus didn’t need to know that.  
  
“Watch yourself…,” Marcus warned, his tone gentle and angry. Brian was once again surprised he wasn’t being beaten to a bloody pulp for talking back. “After the little stunt with your so-called buddy… I should have you whipped, but I’m going to give you another chance.” Brian sensed the high dose of rage in the other man that was ready to spill over the top, actually fighting an inner battle to not smack Brian’s smart-arse mouth right across the room. But the nancy boy didn’t give a flying fuck if he pissed him off.   
  
“Fuck you,” whispered Brian, but loud enough so the older man could hear both words perfectly, making sure to put as much emphasis on ‘YOU’ as he could. And just as he knew it would happen, had been waiting for… Marcus snapped. If he was lucky, he would put him in a coma.   
  
“You fucking little BITCH!” he yelled, flying towards the bed to grab the poor boy by his curly black locks. “You think you’re better than me? You fucking little twat! You are NOTHING!” He continued to roar, using his brute force to show his power- throwing Brian straight into his dresser and knocking his own contents across the floor. The nancy boy smacked his cheek on the corner of one of the solid wood drawers and fell to the carpet in a messy heap. Brian let some more of those silent tears fall, feeling so ready to just ask him to kill him if this was to become of the rest of his life. He could do it as a form of pity- he had always been a supporter of euthanasia…  
  
The blood slowly fell down his cheek, mixing with the smudged black mascara and eyeliner. Marcus watching it drip down and eventually fall on his white dress shirt. Whether Marcus was simply disgusted by the sight of Brian or whether he actually felt some sympathy for the poor boy, Brian didn’t know. But he stared at him, this bemused, twisted grin that showed neither happiness nor anger- just interest. And Marcus didn’t strike him again, not once. Instead, he left him sitting on the floor where he had fallen.   
  
“I know it’s been a rather long night for you,” started the older man, his tone once again completely changing to one he so often greeted business partners and ‘customers’ with. One that was calm and relaxing like a lullaby. Brian looked over at the clock on Marcus’ night table. It was 4 in the damn morning. He had been forced to fuck god knows how many men at a party and dragged back here and was still not left alone with his thoughts or sleep… and he thought it was a ‘rather long night’!?! Fucking understatement of the century. Every day he had been with this man had turned into one long night. “You have one more guest. And don’t service him on MY fucking bed. And uh… get him off quick- I want to fuck my princess before my beauty sleep,” he finished, finally giving a sneer before lowering a hand towards him.   
  
Brian winced and turned away like a poor puppy that was ready to be hit by his master and Marcus did nothing but chuckle at the display. He knew he was scared of him and that was exactly what he wanted. He enjoyed it. But instead of slapping him, he pet him, letting his fingers run through Brian’s tousled hair like a dog. And before deciding to leave, he chose to engage in one last act that would make Brian feel even a tad more disgraceful than he already did. Digging into his blazer pocket, he yanked out a small baggy of ecstasy- pulling out one tiny pill.   
  
The nancy boy didn’t want it, he didn’t want to want it… but he did. His eyes lit up at the drug like a caged animal starved for food. It had turned from being a want to a need. It was a necessity now. It was more important than the sustenance of food and Marcus knew that. It was a form of control, a drug was a treat for his monkey to turn more tricks.   
  
Neither of them saying one word, Marcus put the small white pill near Brian’s mouth and like the pathetic little junkie he had turned into… Brian fucking Molko opened his mouth like a dog waiting for his treat- opened his mouth for Marcus to drop in the pill. And he did. He dropped it on his tongue and grinned, turning away to leave the room before uttering, “Good boy.” After the older man left and closed the door behind him, Brian grabbed the edge of the dresser- using it as leverage to help him stand up. And once up, he swallowed to brace him before turning around. Turning around to look in the mirror and wanting to vomit at his mere image alone.   
  
He used to love what he was and who he saw in the mirror at one point. Even when everyone hated him, he used to be proud of being himself when there were so many people who had no idea who they were and how to be themselves. He was more than happy to look like a sexy little bitch that had a bigger mouth than his body… but now all he saw was a pathetic excuse for a human being. His greenish-blue eyes had turned to a hazy gray. His face was now bruised, another purple one appearing under his eye where the drawer had slammed into it. His left cheek continued to bleed while he simply watched some more droplets fall down his soft pale skin before wiping at it with his fingers. His hair was a mess, curls unruly and frizzy and he was even thinner than normal.   
  
Marcus’ dress shirt hung off him like a potato sac, barely covering his mid-thigh. His lip had a crusted old cut on it, one that Brian couldn’t help but lick and pick at- which did nothing but make it raw and sore. His makeup was grubby and his beautiful skin was covered in scratches from fingernails and marks that he didn’t give himself.   
  
But under that complete utter chaos that was Brian Molko, there was still a beauty that his face held, that his overall form held. It was one that still attracted the sick men that did what they did to him. He was scum, but a kind that they wanted to help taint even more- if that were even possible.  
  
The poor nancy boy didn’t know how long he stared at himself again in that mirror. It had happened before; he got caught up in staring at his reflection often when he was locked in Marcus’ room alone. Basically because he didn’t recognize the person he saw, it was like staring at a total stranger. No amount of makeup could cover up what this did to him on the inside- it was simply impossible. He stared a little longer until the emptiness in his stomach from lack of nourishment and the ecstasy came together. Those two factors alone along with the vile creature he saw in the mirror made the little contents from his stomach want to come right back up.  
  
Brian turned around swiftly, hurrying as fast as he could to Marcus’ white perfect bathroom and vomiting right into the perfect porcelain bowl. Sadly, the majority of his vomiting was dry heaving because he had very little food to throw up in the first place. The past week had been random crackers and pieces of bread. The largest meal he had had was a bagel that Marcus generously gave him merely because he realized he couldn’t fuck a skeleton. Any water he drank was from the tap out of a gargling glass on the vanity.  
  
Brian continued to dry heave, crying from the pain into the toilet and listening to his own squeals and pleas echo. When it finally ceased, poor Brian finally let it all out again, weeping into the toilet and watching the tears hit the water. He didn’t know what was worse… the fact he was vomiting like some hungover teen or the fact the drugs would not be nearly as effective now since he practically just pumped them out of his own stomach. He hated himself for even caring about drugs while he was dry heaving over a toilet. His ability to prioritize what was important was completely fucked and jumbled thanks to his addiction and it scared the hell out of him.  
  
“Well aren’t you a sexy sight.” The words made every hair on Brian’s tiny body practically stand on end. He knew that voice. Looking up, he leered, rage consuming him for someone he actually somehow hated even more than Marcus- Robert. “What, no hello??” he chuckled, leaning on the doorway of the bathroom casually.   
  
“What the fuck are you doing here?!” cried Brian angrily, the effort it took to raise his voice actually causing him pain as he continued to lean over the toilet bowl. Saliva was running down the side of his mouth and fresh blood was still on his cheek.   
  
“Wow!” spat the blond, pretending to be shocked. “You look like you just got the shit beat out of you… that or raped. The price you pay to hook,” laughed the boy, thinking he was downright fucking hilarious. Brian dry heaved again over the toilet before catching his breath and looking back at the boy angrily.   
  
“GET OUT!” cried Brian. At one point, he had told himself that if he ever saw Robert again, he would bribe him with anything to get him to help him escape… but even Brian Molko was no longer willing to sink that fucking low again. He’d rather fucking die than stoop to that, he knew he wouldn’t help him anyway.   
  
“Get out? Oh, no! I’m your last customer for tonight,” he winked, grinning wickedly. Brian’s beautiful, though no longer bright, eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. No. Robert grinned wider at the look of horror plastered all over his face like it was a news headline. “An agreement for keeping my mouth shut, you know… about your whereabouts.” The fact that this boy was truly using his situation as a way to get into his pants, or lack of at the moment, and not have to pay… tore at his stomach like a knife! Who could be so fucking cold and cruel? How could he meet two such horrid excuses for people in such a short span of time? “By the way, hope you enjoyed your little reunion with your bestest best buddy ever! Haha, I just had to invite him to a party you were so generously hosting… with all parts of you.” The wicked, hyena-type laugh that escaped Robert’s mouth was the average, every day-type laugh you would hear in the halls at school. But to Brian, it could only be described as ‘evil’.   
  
Brian had little energy and an even smaller will to fight, but the anger and the wrath that filled his tiny frail body could not truly be described in words. He felt such hatred, disgust and fury all in one. Putting his thin arms on the bowl and lifting himself to his feet, he charged at Robert to push him hard backwards. He knew he had no fucking chance at winning this battle, but he had to let it out and he had a better chance with Robert than he ever would with Marcus. The blond was a perfect example of someone who simply had no soul or conscious and he would let him have it as best he could before he’d ever spread his legs and let Robert take a piece of him willingly.  
  
“You BASTARD! I fucking HATE YOU!” Brian was going to put everything he had into it before he lost entirely. Robert was shocked at the tiny weak punches that were getting thrown in his face. And even thought they were very tiny and very weak, they still fucking hurt! Brian had hurled his entire small body weight at him like a baseball and had toppled him to the floor. He didn’t come all the way there to get beat up by a fucking faggot- that was for sure!   
  
The blond finally came together and grabbed the tiny boy’s fist, stopping it from once again connecting with his cheek and pushing him off of him. But Brian Molko kicked, he punched, he bit, he looked like a child having a seizure and the nancy boy couldn’t even believe the amount of energy that was protruding from him to do any of this, but he kept it up as long as he could until Robert finally had enough and pinned him tightly to the carpeted floor. He used his much larger hand to keep Brian’s wrists high above his head to gain proper control over the situation.   
  
“Fuck. YOU,” spat Brian, staring up at him with a death stare and finally slowing his movements. He tired himself out in a short amount of time due to practically having no food in his body whatsoever. His body was worn out and fighting really was futile, but at least he tried.   
  
“I plan to.”  
  
As Robert began to unbuckle his jeans, Brian closed his eyes and went to the little place in his head that had made this long, horrid experience even bearable. In his mind, Brian floated out of his body and looked down on Robert shedding his jeans and spreading his thighs like he owned everything that was in between them. When poor Brian felt Robert’s cock push itself in his tight heat in one rugged thrust, he checked out. He simply left and decided to not be present. Robert could claim his body and fuck him if he wished, but he would not let him fuck his soul, to shed that little bit of him would also be the death of him. And that was the moment a soft tune began to play in his head. One he had thought up for his poem he had written, one that maybe they could have performed for their project that now seemed like a distant memory. The tune was gentle, beautiful and he could picture Stefan playing it on the piano at school in the drama room.   
  
You deserve all of this.   
  
You don’t deserve any of this Brian, you can hang on.  
  
Instead of an angry voice in the back of his mind that had always agreed that he was scum of the earth had split into two. One was egging him on that he could make it out of this shit and one that told him that he was where he belonged and he was so unsure of which one to listen to. He was floating in the middle of his own consciousness, half aware of what was happening and half not wanting to admit to reality. Opening his eyes and looking up at the blond ruthless raping his own body, feeling the burning pain inside he… he decided to go to his little happy place. Stef was there at least and even though it wasn’t real, at least there he wasn’t alone.   
  
  
*-*  
  
Stefan Olsdal woke up to a giant hot, wet tongue all over his face- licking him in every crevice imaginable until he finally opened his eyes. The Swede flicked them open rather quickly, wondering what on earth was tongue and smell was coming from! Although he instantly regretted it after the large rays of sunshine practically blinded him- causing him to groan and roll over not on a bed or a floor… but grass. The second he felt sharp blades of a lawn scratch at his palms and face, he opened his eyes again to inspect his peculiar surroundings. Where the hell was he?! Sitting up hastily to look around, he also instantly regretted that after the throbbing pain on the side of his head came at him like a freight train.   
  
Squinting and looking over at the dog that was the owner of the bad breath and hot tongue, he turned around and saw Tommy’s house. He remembered the party very well but was confused as to why he was lying on the front lawn like some drunken hobo. Putting a hand through his hair, he shook his head and suddenly remembered all of the events of last night. The fucked up party, coming here with Robert, finding Brian and then that prick knocking him out cold! A giant FUCK passed through his mind so rapidly, the proper, well brought up Swede could do nothing but yell it out in aggravation.   
  
“FUCK!” he groaned, realizing the kind of danger Brian was in and what he had just got himself into. An old lady walked passed him on the street with her poodle and overheard him- leering at the improper language. The polite, normal Stefan would have graciously apologized, but he was too worried and infuriated to do anything but roll his eyes and turn away.   
  
What the hell was he supposed to do!? He couldn’t go to the police. He may have been knocked out completely cold, but he remembered Marcus’ words like they were in stone. Be could be bluffing, a way to scare him from doing anything, but what if he wasn’t?... That was a risk Stef couldn’t just go ahead and take. He didn’t even have a fucking clue as to where he was or where they were! And the bigger question, what the hell happened to Robert?! He hadn’t truly trusted him from the beginning, but after the stunt of leaving him at that party last night, maybe he needed to have a few words with him. He knew he was quiet, introverted, shy and polite… but that was no fucking excuses to walk all over him and just fucking leave!   
  
The Swede shook his head again, trying to get a grip on what was going on. He was given a lot of information to deal with in one go and he didn’t quite know how to handle it. Something of this caliber was not often thrown on Stefan Olsdal’s plate. His little perfect brought up world often was rather… well, dull. Not often did a new friend of his get forced to prostitute by some sick bastard. Sure, he had heard of such things, read about it here and there, but… to happen so close to home? He knew he could forget about it, but Brian… he couldn’t just leave the poor boy with him. The idea of ‘ignoring’ everything was rejected as quickly as it was thought up- his selfish, scared side of him told him to walk away, but he couldn’t just walk away from Brian. No, everyone else had already done that to him- he couldn’t do that too.   
  
“Are you still here, dude?” groaned a very, very hungover Tommy as he walked out in pajama pants and a baggy green t-shirt. “I thought my fiancée had all the drunks thrown out on the lawn last night and you’re STILL here?” he asked, chuckling to himself as he scratched his stomach like some baboon. Ugh…. Stef felt rather sorry for his fiancée, whoever the poor soul was.   
  
“I wasn’t drunk, I was knocked out!!”   
  
“Hahaha, riiiiight,” he chuckled groggily, clearly having woke up not too long ago like Stef. “Beer ‘knocks me out’ too… haha.” The Swede rolled his eyes as the guy slowly came down the sidewalk towards him to the end of his lawn near the curb where Stef had been tossed- patting his dog that had been licking Stef’s face like some dirty alarm clock. The Swede was rather disgusted by what this guy had done last night, but he was not one for confrontation, not when the far bigger asshole that held Brian like a fucking slave.   
  
“Listen… last night, … that…,” Stef started, very aware of what he wanted to ask, but… not sure how to state it. It wasn’t like Brian Molko was next to him to hear what he was going to say, to judge him and get upset by what term he chose to call what he had been forced to do. But whore, slut, hooker, prostitute… all those names were far too harsh to call his friend and he couldn’t bring himself to lower the poor nancy boy to one of those standards by uttering his name and any of those words in the same sentence! “Last night with that… boy escort.” It was the most politically correct term he could think of for a prostitute, silently thanking his sheltered schooling for using such words.   
  
“SHHHH! Dude! My girl is awake and she doesn’t fucking know! Shut up!” said Tommy rather quickly, the grogginess in his face suddenly disappearing as he peered over his shoulder back at the house like she was watching them out the living room window or something. Stef cocked an eyebrow, kind of wishing he was the type that was a bit more violent because this jackass deserved a fist right between the eyes.  
  
“Listen,” whispered Stef, just to make the idiot happy so he could get a straight answer. “I need to know where you got him!” Tommy grinned, winking.  
  
“Want another ride, huh?” The Swede couldn’t hold the look of grimace from appearing all over his face. Tommy was talking about Brian like he was a fucking blow up doll. God dammit! Did these men have no shame or just no fucking conscious?! The urge to hurt this guy grew at the bottom of Stef’s stomach and he was far from a violent person. He was the type to keep quiet and keep the peace… but this was pushing him over the edge and he had thought he had had a high tolerance for assholes after observing so many over the years. Especially when a vast majority of his ‘friends’ and company treated people like shit.   
  
“Just tell me where you got him!” spat Stef, trying not to sound as irritated and annoyed as he was- afraid of pissing him off and not getting the answer he needed to solve the next piece of his puzzle. Tommy chuckled again, obviously too hungover to give a real whole-hearted laugh.   
  
“I dunno. Robert knew some guy and got him for me, he was a real gem, helping me plan my bachelor party,” he said casually, shrugging as he pat his dog. “Was a good time, though. But I’m out! I need to sleep off this fucking hangover.” Tommy turned around and casually slumped back down the sidewalk like an old man, calling his dog to follow. Stef didn’t even reply, his eyes permanently stuck wide-eyed at realizing Robert had known where to find Brian, the fact Robert had known where Brian was all this fucking time! That’s why he had insisted he come with him to the party. Stef shook his head slowly as he pieced all the little details together. The devil really was in the details and the Swede had been so blind, feeling so stupid to not have really picked up on anything.   
  
“Fuck sakes!” exclaimed the Swede angrily, standing up and letting out a loud cry of complete rage. He would tear Robert right in fucking two once he got his hands on him. That fucking little prick didn’t know what was coming for him! All he needed to do was find him once he found a bus to get out of this suburban nightmare. After what he had witnessed happening to Brian here, he wanted to be as far away from this house as he could get.  
  
*-*  
  
Robert bad walked into school with one giant happy grin on his face. His weekend had been fucking lovely. Great bachelor party… great ‘after party’ and he was absolutely thrilled on a Monday morning and not a soul knew why. Nothing like fucking a perfect little whore and telling him you’d be back for more later when he can’t do a thing about it. He had been following around that little faggot for a while but all this seemed to fall in his lap perfectly, it was almost too good to be true. Brian was wrapped around his finger because he had made a deal with Marcus that worked out just fine for both of them and no one’s hands got dirty. It was far easier for Marcus to just rent out Brian’s ‘goods’ instead of having to ‘deal’ with getting rid of Robert in a much messier way? The man had been in this so-called business far too long.   
  
“I could just make the little slut do my homework while he sucks me off,” he said to himself quietly, unable to wipe the grin across his face as he put his bag into his locker. He planned to pay the little nancy whore a visit after school.  
  
The bell had rang and he knew he should have picked up his speed just a bit, but he was just in too good of a fucking mood. He had to keep his eye out for the tall sucker to see if he was rocking back and forth in a corner from what he saw. After Brian’s like rage at him, Robert assumed he hadn’t taken it well at all, Brian had been so out of it and upset… he looked like someone who had lost the last person in the world that cared about him. And that was completely fine with Robert. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself, but the fact the faggot was so chummy with Stef sort of pissed him off so he couldn’t wait to see a heart-broken Swede in the cafeteria. Though, lucky enough for Robert, the blond didn’t have to look far to find Stefan Olsdal as he felt his entire body get pushed into his locker… not hard, but definitely forceful. What the fuck!?!   
  
Robert turned around, a look of fury evident as he eyed the person who just dared to push him face first into his fucking locker like some outcast. Though he wasn’t what you would call popular, Robert was NOT one to get bullied. Once he saw that it was Stefan leering at him angrily, he almost wanted to burst into laugher. So that’s why the push was so … pansy-like. Stefan Olsdal wasn’t exactly one to know the expert points in bullying someone. Even just standing there and trying to look tough looked absolutely ridiculous. His height was the only thing he had going for him. However, Robert was going to attempt to play the ‘dumb card’.   
  
“Stefan! I’m so sorry about leaving you at the party, an emergency came up and… well, I’m really sorry! I should have told you,” he said sadly, frowning like he actually cared that he let the Swede down in the first place. The leering didn’t stop on Stef’s side, arms crossed in his uniform and hovering over him. For once in his life, he was rather happy to be as tall as a fucking flag pole. It was much easier to act domineering when you weren’t looking up at someone.   
  
“Brian!! You know where Brian is you sick fuck! Where is he?!” Stef’s voice was soft but strong, not wanting to draw attention to them as a few late students hurried past the two boys to get to class before the doors closed on them.   
  
“Uh, aren’t you going to be late to class?” asked Robert suspiciously, still attempting to keep the look of innocence and confusion. The taller boy didn’t care about his attendance at this point and his expression didn’t change.   
  
“BRIAN! You know where he is, you know what all those men did to him, you know where I can find him! You’re going to tell me or..,” Robert scoffed at the Swede. He knew this boy, tall or not, was about as tough as a balloon and he wasn’t going to let this loser fuck this all up for him. In an instant, he leered right back, dropping his initial plan of deny, deny deny.   
  
“You’ll WHAT?” spat Robert right back, keeping his voice low as well. As much as he wanted to scream in Stef’s face, the Swede was smart about not drawing attention to them, it wouldn’t help either of them in the situation and the last thing they needed was to be thrown in detention together to rip each other’s throats out. Besides… Robert had other ‘plans’ of what he wanted to ‘do’. “Well!? Do WHAT? You don’t have any idea who you’re dealing with here. It’s way higher than me. The best thing YOU can do is forget about your little faggot friend and move on unless you want to get hurt. Do you think anyone cares about a little drag queen slut?” Robert smiled at the hurt expression Stef let appear all over his pretty face. Now that the verbal wound was fresh, it was time to twist the knife. “He may seem like he hates it, but he secretly loves it,” he continued. “I heard through the grape vine he’s been renting his ass out all over London for a while now-.”   
  
“SHUTUP! You’re a bloody liar!” Stef spat harshly. He refused to believe Brian would do this to himself willingly. What he saw at that party was a naked, crying, broken, bruised, and torn Brian Molko on a bed, begging for anyone to help him!  
  
“Admit it. Your new friend is nothing but a pussy, faggot, slut dwarf that isn’t good at anything but sucking a big fat co-.” Stef pushed him against the locker again in a fit of rage. He never lashed out and hit anybody- ever. But he had simply had enough of Robert’s bullshit. Their small scruff, however, only lasted moments before the drama professor stopped them in the hallway.  
  
“GENTLEMEN! This is a college for fine arts! A dignified institution. I don’t expect such barbaric behaviour in these hallways unless it’s on stage, especially from you, Mr. Olsdal! Unless you two want to find yourselves on the expulsion list, I would go to where you’re supposed to be... NOW!”   
  
Robert turned back around to get his proper books from his locker and left- giving Stef another smug look as he hurried off. The Swede was left standing there, wanting to cry out for someone to help him, to help him go get Brian from some bastard! But there was no one to even cry to. Who was going to help him? Or a better question, who besides Stefan Olsdal even cared that he was gone?  
  
 **TO BE CONTINUED…**  



	20. Save Your Swollen Face

Brian hadn’t really moved since Marcus had finished with him. He neither had the strength nor will to do so. His stomach twisted in knots- surely a mix of hunger pains and being hit several times in that general area. The nancy boy knew his frail body could only take so many more beatings before he felt like he would completely shut down. It was at least somewhat bearable in the basement with the others- at least he could talk to Tyler. But now… now that bastard didn’t even want to let him leave his bedroom. His life was like a really bad fucking song on repeat.   
  
Marcus had forced himself on poor Brian twice this morning after the sun began to rise, forcing his body in every position he wanted it to be. Brian’s body ached- tingles of achy muscles and cramps all over. Of course, he had barely slept, shaking and so damn hungry. The only nutrition he gave him at all before he left were a few crackers. Crackers that he had shoved down his throat so quick, it’s like he hadn’t eaten anything at all and they barely dulled the pain. Though what he wanted more than any food was something to get him high, even a little high.   
  
“You must maintain your figure.” The older man’s words rang in his ear. The sick fuck. Brian had never been ‘fat’ to begin with. But it was just a lie anyway. None of his little so-called ‘pets’ were fat. He kept them starved and malnourished because it was so much easier to rape a sickly weak person than someone healthy and full of life. It was disgusting, but it worked.   
  
He had been pacing back in forth in that bedroom for what seemed ages. Escape or suicide seemed like two options; not really having the balls to carry out either. What was even worse than all that was Marcus was nowhere near him to satisfy his addiction. No, he left him locked in his bedroom like a god damn prisoner. Well, truly that was what he was but Marcus knew he needed it. It wasn’t even a want anymore, it had become a need!  
  
Brian felt himself practically crawling from the inside out. He hurt in places he had never hurt before- he felt sick to his stomach almost constantly and he was exhausted. He was so fucking tired. He had so little energy to fight, but was too stubborn to lay down and just die even though he was sure that’s what his body wanted him to do. He’d rather die of a heroin overdose than to be forced to spread his legs for Marcus one more fucking time.   
  
The nancy boy put his hands through his curly messy locks and looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t see too straight. Why? – The reasons were endless, but everyday he looked a little worse and he could tell. He was soon going to snap- go crazy with grief. He didn’t even have anyone to talk to anymore- no one except Marcus and the dirty rats who paid for him. He was so sick of the blow up doll he had become- the prisoner forced to satisfy some lonely men in need or a fuck who had the money for him.   
  
A few weeks ago, the twats at school and a project with a new friend he couldn’t help but blush around was his biggest problem and now all of that shit, all of it, seemed like fucking child’s play to this. It just wasn’t fair. When did his life turn upside down so quickly? He had played a game of dominos and once one bad decision fell, it pushed a bunch others over.   
  
Face facts, Brian. You’re here because you put yourself here. You have no one to blame but yourself. Your mistakes, your ways, the way you are… is why you’re here. You are nothing but a dirty whore and you’re finally home. No one said it was glamorous, but you always used to like attention. Don’t you like all the attention you’re getting now, Brian? You’re what everyone wants. Spread your thin little legs and let those men take what they want from you. It’s all you’re good for anyway.   
  
Brian stared into the mirror a little harder, trying to concentrate his vision on his reflection as best as he could as he continued to hear the voice boom in his head like a loud speaker blasting in his ear. The words were painful, but he couldn’t look away from himself in fear the voice would stop- never one to back down from an argument. Deep down, Brian was a tougher bitch than that.   
  
Look at yourself, you pathetic piece of trash. Fag hag whore. Looks real cute, but lips are sore. Slackerbitch, fag hag whore, always comes back for more. You’re such a whore. A motherfucking whore!  
  
The last word rang in his ears like a siren and it was the last straw. He put his hands to his face and began to cry. A mixture between crying and yelling he couldn’t quite decide on. “SHUTUP!” cried Brian, the word coming out in a sob.   
  
In a complete fit of rage- the pent up anger releasing itself with the little strength he had, he began to scream, the tears still falling down his cheeks. He literally began to scream at his own reflection, smacking the mirror and then throwing the contents from the dresser to the floor. And that simply not being enough, no way near acceptable enough to show his true frustration- he ran to the window. He clawed at the glass, pulled at the frame, grabbed the latches and tugged. Of course the window was shut tight and locked even tighter. Even if he did manage to get it open, it would be a long fall to the bottom, but Brian would attempt to climb down before he stayed there. However, when the window didn’t budge, Brian yelled some more, punching it as hard as he could before sliding down the wall next to it and crying again. It had come to the point where he felt like he was in a box that was only getting smaller. He felt so fucking pathetic; he didn’t even want to be conscious anymore. He felt so useless and weak that he couldn’t even open a window.   
  
Scum of the earth is what he felt like and being so low on the scale, he knew he couldn’t get any lower. And with that being his only excuse for his next actions, he pulled himself up and began to rummage through Marcus’ dress, praying to the god he didn’t believe in that he would find anything at all that would get him high. Even a hand sanitizer had alcohol in it. Anything… absolutely anything.   
  
When one is so low on the food chain, one begins to simply eat himself.   
  
*-*   
  
Stefan Olsdal’s academic ‘career’ seemed to be going downhill. Who was once a student that would make sure he had an ‘A’ before anything else had been skipping classes, racking his brain as to how and where he could find Brian. If the nancy boy had been one of the more… popular students, sportier, more… ‘normal’, then people would maybe be more concerned he was gone. However, his professors almost seemed to care less, like it didn’t matter. This was college, not elementary. Everyone here was adults and could choose when to go and if they wanted to go at all. His drama professor was the only one who seemed to be concerned for him and that was only because he was a damn good little actor. So what was Stefan supposed to do? Forget Brian Molko even existed because it was simply easier to do? There was no way.   
  
Even his friends had begun to leave the Swede alone. He wasn’t the same reserved person they knew anymore and it was no fun to hang around someone that actually liked someone they would soon rather make fun of. The moment any of them made a remark at how nice it was to not have Brian around anymore, or that they missed them because he was fun to throw food at- Stef would snap, not thinking twice before telling them to grow up and fuck off. Poor Stef had become the new ‘Brian’ on the social-ladder- by choice of course. And Robert was the only lead he had as to where he could find Brian, but trying to be sneaky was not as easy as it sounded for someone who was over six feet tall.   
  
Life would once again be duller, simpler, and back to the way things were if he were to pretend he had never met him, to pretend Brian and him had never formed a friendship in that damn drama room. It’s so effortless to walk away from your problems than face them. It really was. But, Stefan couldn’t just walk away from him. The little nancy boy was like no one he had ever met before. He was different. He had a spark inside him that he had never seen before and that spark slowly had started to show Stef a side of himself that he never knew existed. He didn’t want things to go back to the way they were supposed to be and now, thinking back he had wished he had treated their friendship with more of an open mind. Not just anyone could make you feel like you were on a rollercoaster when you were only standing on the ground.   
  
His parents were going to kill him when they found out, but he had spent the rest of the day skipping classes and sitting on the bench- thinking. He spent a good hour or so scoping out Robert, but couldn’t find the damn twat to save his life. After circling the school three times, he took a break. And now he was thinking. Thinking and thinking and rethinking thoughts like it was a tape in his brain. Over and over he pressed the rewind button to try and recall any kind of small hint that had happened that night that could help him.   
  
The worst part of all of this was that the memory that had engrained itself in his mind, the one that scarred his memory with a knife was the look on Brian’s face when he had found him. The sad, scared look of a beaten puppy that had been plastered on his gorgeous face when he had turned to look at Stef. His body naked and his face bruised- paler than usual. Makeup running down his cheek with his tears. It was so real; so gut- wrenching that he could barely handle the memory. It was so fucking real that it hurt.   
  
Putting a hand through his short hair, sighing when he had forgotten he had put gel in it- the gooey contents smearing along his slender fingers- he looked down at the ground in defeat. There was nothing worse than feeling worthless when you wanted to do something and couldn’t. It was very much like being stuck on the shore, yelling for someone to save a drowning child when you yourself can’t swim. So fucking useless. The poor Swede let out another large sigh and leaned his head back to look at the clouds and stare into the abyss- he remembered as a child that cloud watching used to take his mind off of things that bothered him. Sadly, it was never something as serious as this.   
  
Hearing the bus in the distance start to slow down at the bus stop at the far corner of the school, he turned his head and watched it stop for a moment. He was about to turn away, back to see what shapes he could find in the clouds until he noticed the lying bastard he had been looking for. The college wasn’t out yet, but there the asshole was standing there, looking from side to side rapidly before jumping on. Why was he leaving now and why on a damn bus? He knew he had his own vehicle. A rich prick like him didn’t just take the bus unless he had to.   
  
Robert had practically admitted at the lockers he was keeping the poor nancy boy a secret for a reason. For someone ‘higher’ and he knew who too. Whatever Robert was getting out of this, the thoughts truly turned his stomach so much that he didn’t even want to know because he had a pretty good idea of what it was. That alone was more motive than anything to find him   
  
Getting off the bench as quickly as possible, he began to bolt towards the parking lot- using his long legs to his advantage. There was a reason why that prick was taking the bus today and he had ever intention of following it.  
  
*-*  
  
Marcus always got a little worried, not enough that he would admit to, but always a bit nervous when he heard a knock on the door. It was really fucking annoying, but running such a vast underground business, he had to look like he was keeping his nose clean. And very few clients came there. However, lately, the guy he had promised Brian free dibs to was starting to get on his fucking nerves. He had a business to run and paying customers to see. He didn’t have time for this little boy’s obsessive sex games and obsessive was a fucking understatement. He would soon have to give this ‘Robert’ the same little lecture he gave to Jay about coming around here. People could follow, things could be shared, problems could occur. Marcus was a man who liked to stay in control and this blond Swede was what was known as a weak link or a loose end.   
  
A few more quick knocks and the older man let out a large sigh, straightening his tie before making his way to the door which he opened with a large friendly smile as he always did.   
  
“Back so soon?” grinned the man, crossing his arms in a welcoming manner. Robert looked behind him and side to side again. He remembered the important instructions of making sure he was never followed and about bringing no one. The fewer people who came by there the better. The blond Swede nodded, practically licking his lips like an animal ready to pounce his prey.   
  
“Is he upstairs in the same room?” asked Robert quickly, starting to make his way past the older man before he promptly put an around him- one a friend would leisurely do to show affection… which worried the blond a bit.  
  
“Yes- but we need to have a bit of chat,” he started, still smiling. Yes, Marcus was a man who could keep his cool- well until his temper flicked on as quickly as a switch. Something that Brian knew better than anybody since he had felt its wrath. But when things were going smoothly and the way he wanted them to go, the man would seem like he was your best friend. He was a real snake in the grass, one you had to keep your eye on. And though Robert hoped it didn’t show, he was a somewhat afraid of Marcus. He gave off far too much confidence and he was far too used to being a bully.   
  
Robert said nothing, just cocked an eyebrow at Marcus- wondering what on earth they needed to converse about.  
  
“I think I’ve been… fairly generous to you. Letting you come by a few times over the weekend and having rather… long sessions with my baby, don’t you think?” When he said ‘long’, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. This kid was cutting into his time with Brian and he really couldn’t have that. A pat on the back, a nicely worded threat and a push out the door should scare this kid straight- and if not, well, let’s just hope it wouldn’t come to that. Marcus tried to avoid a mess when he could.  
  
“But you said any time-.” Robert didn’t even get a chance to finish.   
  
“Yes,” he chimed in, his grin growing a little larger. Robert felt like he was being talked to by a parent at the age of five. His words were soft, sweet, and spoken very slow and logically- like he was trying to tell the damn Swede how to tie his shoe! Was he patronizing him!? “But I think,” Marcus continued. “I think… I’ve been more than fair and I think it’s time you find yourself a new toy. You must be getting bored of him by now, aren’t you? There are other pretty boys with asses much tighter to suit your need, don’t you think? Your obsession over this one is a little intense,” he finished, giving a little chuck to keep the tension down. But that last line hit a sore spot, causing Robert to get defensive rather quick.  
  
“I’m not obsessed!! I just… like him is all! I don’t want to stop… ‘seeing’ him.” He didn’t know why he worded it that way. He could have said ‘fucking him’ or ‘screwing him’ because that’s exactly what he meant. Who was he trying not to insult? There was no one around! The actuality was he had been following Brian on the bus for months, ever since he had seen him at orientation at Goldsmith’s… and to not be able to have a taste of him again tore at his insides. “You promised!” he spat and Marcus tightened his grip on his should just as the Swede’s stomach clenched- more from nervousness than anything.   
  
“Listen,” the older man started again, his voice soft and gentle still. “That wasn’t a request. Don’t make me take… measures I don’t want to take, alright?” He patted him on the back. Measures?! Robert wanted to know what the fuck that meant. Was he as much of a whack-job as he had suspected?! “You don’t want to fuck with me.” The words were threatening, mean, and ruthless- yet they sounded sweet as candy. And the reality that he said that last line nicely at all scared the shit out of him.   
  
“Wait!” he stopped. He knew he didn’t have the power to fight Marcus for the right to fuck Brian senseless. He barely knew him and didn’t know what he was capable of, but somewhat understood his game. His stature scared him, but everyone had a weakness, right? No, this man was more powerful in more ways than one. He didn’t want to fuck with him physically, but maybe he could outwit him. Maybe Robert was far crazier than Marcus. This Swede didn’t like being told what to do and he didn’t take to orders too damn kindly either. The older man was practically pushing him out the door.   
  
“One more go! Just once… and then I’ll disappear. Deal? I’ll even PAY you for this one!” He sounded desperate, but it was exactly how he wanted to sound. Brian was like this little drug and he needed his fix. The older man chuckled, stopping in his tracks as he stared at him.  
  
“You have determination, someone who doesn’t let anyone stand in their way of something they want. I suppose I can appreciate that,” he mused, stepping back a bit and giving a little wink. “Fine. Go. But don’t take forever. We have a club to be at and appointments to meet.” Robert smiled, practically bowing at how grateful he was.   
  
“Thank you!” Marcus rolled his eyes, giving a sigh as he looked at his watch. “And when you’re done with him, tell him to put on a tight dress. He needs to doll himself up good for the clients I have set up for him. High-class have standards,” he chuckled, Robert joining in on the laughter and nodding before they parted ways, hurrying up the stairs to claim his prize. He had just sweet talked his way into one more fuck- or so Marcus thought.   
  
*-*  
  
Brian had laid on the floor with a pillow for he didn’t know how long. It hurt to move, it hurt to even keep his eyes open, it practically hurt to fucking breathe. He was fucking starving and wanted to get high more now than ever. This little freak-out earlier had tired out an already exhausted Brian. The poor nancy boy couldn’t quite tell if it was hunger pains that felt like they were stabbing his stomach from the inside out or symptoms of drug withdrawal. He hadn’t gotten high in a little while and it was taking its toll on him. If he could literally stand up, he’d probably freak-out once again, but this time it just hurt too fucking much to do that. At least the little voice in his head had quieted down for a little while.  
  
Instead, he stayed where he was, holding himself with his thin arms simply because there was no one else around to hold him. He was by himself. Completely and utterly alone. He had no one. The funny thing about it all, if you could even muster up a chuckle at this point, was that he used to enjoy the fact he had no real friends. Enjoyed that any pretentious and preppy losers didn’t even want to go near him! It was a good thing! But now, now he was lonelier and more secluded than ever. He just wanted someone to wrap their arms around him and tell him they loved him and that they cared about what happened to him. Stefan had been the first person that had come even close to that in a long time and even he was nowhere to be seen and had no fucking idea where he was. Hell, Brian barely had any idea of where he was! Period!   
  
Closing his eyes and keeping them shut, the small boy imagined himself writing in the grass during lunch, eating his food that he could somehow magically afford and waiting for Stefan. In his dream they would get together during the break and write together, just for fun. It had been a dream he had been having for the past few nights. They would get together every lunch break outside because it always seemed to be a sunny day and they would sit by a tree. Sit by a large tree and write. Write to see what their minds could come up with because they worked so well when they were in sync. He doodled and doodled and couldn’t help but smile when he heard the Swede call his name. “Brian!” It sounded so lush coming from Stef’s lips.  
  
Brian’s dream came to an abrupt halt, however, when he actually did hear someone call his name. The word was too clear, too real to be part of his amazing fantasy. And sadly, it wasn’t Stef’s voice. The poor boy, still clutching his stomach, opened his dull eyes that still somehow always seemed beautiful and tried to get up to turn towards where the noise was coming from. Maybe if he was lucky, his dream had somehow become a reality?  
  
“Brian!” his name was a hiss now and the boy could have broken down in a soft sob when he saw through his somewhat blurry vision that it wasn’t Stefan at all. It was the prick that was possibly even bigger than Mark. Great, he was here for another go with him. Hopefully this time he would fuck him right into unconsciousness.   
  
Looking in the hallway back and forth as rapidly as he did at the bus stop, he closed the door and hurried to the nancy boy. “Come on! Get up! I’m getting you out of here!” he whispered quietly, causing Brian’s dulls eyes to practically pop out of his head. OUT? Had he just heard that correctly?  
  
“You’ve come to help me!?!” Oh there had to be a fucking catch to this. Robert paused for a moment, thinking. He had no intention of ‘helping’ Brian; he just wanted to take an already missing person out of Marcus’ hands and into his own- to call the shots. But hey… if the nancy bitch thought he was ‘helping’ him… who was he to crush the little guy’s hopes? HA! Robert had to stifle his own giggles and sneaky grin that wanted to shine through. It was a good thing he was getting to be a better liar as they days went on.  
  
“Yeah… help you!” hissed Robert, trying to give a sincere smile. Brian leered as best he could; the bruises and cuts on his pretty face causing pain when he tried to contort his features into anything but a blank look. Why would this man who had raped him suddenly want to help him? Brian was desperate for salvation, but he wasn’t fucking stupid.   
  
“Why?!” spat the smaller boy quietly- his voice low. It still hurt to talk, to move, to do much of anything but it was a question he clearly had to ask. On top of that, he felt like vomiting right there in the middle of the floor and it took every ounce of strength to even try and stay conscious.  
  
“Do you want out of this hell hole or not!?” argued Robert softly- already tired of trying to be nice for the good minute it had lasted. Brian truly was anxious to get out of there and that desperation was blatantly obvious the second he took Robert’s hand to help him up. Anywhere had to be better than here… right?   
  
“Wait! I had a friend. Tyl-.” Robert scoffed, rolling his eyes quickly more in anger than annoyance. ‘Friend’. What friend would this loser have? Even if he did, the blond could care less. Fuck that shit. All he wanted was to get him and Brian out and to do it fast. There was no time for ‘friends’.  
  
Going through the closet in Marcus’ room as quickly as possible, he pulling hanger after hanger off the bar- looking for anything long enough that wouldn’t make Brian look like a battered tramp. Even the way he was, Robert could still see his beauty deep down but on top of that, he looked like a beaten hooker. Sadly, there weren’t many that didn’t and picked the closest thing he could find. A tight little black pull-over dress that would be good enough.  
  
“No time for that! Put this on!” whispered Robert. When he had made his way upstairs, the older man had made his way towards the basement and the Swede hoped whatever business he was tending to down there lasted long enough to get out of this fucking house. This man had many leads at clubs, bars, and so-called connections to help him run this illegal business he had going on, but he kept few associates around due to the very few ‘house calls’ he had coming- Robert being one of the few.   
  
Brian was so damn weak, he could barely stretch the dress to pull over his head before the blond grunted and hurried over to do it for him. He tugged the dress down as far as it could go- which wasn’t far- and grabbed his hand to pull him close. The nancy boy felt awkward, strange to be holding the hand of someone who had striped any dignity away from him a few nights ago. He guessed it was true that desperate times really did call for desperate measures.   
  
“Are you ready?” asked Robert softly, still clutching on to Brian’s small, shaky hand tightly. Brian had no shoes, but neither cared. He wanted to get out of there and get as high as fucking possible. He was beginning to shake more frequent and he was sure he would soon break into a fever if he didn’t get some type of fix soon.  
  
“Do you…,” the small boy began softly. The next words that came out of his mouth disgusted himself to his very core. At what they were about to do and what first came to his mind. “Do you have any… drugs?” asked Brian urgently, his eyes full of need. The fact he cared more about getting high than getting the fuck out of there showed how truly pathetic of a junkie he was. Robert scoffed softly, almost wanting to laugh at the sad little dwarf next to him.  
  
“Yeah… I have some at my flat,” whispered Robert. “Just stay with me and we’ll get out of here.” Brian Molko didn’t really believe or trust him. He gave him no reason to. He really wasn’t that naïve, but he wanted out and he wanted to get high. It was priority number one at this point, food was second. And any path, no matter how destructive and dangerous it was, was worth it as long as those were his two outcomes.   
  
You’re already worthless Brian, how much worse could going with Robert actually be? Whatever the price to get out, you deserve it anyway. The voice was back, louder and more eager to share its opinion now than ever while his soft voice of encouragement and good judgment had completely abandoned him.   
  
The moment Robert opened the door of the bedroom and peeked out, they both held their breath as if they were underwater. They didn’t want to speak or even breathe at all- afraid that he would hear. But the house was silent. Brian wrapped his free arm around his stomach to try and control the pain. He so badly wanted to spill the little contents he had in his stomach to the floor. He bit his bottom lip to try and distract himself, biting as hard as he could into the pouty flesh to use the pain to divert himself from the pain deep inside him.   
  
Pulling the boy even closer, Robert and him walked quietly down the hall, taking one step at a time down the stairs to make the least amount of noise possible. The nancy boy was shaking now more than ever and he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t remember a time during actual daylight when he had consciously made his way down these stairs without being drugged and dragged or drugged and carried.   
  
This all would have worked a lot better if it had been night time and Robert had come up with some kind of plan before he had even gotten there- but this wasn’t a movie. This was very fucking real and one wrong move or step, Marcus would hear them and they would be royally fucked. Brian would getting a beating and a raping like no tomorrow and Robert… well who knows what he would do to the blond Swede once he found out the guy was trying to smuggle his favorite pet.   
  
They continued to move down the small staircase of the house, one by one, step by step till they finally reached the bottom. They could hear hustling and bustling going on in the basement and by the looks of it- Marcus was nowhere to be seen. Brian didn’t know if Robert knew there was another old man that stayed here- the retired doctor who had stitched him up, but he tried through his tired, blurred vision to keep his guard up. The lack of nutrition and his fever starting to come on was making reality more like a dream-like stance. But the tight grip of Robert’s hand on his and keeping their bodies close together for an attempted escape was the only thing keeping him linked to this side of the planet at the moment without simply passing out. He was just so weak, it was unreal.   
  
Robert wanted to disappear from that house as quick as lightning. What would happen after Marcus found out he had escaped with his princess- he should have been concerned about. But the only thing that was important at this moment was getting out and escaping to his own flat as fast as their legs could carry them. Marcus didn’t know where he lived; Robert wasn’t going to be fucking scared of him once they disappeared like a well-done magic trick. He didn’t like being told what to do and being pushed around. He was the bully, not the bullied. Now this old prick would get what was coming to him. No one patronized Robert.  
  
“Good luck finding us you bastard,” whispered the blond Swede under his breath as he turned the deadbolt of the house. Marcus kept his kids locked up in the basement or his room under lock and key and he thanked his lucky stars that only a deadbolt on the door stood between them and freedom.   
  
Turning it as slowly as he could to not make one single peep, Brian pulled at Robert’s sleeve of his jacket, silently telling him to hurry up. He assumed Tyler was downstairs with the rest of the kids, locked down there like some dog and wondered if his only friend was okay for a few split seconds before Robert pushed open the door and pulled Brian behind him. Once they were out in the fresh air, he lugged the boy behind him– practically dragging him down the alley.  
  
Brian couldn’t believe he was in fresh air, away and out of that fucking house. The fact he was with Robert, practically naked under his dress, didn’t even fucking matter as he tried to keep up with him. It hurt like a bitch with every step he took, the urge to throw up getting worse and worse as he continued to run as fast as he possibly could on his own. The further he got away from that god forsaken house- the better.  
  
Robert pulled him down one alley and then another, turned and swerving a few times to get away as fast as they possibly could. Marcus didn’t even know he was missing yet, but they weren’t taking chances. They continued for what seemed like hours but were only a few minutes before they stopped to catch their breath- finally near another street. Brian hurried over to one of the brick walls, leaning over and emptying the contents of his stomach all over the cement ground. He practically fell to his knees, some vomit getting on his black dress as he bent down and continued to throw up- more dry heaving than actual stomach contents.   
  
Brian’s heavy breathing was mixed from exhaustion, hunger, and the even stronger need to get high. He needed a fix so fucking bad at this point- he could barely vocalize his needs at all. Robert watched the street, waiting to wave down the first taxi he saw while looking back behind him- watching Brian continue to vomit with a look of disgust at the mess on the ground.  
  
The only thing in Brian’s mind was getting rid of this pain. Either with some sort of drug or a shot in his head. It was so blinding and painful, he could barely concentrate on the fact he was away from the sadistic bastard who had kidnapped him in the first place. Well, it was the only thought in his head until he heard a familiar voice call his name. And just like Robert’s had been, this one wasn’t a dream either.  
  
“BRIAN!”   
**  
TO BE CONTINUED…**  



	21. Always Cums Back For More

“One day I am going to grow wings,” Brian sighed, looking up at the clouds above him- smiling at the little shapes he was able to pick out. It amazed himself at the things he could create with minor details in a white fluffy bubble above him- anything as simple as a dog to the Mona Lisa if he looked hard enough.   
  
Stefan rolled over on the grass from his back to his stomach- the blades tickling his neck too much as he turned to look at the young nancy boy grinning at his odd, silly statement.  
  
“Wings?” the Swede questioned. “Why?” Brian shrugged, a soft smile still on his lips as he stared at the questioning boy, an eyebrow cocked curiously making Stefan look even cuter than normal to Brian- cloud watching or not, lame as it sounded, he was just happy to spend time with the Swede. He never cared what they did.   
  
“I don’t know, why not? Then I could fly us anywhere in the world! Anywhere!” The idea of being able to travel, to go anywhere he wanted tickled the small boy pink inside- he longed to go somewhere else. Sure, he had moved around quite a bit with his family- but traveling without anyone else telling him what to do and where to go- picking where he went… Stefan by his side. It seemed like a fantasy, too amazing to ever be real with the small boy’s luck.   
  
“We’ll travel, Bri,” stated the Swede flatly. Brian looked over at him, the smile fading at how the Swede didn’t seem to be joking at all. “We will. We can make it happen and we don’t need wings either. Besides, you’re so clumsy, you would surely fly us right into a brick wall,” Stef joked, bringing a little humor to his rather dead-pan way of saying something ‘exciting’. Brian burst into giggles at the thought, as morbid as ‘flying’ into a brick wall sounded, the mental image in his mind was that of a cartoon. Something you would see in an old Bugs Bunny episode.   
  
Their combined giggles turned into a full-out laugh, smiling at each other as the wind picked up a bit and blew right through them, Brian’s shoulder-length black locks becoming even more messy than they were- Stef’s hair gel pretty much keeping his right in place, which only put a larger smirk on the nancy boy’s face. The wind picked up to a point it was starting to push the clouds they were gazing at away from them, but it didn’t matter. Their eyes were only on each other now on the warm summer day. Their gaze lasted anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours- neither was sure, but the nancy boy couldn’t help himself but break the ice and lean forward for a perfect soft kiss.  
  
*-*  
  
“BRIAN!”   
  
Brian didn’t know how long he had been in his head for, his nice little daydream, his fantasy deep inside his head where it was safe… but he was abruptly thrown out of it as he heard his name being yelled once again- and by the same familiar voice that he almost couldn’t remember. He felt like his own head was playing tricks on him. Effects from the constant mental and physical abuse or effects from all the drugs!? Blame the dragon when al else failed. It wasn’t taking pain away anymore, it was bringing confusion and dependance. Brian relied on a line of coke or a few pills of ecstasy or a dose of heroin to stay fucking sane more than he relied on Marcus for food. However….  
  
That voice.   
  
“BRIAN!!“ It was more eager now, and getting closer. The nancy boy knew that voice and he could hardly believe it. It sounded so far way and yet so close. The knots he felt deep inside his stomach reminded him of the bullies at his college that used to beat him up after school- one of their favorite moves were to kick push him to the ground and kick him in the abdomen repeatedly. Ah yes, wonderful memories in such horrid situations. How Brian’s brain seemed to adore him… Pound after pound into his abdomen, but even with the gut wrenching ache inside, he managed to turn his head to see the only person he had ever wanted to see ever since he had been taken captive.   
  
“Stef?” Brian barely whispered out the Swedish boy’s name- having a hard time even catching his breath at this point. Practically every movement, every breath he took caused his whole body to ache. He wondered if this was what it felt like to die.   
  
“Brian!!!” The short boy closed his eyes when he felt Stef’s arms embrace him- the poor boy still on his knees, his body bent over and the raunchy smell of vomit from an empty stomach only a few inches away from them. In lieu of the whole fucking mess of a situation they were in, the only thing Brian could think right now was how sorry he felt for Stefan to have be so close to him and the contents of his stomach- both of which he was sure smelled disgusting and looked even worse. “Are you alright!?!” cried Stef, bent down right beside him, his long arms wrapped around Brian and pulling him close. It hurt his stomach even more, but the fact he was there made everything better somehow.   
  
“You came back,” whispered the nancy boy softly, still coughing and dry-heaving just a bit as the Swede’s grip loosened a bit so Stef could get a better look at the chaos that was Brian Molko. The shorter boy felt bad, Stef’s face full of fear as if Brian were going to collapse and die on him at any moment. Then again- it sure as hell felt like he was.   
  
“Are you al-.” Stef’s question was cut off quickly as he felt a large, hard painful jab to the side of his head.  
  
Brian’s large greenish-blue eyes widened as he suddenly remembered they weren’t alone.  
  
Right. Fucking Robert.   
  
Brian watched in horror as his poor Swede grunted, his lanky body hitting the pavement rapidly before he even saw Robert’s foot coming at him. The taxi that Robert had waved down had pulled up to the curve and was now honking for them around the corner… and the prick had no intention of leaving without Brian. He felt so fucking useless, his body in agony as he tried to pick himself off his knees to help Stefan- to find some kind of object to hit the fucking twat over the head with. Robert had no intention of helping him escape for Brian’s benefit. No one did anything for Brian’s fucking benefit. Well, except the poor boy holding his head and trying to regain composure.   
  
“STEFAN!” The nancy boy heard himself cry or scream, or maybe just whisper Stef’s name, he couldn’t quite tell as his vision was a bit blurred from tears and his own head felt like someone was pounding a drum in it. But he said it as loud as he could while trying to stand up- knees wobbling a bit. He looked as weak and pathetic as a newborn fawn trying to take it’s first steps. Who was he kidding? Who was he to help Stefan?   
Once again, loser, you let Stefan down. Why does he even bother with your pathetic ass? Huh? Do you even know? You’re about as useless as a blind seeing-eye dog. Take a long hard look in a fucking mirror, you piece of trash. No one wants you, no one needs you.   
  
The poor boy put his hands to his ears- somehow thinking it would stop the booming voice in his head. The same voice that told him he was shit. He knew he was shit- he fucking knew it! He didn’t need to be reminded me of it 24 fucking 7!  
  
“SHUTUP!” he screamed. Brian’s body shook, his head still pounding, ears beginning to ring louder as he cried. He didn’t know what was happening to him he just knew he wanted it to fucking stop. He felt a heavy grab him, hoping it was Stef- but knowing it wasn’t. He turned, looking through his blurred vision at the tall boy who had come to his so-called rescue. He wanted to go to him, go to Stefan who was trying to pick himself up before Robert kicked him in the stomach, forcing the tall boy back down to the ground. “STOP IT!” Brian screamed, barely able to make himself move as he tried to claw at the hand that had a tight grip on his arm. But Robert was much stronger than he was- fuck, a goldfish was probably much stronger than Brian was at this moment.   
  
Robert continued to kick the Swede, all the pent-up anger he had for the tall boy coming out as he used his foot as hard as he could. Blow after blow. Each one for liking Brian, trying to help Brian, almost fucking with his plans, and worse yet… for Briana actually liking him back. The fact that the little faggot actually loved Stef’s company pissed him right off. He had no idea why, it just ate at him from the inside out and a few more hard kicks to the stomach and head- Robert felt satisfied. Stef collapsed, covering his head with his arms from direct kicks to his face, trying to hold out until the psycho stopped attacking him- wanting so badly to grab Brian and get the fuck out of there.  
  
“Let’s go.” Robert’s words were harsh, flat, and actually scared Brian more than Marcus had.   
  
“No!” cried Brian, trying to pull the blond boy’s grip from his arm to go to the only boy who truly gave a shit about him. “Let me… go!” His words were shaky and hard to communicate in the first place, but his body language was apparent as he attempted… and ’attempt’ is used only out of a lack of better words. His weak body tried to pull away, a pathetic attempt in Robert’s eyes as the angry Swede, gripped Brian’s arm harder and pulled him away- closer to the taxi parked around the corner waiting for them.   
  
Once again, Brian looked back in his blurred vision- more tears streaming down his face as he watched himself get pulled away from Stefan by what could only be considered a villain like a fairy tale romance. But where the hell was his happy ending? Brian was losing hope, fast.   
  
Brian felt his body being dragged across the pavement towards the car and being pushed in before he could even have a moment to think about the situation- wanting to scream but barely having the energy to do so... So instead he cried, putting his head in his hands and crying. His body was dirty, his black locks stuck to his face from sweat, vomit and tears. His body was quivering, still wearing nothing but the little mini dress. The taxi driver stared at him in the rear-view mirror as he began to drive, probably wondering if Brian were some two-dollar hooker.   
  
“Is she okay?“ the old man asked, a cocked eyebrow. Robert scoffed, having to smile at ‘she’.   
  
“She’s fine!“ snapped the boy, keeping his hand tightly gripped on Brian’s thigh that the dress practically exposed… all of. He was afraid the little bitch would try and jump out of the vehicle. He was on his guard. But Brian had no intention of trying anything now, he was too lost in his heads head, tears still falling down his sweet face silently, not that they had ever stopped. He hurt everywhere- physically, emotionally, and mentally. He wanting to take one giant sleeping pill and never wake up. He had lost control of any and all control of this situation and poor Stefan.  
  
“Why did you hurt him!?” whispered Brian harshly through quiet sobs, his face turning to the side at the bastard beside him- eyes beautiful eyes leering like he was the devil himself.   
  
“He’ll be fine,” whispered Robert flatly, brushing it off like he had literally just slapped Stef and left. He had tried to help him… save him and as Robert literally almost kicked Stefan into a coma… Brian did nothing.  
  
He truly was the most pathetic piece of shit on the planet. The poor Swede wouldn’t have been in any of this mess if it hadn’t been for him. And right on time, the mean little voice in his head had to pop up to confirm his suspicions of himself.   
  
You burn everything you touch, Brian. Everything.  
  
*-*  
  
Stefan felt a sticky wet liquid on his hand as he finally removed his arms from around his own pounding head, squinting for a few seconds to stare at the little bit of blood on his large palms. Fabulous, Robert had kicked him so fucking hard in the head, he was bleeding. At least he was still conscious- but it hurt like a fucking bitch and it had put him in enough of a daze to leave with Brian! The little gap of time that he had been beaten seemed to suddenly be gone as he started to slowly pick himself up. He felt like he had gotten hit by a car- or at least something a lot fucking bigger than a foot. For fuck sakes, this was getting ridiculous in more ways than one. When he found Robert, he was going to beat the living shit out of him until he was the one on the floor begging him to stop. And that said a lot coming from a naturally placid, non-violent Swede like Stefan Olsdal.   
  
The poor nancy boy’s face was even more pale and sad than when he had seen him in that bedroom. Seeing Brian like that, so sick and … practically ‘dead’ – looking broken in more than one place broke Stef‘s heart. It was so much easier to leave him, let him deal with his own shit- but Stef could never do that. He saw the beautiful talented little person deep inside his troubled exterior. He was a small guy in a big world and he seemed to have nobody else who wanted to help. So how could he abandon him whenever else had done so? There was no way. The boy needed a lot more help than he was even sure he could give him. And now, thanks to that douchebag, Stef had to go find where Robert took him. He’d have to start at his place and work from there- at least his ‘good boy’ ties still had connections with the secretary at Goldsmith’s to pull a few personal files. For once, being a teacher’s pet had it’s real benefits besides good grades and a spotless record.   
  
*-*  
  
Robert couldn’t help but look over his shoulder, worried that Marcus followed him and was ready to murder him with gun in hand- which he surely would once he found out his little princess was missing. He didn’t exactly have a lot of friends over at his own flat- practically none. Then again, I suppose you need to have friends before you can invite them over. Robert didn’t really have a whole lot of those either. Let’s just say being a prick doesn’t exactly bring someone the most available company besides a few losers here and there.  
  
“You’re hurting me,” squeaked Brian, his damp black curls falling in front of his face. The poor boy could smell the thick scent of vomit all over him- feeling very disgusting and knowing he looked ten times worse.  
  
“Shut up,” hissed Robert, pushing the nancy boy to the floor once they got through the door- turning to close and lock themselves in his flat as fast as he possibly could as if they were being chased. He pulled off his jacket, throwing it near the hook and missing it- cursing under his breath. He was paranoid about what would happen when Marcus found out he had taken Brian. His anger and sheer ‘need’ for the little bitch had clouded his judgment when they were in that house, but now, thinking a little more… clearly and no longer in the heat of the moment- he could feel the knots begin to form in his gut. As for Stefan, he was sure that nerd would have to give up sooner or later on his little ‘buddy‘- why he even wanted to be around the freak, he didn‘t understand. He was positive he wasn‘t using him for a good fuck like everyone else. Maybe after beating the shit out of him- he would get the message. Though it wasn’t a fair fight, coming up behind the taller boy being more of a … coward’s way of fighting- he had still won and was rather proud of it. And Brian had been the lovely prize.   
  
Pushing a hand through his longer golden locks, Robert looked around down at the carpet, eyes widened when he realized the little bitch had gotten up from where he had thrown him- suddenly hearing a banging cupboard from his kitchen.   
  
“Hey, what the fuck are you doing!?” he cried as he ran to check out the noise, stopping mid-step in shock as he stared at the sight in front of him. It was such a sad, pathetic, pitiable site… he actually felt sorry for him. It was hard for Robert to get sentimental- he really couldn’t feel sorry for someone else often- he was the kind to chuckle at the homeless begging for money in the street, but this… this was sad. Even though he hated and adored Brian all at the same time, he never felt any remorse for the little fucker. He was a great fuck and his beauty was unique and mesmerizing. But it was all based around Robert’s selfish needs.   
  
And now… here he was now, staring at the frail boy rampaging his bottom cupboard on his knees for food- shoving anything from soup crackers to dry cereal in his mouth. Robert just stood there, almost in a trance, stunned as he watched Brian barely giving himself time to chew- eating as much as he could in a mouthful without choking on it.  
  
Tears were falling down his cheeks, his gorgeous face still caked in old makeup, black mascara down his cheeks as he cried and tried to eat at the same time. His stomach was demanding for any type of food- absolutely another- even if he had to pick through the fucking garbage. Marcus’ sparse ‘meals’, if you could call a few crackers here and there meals finally taking a toll on Brian’s body. His hip bones were beginning to jut out, his little tummy that always had a little bit of fat in it now hollow. The tight dress only accented how small and brittle Brian really was and it was only now Robert even noticed.  
  
All the boy could do was continue to stand there behind him, wondering when the hell it had gotten this bad? He knew Marcus treated him poorly, knew what he did to him, but no one could truly understand the type of complete shit he was put through except Brian. Brian knew. He was like a crushed bug under Marcus' foot and everyday the nancy boy had stayed there, Marcus just pressed a little harder. Even though he was no longer in Marcus’ grip, he could still feel his touch, and could still feel him between his legs. It was fucking horrible. It was as if someone had put it all on repeat for him to relive over and over.   
  
Robert looked for away for a few moments when he had felt like he had had enough until he heard the nancy boy begin to slightly, gag, coughing from the lack of chewing.   
  
“Oh jesus! Fucking chew your food,” spat Robert, hurrying over to him just incase he began to go blue- almost like he cared- smacking his back a bit until he composed himself- though tears still began to fall.   
  
“Kill me, Robert. Please.” The words were flat and desperate, the greenish-blue eyes staring up at him. Robert stared at him, cocking an eyebrow like the poor boy had just jumped off the deep end.   
  
“Are you crazy?” he asked, actually pissed off he had said it at all. Brian shook his head, still sobbing.  
  
“Please. If you’re not going to let me go, fucking kill me. End it! I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired,” he gasped- wrapping his thin arms around his body in a hug- holding his chest while trying to catch his breath. His stomach ached from eating so fast- his head still pounded and his body was beginning to sweat- a regular symptom of withdrawal. If Robert wouldn’t kill him- he needed to get high. Robert stared, smirking a bit as he watched the nancy boy unravel- mentally that is.   
  
“You know, your little friend followed me to Marcus’ place. I think he really wants to help you,” he said calmly- his voice sounding pissed, yet quiet. “He has no idea what the fuck he’s getting himself into with you.” Brian looked up at him, eyes glistening in the kitchen light as the words hit him. He didn’t have a smart-arse reply, a bitch response. Nothing. The nancy bitch inside Brian was the fighting side- the side who didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought about him, and it was dying inside. The fight inside him was dying. This was a candle with a wick that was almost out. He was ready to give up. Someone somewhere clearly wasn’t going to let him have a fighting chance, so what was the point in fighting anymore? “You might like it here with me, Brian. I won’t sell you to anybody. I won’t let anyone touch you,” said Robert softly, his pitch suddenly changing as he gave the boy a bit of a smile- almost trying to sound… friendly?  
  
Brian stared, wondering if this prick was more fucking twisted than Marcus.   
  
“You won’t sell me, but you want me all for yourself,” spat Brian as if he had just swallowed something rotten. “I hate you. Why would I want to stay with you? You’re almost worse than Marcus,” he spat quietly, leering angrily. Robert’s eyes widened, taken back by the little bitch’s back-talk, leaning forward to smack him hard across the face, forcing the poor boy to fall back on the cold kitchen tile.  
  
“You fucking little bitch, I rescued you!!”   
  
“YOU HURT STEFAN!” yelled Brian. Robert rolled his eyes, leaning down to grab Brian and hoist him to his feet, the black dress riding further up his legs.  
  
“So what?! He’s a prick, he-,” the small boy cut him off, Robert could call him queer, faggot, a piece of fucking dirt- but he had no right to talk that way about the only boy who truly cared about his well-being.  
  
“The only prick is YOU! I don‘t want anything to do with YOU!” cried Brian, breathing heavily now- a little afraid Robert would chuck him into a wall or piece of furniture with such a tight grip on his arm like Marcus often did. He had one too many bruises and gashes from being swung into the older man’s dresser. His will to fight was almost gone- it was true- but he also had nothing to lose at this point. Brian was almost certain Stefan wouldn’t look for him this time, almost getting beaten into unconsciousness probably had a way of detouring someone from their quest just a little bit. He had no one. And he had nothing to lose.  
  
“But I have one you do want,” hissed Robert, having to smirk a little as he realized he had the upper hand, pulling out a little bag of white powder from his pocket. Cocaine. Drugs. He had drugs. But Robert was wrong. They weren’t what the nancy boy wanted- they were simply what he needed.   
  
The small boy said nothing, his breath becoming more shallow as he realized his high was only a few feet away from him, trying to calm himself- trying to will himself not to want it. But that idea was a fucking joke altogether. His body wanted what it wanted and Robert said nothing as he put the baggy in the boy’s hand- letting him have the one substance that would keep Brian mentally chained to him like a scared puppy.   
  
The next 20 minutes or so, Brian would rather like to forget how he sadly took the bag and instead of throwing it back in Robert’s face- practically snorted the whole fucking thing. Like the little happy junkie he was, line after line he did until his nose began to bleed and the contents of the clear plastic was empty. Sitting in front of the small square coffee table in the middle of the living room, Brian waited, sitting on the carpet- sitting and waiting for his high to kick in to take him to a better place for a little while. It would be a short-lived pleasure, but is that not better than nothing?  
  
The nancy boy’s breath was heavy as he closed his eyes, tilting his head back to soak in the bliss that was soon going to follow, not even feeling Robert’s eyes burning on the back of his head- watching him sit there in silence. Robert stared, intrigued, interested by the small boy’s movements, noises, facial expressions as he did his lines.  
  
“Feeling better?” asked Robert quietly, walking around the couch to stand in front of him- waiting for any sort of reply. Brian said nothing, eyes closed tight as he leaned back against the front of the couch, the gray carpet suddenly making his legs itch, pulling his dirty, tight dress up a little higher to scratch at his thighs. Robert was trying to keep his own desires at bay, let him calm down a bit… but it was beginning to be harder and harder to fight off. He was just waiting for the moment when the boy would be too indulged in his own high to do anything. “Brian?” he asked again. The nancy boy continued to say nothing, but instead quietly began to hum to himself, a strange melody he had never heard before, it in fact being one Brian had made up all by himself in his own head. Being locked away in Marcus’ bedroom left Brian with more free time than a college drop-out. “Bri?”   
  
“Don’t call me Bri,” whispered the small boy, letting out a sigh as Robert moved closer, grabbing Brian’s hand and pulling him up, practically making him lose his balance at the rapid movement and fall head over heels ontop of the coffee table if the Swede hadn’t caught him. Brian grunted, unhappy at being moved, eyes still closed as he tried to open his heavy eyelids.   
  
Robert said nothing- what was the point? It wasn’t like Brian was completely with it, he was higher than a kite and probably had little idea of what was going on around him- which is exactly the state he wanted him in and had been waiting for. Trudging towards the bathroom, a tight grip on the nancy boy- he dragged Brian inside- letting go of his arm to turn on the tap’s to begin filling up the tub.  
  
Looking back, he stared at the mess standing there under the bright, bathroom light. Makeup, tears, sweat, vomit, and probably even dried cum still laid between his legs. He was a fucking mess and he smelled worse than a dirty bar.   
  
“Undress,” he said flatly, pouring a bit of liquid soap into the warm water. Brian did nothing, eyes closing as he continued to stand there. He had done one too many lines of coke and his brain was on vacation. Either that or he was being ignored. Robert sighed, knowing in the end it was going to be worth it. At least a high Brian couldn’t run. He got up from the edge of the tub and went over to him- grabbing the hem of the black dress and pulling it over his head to reveal the delicate little boy underneath. He was covered in bruises, scars, marks- some even with a bit of dry blood. In between his thighs were the worst. Dark purple marks where they had been spread numerous times. He couldn’t feel bad- after the party Robert had been responsible for Brian working- gang raped in the living room… he had contributed to the bruises, so how could he feel bad? Robert ignored the feelings, instead staring down at the poor boy’s limp member, reaching a hand in between his legs to touch it- just to do it.   
  
Brian stepped back a bit, opening his eyes as he felt the cold hand on his dick, frowning softly as he somewhat realized the situation.   
  
“Don’t,” he whispered, trying to step back at, but almost falling from lack of coordination or balance. Robert grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the tub, helping him to carefully step in the white porcelain bathtub, clutching onto Robert’s wrist voluntarily so he didn’t slip and fall. Nothing ruins a good high like a cracked skull. The next ten minutes or so- Brian was treated like a small child. His hair washed, his body bathed as he sat there, eyes closed and leaning up against the back of the tub like a chair. He had no energy or desire to do so. He was going far away in his head- and he trusted Robert as far as he could throw him.   
  
Even under the drug-induced conscious he was in- he knew Robert’s motives weren’t going to be good. But his body had taken every kind of damage it could handle- it just didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was his depressing reality, lack of company, and the high he wanted to stay in so he could ignore everything around him. Brian felt like a failure and getting high was a way to avoid that. He let Stefan down, he let Tyler down, and he let down himself. He was a big fucking pathetic excuse for a human being and the side of him that used to make him want to keep his head high was dead. If he had to live in this reality- he would make sure he was as medicated as possible.   
  
Pouring one more small bucket of water over Brian’s already drenched black locks that now smelled like vanilla and cream shampoo- Robert got up and walked to his bedroom. The first item of business- turning on his stereo across the room. The song that came on was soft, something he couldn’t quite recognize, but it didn’t matter. He just needed to fill the void, turn the nothingness of silence into something while he prepared to once again lock away any sort of conscious to treat Brian like the object he was. He wasn’t going to share the nancy boy with anyone. Robert began pulling off the old sheets on his bed.  
  
“Everything should be perfect,” said the Swede softly.   
  
In the tub, the drug was beginning to lose it’s luster just as the hot bath water began to turn luke warm. Everything came to an end and Brian wasn’t necessarily disappointed- he knew it would happen. But now alone in the bathtub, he stared into the soapy still water, determining if the next decision he was going to make was going to be the right one.  
  
You’re completely alone now, Brian. Completely.   
Stefan would never try to find him again, there was no way. Why would he? What motive did he have? He didn’t even try to help him when Robert attacked him, he didn’t even show he cared when Stefan was truly the only person he cared about- far more than himself even. Robert. Marcus. Some twat willing to give him 10 pounds for a fuck, it didn’t matter. They all wanted to use him- abuse him. It didn’t fucking matter.   
  
Parting his wet curly locks, Brian put a hand on each side of the tub, slowly starting to push himself up. Naked, soaking and shivering, the poor nancy boy crawled out as careful as possible- almost slipping on the now sopping wet tiles. His eyes immediately went to the medicine cabinet. Tylenol, sleeping pills, anything. Something he could take a handful of. Though- to his disappointment… there were no meds to be found. None at all. His breathing becoming heavier- he screamed, slamming the door shut hard- shattering the mirror! He couldn’t even find one fucking pill bottle. Why did everything, every fucking thing have to be so hard?   
  
Look at that Brian, even when it comes to trying to kill yourself- you’re a failure at that too.   
  
  
**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	22. We're Running Out Of Alibis

Brian’s body felt like it was floating – a calm numbness as he sat on the floor. Glass from the mirror covered his hands, shards creating fine little blood patterns, but the nancy boy didn’t feel it. Any hurt he felt was much deeper than any glass or mirror debris could create.   
  
Robert pulled the sheets tight over the mattress- putting such care that only a maid would pay attention to. He wanted it to be ‘perfect’.   
  
Perfect.   
  
Truly a perfect evening would be two people who willingly want to share their bodies, make something beautiful, and make love. But in the mind of Robert’s- as long as he got what he wanted, it was fine. He was no better than Marcus- not that he would ever admit that to anyone much less himself. But do you think he really knew that? If he did, he was in a large whirlpool of denial that was doing nothing but picking up speed.  
  
Robert was unsure why he wanted ‘it’ to be perfect. Their first … well his first fuck with Brian as some form of a ‘twisted couple. That day, after he had cum inside Brian’s tight little ass on his dirty mattress… bought and paid for- and walked out of Brian’s shitty little flat- he couldn’t get the little guy out of his head. He mesmerized him in every way possible. Something about the way he looked, the way his greenish-blue eyes sparkled and were oh so big. The way he held himself, the dirty little things he could do to something that looked so pure and innocent. A mix between something just like a boy his age would be and a female. The way… well, the way he used to be a giant little middle finger to the world- didn’t fucking care what anyone said to him or about him. However, Marcus had clawed away much of his confidence, or seemed to. There wasn’t much left of who Brian was on the outside, if there was any of that fight in him, he hid it well.   
  
By the time Robert got back to the bathroom- the room was a mess. The square tile covered in glass and little drops of blood splattered. The poor boy was leaning against the wall, his knees up tight to his chest as he stared off into the abyss– taking his mind somewhere a lot better than the floor of Robert’s shitty little bathroom floor.   
  
Robert knew there was no point in getting angry, Brian was just lashing out at anything he could and it wasn’t important. The Swede didn’t utter a word this time either, he just leaned down, putting a tight grip on the little nancy boy’s wrist and hauling the naked boy up to his feet, grabbing the towel he had left on the vanity and wrapping it around him like a little child getting out of the bath. Brian felt little, so it only made perfect sense. He felt as small and as insignificant as a little tike, so why not get treated like one?  
  
“Will you let me go… when you get tired of me?” Brian’s words suddenly made Robert jump- stopping himself from towel-drying the delicate boy to look up at his beautiful greenish-blue eyes that were so dead. His voice was a squeak, an audible whisper. The nancy boy didn’t even know where he found his own voice inside him, the little cuts on his arms and hands still stinging a bit as he bit his lip and continued. “After you… have your way with me, you’re going to let me go, right?” whispering out the rest of the words. Robert had nothing to reply with. Brian sounded so sad, so weak, so pathetic, so unlike the boy he had been chasing at Goldsmith’s, the little bitch that he wanted to pin against the wall and have his way with to begin with… Everything was so different now, though the desire to fuck him was just as strong.  
  
Brian was just kidding himself if he really thought Robert was going to set him free- let him walk out of his flat like nothing had ever happened… He was in pure denial or maybe after everything, everything felt so damn surreal that anything but reality could be believable in his own head. It almost pissed Robert right off, why did he have to be so different? Why didn’t he have more bite? He didn’t even bark anymore; he was more like a dead dog on the side of the road. Where was the Brian ready to kick and scream while he raped him? Now he had this drug-induced, dried –up whore… Though, still so fucking beautiful.   
  
“Yeah, sure, Brian,” chuckled Robert. “I’ll let you go after we’re done, I promise.” The Swede thought that cocaine had a little more effect on him than he thought… really thinking he’d let go. Ha- yeah fucking right.   
  
Time moved slowly for Brian after that, everything in slow motion as he was led to the bedroom for the inevitable fuck-session that awaited him. Not that it really mattered. His body had been used and abused in every way possible. Fucked by so many men whose faces he didn’t even remember… what was another at this point? He was scum anyway.   
  
The poor nancy boy felt himself being pushed onto the mattress with the fresh sheets that smelled like they had just been pulled from the dryer. Nice change from a cum-stained mattress or a couch in the back of a club… Robert grinned wickedly as he began to undo his jeans, button first, the sound of the zipper ringing in Brian’s ears as he closed his eyes and laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He hoped he was quick, he felt so dizzy and nauseous from all the blurred images and from all the drugs buzzing in his blood streams, the dragon starting to take over.   
  
Grabbing a condom like an eager boy unable to wait for his first time, Robert sheathed himself in it- quickly taking his place between the boy’s legs. Of course he didn’t ask if he was ready, if he was comfortable or if he even felt okay. That didn’t fucking matter. What mattered was he was getting something from Brian that he wanted. Leaning over him, he looking into Brian’s pretty face, no makeup after being all washing in the bath- really be able to see all the bruises, marks, cuts and other imperfections that laid on the surface of his baby soft skin.  
  
Brian whimpered when he felt Robert’s cock enter him, stretching him. It hurt, burned a bit, but the pain would subside once he went inside his head. Once the thrusting started, Brian made sure to keep his eyes shut tight- not wanting to break down. He was still rather high or maybe dehydrated, maybe over hungry- something seemed to zap the energy and fight right out of him.   
  
Brian winced when The Cure’s Love Song started to play on the stereo, really wishing it hadn’t. He loved that band, he didn’t need to imagine THIS Robert’s disgusting sex face when he cums when he heard Robert Smith sing. He let out a few whimpers as the sick Swede picked up his pace a bit, his grin huge when Brian opened his eyes to see another monster on top of him.  
  
That grin however disappeared quickly as he heard a few knocks at his door. His eyes widening and looking back at the direction of the sound. He didn’t invite anyone over. He never had anyone over. He was hoping if it were anyone, it was his landlord. But what… what if it was Marcus?   
  
“FUCK!!!” whispered the Swede harshly as he pulled out of Brian just as harsh, causing the poor boy to wince, his arse sore as it always was. He watched through hazy eyes as he pulled his jeans back on and hurried out of his bedroom. He wanted to pretend he wasn’t home as the knocking continued. He could hear his heartbeat in his head, thump, thump after another, the blood rushing in his ears… so fucking scared of whom the fuck it could be. He tiptoed closer to the white door as the knocking continued like the boogeyman was going to jump out from behind it. “Who is it?” called Robert. No reply. He looked through the peephole, scared to death to find out it was Marcus waiting there with a gun and a body bag for him.   
  
However, he did nothing but chuckle, relieved to see it was only the gallivant nerd to come and rescue him.  
  
Stefan Olsdal. How sweet. Angry and annoyed the taller boy interrupted his fuck fest- he threw open the door.  
  
“What the FUCK do you want!?!” he hissed angrily, leering. Stefan, however, was in no mood as he stared right back, a bandage still on his head where he had been kicked rather hard.  
  
“GIVE me Brian or I call the police!” said the taller Swede flatly. He didn’t raise his voice, he didn’t yell or scream, he didn’t cry, his face showed very little emotion as his eyes looked cold and straight into Robert’s. This was no time to be a boy. He sounded exactly how he wanted to sound… like he meant fucking business.   
  
Robert just scoffed, unimpressed by the act.  
  
“Right and say what? Oh yeah, your best buddy has been prostituting himself for the last little while. Guess what? It’s illegal too! Fuck me over and you’ll fuck him too!” Stef’s eyes suddenly widened at the word. Prostituted. What? Why did he keep saying that when it couldn’t possibly be true.  
  
“You’re making it-?”  
  
“How the fuck do you think he GOT into this mess, huh? Do you think he just got picked up by a pimp as he was skipping on his merry way to Sunday school!?! Are you bloody retarded!?” The taller boy blinked for a moment, taken back at the idea of the little nancy boy selling his body. Why would he do that to himself?! Who would do that to themselves?! He was silent, as the thoughts and images ran through his mind.   
  
“I-.” Stefan was cut off once again.  
  
“You think he was forced into all of this!?! You’re not that fucking stupid are you? He is where he is because he was selling his tight little ass, it was how he made money- until he met the wrong fucking pimp,” sneered Robert, actually starting to laugh at the thought of Stefan thinking his precious little buddy was so innocent and pure. “I get it now. That’s why you like him so much. Thought he was this good little boy… sucked into this ‘game’ with the wrong kind of people?” Robert was actually full out laughing now. “Wow. You are dumber than you look.”   
  
Stefan stood there in the hallway of the building, staring at a chuckling Robert in the doorway, letting the events of the past few 24 hours sinking in- his mind looking like it was turning to jelly while it eyes started to glaze over. Robert knew that Stefan didn’t know the supposed ‘real’ Brian. The whore, the slut, the prostituting little piece of scum that was Brian Molko. The small boy was dreaming if he ever thought that this tall Swede would truly want anything to do with him now.  
  
“Now if you don’t fucking mind…. Why don’t you go ice your head and I’ll go pleasure my-,” the taller Swede cut off Robert mid-sentence, not wanting to hear any more disgusting words leave his fucking mouth, especially about his friend.  
  
“NO! I’m not leaving here without him.” His body bolted forward, pushing Robert into the apartment along with himself. It took the smaller man by surprise.  
  
“Did you not fucking hear me?” chuckled Robert. “He’s a fucking WHORE. He was selling his twaty little whore-ass on the street. He’s where he is now because of what he is. Why would you want anything to do-.” The prick finally got what was coming to him as Stefan shook his head, like he was trying to rid himself of the other Swede’s loud, booming voice that was throwing harsh word after word about Brian. Words he just didn’t want to bloody well hear.  
  
“SHUTUP!” screamed Stefan, punching him in the side of the face, sending the man to the floor as fast as Marcus had sent him to the floor the first time he had found him.   
  
Falling flat on his face, Robert’s nose started to bleed, blood running down his face and over his lips a bit as the twat covered his face with his hands, eyes wide as he looked up at Stefan. The placid, quiet Swede seemed powerful, like a superhero that just revealed his true identity in a way. But the Swede didn’t waste one more fucking minute on the only piece of trash in that flat- which was Robert. He turned around; heading towards the hallway where he could only imagine his friend would be with this sick bastard.   
  
“BRIAN?!” The small boy’s voice booming through the flat like he was standing on top of a mountain top. “BRIAN?!” Looking in the bathroom, living room, he hurried to the end of the small hallway and pushed opened the door where he stopped cold in his tracks- eyes widening when he saw the poor pathetic little site that was none other than Brian.   
  
The nancy boy was laying on the bed, completely naked, eyes closed like he was in a different world. There were scratches, cuts, scars, bruises all over his small- once perfect little body. He was in his head- the place where he always tried to go when someone was fucking him so ruthlessly- when he was getting raped or forced to service. Reality was just getting to be too much for him, even Stefan could tell.  
  
“Bri?” his voice softened this time, not wanting to scare him.  
  
Bri. That word that came out so sympathetically, gently when the taller boy said it. And just as if his name forced him out of his daydream, Brian opened his eyes, looking across the room to see his tall friend staring at him wide-eyed. Correction- his only fucking friend, if he was even that to him anymore.   
  
“Stef?”   
  
He wasted no time the moment he heard a word of response, Stef lunged across the room, hurrying over to the poor boy and lifting him up to a hug just like last time. Brian’s naked body trembled, shaking in the embrace. He was so small, so frail but Stefan could do nothing but hold him tight as he tried to hold back his tears.   
  
Why he was here didn’t matter. Right now, the truth didn't matter. What mattered was this boy needed a friend, someone who gave a fuck and if the rest of the world was going to turn their back on him, he'd make sure he was the one person who wouldn't. Everything had suddenly made sense; all his odd little behaviours at school after Robert ‘outed’ him. But the only thing that mattered at this moment in time was getting Brian some help. The beautiful little boy who needed a fucking friend when no one else wanted to be one- needed help.  
  
“I’m going to get you out of here, Bri.” Brian barely had energy to get up; the drugs coursing through his system- almost more than his small body could take. He knew he was naked, completely bare in front of his friend, but didn’t really have the energy to cover himself up- no room for modesty right now.   
  
Grabbing the edges of the comforter on Robert’s bed, he wrapped it around the small boy, like a mother tucking in his child and picking him up. The second he was in Stef’s arms again, he passed out, head leaning up against his shoulder. He had no idea what Robert gave him, but he was sure it was far more than he should have had. Robert came bursting into the room like a pathetic little bug, full of rage as he held a paper towel to his face to stop the blood streaming. It was almost laughable.   
  
“You fucker, I think you broke my bloody nose.” Stefan sneered, gripping the boy in his arms a little tighter.  
  
“That won’t be the only thing broken once that pimp gets to you. I’m taking him the fuck out of here and you’re not getting in my way. Move.” Stef’s words were heavy, low, and quiet. He was almost having an anxiety attack at everything that had happened in such a small amount of time. He needed to get Brian to a hospital, some medical attention- it wasn’t something he wanted to do, it was a necessity. “Get out of my fucking way.” Like a Jekyll and Hyde moment- Stefan’s anger had turned him livid as he knocked Robert, who hadn’t planned on moving anywhere, against the doorframe of his own bedroom, pushing him out of the way with Brian’s frail little body still wrapped in his arms. Robert screamed obscenities behind him as he fell to the floor, grabbing his side that had been jabbed by the doorknob.   
  
I know it sounds romantic, beautiful, like a fairytale if you strictly imagine Stefan like a prince, leaving Robert’s flat with his princess wrapped in a blanket. But it wasn’t. The poor nancy boy was wrapped in a comforter stained of precum and blood from his own arse. Stefan was no prince, no white horse or a cheering kingdom for rescuing his true love like in a book your mother or father would read to you. And Brian had no tiara, no dress made of lace and bows. London’s cold, gritty street was their kingdom and London’s onlookers, staring at them as he hurried past them were the supposed cheering crowd. Nothing mattered, no one mattered to Stefan at that moment except Brian and getting him some help.  
  
The small naked boy, still very drug-induced went in and out of slumber, leaning against Stef’s shoulder and clutching his shirt like a baby kitten with it’s claws- too afraid to let go. And he held him just as tight, afraid to let go as well, afraid of losing him yet again.   
  
*-*   
  
“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” giggled Brian, looking over at the Swede sitting next to him- bright eyed and curious. The small boy couldn’t help but blush and giggle again like a little kid, biting his bottom lip. “Hahaha, no it’s stupid- forget it!” Stefan leered playfully, slapping his arm.  
  
“Don’t tell me to forget it! You started, finish! I told you mine!” he demanded, both of them laughing as he pretended he was going to attack him by tickling him if he didn’t let up and give in. “TELL ME!” Brian started to laugh, feeling Stef’s nails begin to do the one thing he couldn’t stand without freaking out… getting tickled!!  
  
“Okay okay okay! STOP!” Stef’s hands froze, prepared for his reply. “I’ve always… wanted to …. Pull my pants down on top of a bridge just to shock some drivers and cause a few harmless collisions into a fire hydrant. You know… for laughs,” he blushed, looking away. Stef made a large ‘gasp’ face, slapping him on the arm again.  
  
“Brian Molko!!! That is AWFUL! You’re evil!” he said as he burst into giggles at the thought of it. Brian chuckled devilishly.   
  
“Hey! You’re laughing!! Besides… you were aware of my evil tendencies!” he spat back, winking while sticking out his tongue as they laughed together, the moment seeming almost perfect as they stared at each other, smiles on their face.   
  
But as always, that bright white light that always flashed above him meant it was time to leave his little dream, go back to the last fucking place he wanted to be. This sadly enough, was reality. 

  
*-*  
  
The beep of the monitors rang in his ear… the slow, mind numbing BEEP……… BEEP……… BEEP like it was the final painfully slow countdown until your life was going to end. The kind of beeping he wanted to know where the fuck it was coming from to make it stop.   
  
He opened his eyes rather slowly, letting them adjust to the light as he looked up at the white ceiling tiles. Where was he now? Robert’s again? Back with Marcus? Some nasty client’s house? He blinked a few more times, his greenish-blue eyes starting to water slightly from the intense amount of light shining over him. Jesus, he wasn’t…. Jesus! Why so much light!? He looked to his right, finally finding the source of that awful beeping, realizing it was a heart monitor…. And that he was hooked up to it.   
  
“What?” he said to himself quietly, blinking a few more times to make sure this just wasn’t another dream. He had done so many fucking drugs at Robert’s, he had been unsure of what was up and what was down.   
  
“Brian?”   
  
He looked to his left, the source of where his voice was coming from, eyes huge as he saw Stefan Olsdal, sitting in a chair beside him- almost looking like as much shit as he had been.   
  
“Stefan!?” he squeaked, his voice soft and raspy. The tall boy smiled just a little, nodding.   
  
“I was worried you weren’t going to wake up,” he said softly, looking down, budging his body and chair a little closer to the bed. “You’re at the hospital.” Brian blinked again, taking in what he just heard. The questions in his head already forming by the dozen. A hospital?! When..? What?!  
  
“H-.” Stefan cut him off before he could even begin.   
  
“I came to get you. I couldn’t leave you with Robert, Brian.” Brian was almost speechless. Almost.  
  
“How long have I been here?” he asked, mentally cursing himself for that being the first question out of all he should have said to Stefan. Sounding a little groggy as he tried to prop himself up, he took a better look at the Swede who practically saved him right out of the dragon’s lair.   
  
“Two days. They kept you sedated for a bit, did some blood work. You needed the rest,” he replied gently.   
  
“You’ve been here wasting your time with me for two days?!”   
  
Brian sounded shocked because he was. Why would anyone sit beside him for two fucking days, staring at a little whore almost in a fucking drug-induced coma!? Illegal drugs. Stefan shrugged softly, blushing while turning away- reminding them of their first little date at the movies just a little. As nervous as he was that day, he wished he could relive that night, it had been so much fun. Those little butterflies exploding in Stefan’s tummy randomly and uncontrolled were also fluttering in Brian’s though neither knew it.  
  
“Well… I brought my homework, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time,” Stefan replied- his attempt at making a joke with his horrid Swedish dead-pan humour. But, for the first time in what seemed a century, Brian smiled. Just a little, a tiny grin and a giggle. Stefan had to grin too. He loved Brian’s smile, it was so beautiful, he was so beautiful even when he looked the worst.   
  
When their soft laughter subsided, the nancy boy stayed quiet, unsure of what to say in this moment. Once upon a time, he would have had a cute witty, sarcastic comment to make. But right now- he had nothing. Stefan had done something nice for him because he could, not because he had to. He didn’t seem to want anything in return.  
  
“I uh…,” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “I didn’t think you were going to come back, Stef. After Robert had kicked you and left… I thought, you had had your fill.” He looked at his hands. There was barely any black nail polish left on them, almost all completely chipped away. Stef looked at him, frowning. How terribly sad it was to think that the idea of doing something for someone because they could and not because they had to was so shocking for little Bri to comprehend.  
  
“I know that. I wanted to. They weren’t going to let me stay, I had to lie and say I was your brother because of their ‘immediate family only policy.” Stefan stared at him, giving a small little smile at the poor frail boy in the bed. Brian looked up at Stef, eyes huge as they started to tear up, determined to hold them back. Looking up, with the obvious question of ‘why’, but not having to even ask it. “Because you’re my friend.”   
  
“And they believed you were my brother with the height difference?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow with a small smile on his face.  
  
“Okay, half-brother,” chuckled Stefan, both of them giggling once again.  
  
“You didn’t seem like the type to break the rules, Olsdal,” said Brian flatly, giving a chuckle as he reached for the cup of water next to his bed.   
  
“Well, people do stupid things when they’re in lo-,” Stef paused, Brian stopping mid-sip as he stared at him. “When they’re uh, kicked in the head by a psychotic school mate,” he giggled, pointing to the bandage on his head still. Brian just nodded.   
  
“More like by a stupid fucking prick. Is it okay?” he asked, just as concerned for Stefan as he was for him. Because let’s face it, Stefan wouldn’t have a gash in his fucking head if it hadn’t been for him in the first fucking place.   
  
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me, you’re the one in the hospital… you’re uh, pretty banged up,” he said, suddenly cursing himself at the words he chose. ‘Bang’ wasn’t exactly the perfect term he could have used. STUPID, Stefan, you’re a fucking idiot. “I mean, you have a lot of bruises and cuts… they wanted to make sure you were okay.”   
  
Brian nodded softly, putting the cup back on the table next to the bed. He assumed he knew what had happened to him, why he was where he was. And he was sure Robert couldn’t stop himself from telling Stefan exactly what he was, which was a dirty fucking whore who had no more money to his name than a god damn hobo on the street.   
  
“Thank you.” The two words that Stefan didn’t need to hear, but paused when he did. “I can’t imagine what… state you found me in, but … thank you. It’s more than anyone else would have do-,” his word was cut off in a sob as his tears finally fell. He couldn’t control them anymore, nor had the energy. His tears streamed down his face as he put his hands to it. He was crying for the fact he was where he was, the fact he had sold himself in the first place, the fact he had relied on drugs to fix his problems when they had only caused more, the fact he was going to need a lot more help than he knew and no idea where that help was going to come from… and finally… he was crying because Stefan actually fucking cared.   
  
Stefan said nothing, but got up from the chair quickly, wrapping his arms around Brian in another embrace that he really needed.   
  
“You’re going to be okay, Brian.” The Swede was overjoyed in his head and his heart he had finally found him, but the battle was only beginning. What was going to happen now? That… pimp was still on the street and Brian clearly had a few more issues than just a chain-smoking problem and an attitude adjustment. This wasn’t a fucking fable. Just because he had been so-called ‘rescued’, didn’t mean he could just close the book and everything would work out just fine. Reality didn’t work out that way.   
  
After their embrace ended, Brian trying to pull himself together after the last few days, weeks, months- who knew fucking how long. Their ‘moment’ interrupted by a nurse coming in to check on him, his vitals and to see how he was feeling. When she was finally done and left, Stefan said he’d be right back- hurrying out in the hall to talk to the nurse.   
  
“Um, ma’am, when do you think the hospital is going to release him?” he asked softly. She gave him the stereotypical smile that every nurse gives a family member of someone in the hospital, trying to put a positive spin on everything.  
  
“Well, he was in pretty bad shape. We want him to stay another night, get some more rest and get his blood work back from the lab to see his test results.   
  
“Test results?”  
  
“Well after you brought him to us, it had been obvious he had been sexually assaulted repeatedly,” she said sensitively, Stefan nodding while looking at his feet. “As well as he was hemorrhaging. We’re waiting for his final results, once we know, we can release him. The test results are important to know, we’d like to keep him here until we get them.”  
  
“Testing for what exactly?!” asked Stefan, getting a little defensive- unsure why.  
  
“HIV.”   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED….**


	23. I Was Brimming With Defiance

Robert looked at himself in his shattered mirror, or what was left of it thanks to that little whore, at the mark he had on his face and nose. Even after almost 48 hours, it had started to swell pretty bad, turning a nice dark purplish black. Just fucking fantastic.  
  
“That prick better not have left a permanent mark,” he muttered to himself angrily, assessing the damage on his face once more. Finished looking at the injury- he threw his bathroom door open, looking for anything to take his anger out on, and his aggression.   
  
He had had him. So bloody close. Right in his fucking grips. He had that little bitch all to himself, and he was ripped away before he could even fully enjoy him again. All that effort, practically snatching him away from Marcus, a miracle all in itself, and then his little knight and shining armor had to come and ‘rescue’ him. That fucking twat. He would teach him.   
  
Well Robert wasn’t done with him yet, if anything, he wanted revenge.   
“Least no one will believe a lie that fucking little whore says if he tried to pin anything on me,” he continued, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself more than anything. His hands clenched into fists, sitting down on his sofa- so full of rage and contemplating how he’d ever get back the nancy boy now.  
  
*-*  
  
Brian stared up at the ceiling, waiting for the nurse to come by and let him know his test results. Stefan had been rather positive about the whole thing, that he was sure he’d be just fine. But Stefan didn’t know. Stefan had no idea how many men he had been with… fuck, he didn’t even know either. For all he knew, the Swede had only seem him at that one party, they one he had found him at. So naïve, or maybe he just pretended to be- ignorance was bliss.  
  
He had had to make the Swede go home to have a shower and get a change of clothes- he couldn’t let the poor guy sleep in a chair again. He couldn’t even believe he had stuck around as long as he had. It’s not like they had been friends for years … or even a year, barely months. Stefan and Brian barely knew each other, truthfully, and here he was offering a helping hand. Making sure he was okay. It almost confused the poor boy, or maybe that was the trust he had for anyone completely being diminished, thanks to Marcus. No one could even get close to him hastily without making him jump, still feeling the man on top of him.   
  
Though he didn’t get to ponder very long before the nurse came in.  
  
“Mr. Molko- you’ll be happy to know you came back relatively clean. No infections, just some tearing, and a bit of damage to your colon. But aside from that, you’re a very lucky boy,” she said calmly, giving him a little smile while passing him the cup of water he had asked for earlier. Brian stared at the beverage in the typical white paper cup all hospitals used, letting her words run through his head one more time to process. Had he heard her correctly?! CLEAN? “You need to refrain from any intercourse so your stitches can heal for a few weeks. You’re fortunate you’re only left with some scratches and bruises.” Her tone was so deadpan and the nancy boy had to remind himself this was a good thing. Good news.   
  
Fuck a good thing had happened to him in… he didn’t know how long.  
  
Brian nodded, still absolutely dazed.  
  
“You’re a very lucky boy.” Luck had nothing to do with it; he must have had a fucking saint following him around for him to turn up clean. He could barely remember half, if even quarter of the men who had their way with him.   
  
Brian said nothing, he had nothing to say. His physical health may be mend-able, but his mental health would never be the same, at least not to Brian. He couldn’t see how it ever could be; there wasn’t much of a light at the end of this tunnel. What was he supposed to do now?   
  
“You should talk to the police.” Once again, she said it rather point-blank and precise. Brian barely moved a muscle, staring past her like she wasn’t even there. And thank god she didn’t linger on when she got no reply because the nancy boy suddenly had the urge to toss his cup of water right at her face. No one fucking knew what he was going through on the inside, how he practically had to withhold the vomit he felt coming up every time he even ventured to look into a mirror.  
  
He didn’t want to talk to a cop. He didn’t want to talk to a damn person. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to crawl in a fucking ball and die because he felt that’s exactly what he was worthy of. No matter how many baths or showers he took, he couldn’t crawl out of his skin, he couldn’t un-see what he had seen and he couldn’t un-live the events he endured. The past was like a giant rock and he couldn’t fucking move it and what was worse was that it decided to play over and over in his mind like a broken record. And although he hadn’t mentioned it to a soul for the little time he had been at the hospital- he had been having nightmares ever since the Swede had ‘rescued’ him.  
  
*-*  
  
The conversation the small boy had been forced to have with the police officer when he had come later that afternoon had gone very quickly because Brian barely said a few words- instead stuck to the facts he knew. He didn’t see the point, he knew no one would help him, nor care. It’s not like he was ‘kidnapped’. Well, he was. But whose fault was that? It had been his own. It was his mistake. He had been the one that had gotten in the situation he did. He had played with a bull and he fucking got the horns- and lots of them.  
  
He could hear, Stefan, though. He could hear the boy outside his hospital room- defending him in a way he no longer had the mental energy to do himself.   
  
“What does ‘we’re looking into it’ MEAN, exactly?” asked Stefan, sounding as irritated as he possibly could. The man in uniform was acting like the whole situation was a run-of-a-mill case. “What about what Brian had said? What about the other people this man, has, used?! Still has!”  
  
“Sir- calm down. Human trafficking is a very serious crime, but to be fair, London is a huge city. And we have no leads to start wit-,” Stef’s eyes practically bugged out of his head.   
  
“He knows the house! Where it is!! Can’t you send someone?!“ He was trying to stay as rational and calm as he always could be in a situation like this, but the Swede’s emotions were winning this one.  
  
“And we’re going to have a detective check it out, alright? Calm down. Quite frankly with as many drugs Mr. Molko’s doctor said was in his system- it’s rather possible he fragmented pieces and bits together into a st-.”   
  
FUCK. A firecracker inside the tall boy was lit and he cut the man off before he could even continue.  
  
“You’re calling him a LIAR?!” The Swede never yelled at an elder, especially not a police officer, and he tried to keep his voice from echoing off the plain white walls that the hospital was overrun with. As well as out of respect for the other patients and most of all… in hopes Brian didn’t hear him either.  
  
“I never said he lied,” said the man emphatically. “I’m simply saying he was drugged up enough to imagine something that wasn’t there. And whether you’re aware of this or not, but your friend was involved with prostitution. Which is a CRIME. If he wasn’t so badly hurt, we’d probably be taking him down to the station for prints, got it?”   
  
Despite Stefan being taller than the cop, the man was not scared or intimidated by the young boy and the Swede bit his lip. Brian and the word ‘prostitution’ just didn’t want to go in the same sentence in Stef’s head even though the small boy had admitted it. It felt so wrong, so dirty, and the boy he met at Goldsmith’s just didn’t seem like the same one that could do this to himself. He was so full of confidence, not someone who would be taken advantaged of… what changed?   
  
“People who generally involve themselves with prostitution get themselves in some sort of mess. Pimps, drugs, addicts, you name it. It’s all out on the street and the fact he put himself in that type of circumstances was his choice and with little to go on, there’s not a lot we can do.” The words were so emotionless, so meaningless. Brian was just a pathetic hooker off the street to them. He wasn’t anybody. Nobody of value or importance, just another piece of white scum who had been a victim.   
  
“You’re not going to do ANYTHING!?” Stef whispered harshly, though practically pleading. He saw what Robert did to Brian and he had seen what those men had done to him, and no one... nobody wanted to bring any of them to justice? “What about all the men who raped him!?”  
  
“Mr. Olsdal, if you are willing to sell your body on the street in exchange for money, the chances of coming across someone who is willing to take that without paying is high. It’s facts and the force has a lot more priorities in this crime-ridden city to deal with your friend, who also broke the law. I’m sorry he was hurt, but facts are facts. We’ll look into the address of where you say this house is of a so-called ‘traffic-ring’, alright? I can promise you that, but I can’t guarantee anything will come of it. We have a description of this man and a first name, so we’ll go on what we have.”   
  
“What about Robert?! He may know something!” spat Stefan.  
  
“We’ll talk to him as well,” finished the cop, sighing as if he were annoyed he had to do his fucking job. The Swede had a lot of respect for the police force up until this very point. The conversation ended simply because the officer put up his hand to end it, turning on the heels of his black shoes and walking back down the hall, the clicking of them echoing on the white tiled floor.   
  
Everything was too damn white in here for his liking.  
  
Stefan felt motionless, sick to his stomach, unsure of what to tell Brian. No idea what to say to him but knew not to lurk too much by himself- turning back towards his room. Brian heard most of it anyway, though. He lowered his eyes, looking at his nails – the polish pretty much chipped off entirely.   
  
“Hey,” said Stef, walking up to his bed, trying to sound as positive as possible. The beeping of the machines were driving both of them mad, yet Brian never made a move to turn on the television despite a remote being only inches away from him on the table near his bed.   
  
Brian looked up at him, the gorgeous greenish-blue eyes glistening from tears he had not yet shed- but wanted to.   
  
“Hey,” he replied back meekly before looking back down. It practically broke Stef’s heart in two. This was not the same boy he had met in Goldsmith’s.   
  
“Uh, the nurse said she can’t get a hold of your parents,” Stef added quickly, “they’ll keep trying, though.” He had hoped he could change the subject, that the nancy boy wasn’t going to ask him what the cop said to him.   
  
“They’re probably away on business… or something,” whispered the small boy sadly. “It doesn’t matter.”   
  
“I’m sure your parents want to know you’re okay,” said Stef meekly. He had never met his parents, no real idea of what his home life was like at all, but if his parents hadn’t at least checked up on him if he swaped places with Brian… he’d be rather devastated.  
  
Stefan wanted to shed his tears right then and there and cry. He felt so lost as to what to do, what to say to him to make it better. He so badly wanted to make it better, but had no idea at how he could. What do you say? What can you say to someone when you have no real understanding what they’ve been through? How can you possibly say you understand?   
  
The Swede had little to no idea at all at what Brian had gone through entirely. He could only imagine and to be quite frank… he didn’t want to. What he had seen when he had first found him had been enough and it was probably only the tip of the iceberg.   
  
Brian was fighting a battle inside his little head, the voices in his skull refusing to cease. He wanted to tell himself that he didn’t deserve what happened to him, that his ‘plan’ to make some easy money, to better himself and his education had good intentions... therefore… he didn’t deserve any of this… right? He wanted to believe that theory, so badly. But that particular voice, that voice inside him that told him he was scum, that he deserved every rotten thing happened to him- was the loudest.   
  
Stef realized he had been standing there in silence, looking at Brian, staring at him before he took the seat next to his bed. The same one he had sat in waiting for his friend to wake up. He thought for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully because he, beyond doubt, had no idea what to say at this point. But Brian beat him to it.  
  
“You don’t have to say anything, Stefan. You don’t have to stay.” The tall boy looked up at him, almost hurt. “You’ve done so much for me already,” he continued. “More than anyone has or would… I can’t ask you to stay with me any longer, I’m sure you have better things to do.” He finished with a fake little giggle, not that there was an ounce of humor in anything he had just said. Stef frowned, realizing that Brian truly thought this whole thing was an act of pity.  
  
“I’m here because I want to be here, Brian, not because I have to be,” he said gently, hoping the nancy boy actually believed him. Brian, face still bruised and cut but still so beautiful, looked up at him- staring up at him like he couldn’t believe a word he was saying. It wasn’t the first time this Swede had said something lovely like that to him before, but it was taking time for it to dig in and it still wasn’t quite there yet.   
  
“Maybe you should… talk to someone?” offered Stef, giving a small smile.  
  
Brian’s guard went up, brow furrowing a little. ‘Talk to someone’ was a phrase his father often used on him. ‘Talk to someone’ about that ‘gay thing’, fix the fag. Though he knew that wasn’t what he meant at all, he still snapped slightly.  
  
“Like a fucking therapist? I don’t need one. I’m just fine.” The words were cold and bitter and Brian looked away, looking towards the window of his room. Stef practically flinched at the reply, he hadn’t wanted to upset him, that hadn’t been his intention at all.   
  
“No, Brian, I just mean after all you’ve been thr-,” Brian cut him off, unsure of how to deal with all the emotions that were kicked into full gear. He didn’t know what to make of Stef’s friendship- not really wanting to trust a fucking soul right now. He wanted to be left alone in a corner to die in peace. He could take care of himself, he could handle himself. What Marcus did to him couldn’t belittle him entirely, could it? Brian didn’t even know anymore…  
  
“Listen, thanks for what you’ve done. I appreciate it; I do, I would still be with Robert if you hadn’t come and gotten me, but just… leave me alone, OKAY?” The nancy boy almost burst into tears as he pulled up the blanket to his face, turning his entire body away from Stef entirely. And the words hit the Swede like a complete slap to the face. They were harsh, rude, cold, and Stefan was the last person they deserved to be directed at, but Brian wanted to lash out, to hurt him- in hopes he would go away.  
  
In Brian Molko’s world, there wasn’t a lot shining and Stefan didn’t deserve to get dragged down with him. As much as it upset him to do so, he would face this on his own, he didn’t need anybody.   
  
Stefan said nothing as he got out of the chair, no words shared. Once again he was speechless, if that’s what the small boy wanted, he would leave. He wasn’t his family and clearly, to the small boy, he was barely his friend. He turned to leave the hospital room, hurt and confused, stopping at the doorway for a moment before turning back to get the last word in, though they weren’t as bitter as Brian’s.   
  
“If you need anything, you know where my room is on campus.” His words were soft, caring, no spite nor malice. They almost made Brian cry. The same boy that had been so unsure and shy to share a kiss with him went out of his way to find him, to practically save his life and he had just kicked him out like a bag of garbage to the street. When he finally let his tears fall, silent and wet- he tightened the thin blanket closer around his body, wanting to do nothing but fall asleep.  
  
It’s better this way, Brian. Scum should stay with its own kind.   
  
**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	24. No Escaping Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it...24 chapters was all that was completed in 2011 and I stopped writing the story because soon-ish after the official Placebo forum was shut down and I didn't really have an audience anymore. If enough show interest to read more after getting this far and let me know, then I'd be willing to write it as I always knew where it was heading, it just never made it down onto paper/digital to post. So let me know!

After almost a week in that damn hospital, Brian couldn’t wait to unhook himself from all the damn machines, to stop having to put up with the sympathetic glances he got from the nurses. He wanted more than anything to end the embarrassment of rolling over on his side for them to check his ‘internal’ wounds. He was sure every employee in that damn hospital had seen his bum at this point.   
  
Poor Brian Molko. Poor pathetic Brian Molko. He could feel, sense, smell, and see the pity in their eyes. He should be grateful to be alive, to actually be away from the nightmare that had been his life not too long ago. But right now, he saw none of it. There was no damn light at the end of his tunnel. And what is worse, he now he had to continue off where he had left off in the first place and that had been an entirely different struggle of its own.  
  
The hospital had given him some clothes to wear as he had come with none, he had none of this things. The only belongings he had left were in his flat. His bag was gone, he had been carried by Stefan with no clothes and he sure as shit wasn’t leaving in a mini dress anyway. Ever scar, ever wound was visible ten times more to him than anyone else. He wanted to wrap up in a giant blanket if he could and just stay there. Maybe finish college in a tiny room with no windows- yeah, right.   
  
He was given a sweater and a pair of black pants, as well as a pair of worn white runners- all of it used and far too big for his petite frame- but they’d have to do for now until he got home. His parents never did call the hospital back, if they ever even left a message with them. He didn’t ask, nor did he care. Well… to say he didn’t care would be a lie, but to say he expected them to would definitely be one.   
  
After signing his discharge papers, the nurse smiled at him and passing him a bottle of pain medication. “The instructions for proper dosage is on the side of the bottle, your doctor has given me strict instructions. If any of your stitching is opened, you must come to emergency immediately. No anal sexual intercourse for at least 4 weeks until you heal and be very careful with the foods you intake, try not to eat anything spicy or anything too greasy that may upset your stomach and bowels, alright?” Brian marveled how she rattled that all off so well like she was repeating her grocery list while he stood there blushing and rather embarrassed. Food? He barely had money for food. And sex? That was the last thing he wanted now- not a problem. At least not from anybody that he actually wanted to lay in bed next to him. The nancy boy nodded softly, pushing some of his his black curls behind his ear. He didn’t smile back, he couldn’t bring himself to.   
  
Passing the clipboard back to her and putting his bottle of medication in his pocket, he headed for the door. Not having any ID on him had taken the process ten times longer to leave than it did for the average patient and he was ready to roll up and go to sleep but first things were first. He needed to head home, and then off to school to try and figure out how he could pick off where he had left off- maybe attempt to forget anything had happened. Though, that seemed like a shot in the dark. How could he walk away from all of it? From all the other …. ‘kids’, really, that he met when he was with Marcus. How could he leave Tyler when he knew he was still there? And not do anything? He wanted to help, he did, a part of him wanted to see the fucker behind bars, hunt him down. But the other side was scared as fuck and wanted to do nothing else but hide under the blanket. He was so torn and he didn’t know what direction to turn.   
  
*-*  
  
“This is the address, sir,” said the officer, shrugging as he looked at the detective and back down on the piece of paper that had the information. The man looked out at the rickety looking old house in downtown London. It was a shitty area to begin with and every house on the block looked like it had been abandoned almost. But the toys in some of the chain-linked fenced yards proved that there was in fact life in the rather slummy, dangerous area. It was a sad reality for some. Getting out of the car, he called onto the two officers who got out as well, ready to accompany him.  
  
“Scope out the place front to back and I’ll see if anyone is… home,” he said flatly- the men nodding as they began their task. The detective made his way to the side, knocking on the large wood door a few times, not quite sure what to expect, but weapon on his hip just in case.  
  
*-*  
  
Using the few bus tickets he was given rather wisely, he got off at the bus stop right by his flat complex. He needed to change and hurry over to Goldsmith’s before noon, maybe get back in class by 1. Maybe. It was his plan, anyway. He couldn’t rely on anyone else, he just couldn’t- he saw where that led him. He didn’t have his key on him, something else Marcus had taken from him- he would have to buzz the building- his landlord to be exact even though it was one of the last people he wanted to talk to right now. Just as he was about to push the button, Jay opened the door about to walk out while pushing some bills in his coat pocket.  
  
The man stopped dead in his tracks, eyes widened as he looked down at the greenish-blue eyes of the young nancy boy in his way, though the light in those orbs had long gone out. He looked so different, so tired. Not an ounce of makeup, his curly hair messy and in oversized clothes. He looked like he either just had the beating of his life or was a homeless beggar. Either way, the look wasn’t working for him.  
  
“Brian!”   
  
His anger and fear for Jay was almost more than he could take, he wanted to punch, spit, push, hurt the man in front of him like no one could believe, but had no the energy or that deep fire within him to do it. That fire was out and had yet to be relit, it was too soon.  
  
“Brian! My god, are you alright?” he continued.  
  
The nancy boy leered at him, a pure look of disgust on his face, the main reason he had ended up with Marcus was because of Jay. It was his own fault that what happened… happened to him, but Jay was the link. He pushed past the man, stepping into the building. His mixture of anger and fear confused him and he didn’t know which should be stronger.  
  
“Stay away from me,” he squeaked, hurrying down the hall to the landlord’s office, wanting to be as far away from him and the rest of ‘his kind’ as he could. He didn’t let the tears fall- he wasn’t going to let them. He couldn’t right now. He needed to stand his ground, to show he wasn’t an ant that could so easily be stepped on. He breathed deeply for a moment before knocking on the door, waiting for the familiar angry voice to tell him to come in.  
  
“Ah, it’s OPEN!” he roared. Brian opened the door, watching the large man shuffle some papers on his desk and roll his chair around to look at him.   
  
“I lost my key, I came to ask for another,” piped Brian as quickly as possible, pushing those black curls behind his ears again- it was turning into a horrible nervous habit.  
  
“YOU! I thought YOU had fucked off for good,” he laughed, his whole fat body shaking, the stains of food from something he probably ate yesterday still on his shirt. At least he knew there was one person on the planet that looked more disgusting than he did. The man smelled bad, well he always smelled bad, but today it was worse and his little office held onto the entire stench like it was gold.  
  
“I’m sorry, I had some family issues I had to address at home,” he lied. “Can I have another key?”  
  
“Only long enough to collect your shit that I didn’t keep as collateral for the rest of the rent you owed me. Your place is being rented out to another rat next month that might be able to pay me on time- and there wasn’t much,” he scoffed, getting up from his chair- grabbing a key from behind him on one of his racks.  
  
“WHAT?!” For the first time that day Brian showed some emotion, his large beautiful eyes widening to the size of dinner plates at the words that had just left the other man’s mouth, letting them process a second time. Where would he go?!   
“You can’t kick me out!”  
  
“I CAN. Late paying your rent more than I can count and after you disappeared, I didn’t think you were coming back. I thought you had stiffed me. You wouldn’t be the first little maggot that had tried it. Find another shithole to stay in. You’re out; you can go collect the rest of your things, save me the trouble of doing it myself.” The man laughed, as if he were enjoying the situation. And in all honesty, he probably was.   
  
“You CAN’T kick me out, I have no place to go!!” cried Brian, hoping the man would sympathize with him just a little. London was a large city, a dangerous place and Brian was vulnerable, anyone would be vulnerable on London streets alone. Not to mention he feared every scum bag on in the city was on a hunt for him.  
  
“And that’s not my problem.” Brian stood there, staring at the man sitting there at his desk, not giving a fuck. No one gave a fuck. No one seemed to care about him. He didn’t matter. He was just one more soul, just a number. A nobody.   
  
“Please! You can’t!”  
  
“You have half an hour to collect your shit.” The nancy boy wanted to cry, to give up right then and there, but instead took the man’s key and turned to walk towards the stairs- not saying another word. He was so weak, mentally and physically but didn’t want to show it. What was there to say? What would falling to the floor and bursting into tears at the thought of having nowhere to sleep tonight do!? What smart arse reply could he give that would change anything? Making his way upstairs, he tried to stay calm, listening to himself breathe deeply for a few moments. He felt himself falling from grace.   
  
When he opened the door, his flat was messy, but there weren’t a lot of things in there to make a mess to begin with. Hurrying to his bedroom, letting his emotions get the better of him, he grabbed his old large duffle bag from when he was in school- his only duffle bag. Rolling up his thin blanket, he shoved it in. Opening the drawer in his dresser, he grabbed his extra notebook, some pictures, and his few personal affects he had brought with him to London. Opening his closet, he grabbed the few shirts he had on hangers, two of his mini skirts, his stockings, his one pair of skinny black jeans and jacket, shoving them all into his bag. He would change later when he had the time, but how he looked was actually the last thing on his mind right now. He was just collecting everything in that flat that wasn’t glued down- it was all he had to his name.  
  
Hurrying into his bathroom, his bag started to feel a lot heavier on his shoulder. He grabbed some bathroom tissue to wipe at his tears until he decided to pull the entire damn roll off the spinner, shoving it into his bag. Opening the small vanity, he grabbed a bottle of Tylenol, his hair brush, his makeup, his pink razor, and the few other personal items- his soap, his small shampoo bottles. He was going to take anything he could.   
  
Making his way to the kitchen, he grabbed the bit of food he had left that was still there or hadn’t gone bad. A few crackers and cookies that were probably stale by now, and some left over dry Cheerios that he poured into a baggy. The small boy had never felt this desperate before, this worried. He felt like his world was falling apart and he didn’t know how to handle it. He still didn’t feel like himself, he expected it would be a long time until he would, if ever. He wanted to go home, well, to find a home. To find a place to call home, but there wasn’t one. And he had to get as far away from Marcus and anyone else- incase they were looking for him. Shoving everything in his large duffel bag as best as he could, he zipped it up – getting ready to head out the door. But he suddenly stopped, hurrying back to his room to look for his other pair of boots, his older ‘scruffier’ pair he had bought when he was still a teenager. Anything over these runners that were far too big for his tiny feet.   
  
Pulling off the older shoes, he threw them to the side, grabbing the ankle boots and pulling them on- feeling fortunate that he had least had one pair of footwear left that fit him. Once laced up, Brian picked up his bag again, looking around the shitty room one last time, not bothering to take his old flat pillow that could easily be used as a doorstop before glancing up at the walls of Bowie pasted by his window. He knew they weren’t a necessity and were pointless to bring with- but he couldn’t help himself. His bridges were burning down all around him and if he had to, he could at least look to his favorite singer, his idol, for comfort. If only he still had his albums and vinyl player to listen to him right now, to carry with him.   
  
Rubbing at his eyes and cheeks, pushing his hands through his black locks to get them out of his face, he pulled the pictures off the wall and shoved them into the side pocket of his bag before turning around and leaving his shitty little flat for the last time.   
  
*-*  
  
“Hello, Stefan,” said the nurse sweetly, recognizing him from the preceding days. For the past week the nancy boy had been checked in the hospital, Stefan had driven everyday during his spare down there to check up on him, to make sure he was alright without Brian knowing. He didn’t know what demons the poor boy was facing, but at least wanted to make sure he was surviving his nights alright. He told Brian he would respect his wishes and leave him alone, he was never told to not care. He couldn’t walk away now, he was too involved.   
  
“Hello,” he said softly. “How’s Brian today?”  
  
“He was checked out earlier this morning,” she replied gently with a smile. Stef’s eyes widened instantly.   
  
“He left?!” The hairs on the back of the Swede’s neck stood up instantly. Where on earth was he going to go?! Back to that dump he called his home? Where THEM, where one of those sick bastards could find him!? Stefan was freaking out inside, but tried to stay calm. “Do you know where?!”  
  
“I’m not sure; he has nothing on him but the clothes we gave him to wear out and his prescription meds. He probably headed home, hun,” she said gently. He wanted to yell at the nice lady, at everyone in the damn hospital who would just let him walk out and leave. Did no one know how small and fragile he was?! Especially after what happened, did no one just not give a shit?! He breathed, putting a hand through his hair, forgetting he had put gel in it again.  
  
“Thank you,” he said urgently. With that, he hurried out of the hospital doors, hoping he would find Brian where he thought he was before someone else did.   
  
*-*  
  
Large bag on his side, he grunted at his shoulder that ached like crazy, digging into one of the cuts on his shoulder blade before grabbing the strap and switching it to the other side. Here he was dragging his entire ‘life’ with him in a damn bag, like some hippie. Oh, his father would laugh right in his face with an ‘I told you so’ if he could see him right at this moment. He remembered the day he turned his back, packed his bags and left. It was probably the fondest memory of his life back home and that alone was sad. Packing his bag, the very one he had on his shoulder, and leaving, not turning back.   
  
_~  
  
“Brian, sweetheart, would you please stop for one gosh darn minute and think this through!? You can’t go to London all by yourself! Do you know the kind of people that live there? Pick-pocketers, criminals, murderers- PLEASE!” His mother cried in the doorway of his bedroom, watching her son throw clothes in his bag. The skirts his father pretended he didn’t know he owned, the shirts that his mother said were too tight, the jeans that were intended for females. He packed what he needed, what he wanted, stuffing as much into his old school bag and his duffle bag. Brian was crying, a fresh red welt on the side of his cheek were his father had struck him only a few minutes earlier in their kitchen.  
  
“I can’t stay,” Brian spat angrily, wiping at his tears he wished he were too strong to shed. “I can’t stay another night under the same roof as him, mum! I just fucking can’t, okay?!” He tried to block out any voices in his head. “If I don’t have your blessing to study art- drama… I’ll do it on my own!” He turned, pulling his favorite pictures of Bowie he had cut out of a magazine and shoving them in as well.   
Grabbing his bags, he pushed past his mother and down the stairs.  
  
“You won’t last a day in London on your own, Brian. Don’t be a bloody idiot,” roared his father. “I’ll freeze your trust funds! I will not help you become some… faggot on stage! You will get a real fucking job! You will be a Molko! Like your grandfather, like me!” His father leered at his own child like he were an insect. His sleeves were pulled up from when he had struck him for mouthing off- his body still tense. Poor Brian was fearful to go near him, but that didn’t stop the dirty stares or his big mouth.   
  
“I’d rather be a whore on the street than be like you!” Brian quipped. His father’s eyes widened, his cheeks turning red at the idea. His child, his son.  
  
“Brian, please honey! Your father doesn’t mean it. You have nowhere to go, please!” his mother pleaded, tears pouring down her face as she ran down the stairs after him. “Thomas, tell him!”   
  
“I’m sorry, mum.” With that, Brian grabbed his jean jacket out of the front closet and headed out the door. Fuck his father. Fuck Luxembourg. Fuck all of them.   
  
“BRIAN!” his mother’s voice rang in his ears as he opened the white gate to the hole that he had called his home for so many years.   
  
“If you leave- you’re never welcome back!” called his father, standing on the steps in front of the door- probably just to get the last word in- it was where Brian learned his pig-headed and stubbornness from.   
  
“I won’t be coming back,” Brian replied angrily, heading down the sidewalk.   
  
And he never did.   
  
~_  
  
Making his way to Goldsmith’s- his eyes were wide, making himself very aware of his surroundings. Anyone could be anywhere. As paranoid as that sounded, he couldn’t help it. Even some of the nurse’s touches made him flinch. He didn’t do it on purpose, it was just his reaction. He kept his pace up as best as possible- looking over his shoulder across the street and over his shoulder incase someone was following.   
  
As he approached the school, some students were sitting in the grass, the cool breeze still comfortable to sit out on the front lawn. Brian noticed some of them staring at him, their eyes burning into the back of his head. Quick glances around, he could tell they were all wearing the same outfit- the school uniform he hadn’t even picked up. Fuck.   
  
His face was bruised and cut and though he was still pretty, he didn’t see it. He didn’t see those gorgeous large eyes, that sweet face, Brian didn’t see any of it. The nancy boy pulled some of his black locks from behind his ears so they covered more of his face in hopes he’d hide the evidence of his beatings, his rapes. He knew he should have done his fucking makeup before leaving the hospital.  
  
“It was no one’s fucking business in the first place,” he mumbled softly in a squeak.  
  
Opening the school doors- he hurried past the headmaster’s office- shuffling his way down the hall to the drama room, the most important. His professor was there, reading over something when Brian came in, his face giving him a warm feeling. Like he was suddenly back to before all this shit had happened, maybe Marcus was just a horrible dream. Maybe all of it was.  
  
“Brian!” the man exclaimed, wide-eyed. He looked like he had just seen a damn ghost. The nancy boy looked down, almost forgetting the grubby clothes he was in. Normally he had come to class in a mini skirt and shirt, he was probably the reason why the school now had uniforms… and here he was, showing up looking like a bloody hobo. “I thought you had dropped out! What happened?” The man put down his binder he was looking through on his desk and walked over to him.  
  
“I’m fine, I had an accident is all,” Brian laughed, putting on a fake smile.   
  
“Oh, I se-,” Brian cut his professor off.  
  
“I just uh, came to find out all that I missed so I could, um, catch up,” Brian laughed, biting his cut lip- mentally cursing at himself because it stung like a bitch. His large greenish-blue eyes were pleading with the older man.  
  
“Oh, well you see, Brian-  
  
“I’ll catch up really fast, I promise. It won’t be a big deal,” Brian urged. He was desperate and it was obvious.  
  
“I’m afraid you missed too many classes; you’re going to have to reapply for the next semester.”  
  
“But-,” Once again that day, Brian looked like he was about to cry right then and there and he sure as fuck felt like it. Start all over? New semester? More tuition, more time.  
  
“Its policy, you understand,” finished his professor, actually looking apologetic. “I’m really sorry. It will probably be the same case for all of your classes. But it looks like you could use the down time for now-  
  
“I’m FINE!” cried Brian. “I’m FINE, really. Please!” Brian begged, tears coming to the surface. The professor eyed the poor boy up and down and frowned. He had no idea what Brian had been through, nor was it his business to pry.   
  
“Brian…,” he started, pausing a moment before he continued. “I still have openings in this course for next semester. You could sign up and be better prepared. Start off the year a little better than you did this round. You’re one of my best students, you just need to commit yourself more to your classes.” He was trying to put a positive spin on this but Brian just felt like he was punched in the fucking gut.   
  
“Oh,” Brian squeaked, looking down at his boots, wiping at his eyes.  
  
“Are you sure you’re alright?” the man asked, turning to grab a tissue out of the box behind him and offer it to the small boy. Brian didn’t want to cry in front of his professor.  
  
“I’m fine,” he snapped again before he turned to hurry out of the drama room doors, salty droplets finally starting to fall as he rushed into the office. They had to do something for him, he was sure of it!  
  
He sped towards the office, bursting in not as calmly as he was attempting to. But he was nervous, worried- a giant ‘fuck fuck fuck’ running through his head as he wiped at his eyes with his over-sized shirt.   
  
“You can’t kick me out this semester,” he exclaimed rather frantically. One of the secretaries came to the front of the desk. She must have been new; Brian had never seen her before.   
  
“Calm down,” she said flatly, taking her time to take a seat in the chair- almost like she could sense Brian’s urgency and was purposely being sluggish. Brian put a hand through his black locks. “What’s the issue? Are you a student here?” she eyed him up and down, very aware that all students were to be in their uniforms on campus. “We have a dress code, you know.”  
  
“My drama professor told me I missed too many classes- I can’t finish the semester!” he cried, not entirely forming a proper coherent sentence.   
  
“Name?”  
  
“Brian Thomas Molko.” She typed it slowly on her large computer that took up a rather large chunk of the desk, her glasses- ugly steel-framed glasses- drooping a little lower down her nose. Brian could sense she disliked him right away, not that he was all too surprised.   
  
“Birth date?” Brian knew she had to validate what student he was since the school held thousands- but how many Brian Molko’s were there really!? He was positive he was most-likely the only one; she was just taking her sweet ass time by the sour look on her face. The nancy boy tried his hardest not to leer, he was so distressed.  
  
“December 10, 1972.” She typed a little more.  
  
“Student number 1002684,” she said to herself as she turned around and opened one of the large filing cabinets and rustling through the numerous files. So many papers, how they kept track of everyone, he didn’t know. “Mr. Molko- you are filed as a ‘drop out’.” Brian’s eyes widened as he shook his head- he was sure he looked like a little child about to be punished.  
  
“No, no, I’m here! I-,” the secretary cut him off.   
  
“You have missed over ten classes in ALL of your classes,” she continued emphatically. “As well as a very large amount of assignments in all of your classes- I’m afraid your professor is right.”   
  
“But, I had a family emergency, I’m here now, I can catch up! Give me a chance!”   
  
School regulations were regulations and Brian was one of thousands that attended and he was sure he was a fool to think they would make him an exception- he wasn’t exactly a star pupil to begin with. His rebel-like attitude had been somewhat diminished, if not all, by the mental corner he was forced into ever since he had come in contact with Marcus. He was burning so many bridges behind him, he was left on a square of land with nowhere to go and the waves were rapid. He was soon going to drown.  
  
“I’m sorry, Mr. Molko- if you had notified the College beforehand, we could have possibly made arrangements to get you your assignments before you left. You were a no-show; all your professors assumed you had dropped out of their course; students do it all the time. You’re far too behind to catch up now; we can sign you up for next semester for the same classes if there are openings.  
  
Brian grunted, letting out an irritated sigh as he put both in hands in his hair like he was going to scream. Throwing his duffel bag to the floor he paced for a moment. The whole damn fucking universe was against him- they all wanted to see him fail.  
  
“What about my tuition money?!”  
  
“You didn’t ‘drop-out’ by the voluntary drop-out date, that was two weeks ago,” she replied flatly, still looking through his file without making eye contact. Brian felt like he was about to crawl into the fetal position. “But you can receive 50% back if you fill out this form,” she continued matter-of-factly and passed him a piece of paper.  
  
“You can make an appointment with the headmaster, but guaranteed he will tell you the exact same thing. I’m sorry. What kind of family emergency did you have? The only contact number we had of yours were your parents and we were unable to get a hold of them.”   
  
“My grandmother died,” lied Brian.  
  
“I’m sorry to hear that, I don’t think we’ve ever had students disappear for over a month’s time over one death in the family. You must have been close,” her words were bitter, he wasn’t sure if she believed him. “But it is what it is.”  
  
“That’s it? Sorry, here’s half your money back, try again next year?” Brian spit out, looking at the floor. He was trying to keep what was left of his ‘bitch-side’ at bay, but the anger ball inside him was growing. Brian barely had a pound to his name- much less pay tuition for his classes all over again. Hr would have to start the whole fucking year all over and he had barely began it.  
  
“Do you want my advice?” Brian looked up at her, staring at her face that barely contained any emotion at all. “Maybe you should get some… other things sorted out before continuing with your education.” She eyed him up and down one last time quickly before closing his file. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Mr. Molko- oh and please empty your locker out by the end of the day, another student will be using it next semester if you are not returning.” When she got up from her chair and turned, Brian bent down, grabbing the strap of his bag and hurrying out of the office.  
  
The bathroom was only down the hall. Pushing open the door, he saw two guys taking a piss; he hurried into a stall and slammed the door behind him. Putting the seat down on the toilet, he put his hand up to his mouth to try and silence his sobs. Why did everything have to go so fucking wrong? Where was he supposed to get tuition money to pay for next semester?! He couldn’t get a break even when he escaped the clutches of the devil himself. Was he destined to fail? Was he destined to either be a nobody or go crawling back to his father?   
  
Spinning the toilet paper roll, he grabbed some sheets and wiped at his eyes and cheeks. The skin was still tender and he needed to get a grip. Fuck Goldsmith’s. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do or where he was supposed to go… but crawling back home would be the last.   
  
Taking a deep breath, he sat for a few moments, staring at the dirty bathroom floor, waiting until he heard the two guys wash up and leave. Once he was sure the bathroom was vacant, he emerged out of the stall – running to the door and turning the deadbolt.  
  
Once inside all alone, he looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes puffy now. He saw what he was sure could only be described as disgusting. In his eyes, he saw what he was sure everyone else saw- a whore. A faggot. A loser. Anything long those lines.  
His roots were growing out, his hair curly and long practically brushing his shoulders.  
  
Opening up his duffel bag again, he searched until he found his little makeup bag, pulling out a small pair of cuticle scissors. They were small, silver, and the blades were rather tiny… but it would do the job. Grabbing some of his curly locks, he began to snip. Here, there, and everywhere until his mop of hair was a little ‘bob’ that reached just under his ears. Satisfied, he looked down at the hair that covered the floor, pushing what was left behind his ear.   
  
Snatching his eyeliner pencil that was almost a nub, he leaned over the sink, trying to keep anymore pointless tears at bay as he started to colour them in. Using his finger, he spread some of his black eyeshadow over his lids, blending it as best as he could. Mascara in hand, he darkened his eyelashes. He needed to improve what he could, as best as he could with what little he had. Foundation to hide the cuts and the bruises.   
  
A loud bang suddenly made the nancy boy jump as some students tried to push open the door that had been locked. He quickly pulled off the grubby outfit he was given at the hospital, grabbing a tight t-shirt and one of his skirts. Pulling the items over himself, he threw the rest of his belongings back in his bag. One last look in the mirror, he put a hand through his shorter locks, taking his lipgloss out of the side pocket of his bag, unscrewing it and wiping the little bristles with the shiny sticky purple liquid over his lips, covering up the cuts. Putting on two coats, he threw it back in his bag and headed towards the door. The banging had stopped, so either the boys gave up or went to get the janitor. Either way, he unlocked it and hurried out- a few students staring at him again as he hustled down the hallway to where his old locker was. Still remembering the code, surprisingly, he opened it, grabbing his binder that he had no room for, but wanted to take anyway, he shoved it in, now unable to zip up the bag. Having so little made you want to keep everything you had, no matter how insignificant and useless it seemed.  
  
Fuck bringing the lock back. Closing and locking up his locker, he turned to hurry out of the school. He could hear some girls behind him whispering behind his back, rather loudly, like they were trying to purposely talk about him and for him to hear.   
  
“What the fuck is he wearing, he looks like a stripper,” one giggled, cocking an eyebrow to her friend. The old Brian would have snapped a comment at the bitches instantly, but this Brian rolled his eyes, leering at them as he made his way out the school doors.   
  
He wanted to get off that school property as fast as his little legs could carry him. Fuck them, fuck all of them. He thought he could do this and clearly he couldn’t. Was it so impossible to live his dream? He grew up feeling like he had to take what was given to him. Only when he got older had he realized he could do it for himself. And fuck he was trying- but every step he took seemed like two back.   
  
Plenty more students looked at him again as he made his way down the stairs of Goldsmith’s – students murmuring about his outfit, his face, him. But it didn’t fucking matter now. He knew they could see his marks, see his bruises, and see his cuts now with what he had decided to wear, but what did it matter? Who did he have to impress now? Who did he have to appear so high and mighty for? He couldn’t be himself- he couldn’t not be himself. And if he tried to better himself it was in the wrong way. He didn’t know which path to turn down now, which way was he to go?  
  
He only had one he could think of and it was the last one he wanted to take because it was the way he came. Hurrying down the sidewalk, he pulled out his sweater from his bag and tugged it over his petite frame. He hugged himself as he made his way to the phone booth right on the corner of the street. He didn’t know why he was doing this, it was like another part of him had taken over in that very moment.   
  
Closing the glass door behind him, he stood staring at the black handle. Was it even worth the coin when he had so few of them? Leaning back on the booth door, he stood there, trying to make one of the last decisions he ever thought he’d have to make.  
  
“I won’t be coming back,” he whispered to himself, repeating the worlds he felt like he had only said yesterday.  
  
Finally picking up the phone, he put the coin in the slot and dialed one number after the other. Swallowing the little saliva he had in his mouth, he held the receiver up to his ear with both hands, practically trembling. One ring after another, spaced out like it was holding suspense. Ring. Silence. Ring. Silence. Ring – it would have sent him into a trance if he hadn’t been so god damn nervous.   
  
He waited for a familiar voice- any familiar voice. His mum, his dad, his aunt, anyone.  
  
“Hello.” Brian instantly recognized his father’s voice and spoke up.  
  
“Dad, I-,” he began but was quickly cut off.  
  
“You’ve reached the Molko’s; were not here to take your call right now. Leave us a message and we’ll be sure to get back to you.” The recording ended with a long beep after it and then silence.”  
  
Brian felt like he could burst into tears, listening to the silence on the other end. Right then and there in that phone booth. He bit his bottom lip hard, his teeth piercing the supple skin and cutting it open some more. He quickly slammed the received down, banging the phone with his little fist as he let out an agitated cry in the closed booth where not a soul outside walking past on the street could hear him.  
  
All his bridges were burned and he was close to drowning. Looking out at a passersby through the glass, nameless and oblivious, he banged his head softly before pushing the door open. That person didn’t care. The school didn’t care. The police didn’t care. His parents didn’t care. No one fucking cared.  
  
His heavy bag on his shoulder, he took a deep breath before he kept on walking, one foot at a time like he was trying to prolong the realization that he had nowhere to go, no destination to actually go. Passing shops, he kept his head down, wanting to be invisible as best as he could, the fear that Marcus could be around any corner as a constant reminder in his head as he crossed the street.   
  
He counted the cracks in the sidewalk under his feet until he stopped in front of a music shop that was only a few stores down called ‘St. John’s. A red Fender guitar was in the window and it instantly caught his eye. The red was so vibrant, like a fire truck, it was beautiful. It was a exquisite- refurbished and polished. Brian smiled at the instrument in awe before looking at a man and a younger boy following him out a few moments later, holding a black guitar case for what looked like an acoustic guitar.  
  
“This is the BEST birthday EVER, dad!” the kid squeed happily. He had to be no older than 12- the luck bastard. The man smiled happily at his son, noticing Brian to the left of them looking over and motioning his child to leave in the opposite direction, like the poor nancy boy posed some kind of threat to them. Brian frowned, looking down at his sweater, mini skirt, and boots, he looked like anything between a hooker, a teenage runaway, and a junkie all in one. Normally people judging him didn’t bother him anymore, but that look hurt, like he was dangerous. Hugging himself once again from the wind that was picking up a bit, he continuing on his way towards the tube station to where he’d at least be out of the cold.   
  
Pulling out his little bag of cereal, he put a few pieces in his mouth. It wasn’t exactly satisfying and the regular meals, as shitty as they were, at the hospital had ‘spoiled’ him and his tummy was grumbling. Not to mention, he wasn’t supposed to take his medication on an empty stomach. He needed to find some more food or at least some weed. The boy had been shaky a few days without the drugs in his system when he had been at the hospital. He had only experienced mild symptoms of withdrawl and was praying to a God that he didn’t think existed that they wouldn’t get any worse.  
  
The small boy’s thoughts were interrupted when he suddenly felt a hand touch his arm, causing him to jump, practically freeze in fear. He knew it was Marcus; he was coming to grab him to take him back. It was over.  
  
“NO!” squealed Brian, ever fiber in his body tensing.  
  
“Sorry, m’am, pardon me,” apologized the old man quickly, hurrying past him. He had just run into him, just an accident, but Brian’s heart was still racing in his chest, eyes wide while the hairs on the back of his neck stood tall. He had to calm the fuck down.  
  
Walking a little further down the block, he looked at the convenience store- not thinking another second before pushing open the door. At least he’d be safe in there. It chimed when he stepped in, the few people shopping not even looking up at him. His tummy grumbled a little more as he looked around at all the food. Mostly junk, of course, but still delicious food- a hell of a lot more filling than his Cheerios.   
  
Digging through his side pocket of his bag, he searched for some more change, any at all. There were maybe a few more for another phone call and that was about it. Marcus had taken all the money he had earned with Jay when he had taken him. Everything in his bag, the bag itself even was gone. That bastard took a lot more from him than he even wanted to admit.   
  
There wasn’t enough money on him for a bag of crisps, none in his account, not a pence to his name. But he was so hungry, his stomach turning, begging him to give him some food. Walking closer to the stand, he slowly inched his way to the rack of crisps, plenty of flavours and brands to choose from. Biting his lip, he breathed, while pretending to look around. He didn’t want to do this, but he was desperate and he had already sank as low as he could go. Voluntarily whoring oneself on the street like trash, he had lost the rest of the respect, the dignity, he had for himself. What was some measly shop-lifting going to do? Opening that side pocket on his bag a little wider, he leaned an arm out, looking around him to make sure the shop keep and other customers weren’t looking at him as he rapidly threw three small bags in it before turning and rushing out of the store. He picked up his pace a bit, running until he had covered a few blocks, not daring to look back. When he finally stopped, panting, he turned around to make sure no one had followed- and they hadn’t. At least he could do something right.  
  
A drop-out, hooker, thief, homeless- he has adding more labels for himself by the day now. Frowning, not at all proud of himself, he looked in his bag at his stolen goods. Opening up one of them, he put some of the salted snack in his mouth and headed towards the tube station. Hopefully he could find a nice bench to sleep on.

_** [***PLEASE READ CHAPTER NOTE***]  
TO BE CONTINUED? ** _


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